


Checkmate: Schemes and Subjugation

by ayaheartright



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Drugs, Dubious Consent, F/M, Forced Marriage, Genderbending, M/M, Master/Slave, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Smut, Suicide Attempt, What-If
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 00:05:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 91,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4939075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayaheartright/pseuds/ayaheartright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU/what if: Guilford never noticed Lulu in R2 ep 17? Captured by her brother, a fem!lelouch now finds her role in life has completely changed, or so she thinks. Reality is always more complicated than we expect. Sometimes the lines between slave and master are blurred, especially with geass involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Impure Intentions

**Author's Note:**

> I made footnotes for this fic on fanfiction.net but since I'm not really sure how to make individual notes per chapter, I'm just going to leave that part out. If you are really curious, my account name is the same for both sites. When/if this gets taken down there, I plan on transferring all the relative A/Ns over. Otherwise, this is just the story without my random rantings.

_Damnit, Guilford, you had one job!_

She pressed her hand into her collarbone with more force, knowing full well that it would make no difference. The signal she designated, making a loose fist against her chest, was worthless if the man didn't see it. Her careful planning, the thirty-two different routes, all forked off one event: her escape from the Shine. Whether that escape happened after her goal of allying with Suzaku was achieved, or through her back up plan, was of little consequence to her well being. That was what she expected, at least. She expected Cornelia's Knight to be curious enough about Zero to watch her through the scope of his Knightmare.

Her hand remained in that position the entire drive. Lelouch was frozen in place as reality began to sink in. She was betrayed. Again. After all the shit that Suzaku put her through, she should have known better. She should have known that her ex wouldn't listen; he wouldn't care. Her cheek throbbed from where he pressed her face into the gravel with his infantry boot, but not as much as the pain in her heart. She was an idiot to take such risk. Everything was ruined, and for what?

Nunnally.

She bet everything on the chance that Suzaku would see past her transgressions to save Nunnally. Well, to be honest she didn't gamble everything. Since her plan G failed, it was safe to say those words, however. She was full of lies, so what was one more for self-pity? She lied, saying everything he wanted to hear, and it still wasn't enough. He didn't help her. He didn't promise to save Nunnally. He sold her out.

Again.

The trembling of her hand was unbearable. She was in a panic. The world around her became stifling from the confines of the back seat of Schneizel's polished BMW. The smug bastard had to show his power through every detail. She would have rather been in a prison vehicle. At least then her sense of smell wouldn't be invaded by fresh leather to the point of nausea. She closed her eyes even though that just made it worse. The nothingness behind her eyelids left only that smell, and the sound of her ragged breathing.

She was drowning. Was it possible to drown on air? Probably. It had to be possible, considering that was her predicament. Every last bit of energy she possessed was focused on keeping her dignity. She would not vomit; that would only make the car smell even more disgusting. She would also not cry. There was no way in hell she was going to have a panic attack.

Possible scenarios rushed in through her mind faster than her inhales, which thankfully were slowing down. She didn't gamble everything. There had to be a solution, a way out if this. She wasn't in checkmate yet. Her hands weren't bound. She could remove her contact and use geass the moment the car door opened. No. That was stupid. Without the aide if a Knightmare, she wouldn't get very far.

Should she play along like a good prisoner? Schneizel said he would play mediator between her and their Father. That meant that he had some intention of hearing her side if the story. She could only hope that he planned to do so in person. That would turn things around. Hell, that would make this situation advantageous. She could make her brother into her slave. The Prime Minister would become a puppet of Zero.

That could never happen. If Suzaku sold her out, he most certainly divulged her little secret. Her opposite hand unclenched from the hem the skirt of her Ashford uniform. She lightly ran her fingers over the dirt caked on the side of her face. He betrayed her. Again. She began counting with each breath, determined not to cry.

Outwardly she appeared serene, as if she hasn't a care in the world. She had months to perfect her facade. How many times had she panicked leading the Black Knights only to find certain victory? The only difference was that right then she was alone. There was no one to aid her because that fuck up Guilford was too busy to look at her. She was dead in the water.

That was preferable. She would rather be dead than captured. Being captured meant that she was being shipped back to the homeland, shipped back to the Emperor. She swallowed back bile. The idea of being in the same room with that man again sent shivers down her spine.

_"There are many uses for you still."_

She experienced the first one: bait for C.C. It was doubtful that the same fate waited her as the last time. Having her memory erased, and sent back to Ashford Academy would probably seem like a blessing compare to the other options. The way he looked down on her was just not right. Even with eight years of separation, no Father should stare at his daughter like that. Maybe she should beg her brother to take her death into his own hands.

Her lavender eyes snapped open the moment she heard the door handle turn. It was now or never. She quickly removed her contact and began her command.

"Lelouch Vi Brit-"

She stopped mid sentence. There was no reason to continue since the person at the door was already under her influence. Suzaku. He really did betray her. A single tear travelled down her sullied cheek, but she made no effort to wipe it away. She glared at him like he was the most loathsome thing in existence, which so happened to be the exact same face he gave her earlier. He averted his gaze. A small measure of satisfaction broke through her sorrow before it diffused. At least he wasn't happy about his actions.

"Suzaku."

"Don't try to convince me to let you go." He barked, and approached with a blindfold in one hand and, handcuffs in the other.

Lelouch moved deeper into the sedan, not that it would matter. She could cling to the fabric or door handle with all her might; he would still drag her out. If there was one thing she could never win, it was a test of physical strength. Against a terminally ill person on his or her deathbed, probably, beating Suzaku certainly not. She knew from experience. The last time he captured her, she resisted. She kicked, and screamed, and when that didn't work, she attempted to seduce him. The result was still the same.

"Let me put my contact back in, and then you will just need to restrain me. Don't use the blindfold."

"And why should I believe you? All you say are lies, Lulu."

The luxurious texture of the finely spun silk blindfold made her feel dirty. It was probably from her philandering brother's personal stash. She didn't want to think about the sins he committed with the strip of cloth. They were no worse than her own, but of a different nature. She loved Suzaku with everything she had. Even now, as he marched her towards the Avalon with precise direction, she loved him. The only person to surpass that devotion was Nunnally. Those relations were obviously barely comparable. In many ways, there was nothing more pure than the love siblings shared. It wasn't tainted with lust.

She pulled at the cuffs, willing the piece to be from the same collection, rather than police grade. Of course she wouldn't be so lucky. Despite her previous admission of checkmate, her pride wouldn't allow her to do nothing. It was a double-edged sword. To struggle with no avail was just as humiliating as being docile. Unless that struggle produced results, it was better to hold her head high.

"Little Sister," Schniezel's voice matched the fabric over her eyes. When did they board the Avalon? She was so caught up on following Suzaku's directions to not trip; she neglected to notice her surroundings. It was of little consequence. She was too dependent on sight. The likelihood of her being able to deduct her environment by smell and sound only were negligible. Her hands were bound behind her back. She was helpless. "Sir Kururugi, you may leave us."

"Majesty…."

"Fufufu," her brother chuckled. "I admit I do not know much about this geass. Are you suggesting I need protected against a 120lb female, who is both bound and blindfolded?"

Suzaku responded by releasing his harsh grip on her forearm. He was no ally, and yet the loss of his presence caused even more trepidation. She was alone with Schneizel. That was her guess. After the soft thud of the door closing, the only sound was her own breathing. It was possible the room was filled with a firing squad, but the Prime Minister's words suggested otherwise.

Slowly false images began to fill the void in her mind. She could picture him standing in front of her looking down at his long lost sister, the 'Man of Miracles,' and enemy of the Holy Britannian Empire. He was always looking down on her. Even at the Vermilion City, he purposefully placed his king piece in harm's way to test her. She could see his smug smile in her mind's eye. In a way, she was grateful to be blinded. At least she didn't have to view it in reality.

His footfalls were soft, and moving away from her. She strained her ears to hear rustling, and the clank of glass several yards away. This must be his study or private quarters. Even after years of separation, she could recognize the smell of his cologne. It permeated the whole area, suggesting he spent most of his time in this location. That smell became practically overwhelming as he approached. She jerked away when something moist caused stinging in her cheek.

"There are a few cuts. The alcohol will clean the wounds. As the Knight of Seven, Sir Kururugi is outside my reprimand for his actions."

His handkerchief, which was also made of silk, caressed her cheek with gentle strokes. Expensive scotch mixed with his natural scent, making the receiving air less familiar. The last time she was near Schniezel, he was barely a man, only a year older than she now. His drink of choice was much less masculine or refined. His breath tickled her wet skin. There was no reason for him to be so gentle or so close.

"I always knew you had the potential to match me one day." He said, replacing the handkerchief with his bare fingers. "Our chess match at Odysseus' engagement party was exquisite. I was on the edge of my seat when you cornered me, forcing me to make a death move." His hand moved to cup the bottom of her chin, lifting her head up. "My how you've grown, my dear. You are every bit the woman I imagined you would become. The only difference is I hoped we would play on the same side."

"Fate has an odd way of throwing a wrench in our plans."

He chuckled again, and ran his thumb over her bottom lip. She tried to pull away, but he only tightened his grip. His friendly aura suddenly frightened her. Her pulse quickened with each pass of his finger. She wanted to see his face, if for no other reason to see what he was thinking. The few conclusions she came to were unpleasant.

"It seems you are capable of speaking truth from these lips." He forced her mouth open and she tasted the remnants of scotch. The sour taste in addition to her heightened anxiety was making her feel ill. "Be still. I assume I don't need to warn you not to bite."

He didn't. Despite his flowery words of equality, he was making it clear that he held her life in the palm of his hands. He made no effort to wipe away the tears that leaked from her eyes; the blindfold absorbed them. She choked back a sob, wondering how someone could make her feel so violated with minimal effort. His thumb explored the inside of her mouth, running over her straight teeth, and tongue.

"Swallow." He commanded, removing the digit. She knew he left 'your spit' out on purpose. She never would have guessed Schneizel to be such a vulgar man. Then again, it was all a power play. He was playing a verbal chess match with her severely handicapped. "Good girl." He clucked.

She never felt so disgusting in her life.

"What are you planning to do?" She asked, hating the tone of her voice even more than the way her body was shaking.

"Would you believe me if I said I didn't know?"

"No."

He hummed and made a slick trail of saliva down her neck. His fingers dried out around he collarbone, and his hand ceased at the hem of her top. His breath was heavy against hers, suggesting that that their noses were practically touching. She hoped he didn't try to kiss her. At that moment she wasn't certain she could resist the desire to bite... or reciprocate. Lelouch was not a masochist, so it made no sense for there to be an unsettling wetness between her legs. An evolutionary advantage because God surely wouldn't want his children to feel such shame.

"Zero is dead. He or she, however you call yourself, died by bad luck. When flying towards the Tokyo settlement, the energy filler malfunctioned. Bad Indian engineering."

"No one would believe such an absurd story."

"It's already done. I had Lloyd make it happen, much to the man's distress." His other hand, that wasn't making patterns against her collarbone, gripped the hair at the nape of her neck. "Are you upset not to go out in a blaze of glory? Some righteous act that portrays your conflicting ideals?" His lips were a feather touch against hers, with just enough space that he could continue to speak. "This is the only way to save you from Father."

She laughed. That statement was even more absurd than his cover story. Except people would believe that if he announced it properly. It was exactly what they didn't want to hear, which is why it would work. The Black Knights already were close to turning on her; she could sense it. The only thing keeping her subordinates loyal was her military prowess. They wouldn't risk an investigation to save face, what remained anyway.

"Nunnally?"

She didn't care what happened to her so long as her sister was safe. There was a possibility that if the Emperor believed her dead, he would find Nunnally's worth had run out. Depending on how he felt of her actions as Vicereine this could save her, or spell disaster.

"She will be protected, so long as you are agreeable. Our little sister is the source of your strength, and also your biggest weakness. Perhaps it is because I have no one that I share a full blood relation with that I do not fully understand."

"I'm still your sister." She implored, dizzy from his proximity. Was he waiting for her to initiate? He held her in an almost kiss this entire conversation. She was certain the only thing keeping her upright was his grip.

"The most powerful rulers always took their siblings as wives. Most likely an attempt to keep that power in the family. Or perhaps they felt as I do for you."

"Incest only leads to congenital birth defects." She argued.

"That's a problem for the future. Several generations, actually. I'm only concerned about the present."

With that last statement, he bridged the millimeter gap between their lips with crushing force. Her struggle lasted far less time than she would have wanted to admit. Fear for her sister prevented Lelouch from biting down on his tongue, and his skill caused her to melt. She wasn't a blushing virgin. The months of bliss she shared with Suzaku involves lots of sex. Still, that evidently was not enough experience to make her immune to advances. Suzaku was her only lover, and until that moment, the only person she kissed.

When she began to wonder if her brother had some sort of breathing machine hooked to his nose, he pulled back, winded. She bit back a moan, ashamed of her actions now that she had a moment to think. She would do what he demanded for Nunnally. At least until she could think of an alternative, she would play along. That was the only reason. Her body's betrayal had nothing to do with it.

His arrogant laugher was really beginning to grate on her nerves. The sound was against her ear. She hissed when he nibbled on the cartilage, sparks flying down to unmentionable places.

"Later, Little Sister. I promise I will break that cool exterior of yours. I have a feeling you are going to be my favorite opponent."

She didn't want to hear those words. Even less did she want to hear his soft footfalls moving away from her and the thud of the door closing. She was all alone, handcuffed, blindfolded, and sexually aroused. It was a surprisingly effective means of torture. She fell to a heap on the floor, wondering what life had in store for her now.

* * *

Twenty-six people died the night of her medical exam. She didn't count herself, but Suzaku informed her of the number the next morning. A part of her wondered if he was telling her to prove a point, in addition to voicing his abhorrence for her very existence. He was telling her to prove that no matter how many people she slaughtered, she would continue to be a caged animal.

She was smart about it too, following all the doctor's orders verbatim, putting up just enough of a fight to seem concerned. Whether Schneizel was testing her, or stupid she wasn't certain. Regardless, she wasn't stupid enough to fall for the sacrificial pawn. The fact that her command was already issued when it came time to remove her IUD, whispered when the man inspected the eye, helped.

If that procedure had come first, she might have lost it, ordering the suicide of all who participated in its extraction right then. Lelouch knew that the birth control method showed up on her X-ray. That didn't deter the hatred she felt for Suzaku for allowing the defilement to happen. He allowed her to be inspected like breeding stock for her brother.

Her ex stood watch in the doorway, ignoring her pleas of protest. As the only person on board who was immune to her power, he insisted to be present in case she needed sedated. Lelouch doubted those words, feeling he just wanted to see her suffer. She managed to make him flinch when she explained to the nurse, in graphic detail, the reason she had the copper in the first place. At the time she didn't care that the only way to hurt him was to bring up the good times. She would destroy blameless memories in addition to blameless persons. Her treasured moments were now ruined.

At 300 hours, she would have her escape. When she was away, safe from probing, safe from violation, she would figure out the moment she started thinking in military time.

Except that escape never happened. All the conditions were cleared; the doctor acquires the code to unlock her door, the handcuff key, and even a change of clothes. It was only bad luck that brought her back to the executive suite. The space was the equivalent of an efficiency apartment. It was grandeur, furnished with a king size canopy bed, dinette, and lamb leather sofa. The countertops of the bathroom and empty kitchen were the finest white marble. Still, the extravagance didn't change that the room was her holding cell.

On the lowest level of the Avalon, right when she was about to exit, she ran into Nina. The student council member recognized her, calling out her name. She didn't know her classmate was Zero. Lelouch made a run for it, as pitiful of a display as it was, ordering the death of any soldier who came within her vicinity. She still would have made it if it weren't for the other member of the student council present. Suzaku. He appeared out of thin air and threw her against the ground with much more force than necessary.

He covered her left eye with his hand as he dragged her back too many flights of stairs (she didn't deserve to use the elevator), past the doctor, who killed himself once he perceived his mission complete, and an amused looking Schneizel. It was highly unlikely she would be let go if she geassed him, however, she never fought so hard for anything than to get her head free when she walked past him.

He simply quirked single dark blond eyebrow, and said something to Kannon, before the two returned to what she assumed was his bedroom. They were both in boxers and the assistant's flush was surely not due to the commotion. She couldn't help her one exposed eye from widening at the sight of her brother- soon to be husband's nearly naked form. He was a hulk of a man, as muscular as he was tall. She prayed that he continued to ignore her in favor of sodomy.

The only thing she accomplished was making Schneizel nervous. This was evident when Suzaku joined them for brunch late morning. He came into her room, informing her to shower and dress, before giving her the option of an eye patch or another blindfold. She chose the patch, and remained complacent when he tied her hands. He defied her expectations when he hovered a few feet off, rather than leaving when her brother arrived. Schneizel's calm exterior couldn't hide that he kept a Knight of the Rounds present against a "120lb female," who was tied to a chiavari chair.

"Open your mouth or I will have to ask Sir Kururugi to assist in force feeding you."

Schneizel's calm morphed to annoyance after her fourth time refusing food.

By the way her stomach was grumbling she couldn't use that she wasn't hungry as an excuse. She was famished, not having consumed anything the day before. Still, she silently turned her head every time he forked delicious smelling eggs florentine near her, saying "ahhh." Her indignant behavior was her last attempt to maintain control of something.

She was stripped of everything else. Her one chance at freedom was gone. Was she doomed to be dressed up like a doll in fancy party dresses for breakfast dates, and locked away otherwise? He had to know if she were ever not tied down, she would kill him. When she eventually fell asleep she had her first murderous dream of someone other than the Emperor. It was a sweet nightmare, considering how it began (her spread eagle on the bed being raped) was likely a premonition.

"You know." He said, tapping the fork against his plate. "This isn't what I would call agreeable."

The cuisine was the most amazing things she ever had. Once the first fork full entered her mouth, she gave into temptation, and her hunger. Her reasoning to deny was forgotten, even when Schneizel decided to feed her with his fingers. He beamed at her eagerness, remembering her healthy appetite and favorite foods by his means of selection. It wasn't until his hand lingered post sticky bun that reality came crashing down.

"Suck the syrup off." He ordered lazily, not bothering to lower his voice.

"Suzaku's watching." She lied. Her ex was definitely alert, but his face was pointed towards the window.

A sinister smile played across her brothers chiseled face. "Sometimes it's the most fun with an audience."

She blushed, hating the obedient way she allowed him to shove three fingers in her mouth. Her eyes squeeze closed when he leaned over, whispering instructions. When he informed her to "swirl her tongue more," she would be hard pressed to deny what he was imitating. She fought the urge to bite, hard, and flicked her tongue at the tip of his middle finger.

"Good girl."

She wouldn't cry. Not even when his other hand inched its way up her skirt. The painstakingly slow pace that he drew nonsensical shapes against her thigh was unbearable. She would rather he just get it over with. Then she could block it all out, go into some sort of Happy Gilmore, happy place. Instead his teasing made her want to beg, but for what; she didn't know. It felt like an eternity for him to reach the upmost part of her inner thigh.

It was a lie that he forgot to provide her panties. Her brother was an eloquent fibber, however, not even he could pull that off. She struggled against the expertly tied cloth as he pushed his fingers deeper into her mouth the same time that his other hand pushed past her wet folds. She felt revolting. It was worse than the day before because she arched towards him, towards the incestuous invasion.

"You're dripping, Lulu."

She mewled in response to his husky voice and the evil way he flicked her clit. He began with one finger, and quickly added more until she felt stretched. She didn't know how many digits; his hands were large like the rest of him. Her mouth was opened as wide as her jaw would allow, and her snatch carried a similar, far more sensitive sensation.

"Look at me." She shook her head 'no' to the best if her abilities. "You chose the eyepatch for a reason. You want to look at me."

Her eyes snapped open to meet his uncharacteristically clouded ones. His demeanor was otherwise composed. In the back if her mind she wondered what shade her normal eye was. She wouldn't want to know. She was grateful for her full mouth, muffling her scream when his fingers curled to find her g-spot.

Her previous experience with Suzaku was nothing like this. He made her feel loved, cherished, and not vile. He also didn't know what he was doing, at least comparatively. They were both inexperienced virgins when they started dating, and were still in the stage of exploring each other when it ended. That exploration usually didn't last long before one of them got frustrated and demanding. He never found that spot.

The spot Schneizel found with ease.

The spot that made he squirt, drenching her skirt with juices.

He laughed at her, removing both hands and wiping them off on a napkin. He left her uncleaned. Lelouch panted like a bitch in heat, stars dancing in her blurred vision. An attribute she could not blame on the distortion caused by her eye covering. Bile threatened her throat as her wonton actions filtered into her conscious mind. Actions caused by her brother. She was going to be sick; it was a bad idea to eat so much.

"Don't look so distraught, Little Sister. I'd say you enjoyed yourself, wouldn't you agree, Kururugi?"

_Oh god, Suzaku. Suzaku was watching._

She forgot. She forgot everything except the disgusting delicious feeling of being desecrated. Maybe she was a masochist, considering she glanced in her ex boyfriend's direction. It wasn't difficult. He was stationed on her right side. The look on his face made her regret that decision. If she thought he made an expression of complete loathing the day before, this one took the cake. She deserved it too.

"She seemed to enjoy herself very much, Majesty."

He called Schneizel that before. That was the incorrect term. Suzaku, being the fucking Knight of Seven, should know better. There was only one man who could be called that title...

"Kururugi already acknowledges me as the rightful ruler of the Holy Britannian Empire." Schneizel said, sensing her thoughts. "There's only one more loose end to tie up. I'm going to commit your favorite sin, my love. Patricide."

She glanced back over to Suzaku to see him staring out the window again. So he sold her the first time for Knight of Seven, and he sold her the second time for, presumably, Knight of One. She seemed to be getting more valuable as time progressed. It was too bad that was impossible; the emperor was immortal. No one could kill him. She tried. That was why she begged Suzaku to save Nunnally. That was how she fell into this fucked up mess, with bodily fluids covering her chin and thighs.

"But, back to the topic at hand." Schneizel continued in a nonchalant voice, as if he were discussing the weather. "Kannon will be happy to hear that you make an perfect chinese finger trap."

"You have an odd opinion of marriage,  **Brother**." Lelouch said his role like a curse, resuming her stoic attitude despite the quivering flush of her skin or elevated heart rate.

"The purpose of monogamy is to ensure proper lineage of offspring. Certain games won't affect that. Don't worry though. I have every intention of being selfish before sharing you. It will only be a few days until the locking eye patch is finished. The construction is probably similar to your helmet. I hope you don't mind waiting until then. I want you to be able to wrap your arms and legs around me when we consummate our union."

 


	2. La Mondotte: Drinking $600 a Bottle Wine.

The following days were a calm before the storm. Schneizel still kept his mealtime appointments, obviously enjoying the act of feeding her. His method of doing so stayed appropriate. Lelouch learned her lesson and didn't fight. She accepted the offering the first time like a "good girl." He seemed just as amused watching her flinch away from innocent gestures, for example, wiping stray food off the corner of her lips with a napkin.

She denied the desire to have him lick it off instead.

She was allowed freedom of movement when alone. Her warden, Suzaku, would enter the room with restraints if any one else were to visit. That role was limited to Schneizel, mostly, and an 'artist' of some sort came once to measure her head. She didn't need to ask to know that it was the final fitting for her locking eye patch. That eye patch would act as her shackle, and make her weak. The eye patch would give Schneizel the strength to rape her. If we are being honest, he always had that strength. The ability to do so without her tied down, however, required her to be bared from using geass.

The time that she was alone was incredibly boring. So boring that she theorized ways Schneizel actually could defeat the Emperor. Their Father didn't need to literally die to be considered dead to the world. Something simple like blasting the entrance to all the Thought Elevators would work. Even more simple would be encasing him in the holding tank C.C. was trapped in. None of these theories made it to conversation. Let her sadistic brother come up with his own plan(s.) A small voice in her mind argued that helping Schneizel was actually in her best interest. That voice was too small to be convincing. It was small and weak, just like her.

Once again she was reminded that her physical abilities were pathetic. If she shared Kallen's agility, Lelouch could calculate at least twenty-seven different routes of escape. It didn't matter that she could crack every code that locked her door, considering that Suzaku was always there. Each time she attempted to leave, he was standing in the hallway. Whether it was four in the afternoon or four in the morning, he was there. After the first stab he didn't even bother to force her back into her cell. He would just stare are her and  **wait.**  This inevitably resulted in her returning by her own volition and a technician coming out to reprogram the lock.

Words could not describe how much she despised him. The hatred she felt was different than the hatred for her father, and now her brother also. Ironically it made her sympathize with Suzaku's actions. She wanted to hurt him and love him at the same time. She wanted to see him suffer, and save him from that suffering. It made absolutely no sense. She could only hope he was as conflicted. At least then he would be in pain too.

It was funny how thin the line was. Love. Loathe. They even sounded similar. If she spoke them fast enough; it became a blur.

She didn't have a place to go anyway. Maybe that was why her brother never reprimanded or threatened her. In the event that she could outwit him, and over power Suzaku, she was still at his mercy. She couldn't return to Ashford Academy. She couldn't return to the Black Knights. Schneizel went one step above claiming her death, and met with the officers, explaining her geass power. That was the nail in the coffin. Even if she returned they wouldn't welcome her. The only person, who unconditionally had her back, C.C., had reverted back to a slave girl.

That's not even mentioning that if he did want to cease her efforts, he knew how. He could use Nunnally against her. Realistically, she should be playing good prisoner. She should be doing everything Schneizel wanted, so why didn't she? Pride? Fear? Those were factors. The root reason was boredom. He left the room without books or a computer so she would spend her time philosophizing and hacking the system. He stationed Suzaku out the door, and continuously used an electronic lock, rather than one that required a key, because it was amusing.

Lelouch didn't bother to get up from the sofa when she heard the door open. It could only be one person. Time must have slipped away from her because she didn't realize it was evening. She surprisingly wasn't even hungry. Maybe that was because she wasn't expending countless amounts of calories coming up with high-level calculations. It could also be the reason she was dreading. Lelouch glanced at the extremely large modern style clock on the wall.

The time was 1600, or as the clock read 4pm. The numbers glared back at her with no emotion. She prayed the device was wrong, the hands stopped. She knew she wasn't that lucky. There was still three hours till dinner. Her stomach lurched and her palms began to feel sweaty. It was a cold sweat, the kind that was extremely uncomfortable, especially in the dry air conditioning.

Lelouch rolled over, and curled up in the fetal position. She was skilled at both falling and remaining asleep in any situation. The possibility of sleeping through this event was minuscule. It was smaller than the voice in her head telling her to not resist.

Suzaku hovered over the back of the couch for longer than she expected. " Wake up."

"Make me."

She regretted the words the moment they left her mouth. A feeling of déjà vu washed over her, overlaying the environment like the red haze when she used geass. The cold sweat faded as another memory became ruined. She imagined Suzaku felt it also, considering his body stilled mid motion.

_She was still mostly asleep, but alert enough to appreciate her lover's tentative touch on her hair and face. Suzaku was soaking up the moment, committing it to memory. Lelouch was doing the same thing, although he could never tell. She cracked one lavender eye open and watched him unabashedly stared down at her naked form. The air was cold without the warmth of the comforter; he pulled it down to get a better look, to drink her in. It was the morning after, after all. That's probably what any teenage boy would do._

_They took each other's virginities the night before in the stale moderately priced hotel room. The paisley walls were tacky, matching the bedspread too perfectly. The mix of Britannian and Japanese culture was absurd. A small Buddha statue, and pictures of Zen gardens seemed comically misplaced even if all the colors matched. The owner was obviously catering towards people visiting the old city on holiday, rather than anyone who already knew traditional culture._

_Still, it was magical. A mass of opened condom wrappers made it even better. No, not because the couple had copious amount of sex the night prior, but because it was a funny story. Lelouch was so concerned about getting pregnant; she made Suzaku put the latex on a ridiculous amount of times until the fit looked right. Needless to say, they went through a few packs because the items broke._

_Everything about the interaction was awkward. She thought about calling it off several times. She didn't, obviously. As Zero, she put herself in danger every day. She was prepared to die because she took the lives of others. That was the philosophy she lived by._

_The timing didn't matter. She loved him. She loved him for eight years. Their relationship wasn't rushed._

_"It's time to wake up." He said, finally noticing she was watching him watch her._

_"Make me," she replied, knowing full well that was an invitation._

His unforgiving grip on her leg made her gasp more than being pulled onto the floor. If looks could kill, she wouldn't have to worry about what the next few hours would bring. Suzaku's expression was the worst yet. It did prove her theories correct. He was treading the line also.

"Get up." He repeated, glancing at the door. His jaw was tense. "Stop screwing around."

She snorted, wondering if that was a terrible attempt at a joke. "If you accept Schneizel as Emperor, wouldn't that make me first Empress Consort?" Her own attempt at lightening the mood was even worse.

He scowled down at her before quickly reaching when the door opened. Suzaku's movements were always lightening speed. He bypassed bullets when the two of them risked Mao's booby traps to save Nunnally. Still, the speed in which he pulled both of her arms behind her back, and covered her eye surprised her. She lost her breath when he slammed her back against his chest, wrapping his right arm around her slender body. Due to her recent reminisce; his hot breath tickled her neck more than it should have. They were almost the same height, so there was nowhere else for the carbon dioxide to go.

"Am I interrupting something?" Schneizel inquired, just enough jealousy breaking through his mask to make a point, but not enough to spoil his gentle air.

"No." Suzaku responded a little too quickly. He even neglected the honorific.

Lelouch watched in horror as her brother slowly approached. Her eye wasn't locked on him per say; the small box caught her attention. She would have preferred for it to be smaller. The idea of wearing a wedding ring left a sour taste in her mouth, but nothing like the contents of that container would. Her eye patch. The lacquered black box surely contained an even worse symbol of her capture.

"Please, Suzaku, if you ever loved me let me go." She whispered, allowing herself to visibly shake. When his grip didn't let up she continued. "I promise, you will still get Japan. Let me take Schneizel under my control. I'll defeat the Emperor. You know I can do it. We can do it. There's nothing you and I can't do together. Please. Don't give me to him. It's not worth it."

"You're a small price to pay." His words were a knife to her heart. "Just think about Nunnally," he added in a softer tone.

"Schneizel will still protect Nunnally! She won't be in danger if you let me go!" She hissed, concealing her surprise when his grip slackened a fraction. "Suzaku plea-"

"You wound me, Dear Sister. After all the thought I put into your gift, I was hoping you would like it. That doctor you killed would have preferred I give permission to gouge that eye out for study.

"Personally, I would have gone with something more modest in fashion, but then I remembered it's for you, and not me." His smile was sickeningly sweet when he places the box on the end table and opened it. "You always enjoyed flashy trinkets. Kannon helped me pick it out."

"Don't get me involved any more than you already have." The Earl said not bothering to look up from whatever he was doing across the room.

She didn't notice him enter. Was Schneizel making her shackling a party? Or worse, he was adhering to archaic traditions. God knew what he had in mind after the damn thing was put in place.

Schneizel chuckled and held the offending accessory, rubbing the material between his fingers. "I suppose you are right. The inspiration came from someone else."

He was mocking her. That was the only explanation for why he would choose such a color scheme. When he said the eye patch would remind her of her Zero helmet, he didn't just mean visibility. The large black material wasn't solid; there was indigo swirling throughout in bold lines. Amethyst gemstones hung off chains of varying lengths.

"I thought it matched your eyes. Well, the right one." It was a believable lie.

She stifled a whine when the lock clicked, sealing her power in a gothic inspired prison. It didn't hurt, at least not physically. It was a mechanical lock, so she couldn't use a mirror to rewrite computer code. Based on the intricacies of the key, it would be difficult to pick also.

She saw Schneizel's smug satisfaction from her peripheral vision. His hand lingered at the clasp, rearranging her hair around it. The coloration of the world was slightly off between her two eyes. Despite the cloth-like texture, it didn't feel like she was wearing dark mesh or sunglasses over one eye and not the other. The tint was minimal, and would likely be forgotten sooner rather than later. Her senses would adjust.

"I do believe that will be all, sir Kururugi. You are dismissed."

She almost fell when the knight released his hold, and moved away. Lelouch didn't notice that she was leaning on him. She was able to right her balance before stumbling. Here eyes were glued to the pristine tile floor. She might be freed from restraints, yet she lost her only chance to access freedom.

"You too, Kannon. I will see you tomorrow morning."

_Dear Lord, he plans to spend night here._

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" The assistant voiced concerned, staring at her with steel blue eyes.

Her brother sighed, and ran his hand through thick blond hair. "You worry too much. Besides, I'm sure my dear sister will behave in favor of privacy."

Her ghost-like complexion was apparently enough of a response. Kannon shrugged, mumbling, "You're the boss," and left. The door closing seemed to echo throughout the 250sqft room. She watched, rooted in place, and Schneizel strolled over to the table, pouring two glasses of wine. Her heart raced seeing the platter of room temperature served food. His statement of privacy was synonymous with "do not disturb." That must be what Kannon was arranging when she was distracted.

"There's no need for you to shake like a sacrificial virgin. Neither are true for you." Schneizel smirked, sitting on the sofa. "Join me, or have you become accustomed to being tied up?"

His words were a threat, and yet the way he said them suggested otherwise. The smirk turned gentle, so much that she wondered if a sinister undertone ever existed. He watched her with a twinkle in his pastel eyes, like she was the most fascinating person in the world. It would have been flattering if it didn't make her feel like an animal at the zoo. She could have found his sharp cheekbones and square jawline attractive if he weren't her brother.

She acted as requested, taking care to leave as much separation between their bodies as possible without causing offense. It still wasn't enough. Schneizel's long arms could reach her at a far longer distance. She accepted the glass of full-bodied red wine, unceremoniously downing the alcohol in one breath.

His joyous laugher made her face flush, or perhaps it was the drink. He ran his fingers through his hair again, holding his side with the other hand.

"You're showing your age, Lulu."

Hearing him say her name, rather than a role made the flush worse. Thankfully, her hand was steady when he took the glass from her. She watched him pour more La Mondotte from the decanter, informing her "it's better when swirled and sipped, rather than gulped. It's a strong wine." That much was obvious, her body was already warm, with her anxiety dulled.

He removed his long white jacket, and purple under robe, leaving only pressed white dress shirt and slacks; his back was turned, she couldn't tell if the ascot remained. In addition to the wine, and large piece of dark chocolate cake cut. The portion would make any other woman embarrassed. Lelouch had too much on her mind to worry about such trivialities. Seeing her brother without his royal robes made him seem more human.

That perspective might also be the wine talking. Lelouch wasn't a connoisseur, but she recognized the quality nonetheless. The single glass she gulped cost considerably more than the bottle that was purchased for Villeta's birthday gift. The alcohol content was certainly significantly higher. She accepted the rich dessert and refilled glass, watching as he laid out intricate crystal chess pieces on the coffee table. He didn't need to ask if she wanted to play, and definitely not what color. She was the black king, formerly anyway. All that remains of that title was homage through her eye patch.

"I'll make you a deal." His silken voice seemed far too intimate since he returned to an even father off seat. "If you win, I won't touch you."

Her heart was pounding in her ears. Her reply "and if I lose?" sounded like she was speaking it from underwater.

He chuckled again, a much tamer version of his previous laugher. "Don't give me that look. I never suggested you down wine on an empty stomach." He leaned against the side of the sofa, head propped on his arm, while he made his first move. "I want you to feed me that cake. The portion is large enough that we can share; you don't need to wait. It pairs well with the wine."

Her eyes widened before returning to normal. The calming haze of her mind was now a hindrance. For how stoic and calculating her nature was, she acted rash in that decision. It put her two, maybe three moves behind her brother. She cursed the way the smooth pawn felt with her tingling sense of touch.

She hated playing his game. She loved chess, and German chocolate cake, but both sent unpleasant shivers down her spine. The rich flavor lost its appeal when consumed in hopes of hastening sobriety. It did pair well with the wine. There were no water cups present; nothing else was available to quench her thirst. The thought of pouring the alcohol down the drain seemed too wasteful. Then again, he wasn't Suzaku. There was no reason for her to subconsciously tally up the cost of this date.

"Check."

He moved his second rook to protect the white king. She closed her eyes, attempting to dispel the lovely sensation of floating by sheer willpower. Lelouch wasn't drunk, not yet. Being near intoxication in that situation was just as dangerous. She wondered if the close match was him teasing her, or her experience with binge drinking. Just because she threw away the refrain did not mean a replacement to drown her sorrows wasn't procured.

"You know. I am afraid of you."

Her eyes snapped open at his admission. It spilled from his mouth with ease, and he took a long sip to fill the void. She glanced at the decanter and attempted to calculate how many ounces it likely contained. Schneizel was large, and could probably hold his alcohol. Still, he seemed to have drank enough to crack his mask.

"You don't act like it." She retorted, using the opportunity to reassess the chessboard. He was still two moves ahead. She managed to hold her own, despite the initial disadvantage.

"A facade, I assure you, Dearest Sister. Lulu." The way her said her name and caressed her delicate wrist felt more sinful than it should. "I needed to make you fear me. I need to make Kururugi believe I am hurting you. I hope one day these won't be required."

"Why?" She asked, to what statement; she wasn't sure. All of them, probably.

"Hmm. I wonder." He drawled, lifting the wrist to his lips.

The way he swirled his tongue around her rapid pulse made her gasp. No one should be so skilled at inciting a reaction. She cursed the alcohol once again, blaming it for the heat in her lower torso. It had absolutely nothing to do with the way his clouded eyes peeked through his bangs.

"Lay with me."

"No." She felt a swell of pride at the firmness of her voice.

He smiled against her skin, trailing kisses up the underside if her arm. He murmured his response, voice husky and quiet. She subconsciously scooted closer to hear it. "The game is over. The only possibilities are a draw, or if you finish your third glass; I could probably take your king in four turns."

He bunched the floor length skirt at her knees, using his legs to keep the fabric in place. In the back of her mind she realized the outfit resembled Euphie's on Kamine Island, except with hues of contrasting deep and light purple. The clasp at her neck, the one he was undoing, was a Vesica Piscis rather than a rose. He picked it to match her eye patch.

"Either way," he continued, now near enough to kiss the bare skin of her clavicle and not lace. "I do not have to relinquish my right to touch you."

Lelouch wanted to argue that he had no right to touch her in the first place. She was a damn human being, not some prize to be won, and not a chess piece (taking her outfit into account). These words died in her throat. She knew how that conversation would progress. He would laugh at her. Again. Schneizel would say it was a contradiction. Someone like her, who repeatedly stole free will, the right of choice from others, saying those words was ironic. At the end of the day he would have her. He controlled not only her own life, but Nunnally's as well. The man she once loved, Suzaku, denied her only chance of freedom.

"Brother." She hissed when he bit at the sensitive skin behind her ear.

He was on top of her, using one hand to cup her bare butt, and another to support his weight. Panties, it would seem, were something she would never wear again. He chased her lips when she tried to turn her head away, robbing her of her last protest. Tentative wasn't the right word; his lips weren't forceful either. He coaxed a response from her with unfair skill, moaning when she wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair.

_"Good girl."_

She could hear the condescending praise in her mind because he surely didn't break the kiss to voice it. They remained lip locked when he removed his dress shirt, and kicked off his pants. He even managed to maintain the kiss carrying her to the bed. Whether she wrapped her legs around his waist, or he used his arms to carry her, she would prefer not to know.

Lelouch needed more wine, or less. More would push her over to oblivion, a definite state of drunkenness where she could easily justify her incestuous actions. Less might give her the cognitive ability to think of something to do other than arch her back when he licked at the hem of the sweet-heart neckline of her dress. The hypothetical right course of action was an even bigger mystery than how Schneizel managed to untie the corset style backing of her dress in his position.

The chill of the air didn't last before her brother's body covered her nakedness. She moaned, grabbing at his impossibly broad shoulders when he took one erect nipple between his lips. His hand pushed her thighs apart; this time he didn't make a comment regarding the amount of wetness. She probably wouldn't have notice if he did. He had to hold the "Guinness Book of World Record" for finding that spot.

Her scream permeated the whole room, and at another time she would inquire on the ability of the walls to absorb sound. The feeling of illusory liquid warmth that entered her body mirrored the literal kind that left. His touch was more intoxicating than the wine. She panted for air; convinced she was slick with sweat.

Unlike the last time, he didn't cease his relentless probing. Profanity and prayer mixed with her brother's name. If her eye were uncovered, her power would certainly gone haywire with conflicting orders. Her whole body was on fire. Schneizel's alternating touch, ranging from irritatingly light, to almost painful depending on the location, was perfected with years of experience.

And here she thought she was a discreet, controlled lover.

The only time she was quiet was when they kissed. The only time he said anything was a confession that he could "barely keep control." She couldn't remember the last time she genuinely laughed, a chiming sound without evil taint or self-pity. She didn't notice the way his breath hitched at her face lighting up.

"I need you." His voice was hoarse like he was the one screaming and not her.

Lelouch squeezed her eyes shut when he pushed into her core, feeling like she was being torn apart, an amazing feeling despite the description. She dug her short nails into his shoulder, whimpering with each thrust. Her legs wrapped around his torso, giving him deeper access. She blamed everything on the alcohol. She would have carried the sins of the world on her back, and yet this cross was too much to bear. The evidence of their sin would be on her brother's back.

"Sch-Bro-oh god-I-I"

If he truly did lose control, his voice was drowned out. She did, however, notice when everything stopped. A split second sooner, and it would have gone unnoticed. They would have ridden the wave together.

"No." She voiced her protest. That voice became shriller when his previously loving touch became binding. "No, no, no!"

He held both wrists in one hand, and her ankles, still wrapped around his torso, in the other. She struggled against the invasion with all her might, strength heightened with drunkenness. It still wasn't enough to prevent his seed from being planted in her womb. The pulsating of his cock would have felt nice if it didn't signify an attempt at conception.

She prayed her uterus was still a toxic environment. The IUD was only extracted a few days ago. It was highly unlikely the sperm would live. How long would that last? Not long. That's why she got the damn thing in the first place. It allowed for a woman to get pregnant right away. There were no hormones to expel from the system.

"Let me go." She scorned, feeling ill. "Brother, please I -"

She never finished the sentence. After his transgressions, she wished he couldn't infer what she was going to say. Schneizel's eyes widened and he pulled her to the edge of bed, keeping a firm hand on her chest to lean against. His other one made small circles against her spine as she emptied the expensive contents of her stomach.

The barf burned her throat, making the physical and emotional cold worse. Tears ran down her cheeks as she heaved. Her only source of comfort, which she hated the most, was her brother's shush and coos.

"You are the first person to vomit from having sex with me." He voiced once there was nothing left.

* * *


	3. [You] Let Him Go

_Even if Knightmares were sentient being, Lelouch was certain her pain would triumph. When the hatch of the Lancelot was cut open, she felt it also. Her heart was being forced open with the Brake Sword of Tohdoh's Gekka._

_Suzaku. Suzaku was the pilot of white-head. The Knightmare that stood in her way, was the bane of her every operation, that she vowed to destroy, was piloted by the boy she loved. It was Suzaku all along._

_Time stopped as the world around her disappeared. The battle outside the prison facility no longer existed. All that remained was pain. In the back of her mind, she registered the taste of copper; she was bleeding through her glove. She bit down into the flesh of hand, right below the thumb. The fact that this was also the location that Arthur always bit Szaku was not lost on her. The act was unintentional. Although, it did keep her from screaming. Hot tears poured out of her eyes, so hot they could have been boiling, leaving a trail of welts down the flawless skin of her face. She was shaking uncontrollably, and attempted to curl up in the fetal position despite the cramped space of the cockpit. Suzaku. The white-head was piloted by Suzaku._

_She didn't know what to do anymore. She couldn't stop; she was too far gone. The light at the end of the tunnel was no longer visible. All that remained was darkness. The right choice, to turn around or keep going, seemed impossible to make. How long would it take her to get out? It was possible she was almost at the other side. If she turned back now it would be an even harder, more arduous journey to redemption._

_She had to keep going. There was no turning back. If she didn't turn back, that meant she had to kill him. She would have to eventually kill the man she loved more than anything sans Nunnaly. She loved Nunnally more than life itself._

_Slowly voices started to filter through the darkness. They were a gurgled up mess, barely audible and certainly not understandable. The fabric of her glove ripped. Finally the pain in her hand was enough to make a rip in the wall of her emotional turmoil. She swallowed down an accumulation of saliva and blood, pulling her hand away. Crimson dripped onto the controls._

_"Wait, wait for Zero's orders!" Kallen's voice was on the radio._

_Blurry images of he surroundings brought Lelouch back to reality. The Four Holy Swords were circling the White-Head, circling Suzaku. They were going to kill him. He was defenseless (well not really). The lack of covering left him wide open. If she didn't do something, he was going to die._

_"No!" She screamed so loud it cracked through the voice modification system of her helmet. The shrill hysterics of a teenage girl out measured the masculine voice of Karl Cassel. "Pull back! All units pull back! We got what we came for!"_

_Then the scene changed in a way that only made sense in dreams. Lelouch watched as the stone face of her lover, too gritty to be an accurate interpretation of his expression, faded out to the concerned expression of the next day. She could hear, and see the shutter release, like she was viewing from the lense of a camera. When the black plastic receded, she was sitting outside the Student Council Clubhouse._

_The bright blue sky, the birds chirping, and the sweet smell of the flowers were out of place. The sky should have been grey with clouds, large raindrops should be pounding down on the daisies; there should have been a storm. That would have matched. That was not what happened. For some reason her flashback maintained an accurate depiction of events._

_She sat on the cast iron chair painted white, novel in hand. The contents weren't important. The words were meaningless. It didn't matter that she read the same sentence ten times. There was a dull ache every time she turned the page from her bandaged fingers. Granted, she didn't have to use her thumb, but that would be too easy._

_"Lulu, do you want to talk about the other day yet?"_

_""What?"_

_Her eyes lifted from the words that seemed foreign to see Suzaku sitting in the chair caddy corner to her. When did he get there? The last time she looked up, the patio was empty. He glanced down at her hand, a concerned expression on his face._

_"The other day ago, when we were sitting out here with Nunnally, you said you wanted to ask me something."_

_"Oh. It's... Nothing." She said quietly, clutching the book for dear life. It made her wounded flexor muscle scream in protest. She couldn't scream, as much as she wanted to do so. She remained poised, and yet her voice trembled only the slightest measure. "We can't do this anymore, Suzaku."_

_"Are you breaking up with me?"_

_"That would be the simplest solution, would it?"_

_Lyrics from a "The Passenger" song mixed with C.C.'s previous advice. If she loved Suzaku, she should keep him at distance. She should let him go. Let him be happy with someone else, someone not destined to destroy Britannia. It would just be too tragic otherwise; a Romeo and Juliet love story. They were fated to kill each other. Except she didn't want him to die. Dear God, she wanted him to live. Still, in the event that such a misfortune was to happen, she needed to separate herself from him. It was for his well being too. In the unlikely event that she were to be captured, or die in battle, how would be feel knowing he killed her? Because her death would surely come from his MVS or VARIS - no standard Knightmare model would take her down, even if she was only equipped with a Buari._

_"Lulu, is it because of -" His face was pure anguish. Those beautiful emerald eyes held a hint of insanity in them. He clutched the fabric of his black slacks at the knee._

_"It's because I -"_

_"It's not you." She interjected, not wanting to hear the sentence he was struggling to form. " Everything. Everything is my fault. We can't be together because of me." As much as she wanted to add that she was Zero, she couldn't do it. Not yet. Not here._

_"Are you seriously playing the 'its not you, it's me' card?!" Anger started to break through his pained expression. "God, Lulu, I thought you were more original than that."_

_"It's the truth." She mumbled, before the tone of her voice returned to normal. "I still want to be friends. For Nunnally, will you still come around?"_

_"Yeah. For Nunnally."_

Lelouch sunk further into the sweet embrace. C.C. never cuddled her like this. They always slept with their backs against the other. The witch would spoon her cheese-kun, while still touching Lelouch. This must mean that everything that happened was just a bad dream. Suzaku wasn't the pilot of the white-head. They never broke up. He never sold her to the Emperor, or to Schneizel. They were at home; the apartment attached to the student council clubhouse. It's how things were supposed to be.

Except that wasn't right. The body that spooned her was much too large to be her (ex) lover's. Suzaku and her were about the same size, as much as they both hated that observation. She was the same height with only a ten pounds lighter. It didn't make sense considering she was model thin, and Suzaku was deliciously muscular. They were lean muscles though.

Not like the body she was wrapped in. The arm around her waist was much too pale and long. The leg positioned between her's seemed long also. The person's torso, obviously, matched. He had to be at least six foot seven, and not at all lanky. Not like how she was lanky. Comparing weight wouldn't lessen the contrast.

It was Schneizel.

The memory of the night before broke through her heavily hung-over mind. She tensed, feeling her brother murmur against her hair in response. With unease she slowly slipped away from him, lifting the hulking extremities off her body.

She was still naked. Fluids seeped down her thighs when she got up. Lelouch closed her eyes to stop the room from spinning, and bit back bile. She didn't want to puke again. The vomit from the night before was more than enough to get the toxins out of her system. That mess must have been cleaned up after she passed out. She absently noted that the bed sheets were changed too. In no way whatsoever was she curious to know if her brother remained naked under those sheets. The urge to vomit became stronger.

There was a tray of food on the table, everything easy eaten by hand. Fruit, croissant sandwiches, and sticky buns required no utensils. Of course she wouldn't be lucky enough to find a knife, or fork. She could definitely kill the sleeping giant with a fork. The idea of breaking the china crossed her mind. That would be loud. Even if she took a plate into the bathroom, turned the water on, and smashed it, there was a possibility he would wake up. She couldn't remember if he was a light sleeper or not.

After two cups of coffee and one of water, she started to feel less like a zombie. She had to use the bathroom anyway, so perhaps she might as well try smashing a plate. A long hot shower was calling her name. She glanced back at Schneizel's sleeping form. The thought of bathing near him was frightening. It left her too exposed, too vulnerable.

Then again, both their clothing was missing so being naked in the shower or naked in the main living space was of little consequence. The only difference was she could hear his approach outside cascading water droplets. Why someone would bring breakfast and not clothing was beyond her. Never mind  **Schneizel** had a change of clothes laid out on the bathroom countertop. She did not. That observation made her hate him even more. She wasn't naïve enough to think it was an oversight.

The small item almost went unnoticed. She pulled the diamond studded cufflink from the ascost, running the point against the palm of her hands. The shaft was barely over half an inch long. It was a preposterous plan. Still, if she could stab his External Carotide Artery, there was a chance he would slowly bleed out. She would have to keep anyone from coming in. She could suffocate him with a pillow directly after shoving the accessory into his thick neck with all her might.

There was so much blood on her hands already. By her words, with a gun, and with a Knightmare, she killed more people than she could count. She killed Clovis. Schneizel wouldn't be the first time she committed fratricide. He would, however, be the first person murdered by her literal hands. The piece of jewelry could hardly be considered a tool. Even if was the key to her brother's demise.

It truly was a preposterous plan. The chance of success was smaller than the puncture wound that would kill him. A sinister smile played across her beautiful features, one only a madwoman would understand. Only someone destined to the pits of hell would sympathize with the glint in her exposed eye. It was a good thing she was the 'Man of Miracles,' because it would take a miracle for her all the conditions to cleared. For her to commit both fratricide and matricide at the same time, escape the Avalon, rescue Nunnally and live happily ever after… the chance was less than one percent.

She would do it.

Her heart was pounding in her ears when she entered the main room. Her fight or flight response was telling her to run, but that was impossible without fighting first. Thankfully, she worked well under pressure. The hope that if she failed, Suzaku would protect Nunnally, was in the back of her mind. His slackened grip when she begged for release suggested that he had the crippled girl's best interests in mind. Even if he enjoyed watching Lelouch suffer, he still loved Nunnally. She hoped.

She crawled up her brother's sleeping form. He looked so peaceful, so ready for death. Straddling his waist, Lelouch lightly ran her fingertips over his neck and shoulders, searching for the right spot. In her advanced anatomy class, it was easy to pinpoint the location on paper. It was definitely more difficult in person. She pressed down harder, holding her breath when he began to stir. Would he believe it if she lied, saying that she wanted to - she blushed like the virgin she was not at the thought. She would rather stab herself.

She marked the location with her pinky, and cocked her other hand, the cufflink between her thumb and two fingers.

"What are you doing?"

Kannon's question gave Schneizel the warning he needed to react. How someone would be so alert upon waking was beyond her. Finding his wife/sister with an evil, murderous face first thing in the morning probably helped. She didn't know how the assistant could silently enter the room. There was the possibility that she was so focused on the task at hand, she didn't notice. All her attention was on Schneizel's sleeping body.

"I was hoping you were straddling me for a different reason, Sister."

He was awake the whole time. It would seem the ability to pretend otherwise was hereditary. Lelouch exhaled when her back slammed against the memory foam mattress. He quickly pinned down her legs, and grabbed her flailing arms. She turned her head to the side, both in shame and trepidation. Schneizel's face was contorted in rage. His mask of serenity was cast aside. His pastel purple eyes were sharp and a shade darker. His square jaw was tight like a bowstring. The scowl was pronounced although not deep. She was afraid to look at him.

"I never would have thought Zero would be so desperate as to try to kill me with a..." He pried her hand open with his free one, removing the contraband. "Cufflink. How inventive of you." His growl seemed surreal.

"Do you need me to assist somehow?" Kannon's voice was wrought with worry; none of which directed at her.

Schneizel's cruel smile rivaled Lelouch's when she wasn't quivering in fear. "I don't know." He drawled, a mockery of the sweet voice from the night before. "What do you think, Kanon? Do you want to put my theory from dinner to the test?" He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "My little Chinese finger trap." Two fingers were shoved deep in her mouth, making her gag.

Her mind screamed at her to bite down. If she did, maybe she would push him over the edge, to a point of rage where he would kill her. She glanced over at Kanon. The man's blue eyes were wide at her brother's uncharacteristic behavior. This wasn't how the two men acted as lovers. Lelouch experienced being wined and dined (or wined and more wined) the previous afternoon. She wondered if that was her brother's usual tactic or somewhere between the two extremes.

He forced her mouth open by pushing down on her jaw. His fingers remained slick with saliva. She tensed and willing herself to continue staring at the wall as he slowly moved his hand away. It was a ghost over her skin, never touching. He was making a show of moving it down her body, and it was one she didn't want to watch.

Her eyes squeezed shut when he answered her silent question. "I wouldn't want you to bite Kanon or myself. You haven't proven yourself trustworthy. It's a good thing you have three holes, my dear."

He circled her hole, making it wet, before pushing one large finger into her tight sphincter muscles. Lelouch bit her lip and focused on relaxing. It seemed impossible considering he anxiety. She was more likely to die from a heart attack it was beating so fast. She was more likely to actually succeed in her stupid half-baked scheme. 'Man of Miracles,' my ass. Yes, that play on words was intended.

She couldn't let him do this. The strain from one finger was too much. When he inserted another it took all her effort not to cry out. The way he pressed his thumb into the pressure point in her wrist was nothing compared to the pain there. Being fucked would kill her. She felt her brother's wide girth before, and was still sore from it. No, it wouldn't be him. It would be -

"Please." She whispered. "Please don't make Kanon participate in your punishment."

Schneizel sighed, and she dared to open her eyes. It was a gamble. She met the assistant briefly as Zero at the Vermillion City. She made a comment about her brother using the Emperor's dogs instead of knighting his own. Kanon was introduced as Schneizel's everything man, and he did mean everything. The two times she saw him her brother's prisoner, he seemed friendly. She was always better at sociology than psychology. She could control an entire army with no issues; guess a person's move in chess, or any other mind game. Personal manners were lacking.

"You can leave Kanon. I'm sorry for suggesting you stay."

The two men seemed to have a silent conversation. Kanon gave her a look that was almost sympathetic before placing a lump of clothing on the dinette. The color scheme was black and gold. Her forced nakedness really was an oversight. He nodded at Schneizel, amber hair falling in his face in the process, saying, "You have a meeting in twenty minutes." Whether it was true or the assistant was trying to save her, she preferred to think the latter.

"Turn over." Schneizel's mask slipped again, or maybe he was just good at keeping his anger from being misplaced. He pulled his fingers out. A disgusting pop sound matched her self-loathing sentiments. "Now."

She didn't argue. In a way, she was glad to be facing away. Then she could pretend it wasn't him. She could pretend it was some random person, not that a one night stand high on her to-do list. She didn't want to think of Suzaku. Schneizel waited too long too move into position. When he ran the flat of his hand over her ass, she wondered if she were to be spanked. She gripped at the Egyptian cotton when the first blow hit her right cheek.

This was now the most humiliating moment of her life.

"You continue to amaze me, Sister." He landed several more spanks, this time to her upper thighs. "Both with your genius, and your stupidity " she hissed when his hand swung upwards, between her thighs, hitting the most sensitive area of her body. "But mostly." He pinched her clit, sending her face first into the bed. Her arms became jello from the contradicting sensation. "Your reaction to me last night. Murder won't change that."

He gripped her small hips with his large hands, fingers painfully pushing into her hipbones. There would be bruises. With a snarl, he pulled her head back, and thrust into her vaginal canal. He didn't hold her steady by her hair, that would be too kind. Instead he forced her spine to arch with the chains of her eye patch, the symbol of her captivity. She was on a short leash, and he was the master.

Their roles were reversed. Lelouch remained silent, controlling her voice when she couldn't control her body from contracting at her release. Schneizel didn't hesitate to point this out. He talked the whole time, except his words were coherent. He called her every name in the book, from classical to slang she had no idea what it meant. He pointed out every orgasm with smug satisfaction. He pulled harder at her leash with each one too.

The way it hurt made their union less sinful. She wished she weren't enjoying herself. That would have made everything ok. She wouldn't feel so vile, or like the names he was calling her.

"You're dead, Sister. You are dead to the world. No one besides Kanon, Kururugi, and myself know who you are, or that you are alive. I'm the only one keeping you alive, Lulu. Without me you wouldn't exist. Think of that next time you contemplate killing me."

His words caused her to whimper. He had to know. He had to know how similar they were to the ones spoken by their father eight years ago. Her brother was off at school, a prestigious prep-school that made even Ashford Academy seem like public education. That probably was of little consequence. Gossip like that would last until holiday breaks. A ten year old denying the Emperor was a conversation starter.

He was just like their father, and not just regarding his physical features. His words sent shivers through her body. She began to shake, reliving that day, reliving the anger followed by fear. Except Schneizel didn't punish her through abandonment. He was worse, even crueler than the one who sired him. She began to sob with every thrust, the rubbing of her clit just made the emotional pain worse.

She didn't realize she was crying until he pointed it out. The amethyst at the base of the patch, the one not attached to a chain swung with the movements. He pulled harder; to the point that she was certain her spine would break. Still, she focused on remaining silent. It was her last rebellion, not even a shadow of The Black Rebellion, even if both endeavors were both failures. She wasn't even a shadow of the person she used to be. The chance to take Tokyo again would never happen. It was ironic how precarious of a pedestal she sat on.

There was no protest when he came in her. Lelouch felt herself revert back to her previous mindset, the one she had before C.C. gave her power. This was just how things were, and there was no reason to try to change it. No matter how much she struggled, Schneizel would win. She was powerless against him. Any attempt at control was the same as a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.

He seemed to sense the change too, pulling away with a different air. The anger shot out of him with his sperm. "We are all responsible for our own actions. Do not blame me for yours. I am not blaming you for mine." He mumbled against her ear, releasing the chain. Lelouch curled on the bed, barely aware that there were fluids leaking out of her for the second time that day.

She didn't notice that the door was left wide open. Perhaps she wouldn't have cared either. Lelouch was too busy picking up the pieces of her shattered identity. She hugged her legs, thankful to be alone. Being alone meant that she could cry without showing weakness. Then again, she was sobbing moments ago when her brother raped her. She was already weak, and trying to hide that wouldn't change facts. Without geass, without the Black Knights, without C.C. to lean on, she was nothing but a teenage girl. She was a teenage girl up against the white king.

She couldn't not fight though. The Emperor made her powerless before, and she rose from the ashes. That wasn't without aid. C.C. and Kallen saved her brought her back to life from the death that was her life. She was deader at that moment than she was then. At least at Ashford she could choose her own meals, her own clothes, and her own schedule. Most importantly, she could choose what to do with her own body. She whimpered, finally noticing the sticky substance on her thighs.

Nunnally thought she was dead.

Every action since her revival was made with the goal to unite them again in a gentler world. She became Zero, the evil that slaughtered evil, so that she could be with her sister. The most profound, unstable laugh erupted from her belly, followed by a wail. She was an idiot. Even if Schneizel was protecting Nunnally, something she had no tangible evidence of, he had no intentions letting Lelouch see her. Wife was only a flowery title. She was a sex slave, held captive in that room for one reason. There was no escape. The only way out was her brother becoming bored with her. So far she was doing a decent job of being entertaining, whether through making him laugh or becoming enraged.

She must have cried herself to sleep, because when she woke up the food on the table was different. Lelouch waited, still curled up on the bed, but Schneizel never visited. After a half an hour she lifted herself off the mattress, legs unsteady. She was so sore. The shower, the one she should have just taken earlier, was still calling her name. She passed the tray, not bothering to acknowledge the contents.

_I needed to make you fear me. I need to make Kururugi believe that I am hurting you._

Both were true. Lelouch ran her shaking fingers over the bruises on her hips and wrists. The water was scalding hot. She didn't notice. The billions of water droplets made no effect; she was still so cold. Her body shivered as she scrubbed herself raw with rose smelling soap. Layers of skin were removed, and yet the marks remained. They became darker against the reddish-pink tint. She didn't bother to wrap herself in a towel. Her skin was too sensitive. The soft fluffy texture felt like rough terry against it.

Suzaku was standing in the living area when she returned. Why? Honestly she couldn't think of a reason. She also didn't care. She cared less that she was still naked. He's seen it all before. Besides, she had no dignity left to preserve. In the back of her mind she noted that the door was ajar. A cruel, sick joke. He was daring her to try to get past him.

They gazed at each other, his guarded expression threatening to crumble under her thousand-yard stare.

"Lulu, I -"

"Am I still a small price to pay, Suzaku? Did you come to gloat at how far I have fallen? Get out."

Some unreadable emotion flashed over his features before it was replaced. At another time, she would wonder when Suzaku learned to not be so expressive, and if it was her fault. Of course it was her fault. She pushed him away, and put a bullet in the woman he loved. The woman he replaced her with died by her order and her gun. Euphie was the one person she murdered that was an act of kindness. She put her sister out of her misery. She wouldn't have wanted to continue to live like that. The geass order was what killed the royal princess, not the bullet. Lelouch was still at fault, regardless.

Lelouch watched him leave. She never thought the sound of that door slamming would bring comfort. Maybe it was because it vibrated throughout the room instead of being a quiet thud. Absently, she wondered what he was going to say. The look on his face reminded him of when they broke up. His eyes were sparkling with a hint of insanity. She didn't listen to him then either. Maybe if she did, things would have ended up differently. It was too late. The light at the end of the tunnel was gone, except there was no option to turn back. It was sad, really, since she knew there would be no light if she continued to march forward either. There was only darkness.

She picked up the sleek sleeveless black dress and stepped into it. The cap sleeve jacket matched, with gold filigree inspired threads throughout, reminding her of an Art Deco design. The lack of underwear stopped being a surprise. C'est la vie.


	4. Sir Suzaku Kururugi

_"You are the incarnation of evil."_

_That has become my daily mantra. I repeated it in my head as I guarded you, or rather, guarded others from you. From the evil eye. No. It's not the eye's fault. V.V. said it is just a tool. You made your own choices. So have I._

_I relished in your screams and sobs until they stopped. Then I wish they never existed in the first place. I wish you never existed. If I could wipe every evidence of you off the face of the earth, I would. You wouldn't have to suffer if you never existed. _It would be a better place too.__

_Euphie would still be alive. So many people would still be alive. "You are a walking funeral." That is a line from the book you suggested I read. The main character is the harbinger of death. Did you see yourself in him? Were you trying to call out to me, explain your actions through a misunderstood character in a book?_

_I don't want to understand you. I don't want to love you. There are so many things I do not want, more than the things I_ _**do** _ _want. I suppose those are the same. "Its just semantics." I can hear your beautiful voice in my head, arguing with me. I hate you more than life itself._

_I want you to die. I want to die - I've wanted that for the past eight years, as long as I've loved you. Perhaps, in another life, we died together. You would find that romantic. You always had an odd sense of humor. I'm assuming you still do by the way you laugh at the most frightening things._

_I can't die. You took that from me. I tried tonight, you know. To die. Everything went blank and I woke up a few moments later with the dagger in its sheath. It never touched my skin. It was flawless, like yours used to be. It will be again soon, once the bruises fade._

_Your vacant eyes haunt me._

_They entered my dreams. I'd rather dream of all the sins you've committed. I would rather see Euphie die a million times than see those eyes one more time. I love you (_ this line is crossed out in the original papers _.) I hate you._

_I can't sleep. Not eternally and not a short rest. Your eyes haunt me from beneath my own eyelids. If they close for longer than a blink, I see yours._

_They do not sparkle._

_Have they ever? I lie on my bed, wondering, when have I ever not seen you suffering? Perhaps I am sadistic to fall in love with someone like you - someone who is always in pain. I hoped I could make those dark lavender, closer to amethyst, eyes sparkle. Now that I think about it... I have. Your eyes lit up whenever I would hook your hair behind your ear. You always liked the little things in life, the things that can easily go unnoticed._

_I think that is what drew me to you like a fly to a bug zapper. You always seemed to know everything. The tiniest detail was explainable by your naturally red lips. I told you they were ugly - I lied. If you couldn't explain something, you would find a way to. I remember you telling me that you became fluent in Japanese not so that you could talk to me, but so you could read books from the library._

_I should bring you some books. You would like that._

_Maybe that little girl never existed... Maybe you never did. That would make me happy, to think that I love a ghost, a figment of my imagination. Those sweet, surreal moments when you smiled, when you caused my heart to melt... They were some sort of game you played. You used me like a chess piece, and threw me away when I was no longer useful._

_The girl I love never existed. You are the incarnation of evil. I hate you._

_I'm becoming like you. When I found out who you were, a part of me found it funny. I laughed when no one was around. After I sold you to your father, I laughed. The father you wanted to kill, I gave you to him. I don't regret that. I do regret having Schneizel happen upon our meeting, and capture you, but I don't regret that._

_Patricide._

_That's what made you leave me even though it's a sin you want to commit - wanted to commit for as long as I've know you. I hate you. You are a hypocrite. How dare you judge me with your vacant eyes, watching me wherever I go? I did it for you, you know. I wanted to stop the war for you._

_Oh the things we do for the people we love. A love that never even existed to boot._

_I want to kill you. I want to wrap my hands around that swan like neck of yours and watch you beg for air out of those beautiful red lips. I wouldn't get that far. If I got too close to you, I would kiss them. You could rule the world with your beauty. You don't need anything magical. Your touch is magic in itself._

_Magic now owned by your brother._

_I can't tell who I hate more: me, you, or him. I've sworn my loyalty to that man, and yet when I slammed the door to your well-furnished cell; I would have killed him in cold blood. I would have enjoyed it. I wonder who I would enjoy killing more: you, him, or myself. I am not a Knight of Honor. I am a Nora (you always loved Norigami), a weapon of many masters. First you, then your sister, then your father, and now your brother. At least I do not have to wear their names on my skin._

_I wouldn't have minded Euphie's brand. At least then she would be a part of me._

_She was the opposite of you. Most people are attracted to a type. They date woman all of the same category. If I had one it would be her, and not you. I hate you. You are the incarnation of evil. She was everything that was good... That is, until you made her evil. You made her kill thousands of innocent people._

_You asked me if you "are still a small price to pay?" The answer is yes. How can one person, one_ _**evil** _ _person out measure a whole country? Your suffering gives me the power to end the suffering of the Japanese._

_You deserve your suffering. You are destined for hell, so why not start now? You reap what you sow and all that nonsense. You are incarnation of evil. You are one person, fated to suffer to bring happiness to the world. I am not God. I cannot change that. I can, however, save my country by ignoring your pleas. By ignoring your vacant eyes. By telling myself I hate you instead of loving you. The line is so thin anyway- what difference does it make? It makes no difference. You make no difference._

_That's the easy answer, anyway._

_The truth is much more complicated than that._

_I hate complicated things._

_That was always your thing._

An excerpt from the journal of Sir Suzaku Kururugi, dated July 28th, 2018. At this time, his Majesty Emperor Charles Zi Britannia, 98th Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire, publicly knew the teenager as the Knight of Seven. This piece was found separate from the rest of Kururugi's journals. It was written in Japanese, his native tongue, on a sheet of paper containing the Ashford Academy letterhead.

That paper was found years later, tucked behind a photo in his club photo album, when a graduate student was cleaning through the Tokyo museum artifacts. Sir Kururugi left most of his personal effects without bequeath. He had no heirs that we know of. None were mentioned in his will. The Knight of the Rounds did not leave a will.

Despite the incoherent ramblings, this document is one of the few pieces of evidence that the succession of Schneizel El Britannia was actually a coup d'é tat. Hidden within the words is mention that he was sworn to four members of the Royal Family. Conventional records state that Kururugi was only a Knight of Honor to Princess Euphemia Li Britannia, who died during her attempted genocide, prior to becoming the Knight of Seven.

Due to the illiterate nature of this piece, and the questionable way that it was procured; it is often seen as forgery. The added person also discredits the arguments of Dr. Daniel Jackson. If you not familiar with his works, don't feel uneducated. The man also used this entry as evidence to support his geass theory.

He believed that the actions of the Princess were due to some magical power that Zero, a rebel leader who died suddenly, possessed. Dr. Jackson theorized that a woman who named a Honary Britannian (see page 674 for more information.) As her Knight would not issue an order to "kill all the Japanese."

But I digress. I leave this except here, not as evidence to a conspiracy theory, but to illustrate the hidden turmoil of Sir Kururugi. Since there is no good location to place it within this biography (without jeopardizing historical accuracy), I include it in my intro.

Now, without further rambling of an old history professor, I, Alexander Cardemonde, leave you with my last work before retirement.

The Biography of Sir Suzaku Kururugi: Only Son of the Last Prime Minister of Japan and Knight of One.


	5. Humans are Fragile Creatures

Pragmatism was, apparently, boring to the white king.

Schneizel waited until the next day to visit her after his assault. The person who greeted him was only a shadow of the young woman he enjoyed prior to the event. Lelouch was never the most emotional person, at least, outside of traumatic situations. Her reserved, stoic nature still lived within the creases of the pages. She was able to maintain composure. The teenager now had no repose to maintain. That statement suggested that she was holding her emotions back. She didn't believe emotions existed at that time. There was no practical reason to be angry with him. What would that anger bring her? Nothing. Perhaps more physical pain, something she would prefer not to experience again.

He ate his meal and promptly left, returning the next morning only to commit incest. That was the only thing he came for, and on a schedule: Morning and Night. Like a daily medication, he fucked her. Sometimes he would eat first, or play chess, but the end result was always the same. After she pointed this detail out, he stopped trying to seduce her. Sometimes he just wanted to sleep, which was odd considering he had his own bed for that.

Her comment that he was "missing a few doses," was met with rage. She didn't flinch, which seemed to make him more upset. He wasn't attempting to hit her. It made no difference. Lelouch didn't care. His lack of enthusiasm was preferable. He was just maintaining appearances, as if anyone would care. She could tell his heart wasn't into it when he stopped coaxing. What difference did it make? He shouldn't visit her if he didn't want to do so. She didn't want his company. There was no reason for him to go out of his way.

Possibly he continued to visit because she divulged all her theories. There was no reason to keep her knowledge of geass a secret. Her decision to keep that knowledge hidden was emotional, based on her limited interpretation of reality. The true reality was it was in her best interest to answer his questions. Their goal was the same: to be rid of the Emperor.

He paced the room when Lelouch told him their father was immortal. She understood that the explanation made no logical sense. He didn't want to believe it; she didn't either. That was thinking of the problem, not the solution. They needed to work with what was available to them. Waiting for him to give geass to someone, and have that person evolve to the point where the man could die was off the table. She didn't know why it was even mentioned. The geass order was, to the best of her knowledge, destroyed. The Black Knights slaughtered them all to atone for Shirely's death. The only persons remaining were herself and Rolo, who were worthless.

She knew for experience that their father wouldn't die from a bullet to the heart. He wouldn't die from her power. Schneizel frowned at the very mention of the eye that lived behind her patch. That frown became more pronounced when she fumbling through explaining C's world in a systematic manner. She was certain it made no sense to someone who did not live through those events. Random accumulated events, that's what she was living. Maybe she should have taken C.C.'s code. Then she could have killed the Emperor. He wasn't fond of the observation that it would have prevented her current situation also.

After a while, he stopped wanting to talk about it, and just play chess in silence. She didn't protest. The quiet lasted only a day.

"Do you think his head would grow back if it were chopped off?" Schneizel asked, moving his bishop three spaces.

"Yes."

His eyes were locked on the chessboard. He was two moves ahead like always. Well, not always. She won a few matches. It brought no satisfaction, not like how Schneizel thought she should feel. Victory meant nothing if it didn't change her surroundings. It was just a stupid game with no real world value. Maybe she went a step past pragmatism and crossed the boarder to apathy. Regardless, the chess match remained the same. Philosophizing on about intentions was merely a way to kill time when she wasn't reading or being fucked.

She already finished the new stack of books that Kanon brought earlier in the week. Her brother was more perceptive than she gave him credit. He knew all her favorite titles and could guess what books she was waiting to have time to pick up. The Earl functioned as her library, returning books to the counter as she finished them. It was easier than trying to catch him when he snuck into the room. The day before one showed up randomly. 'The Prince of Thorns' was a story about a prince who witnesses the death of his mother and brother. As a result, the main character goes on a bloodthirsty rampage, venting his rage, intent on destroying the world in order to become king. It reminded her of Suzaku. That seemed like something that jackass would give her. Thankfully, there was no smut. She had enough of that already in real life.

"Would you stop being like this if I gave you his head on a platter? Even if it doesn't kill him..."

"I don't know. I can't tell the future."

Her brother sighed, running his hand through his thick hair. Thick like the rest of him, God was unoriginal in his creation. He muttered under his breath. The less expressive Lelouch became, the more he opened up. She wondered if he were really naïve enough to think such a tactic would work on her. The thought that, perhaps, he was being genuine never crossed her mind.

"I'm not going to apologize for what I did to you." He said, reaching for her hand.

He ran his thumb over her wrist. The evidence of his transgression were finally faded. The wounds he nurtured lived on in his mind, and not the physical plane. Her hip bruises faded too. When she was naked he would stroke those. This action was mostly limited to after he thought she was already asleep, however. He seemed surprised that she didn't flinch or pull away. She never did anymore. Her actions (or lack there of) shouldn't come as a shock. If nothing else, Lelouch was becoming predictable.

"I don't expect you to."

She could tell her monotone responses were grating on her nerves.

"I don't mind dying, but only for something meaningful. Maybe with a FLEIJA against you in a grand battle for control of the world. Not with a cufflink and not because you are ashamed."

"You certainly have a way with words, Brother. Especially since you killed me via a faulty energy filler." She turned her head away when he brushed his lips against her wrist, remembering their first sinful night together. He hadn't kissed her there since. "I'm on my period." Thank God, it wasn't a lie.

"There's always next month."

He was deranged.

Between the forced removal of her IUD, and his nonverbal insistence on not pulling out, it was evident that he was trying to get her pregnant. She noticed a change in her hair and nails too. Keeping them short was more effort than before. Well, keeping her nails short required more effort. Schneizel voiced that he would like to see her hair grow out. It was shinier than before. All the light from her eyes was transferred to those raven strands. He was putting liquid prenatal vitamins in her drinks. If she wasn't certain before, she surely was when he corrected, "this one is yours," at lunch.

There was something seriously wrong with him.

"I'm not having your child."

The small circles he was drawing over her pulse ceased. Schneizel looked like he wanted to argue. His eyebrows furrowed a fraction, and he sucked in more air through his nostrils than usual. Lelouch thought about pulling away. It made no difference. She meant what she said. What he wanted just wasn't right.

"Why?"

That was not the response she expected. Was he serious? His tone changed from the questionably dejected one from before. The statement seemed to amuse him. Of course it did, considering she wouldn't be given a choice in the matter. He certainly found the firmness of her answer entertaining. She felt a tinge of emotion, the first in almost a week, at his slightly upturned lip.

"Because I'm your fucking sister."

He chuckled, and pulled her arm, causing her to land on his lap. "Indeed you are. My  **fucking**  sister."

_I should have seen that coming._

She didn't voice those thoughts, knowing full well what his response would be. He reached under her skirt, drawing larger circles on her thigh, changing direction when his hand brushed her knee. She repeated her refusal. His reply that "Kanon already told me," didn't disturb her as much as it should have. Her brother's assistant appeared to know everything, in addition to being Schneizel's everything man. Let him take a load off for her.

These sexual innuendos were getting ridiculous. She never used to think like this before her captivity. Then again, it was because that was her sole purpose in life now. Lelouch was reduced to breeding stock. The tinge of emotion turned into a spark. She grabbed his wrist, stilling his hand as it brushed up against her boy short panties.

"That's not what I meant. I'm your sister. I can't have your child."

"Half-sister," he corrected.

Her glare made him laugh again. He was mocking her. He was mocking her over something that made perfect sense. Why was it so damn funny? Her attempt to get off his lap was foiled by large arms wrapping around her waist. It wasn't a request, and yet he had the power to deny. She hated him. She hated him more than the easy access her loose fitting empire waist dress provided.

He caressed her stomach, obviously imagining it no longer lean. "Neither of us have any recessive genes that would cause abnormalities. The blood work came back compatible. Our children won't be any worse for wear. In fact." He paused, leaving a trail of kisses up her neck to speak into her ear. His breath tickled. He knew all her weaknesses. "I'd say our kinship is an advantage, my fucking sister."

"I hate you."

"That won't keep you from being an excellent mother."

Now it was her turn to laugh, except the emotion behind it was the opposite of his. Schneizel laughed because he enjoyed it. She laughed because of the cruel irony of things. Then again, Marianne Vi Britannia, her mother, was amazing. She was an excellent mother despite, or maybe because of, her fierce reputation. The woman would kill for her or Nunnally. Before she was murdered, that is.

"Schneizel." She reprimanded.

He kissed her. Lelouch was shocked that it was only a peck. The only times he ever locked lips was when it was indeed locking lips. Long sessions of tongues dueling before and during sex when he would coax her to respond. Not like this.

"At least two. I always wanted a full blooded sibling."

That sent her over the edge. How dare he say that when he kept her from her own sister? Nunnally believed her dead because of him. Lelouch's palm hit his face without forethought. She was so angry, she couldn't think. The loud slap echoed throughout the efficiency apartment. Her heart rate and breathing quickened at the mistake.

"You hit me." He stated the obvious, jaw tense. His hand stopped rubbing her belly. "Why?"

She closed her eyes, bringing her shaking hand down. "Nunnally." That one word said it all.

He sighed.

"I'll do what I can."

"You claim to be at the climax of when you can hold the world in the palm of your hands with Damocles, and yet you can't figure out how I can see my little sister? You choose not to, Schneizel."

She could attempt to be apathetic towards anything sans Nunnally. Nunnally was her everything, but not like how Kanon played that role for her brother. Schneizel wiped away the single tear that trailed from underneath her eye path once it became visible. Putting his cheek on top of her head he murmured, "Soon." The last time he fulfilled that promise to her, she tried to kill him.

* * *

The move to Damocles felt rushed and forced to Lelouch. Much like a caged animal, the transfer to a different territory was met with trepidation. She never agreed with that chapter of 'The Life of Pi' until that moment. The realization that the confined space was thought of as a home made her feel sick. She had nowhere else to call home though. Coping mechanisms had to be put in place to preserve what was left of her sanity. She would go insane if she thought of the reality of her situation. Pragmatism certainly was the wrong word to describe her mindset. That went against the basic tenants of that viewpoint.

The instability of her mind went beyond a school of philosophy.

Her new room was even more grandeur than the apartment on the Avalon. The 3000m Flying Fortress had amble space, and yet having a whole level dedicated to herself seemed excessive. She was still a caged animal, just with an upgraded prison. Never would she forget that again, even if that prison became her home due to prolonged exposure. She couldn't let herself get comfortable.

Suzaku left the moment she walked off the elevator. He didn't even bother to leave the box himself. The solid metal doors shut so fast; he had to be pushing the button with facing arrows before her ballerina flat wearing feet were fully out of the space. If it weren't for the sensors, he would have crushed her with steel. He undoubtedly would have liked that.

She glanced at the control pad before turning away. It didn't matter if she could get out or not. There was nowhere to go. She escaped her apartment on the Avalon multiple times a day with no avail. It was better to be a pet than alone on the streets with nothing but the clothes on her back. If such a thing as a real escape, not just the ability to open the door, was possible in the first place.

How such a garden could exist completely indoors was a mystery. Theoretically it was possible, but so was catching rabbits in a hole made with a stick [1]. She forced the association of the overwhelming smell of roses, with the rose soap she used to rub herself raw out of her mind. This place couldn't be ruined by such flashbacks. It might be a prison, but it was marvelous. Her only point of contention was that all the roses were white.

_I should paint them red._

She laughed at the thought, a sound of insanity that did not chime, and began to hum the Alice in Wonderland tune. The garden reminded her of the queen of hearts actually. It was better to be reminded of that than the Aires Villa. Both were chock-full of topiaries, however, her childhood home wasn't covered in white roses. They were as similar as her eye patch was to her Zero helmet: enough to cause a stir that didn't linger. The layout brought sense of nostalgia that made the space comforting without stifling her. It was made for her. That probably wasn't true. It just felt that way. She didn't need to stop to smell the roses, and walked down the pebbled path towards the intricately framed French doors.

Everything was ornate. From the door handles to the bedposts, the amount of detail was exquisite. Her new cage was nothing like the modern, trendy style of the last one. It was whimsical, a hybrid between Victorian and Arthurian architecture because it was unlikely such things existed in the Middle Ages. Although, she wasn't thinking of Royalty when she made that assessment. The Pendragon of that time might have looked like this.

There was no reason to be surprised to find the armoire filled with clothing. That was the furniture's function. Still, something so simple as to be able to pick out her own clothing seemed profound. They weren't going to be left on the counter by Kanon anymore. She opened the other side to see a stark contrast to the left. Crisp white shirts and slacks contrasted her black floor length dresses. The only similarity was the purple; it was the same shade for both her and Schneizel.

She dug through the drawers of the matching dresser, finding the usual staples. The one neighboring her brother's underwear drawer contained velvet slots of equally intricate necklaces and bracelets. Strangely, it seemed more predictable than to find her own underwear there. Some thing would still need to be requested. Kanon was going to have more knowledge of Lelouch's monthly cycle than her gynecologist.

What shocked her more than the availability of clothes itself were the neatly folded layers in the bottom shelf. She stared down at the golden khaki blazer and black skirt with wide eyes. Her hands shook as she gingerly lifted the green tie. The broach with the school emblem was missing (Schneizel seemed to learn his lesson with small points). It didn't matter. It was still her Ashford Academy uniform.

That felt like so long ago. Lelouch was skilled at picking up personas. She had many faces; Lelouch Vi Britannia, who officially died eight years ago. Zero died last month. Lelouch Lamperouge was in hiding, locked away. Funny, she thought that person was dead too, with just the shell remaining. Seeing her uniform brought her back to life. It seemed dreamlike.

She never undressed so quickly in her life. This was probably because Schneizel preferred her to wear things that are easy to remove. Her outfits were built around a long sleeveless dress, with usually only one accompaniment, a jacket of varying textiles. It was nothing like her uniform, which had so many parts. Lelouch felt like a child counting them out. There were two thigh high socks. One, two. One skirt. One cami top. One dress-shirt. One blazer. One tie. Seven. Seven items - Ah-ha-ha. She should not be imitating The Count from Sesame Street. The last time she watched that show Nunnally wasn't even born yet.

Her brother's deranged persona was contagious in some way. It made no sense, but neither did any other explanation. She closed her eyes, and fought the urge to count each button as she looped them. Her hands seemed to move in slow motion. It was the little things in life. How many times had she put on this uniform in haste, cursing the cumbersome nature of it? Now she savored it, and the scratchy mass-produced silk tie. It was so different than the silk ascot she wore as Zero, or the one that Schneizel wears.

She avoided looking in the mirror as she continued to explore the living space. If she looked at herself, she would see the eye patch glaring back. Just for one day, she wanted to pretend it wasn't there. That wasn't too much to ask, not really. She wanted to make believe that she was on a school trip with the student council. Milly, Rivalz, Shirley, Nina, Kallen, and even Suzaku were going to run through the door in any moment with Pizza Hut and cheap alcohol, not expensive scotch or wine. It would be something marketed towards teenagers, and taste terrible. You get what you pay for. They would drink it anyway, laughing about the disgusted face that Shirley makes with each shot. Nina would hide in the corner logging her scientific experiments by memory.

She would call Nunnally before she got too intoxicated that way her sister wouldn't worry about her under aged drinking. Milly was still the only one old enough to drink; gambling was bad enough. If only she knew all the illegal activities that Lelouch participated in, and organized.

Her fantasy didn't last nearly long enough. It would never have satisfied her because it wasn't reality. Playing pretend wouldn't change anything. The hands that grabbed onto her hips seemed wrong, regardless. Reality left a sour taste in her mouth and an ache in her heart. She would rather be apathetic. She would rather live in a fantasy world.

Schneizel pressed against her back, biting at her ear. The exposed air was never this noticeable in long skirts. She whimpered when he mumbled that he never found "commoner activities so attractive." That's right, she was checking the cabinets for the off chance that the cherry stained woodwork was more than just decorative. Her urge to prepare food had nothing to do with hunger. She missed cooking. When she first found love during her exile, in the Kururugi storehouse, she found it oddly comforting. Chess was a way to stimulate her mind, and cooking allowed her to zone out.

"Brother. Stop."

His hands were sullying her uniform. She didn't want him to taint it with his touch. It symbolized too much, and was too precious. It reminded her that she was still Lelouch Lamperouge, the mundane identity she cherished. When it was her only existence, it was boring, and a living death. Becoming Zero made it precious. Having somewhere to come home to **, a real home** , with friends and family that loved her was a precious thing. When it was all said and done, she wanted to return to Ashford Academy with her friend, Kallen. The honor guard deserved somewhere to call home.

"No."

His voice was light and heavy at the same time. It was heavy with desire, and light because she, apparently, was fun again. He liked it when she denied him. She remembered his wording when she last wore this uniform, when he first captured her. He called her an opponent. It was just another game he wanted to win. It was all a game with Schneizel.

She pushed his hands away when they reached under her short skirt. Her arguments fell on deaf ears. He was more than happy to point out the she did indeed want to have sex with vulgar words that she heard before. She didn't want to hear that she "was dripping wet" in her school uniform. He wouldn't allow her to change either.

"I like you dressed in this. That's why I saved it. You have no idea how hard it was to stop the day Kururugi brought you to me." He moaned, pinning her up against the counter.

Her wrists were once against held down. He didn't push in her pressure point. Schneizel didn't need to hurt her physically any longer to acquire submission. Her body quaked as his stroked her clit and found that spot. The scream was worse than the first time he pried it from her unwilling throat. That time it was muffled, and only Suzaku was watching. She felt the eyes of her classmates judging her sins even if they weren't present. He held her up with his intrusive hand when she couldn't stand. When he coaxed, he could force her into any position, even limp.

She hated him. He was taking everything from her. It wasn't satisfactory to merely rob her of her body; he wanted to rob her of her mind as well. Not even her fantasies were safe. He would break through that wall. Her brother wouldn't be satisfied until she was completely broken. He was crueler than the one who sired him.

"Please."

"I know."

He lifted her to the countertop, spreading her legs. She observed that the height was perfectly placed to his hips, and everything to made sense. Lelouch always wondered why there were kitchens when someone else always prepared their meals. Her penitentiary was built for his body. The fact that it resembled an apartment was a fetish.

She gripped his hair and nuzzled her face into his neck. The collar of his coat cupped the back of her head. This was the first time they had sex with clothes on. For some reason that felt more intimate than being naked. She wanted to remove his jacket and robes because they denoted who he was, just like her school uniform did for her. She was never so vulnerable as that moment. Even tied to the chair, she had more self-respect.

At least then she wasn't seeking comfort from her tormentor.

She cried when she came. The pulsating of his penis sent shivers throughout her whole body. She could feel the astonishment radiating off his body when she didn't push him off right away. Hot tears burned her face, comprised of every negative emotion she felt since her captivity and prior. Her hatred for him, for herself, even for her father sounded with each sob. Lelouch's frame convulsed and jerked as everything she once was, and could ever be faded away. She couldn't go back to the past, and had no control of the future. All that existed was the present moment.

The thousand-yard stare was different than the vacant eyes that were characteristic of her recently. Before her cup was just empty of all happiness. At that moment it was just empty of all contents. She didn't know if that was better or worse. It depended on what the future brought. What is the future? A wry smile tugged at her lips. Whatever it was, it wasn't her concern any longer.


	6. Denial and a Dissociative Disorder

Living with Schneizel, rather than just receiving scheduled visits, in addition to Lelouch's mental breakdown brought about an unprecedented change in their relationship. It was normal, or as normal as could be, given the situation. Her brother became doting. His touch was different. He seemed to always be touching her, and strangely she didn't mind as much as she should have. More often than not, these touches looked to be innocent gestures, like anything could be innocent with him. They were innocent comparatively.

When she lounged on the couch reading, he would walk over and lift her head to his lap. He would comb through her shiny hair with his fingers. Those fingers would trail down her neck, and stop at her collarbone. He would pause, waiting for permission to travel farther. If she didn't arch into his touch, he would turn back. Her hair would be the center of his attention, and he would be content with that. He would absently stroke it until she either fell asleep, or got up.

This only happened occasionally. The daily medication she scorned, would have done anything to be rid of, became an addiction. Her brother could make it so the only thing that existed was his touch. Everything else faded away during those moments. The only thing that existed was the two of them. She even forgot that she was in a gilded cage, and that she hated him. He would squeeze her breasts, often times to the point that bordered pain, but she would ask for it, guiding his hands back to them when they wandered. That was probably why her chest was sore and swollen. He had a tight grip.

Unlike on the Avalon, groceries appeared rather than already prepared food after the first episode. Lelouch blinked at the stack of cookbooks in addition to cookery utensils. The correlation between the arrival and her brother's comment regarding commoner activities being attractive was not lost on her. When she was in the kitchen he would wrap his arms around her waist, bending over to rest his chin on the top of her head. His fingers would brush against her stomach until she swatted them away. Ever since their conversation, when his desire to get her pregnant was finally voiced, she became annoyed when he touched her there. It was like he was willing his seed to take root with his gentle strokes.

Schneizel seemed to be doing his best to make her current cage unlike the last. Not only were the decorations completely different, so was her treatment. She hated him. Or rather, she should hate him. There was always an ulterior motive with him. She needed there to be some malicious reason for his care. That was why he was kind when he hurt her physically. He gave her back her school uniform so he could ruin it, and ruin her. He got her hopes up so he could crush them. He played with her like a yo-yo. She shouldn't take any of his actions at face value. She should continue to loathe him.

She realized the happy picture he painted was an attempt to void off her episodes. Fits where her lackluster eyes would shine with emotion. As much as her lack of emotion grated on him previously, the manifestation of it seemed to trouble him. It was the only time he refused to touch her. He would stand watch, running his hands through his blond hair until she calmed down. The one time he tried to touch her, she shrieked so loud he needed to cover her ears. It didn't stop for twenty minutes. She didn't remember. There was a high probability he was lying about this. It would explain why she lost her voice though.

Her proverbial cup was either empty or overflowing. There was no in moderation in contents. There was a chance that it wasn't truly empty. A sticky dark residue clung to the sides and bottom that was never visible before. Despite, or because of, the lack of other contents, the substance was overpowering. Not matter how hard he tried too fill it back up with orchestrated happiness, the fits would come back, and the cup would empty again. It was cracked, and there was no way he could fix it.

It was too much. Schneizel was smothering her in the apartment. The only place she could be free from him was in the garden. It was sacred ground. He would not disturb her there. Out of curiosity, she stayed out there all day, laying on the cast iron bench painted white, reading. He didn't beckon her, even after she missed lunch and dinner. The only thing he did was put a down cushion on it. There was no rain; the feathers wouldn't get ruined. It was marvelous.

Her fits never came when she was among the fountains and flowers, at least she didn't think so. It was just hearsay, she couldn't trust Schneizel as far as she could throw him. This, obviously, meant that she couldn't trust him at all. Lelouch wouldn't even be able to lift him off the ground. There was no reason for him to care either. He wanted to destroy her mind. If she were really crazy she would know. That awareness broke through her denial later that day when she found scratch marks in the ground, with dirt under her nails.

She ran back the apartment, and washed her hands, fearing her brother would see and take the garden away too. The evidence needed to be washed away as soon as possible. He came up behind her and kissed the back of her neck. She was shaking and speaking incoherently, her eyes were wide with madness, another fit was threatening to take over, or maybe it was the same one. She was in the eye of the storm. It was like a panic attack, except the onset was random and she didn't feel like she was drowning. Most importantly, the few times she had panic attacks previously, her senses became over stimulated. She could feel everything, and every negative result of her plans became conspicuously clear. Her careful calculations meant nothing when the numbers were skewed due to heightened anxiety. That's why she went to Suzaku to save Nunnally; the conclusions she came to during her panic after seeing the Emperor made her freak.

This was the opposite. Lelouch couldn't feel anything. She didn't know what was going on.

Her senses dulled, and yet everything was so vibrant. The bathroom was nothing more than a mass of shapes that she couldn't name. The raven facet shined like her hair. The water flowing out of it shimmered so pretty. It captivated her, holding her steady in a way that only her brother could. It was like she was seeing them for the first time; she didn't know what they were. Shapes and movement. Yet, there was stillness in that movement. The flow of the liquid was consistent. It reminded her of a spinning top. Then again, she couldn't remember what these things were. Those observations were made in hindsight. She pulled her hands away, feeling she would be drawn in too deep if she continued to stare.

Lelouch's body became impossibly light, like she was floating, being pulled upward and to the left. The only things keeping her on the ground were her breasts that continued to be sore and heavy. Without that ache, she was certain she would float away to another realm. Her body would lie limp on the ground, and not like the limpness after Schneizel caused her body to quake. It would be a shedding of skin. She wasn't certain if that was beautiful or frightening. Humans are always afraid of the unknown more than the known. Then the trajectories of events were imaginary. Nothing was more terrifying than what lived in the corners of the mind.

The words spilling from her red lips made no sense. She tried speaking Japanese to see if that would help; it didn't. Schneizel didn't seem to know what she was saying, but neither did she. Maybe she wasn't speaking Japanese. She certainly wasn't speaking English. Her distorted vision got smaller, if that makes any sense. The room was all that existed, and the fabric of reality was shrinking around her. She clawed at her eye patch that could never be removed. Her mind was screaming that it made no difference. It wasn't her vision that was a stumbling block. Her cognation was causing the colors, shapes, and sounds to be incomprehensible. Funny, she could understand the words in her head and not outside of it.

Lelouch couldn't remember where she was anymore or why. The details of her own identity were out of reach too. All she knew was that she was dying. She didn't want to die, that would be too tragic. Was not knowing who you were the same as death? What happened to the 'her' from before? She didn't know what was going on where she was, who she was, or whom she was with. All she knew was that her body tingled like when a limb fell asleep. That sensation was everywhere. At least the voices in her head were gone. Still, she couldn't stop shaking. She was being disassembled. It was frightening and peaceful at the same time. It would be peaceful if she weren't alone.

He backed away, running his fingers through his hair, his face distorted with worry. She whined, chasing after him. She didn't want to be alone. She needed to be touched. When it became evident that his presence wouldn't make it worse, he held her, filling up a bath. He stripped them both down and helped her into the warm water. She curled up in the fetal position, hugging her knees to her sore chest, vaguely acknowledging anything other his fingers rubbing the psychosis out of her, like a muscle knot. He massaged her neck with one hand, and her calves with the other. They were the only parts he could access. He cooed into her ear, telling her it would be ok. At least, that's what she thought he was saying. His words made even less sense than her own. Her trembling slowed down at his humming and hands.

Schneizel didn't take the garden away. The only thing that changed was that he started working from his home office, rather than leaving. He scheduled his meeting for when she was asleep. Kanon, who previously was a ghost, stayed around when dropping off books, groceries, or other necessities. He would chat with her brother and sometimes her. He told her of Nina' s experiments, offering to tell the teenager of Lelouch's survival. Maybe if she explained what happened with Euphemia, they could be friends again. She didn't ask him to expound on the meaning of his suggestion. There was no way he could know it was all a mistake, that she was walking through a tunnel hoping the end was closer than the beginning. No one knew that besides C.C. She would never tell that to anyone other than the witch. No one could sympathize with her despair, and she didn't deserve it either. It was her cross to bear.

He didn't suggest she talk to Suzaku. Her ex was mysteriously absent. It was probably because she made no attempt to escape from her cage. Since the day she entered the prison, she never wandered near the exit. Her ballerina flats only touched the tile at the end of the pebbled path on arrival. His additions to her library ceased to come also. He gave up on her.

Outside of her fits, Lelouch was perfectly functioning. Her brainpower remained prodigal. She was evenly matched with Schneizel in chess. His constant two move advantage was gone. Now it was anybody's game, with the victories split practically 50/50. It was as if she were a ying yang. The drunker she got on insanity, the more sober she was outside of her episodes. It might be the reverse. Sometimes she felt completely sober, more than ever, when she was incoherent to the world. She never travelled to the dots. The ones that would bring equilibrium were out of reach.

Lelouch continued to hide in the garden even though the air was beginning to become too profuse. She would cover her nose when the scent of roses became overwhelming. Whenever Lelouch thought she was accustomed to it, the smell would get stronger, sometimes to the point of being nauseatingly sweet. She lied and said that was what brought her back into the living space. It wasn't that she desired his touch outside of her fits.

The sickness of her mind was doing strange things to her body, making a pressure in her lower abdomen that only went away with sex, and only for a little while. It made perfect sense. The reason she wanted his touch. It wasn't because her rational mind wanted it. The thought that she was pregnant was too far fetched. She couldn't be pregnant. She was just insane. The truth that the two were not mutually exclusive was irrelevant. It was too soon.

People tried for months, or years, to have a baby with no results. It was too soon. She couldn't be that unlucky. Schneizel would think he was lucky. The amount of times they fucked made no difference, medically speaking. There were at least a dozen other explanations. She theorized them when she wasn't reading, playing chess, having sex, or absent from the world through her hysterics. There wasn't much else to do outside of those activities. Possibly it was that limitation that was driving her batty. She just needed something to do.

That was what she told C.C. another lifetime ago. She lied and said she became Zero because "it gave her something to do." Maybe she should ask Kanon for some art supplies. If she couldn't create a new world in the three-dimensional plane, she might as well do so on a two dimensional one. She thought about using Schneizel's computer to peek outside the bars of her cage. The passcode would be easy to crack. That thought didn't linger. She didn't want news from outside her penitentiary. It would ruin the serene wonderland that her brother created. Ignorance was bliss.

She laughed, clutching at the rose in her hand, unaware of the thorns was breaking her skin. The stinging sensation couldn't break her hysterics. That barrier was much thicker than an external organ. It was filled with alternating pitches that were not at all melodious. Her laughs sent her brother into a cold sweat, unlike the one time he heard her giggle during sex.

The rose was red. Lelouch's smile was serene like her surroundings as she stroked the soft petals.  _I'm afraid of you_. Schneizel's words rang in her ears. There was no reason to fear her. She was helpless, docile, and abating. She wasn't violent during her fits; she would curl up into a ball. Outside of them she was extremely pleasant and tranquil.

"Lulu. Dearest Sister."

His voice was pained, as If were the one that was bleeding. Schneizel knelt down next to her and took her small hand in his larger one. It was small, and long, a pianist's hand. It could also be describe as lanky. Her hands were lanky like the rest of her. God was unoriginal in her creation. She flinched as the pungent witch hazel assaults her nose and her skin. Schneizel carried a ghost smile as he cleaned her wounds. He found it funny that the thorns didn't bother her, but the cleaning agent did. The bandages were as soft as his hesitant touch.

The Prince of Thorns. She hated Suzaku for bringing her that book. Not even four chapters were read before it was hurled at the wall. That's what he thought of her: a monster. He thought she was the incarnation of evil. What did he know? She knew it was him, and not Kanon, who put it on the couch. Kanon used to leave books on the dinette. Suzaku stopped leaving her books once she moved to the Democles.

Her brother's feather light touch on her cheek brought Lelouch back to reality. It reminded her of the day they met again. Was it really only a few months ago? Time seemed to stop. She was living in an accumulation of 'nows.' The physics and philosophy books she enjoyed lately only backed up that theory. The past and future exist only in the mind. Reality is the present moment.

She moved closer to him, vaguely aware that she should be pulling away. That wasn't what she wanted. That might be what she should do, but it wasn't what she desired. Her face was so close to his that she could feel his hot breath tickling her nose. Her lips brushed his, holding him in an almost kiss as she combed her fingers through his thick hair like he did for her. He closed his eyes.

"I feel the same for you." She whispered, bridging the millimeter gap between their lips. The reference was not lost on him.

He sucked in air through his nostrils as she deepened the kiss. His mouth tasted sweet, like roses, or maybe the smell was so strong she was beginning to taste it. He moaned when she sucked on his lower lip. Just because Lelouch never initiated, or acted on any of his weaknesses didn't mean she ha no idea what they were. She fumbled with the buckles of his pants, swatting his hands away when he attempted to assist.

She didn't bother to lead up to the act. At another time she would stroke him, draw pleas out of his lips. When she wasn't selfish she would do more than bunch her skirt up around her hips and ride him. Schneizel had to keep his hands planted on the soft grass to maintain his balance. He couldn't touch her. She liked that. It gave her control, something she forgot could exist with him.

The pure, serene environment of the garden was sullied with their union, and not just because they were clothed. Lelouch relished his amethyst robes; they matched the gemstones on her eye patch, and the lace on her jacket. He was the White King, and for the first time in an excessively long time, she felt like the Black one. The contrast in their clothing only heightened that sense of awareness.

She pushed down his jacket, finding the way it cupped the back of her head annoying. He must have just gotten back from a meeting since he usually only wore a dress shirt and slacks at home. It bunched at his wrists, like ties. He moaned as she sucked at the sensitive spot behind his ear that she loved. He loved it too apparently. They had more in common than kinship, or the color purple apparently.

Maybe it was the lack of foreplay that made their union over too soon. She whined when his shaft pulsated within her, grinding down on him to force her own orgasm. She was greedy; it wasn't her first one. She supposed that was another thing that left him at a disadvantage.

"My God, Lulu."

Hearing her name from his lips didn't bother her. She asked him to repeat it again, and again. It was so sweet. He pushed forward, releasing his arms from the binding of his jacket. Schneizel hooked a loc of her hair; now almost shoulder length, behind her ear. Her eyes sparkled. She always found that gesture the most romantic.

"I have to leave in a few days. I'm sorry. There is a political conference with the UFN to signs treaty with the Holy Britannian Empire. Now that the Democles is almost functional, I suggested we end the war through diplomacy, rather than violence. They are no match for me."

"You always took to big stick ideology."

He looked like he wanted to say something vulgar. Whatever it was, it died in his throat. Her brother might be ten years her senior, but his sense if humor was the same as a teenager. Rumor has it boys mature slower than girls. That would explain why Suzaku was always such an idiot.

"And Father agrees with this?" She liked the way he shivered when she trailed her fingers down his chest. It wasn't out of fear or loathing. It reminded her of how her own body tingled after sex. She would have to do it again sometime when his skin was exposed. She predicted it would make his breath hitch. "That seems unlikely."

"I took you advice, and brought the contents of Code-R before him. He knew about it already, of course, but it opened a dialog about geass and the Sword of Akasha.

"He didn't tell me all the details. It's a weapon to destroy God. That's all I know. If it doesn't work, he will die. Then the throne is mine. Either way, he doesn't want to be bothered with trivial matters of the Empire."

She got up from his lap, and began to pace. The sticky substance didn't bother he as much as usual. That was because it leaked onto her brother's pants. A smile tugged on her red lips. She liked that. Lelouch stopped in her tracks, realizing that he was vile too. She already knew that he was sadistic, cruel, and deranged. The fact that he equally shared in their incest never crossed her mind. Maybe because he was always in control, forcing that sin in her. No. He never blamed her; he was responsible for his own actions. He never said those action were her fault. It's possible the oversight was because the guilt and shame of her reaction, her desire, prevented that observation.

"Why now?"

"You are out of the picture."

"You flatter me, Brother. But why are you telling me now?"

"I don't want to leave you."

It was a white lie. She didn't doubt that he felt uncomfortable leaving her alone, considering she curled up in a ball, dead to the world, for hours a day, several times a week. He couldn't predict them either. She knew he was charting her actions to find a pattern. There was none. She was making note of them too. Still, he was hiding something from her.

"Then don't." His eyebrows furrowed at the suggestion. Unlike her, he had a life and responsibilities outside the 32nd level of the Democles. "Take me with you."

"I will think about it." He replied after a long pause.

She fell asleep to him playing with her hair, and rubbing her back. There wasn't an episode that night, which meant there would be one within the next day or two. They were predictable in the sense that they were impending. Nothing would stop them. The only thing he could do was help her through them, something she didn't even notice until she came back to from wherever she went. Sometimes she remembered them. Sometimes she didn't. It was dependent on the severity.

A terrible lurching forced her out of the bed. Lelouch wanted to lie under the covers longer, but she didn't want to vomit on the floor next to it. Not again. The reminisce made the sour taste in her mouth worse. She was surprised when Schneizel only glanced at her bowing down to the porcelain god, ran his hand through his hair, and left. It would have seemed more characteristic for him to rub her back. When she started seeing him as kind, rather than cruel was a mystery. It was probably when she started going insane.

He came back a few minutes later, and did indeed rub her back, wiping away the hot tears that trailed down her cheeks. She hated puking. Then again, who likes it? An insane person. That thought forced another one of her frightening laughs out of her burning throat. Her brother's hand stilled and trembled; she didn't notice. He stayed silent for a while, unmoving, after she stopped.

"Get out. I need to pee." She said, voice hoarse.

"Little Sister." He paused and picked up an oblong white cardboard box off the floor. "It's time you finally use this." He held the offending object out to her.

"I'm not pregnant. There's no need to take a pregnancy test."

She could tell he was fighting a smile at the way the side of his mouth quirked. "Then humor me. Please. What difference will it make if it's negative?"

She rolled her eyes and shooed him out of the room. He was right. There was no reason to avoid it if it was just going to be a single pink line.

Time truly was not finite considering those two minutes were an eternity. It was like she was caught in Rolo's geass. She was frozen in place. The accumulation of seconds passed at a surreal rate. She refused to look at the stick until she counted to 120. What if she read it wrong? She scoffed, thinking that she could accomplish so much, and yet felt incapable of counting to two.

She obviously was incapable because she found two lines glaring back at her.  _One. Two. One. Two. One. Two._  The number never changed. The amount of times she counted them was inconsequential. It would never become one, or even three - the test didn't have a spot for a third line.

She noticed Schneizel's arms wrap around her waist, his hands caressing her stomach. This time she didn't swat them away. She was going to have a child. She was going to be a mother. Schneizel, her brother, was the father of the baby growing inside her.


	7. Mad World: The Birth of Lulu El Britannia

She hated him. How dare he judge her with his vacant emerald eyes? Suzaku watched her like a hawk; his eyes never left her lithe form. Lelouch would have rather stayed aboard the Damocles. Her brother could have argued a reason to keep it close during the negotiations, rather than the agreed upon distance, which was too far to make house calls. Then she wouldn't have to be shadowed by her ex lover, who thought she was a monster. Like everything else in her life, release from her penitentiary was a met with mixed emotions. What did he know? He never attempted to understand her despair. Then again, she never tried to understand him either. She pushed him away because she thought it would be easier. Life was always more complicated than that.

Schneizel's reason for leaving her in the care of Suzaku rather than Gino was logical. Anya was out of the question, not because she was a petite middle school girl, but because she was mysteriously absent. He was only bringing two Knights of the Round. Either Schneizel was confident in the negotiations going without a hitch, or he was keeping more secrets from her. There was also the little detail that he could nuke the whole assembly if he wanted. Funny, she never cared when she felt she had no control. Lies and deception aside, Suzaku knew who she was, and knew her situation. She couldn't tell if her brother's actions were rooted in kindness or cruelty. Lelouch knew from experience that an enigma where both branches fed that fruit existed.

He insisted he had nothing to do with the location. It was a gesture of good faith to go into the lion's den. After the death of Zero, and the announcement that Schneizel was developing a weapon of mass destruction, the Black Knights mostly operated in cell group. The place wouldn't be swarming with her old subordinates. That didn't change the fact that she was transcending time. She was being transferred from a world of now, to a world that was her past, and would have been her future if only things were different. The location the UFN chose for negotiations was Penglai Island, also known as Horai Island.

The event was to last for two to three days. One for Schneizel's proposal before the assembly of representatives, one for vote, and assuming everything went swimmingly, and one to celebrate a world without war. As much as he didn't want to bring her back to her old stomping grounds, he couldn't leave her alone on the Damocles.

That became evident when she had an episode with only Kanon present. Her brother was away, off the Flying Fortress. Kanon's touch did not comfort her. All he managed to do was keep her from hurting herself. Instead of helping, his light touch on her shoulder sent her into a panic. It made her feel more alone, if such a thing was possible. She began sobbing and talking about things he didn't want to repeat to her. He said it was just incoherent babble, and she believed him. She didn't want to think that her jumbled up words were actually a confession of sins and secrets.

She still curled up into the fetal position, but it didn't feel serene. Lelouch didn't leave her body with tranquility. She clawed at the eye patch and her arms. When he tried to stop her, she would shriek, as if his hands burned. She didn't remember any of this. She knew he wasn't lying because her head hurt, and there were marks on her previously flawless skin. Plus Kanon didn't seem like the person to lie about such things. He wasn't an interlocking web of cruelty and kindness. He was just kind.

In a contradictory way it made sense. Her brother started it all. He was the one who was there when she first fell apart. When he fucked her on the counter in her Ashford Uniform he did something to her that was more than getting her pregnant. He left her broken, and only he knew how the pieces fit back together.

Her state of unknowing lasted until Schneizel returned and coaxed her back to the present with his hands and humming. It wasn't good for her, and it wasn't good for the baby. He couldn't leave her on the Damocles. They were "his responsibility, and the result of his choices." Lelouch didn't like being thought of that way, but she didn't argue either. Arguing would only leave her alone, and not with him. She didn't want to calculate plans to make the gilded cage safe without him. Schneizel arrogantly added that was impossible.

The garden ceased being her hiding place. There was nothing left for her there. She agreed with her brother that antipsychotics wouldn't help either. There was something otherworldly about her fits. Even so, those would have had to wait until after the first trimester was over, and preferably the entire pregnancy. In spite of Schneizel's insistence that their relation was a good thing for the baby, she didn't want to take any chances. She didn't want to tip the scale by putting drugs in her body that could cause abnormalities. That was just testing fate.

She still struggled to believe it. There was a baby, her brother's baby, growing inside her womb. The day she found out she stared at those two pink lines until Schneizel pulled her away. He threw the stick in the trash like it was nothing, like its word was law. The comment that she "couldn't use geass to change it," was not amusing. He was unintentionally cruel.

So was the child. Even though all of her pregnancy related symptoms were normal, and not due to insanity, she still didn't appreciate them. He was already taking after his father. That shouldn't make her heart swell. She should think of it as an abomination, a parasite, something borne of filth. She shouldn't be guessing genders. Yet when the shock began to wear off, she couldn't bring herself to think that way.

The fetus was innocent, only nine weeks into gestation. It couldn't be blamed for the way it was created. It was the most innocent thing in existence, having no knowledge of good or evil. It was only the size of a cherry. She couldn't make herself hate it.

For all his talk, Schneizel didn't seem as happy as she expected. He carried a look of guilt, of hidden shame, when he didn't think she was watching. He ran his fingers through his hair. Something was bothering him. When prompted, he reverted back to his mask of excitement. He pulled her into his lap and opened up all the pregnancy information on his laptop.

She didn't push him away when he nuzzled her neck, pointing out that it already has a heartbeat, and they will be able to hear it on a sonogram. His actions made no sense. He was acting like they were going to be a happy family. She wanted them to be one. He was ever the contradiction, wearing as many masks as she had. A part of her didn't ever want to find out which one was the true Schneizel.

As much as she knew she should wish for a miscarriage, she couldn't. The thought was frightening. With all the deaths she caused, both with her words and by her hand, intentional and unintentional; she couldn't stand to think of anything happening to it. Her previous plan to end the pregnancy should one arise fell through. Lelouch never loved something so quickly and so much. She fell in love with two pink lines. It felt blasphemous to say that she loved those lines more than Nunnally.

Still, that just made her relationship with Schneizel more complicated. She should hate him and everything he did to her. That man deserved a death worse than their father (when a way to kill the Emperor was planned.) Schneizel's happy fantasyland on the Damocles couldn't change that. However, he was the father of her child and, presumably, the only person who could pull her out of an episode. He took care of her. Lelouch hated the way she needed him - he was her lifeline. The ruins of her pride prevented her from arguing that she should be with him during the negotiations. What if she had an episode in the middle of it? She didn't want to experiment on what would happen in a room full of people, considering just being around Kanon "made the demon worse." She didn't ask him to explain what that meant. She didn't want to know.

Thankfully, she learned how to sense their coming within a half hour time frame. The feeling of being tugged to the left preceded all else, and then she became distracted by something as the world faded away around her. If she fought it, she could last a little while before she lost herself. That would be enough time to get her back to the guest suite, and get Schneizel. Her desire to have him there right away was pushed to the back burner. She was able to ride out enough of fits by herself in the garden. As long as no one else touched her, she should be fine.

That was probably why he chose Suzaku. It wasn't the teen's sympathy for her that made him a good caretaker it was the opposite. Her ex wouldn't mind seeing her suffer. He would probably relish in it. Someone else would probably feel compelled to do more than stand watch. Still, a fraction of the light left in his eyes disappeared when Schneizel pulled him aside to give the instructions. It didn't go to his hair. It just disappeared. Perhaps it went to Lelouch's hair as well. She seemed to glow.

Seeing Suzaku on the plane made her falter, and almost lose footing. She could barely recognize him. Lelouch would have rather seen his face contorted in rage than apathy. His eyes were dead. He was suffering through a living death. It should have made her feel happy to see him pained by his actions. He sold her out. Twice. It made no sense for her to sympathize. If she was going to develop Stockholm Syndrome it should be directed at Schneizel, not Suzaku. His nearly thousand-yard stare shouldn't bother her.

"Hey! You look familiar!" Gino beamed when Schneizel have permission for the Knights to stand at ease. Suzaku took opportunity to sulk in the corner and burrow holes in her back. Gino took it as an invitation to break past her bubble of personal space. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

She noticed Schneizel and Suzaku tense in her peripheral vision. The lounge space above the holding dock for the Knightmares (they weren't completely unarmed) and the cockpit was small enough that the Knight of Three's jovial voice travelled. Idiocy on Suzaku's part was expected. Schneizel, on the other hand, should have known the two went to school together. This only added to her theory that there was something wrong with him. She should be the one with pregnancy brain, and not him. Sympathetic pregnancies were not a real thing.

"Possibly. She is my wife, Lulu El Britannia." Schneizel responded.

"Wait. You got married?! I mean." Gino straightened his shoulders and back from being hunched over with shock. "I mean. Congratulations, your highness. I apologize for not knowing."

"Don't be." Lelouch smiled, finding it surprisingly easy to adopt a persona again. "He would have been more than content to keep me his dirty secret if not for a strange turn of events, right Dear?"

Her brother's fingers twitched. After being alone with him for over two months, she knew all his mannerisms. He was nervous. Letting her out on parole meant that he didn't have complete control any longer. He might have Suzaku and Kanon's undying loyalty, but maybe not Gino. The blond teen was the emperor's dog, and Lelouch had no idea if Schneizel was granted permission for his actions. The farther she got from the Damocles, the more she could alter the course of events. With the right words, she could turn Schneizel into a monster. They wouldn't be lies. That would get her nowhere. Admitting her identity and his transgressions would only take her out of his care, and into the Emperor's. Despite Kanon's charm and kindness, the man was undoubtedly dangerous also. Schneizel would have 2:1 against Gino.

"Not every event of the Royal Family needs to be a pompous affair. I prefer discretion regarding my personal life."

"I'm sure if Clovis were still alive, we wouldn't get such a luxury."

That was what started it all. If she never murdered their brother where would she be now? She would probably be at home, at Ashford Academy, with Nunnally writing up expense reports form the student council. She would still have the same last name. Suzaku would never have been accused of murder. It's possible she might not have even picked up the mantle of Zero.[1] She never would have found herself in this situation.

"I'm not so sure, Lulu, fate has an odd way of deciding things. One might say it throws a wrench in our plans."

A wry smile tugged at her lips. "I'm lucky to have your devotion." She stopped herself from adding brother at the last moment.

Gino looked positively bemused by the vague words. She could see his mind trying to figure out what they were talking about, because the conversation was clearly going over his head. She didn't try to hide it. Ever since the day she propositioned him in the garden, she realized didn't have to be centered under his thumb. Schneizel was predictable in the sense that he wouldn't jeopardize his hold on her, and that he was a man. Having the ability to reverse roles, no matter how fleeting, gave her a sense of satisfaction. Her brother might be the epitome of poise in the outside. He was squirming internally. She could tell by those subtle hand twitches. He was fighting the urge to run his fingers through his hair. Still, his words bothered her. They didn't give her the power play she hoped.

"If you will excuse me, your highness. Congratulations again on your marriage." Gino said with a formal bow.

It's been a while since someone called her that honorific outside of a geass command, or snark. Nine years and three hundred and twenty two days to be exact. The anniversary of her mother's death would be soon. This was first year she wouldn't spend it mourning with Nunnally. Even as Zero, she was determined to find a way to make it happen. She would have stolen Nunnally out of the Vicereine' s palace to keep that tradition. She absently brushed her fingers against her taught torso.  _I'm going to be a mother._  It still seemed so surreal.

"You shouldn't say things like that." Schneizel scolded, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind.

"Oh? I was just having a little fun with you. I thought you would like to play switch.[2]"

His breath hitched at the double meaning of her words. She could feel him tense against her back with one area more pronounced than the rest. It should make her feel vile, disgusting, and like a whore. His immediate response to her words shouldn't make her feel powerful. It shouldn't feel right. Her eyes wandered towards Suzaku, who was now joined by Gino.

She knew from her former schoolmate's personality he was gossiping about them to her ex. This was obvious because those emerald eyes became more penetrating. He was watching her the whole time, but now he wasn't doing as good of a job at hiding it. The last of the sparkle left them when Schneizel started nibbling on her neck, and caressing her stomach, uncaring about the public display of affection. How dare he judge her with those vacant emerald eyes, that thousand-yard stare? What did he know? He wasn't the one made to suffer.

* * *

Being back on Horai Island was both everything and nothing like she expected. The first verse of 'Mad World,' written by Roland Orzabal, and popularized by Gary Jules two decades after the fact, couldn't even do justice. Even Lelouch's prodigy mind couldn't figure out of she were the one who was mad or the world around her. Her episodes, where she left her body for another non-physical place, were making more of an impression than she first anticipated. Sometimes the lines between insane and sane were as blurred as love and loathe. The line was so thin, and she was walking it like a tight rope.

The smell of the sea assaulted her nose to the point where she could taste the salt water. The landing pad she used so many times previously felt new under her feet. Xingke and Kaguya, who greeted them immediately, looked to be familiar strangers. She knew them. Lelouch knew every detail of their previous meetings, even ones she was certain should have been forgotten. The little things that should have been missed, the way Kaguya' s pitch varied barely a note, or the way Xingke shifted his weight were upfront. She blinked several times when she saw the mist behind the mask. Not the masks of C' s world, with red carved into silver faces, or even the white ones that she somehow knew Shirley saw; the masks were their features. The skin was a shell making them separate in a world of lies.

Ohgi and the bustling crowd in the background were the same: Masks over mist connected by thick cords like a web. This wasn't how her episodes normally progressed. It was normally inanimate objects that stole her attention. She should have at least another twenty minutes left on her ticking time bomb too. Then again, the only person she's been with since these began was Schneizel. There was no one else to view as a hive of collected, interwoven minds experiencing reality individually.

She hated thinking that the words of her father were starting to make sense. She hated even more that she had to grab hold of Schneizel's hand to make it all go away. His apology spoke through her mind rather than words, and he turned his head away. He didn't want her to see his face or his mask.

Then it all stopped. The physical world came rushing back and the scene she witnessed was gone and forgotten. He wouldn't let her pull her hand away, saying "wait until you're completely back." She didn't know what he meant, and wasn't sure she really wanted to know either. There was always an ulterior motive with Schneizel; there were always secrets.

"Are you alright? You look sick." Kaguya asked, looking away from the one sided conversation she was trying to have with a non-responsive Suzaku.

"I'm fine." Lelouch lied. "I just need to walk around for a bit. Thank you for your concern, Kaguya, you always were a sweet girl."

Schneizel tensed.

The walk around the capital became much more normal as time progressed. This was what Lelouch expected. She saw her former stomping grounds through the lens of a stranger with intimate second hand knowledge of the surroundings. The people she passed never really knew her. They knew Zero, the Man of Miracles, the symbol of the rebellion. C.C., Kallen, Rolo, and Jeremiah only knew the woman behind it. None of whom were present.

Kallen was still locked up in Area 11 until after the negotiations, but the rest should be there. Even if the rest of the Black Knights believed her dead, the witch would know better, and Jeremiah and Rolo would believe her. Even if she lost her memories and was once again a slave girl, C.C. would seek her out. Lelouch knew. The spaced out military of the UFN seemed like a convenient excuse. Then again, none of those persons were loyal to the Black Knights. They were loyal to her.

Ignorance was not bliss. Lelouch cursed her previous mindset. Depression had caused her to not care about anything outside of her current situation. She was experiencing the consequences of that decision. Knowledge was power. Schneizel never took that power away from her. She willingly abandoned it. She fought one of her crazed laughs.

"Are you sure you are alright?" Schneizel asked, squeezing her hand when she didn't respond.

"I'm fine, really. I was just thinking about something funny. You probably wouldn't understand though."

Suzaku's eyes following her every movement continued to haunt her. Gino's comment that her and Schneizel "made a cute couple" made it worse. She wondered what he would say if he knew the disturbing details. That certainly wouldn't be his opinion. Their relationship was an abomination. Only the child was innocent.

She couldn't continue to be like this. Her mind raced with different possibilities that she dutifully ignored until that moment. She needed answers. Lelouch couldn't be the shell of a person she was the past two months if she wanted to be half the mother Marianne was to her. She couldn't leave Schneizel. He was all she had. She needed to draw the answers out of him. The secrets she didn't want to know, starting with his omissions the first day.

The guest suite was her quarters converted. When the door shut behind them, she didn't fight the laugh. She knew the space was practically soundproof. Whether she laughed at the preposterous plan or the location, she wasn't sure. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. It seemed fitting to be there, in the ruins of her kingdom.

"Xingke plans to force your hand."

"What?" Schneizel chuckled and sat down on the plush chair she always used rather than the couch.

These weren't the words he expected to hear. Lelouch sashayed towards his slightly trembling form.  _I'm afraid of you._  The words rang in her ears. That was one question she wouldn't need to ask. She knew why she was frightening.

"He's a tactician that can rival me. He knows you don't want to use the Damocles. He plans to force your hand tomorrow, and make you limit Father's, or rather yours by proxy, voting rights."

"I have no problem using it. What are a few million lives to being about peace?"

"Enough to make you a monster." She smiled and wrapped her arms around his shoulders front behind the high back chair. "You may or may not conquer the world that way. People value their freedom." She pushed the jacket off his shoulders and pulled up his robes. "In theory. But unlike gravity, not all theories are good."

"Oh?"

"Hmmm. Well," she drawled, unbuttoning his shirt. Her red lips brushed up against his ear. " Take me for example."

"What about you?"

Lelouch trailed her fingers down his chiseled chest, enjoying the way he sucked in breath. For someone with his experience, one would think he wouldn't be affected by such gestures. The again, it's the little things in life that make the difference. She played with the hem of his pants, nuzzling her head against his neck. The chains of her eye patch dangled again his collarbone.

"Don't be humble, dear. It's unbecoming. You hold me in the palm of your hand and I love it. I love you."

It was the first time she said those words to anyone other than Nunnally or Suzaku. Love. Loathe. It was all a blur, and a white lie. She would lie to anyone except Nunnally.

"I love you too."

Lelouch smiled. "I know. I love you, and I love the child growing within me who is half you. That's why I don't want you to become a monster. I want the world to see you as the White King, a visage of honor and mightiness. You held the word in your hands, could have taken it by force. Yet through words you brought about an era of peace."

"You flatter me, Sister."

Her role was sinful from his lips. She unbuckled his slacks. "Not as much as you deserve. Big stick theory and all." Schneizel loved lewd jokes.

"I will do what I have to." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before continuing, voice hoarse. A part of her feared he would swat her hand away. "I will use all that is available to me. Even weapons of mass destruction."

She pulled him from the chair to the bed like an eager schoolboy. The rest of his clothes were removed and she zipped down the back of her dress. Her heavy, swollen breasts made her lanky form look curvaceous. They grew impossibly quick, and were much larger than the last time he saw them. She crawled towards him from the foot of the bed, stopping only to lick the pre-cum off before straddling him. That would wait for another time. She couldn't talk and give head at once. Not efficiently.

"But you are forgetting one thing."

"What's that?" He croaked, arching into her touch. If nothing else, her previous denial made her enthusiasm more potent.

"Me."

His laugh was throaty.

"You're going to seduce the assembly?"

"Well," she dropped down, taking him all in. A gasp escaped her throat, both from the added sensitivity from her pregnancy, and the way he struggled to keep in a moan. "I would prefer not to. I only want you." She paused her speech, finding it harder to keep composure than she thought. Her inability to continue only added to her seduction. "I can make you ruler of the world without a drop of bloodshed. Zero is dead, and no one besides you, Kanon, and Kururugi know who I am. Take off my eye patch. Get the key. Use me."

Her evil, ironic laugh threatened to return. There was so much blood on her hands. She shouldn't be suggesting he avoid it.

" Kururugi has it."

She stopped. Her flushed skin became chilled. Suzaku. He sold her to her father, then her brother, and held the key to her prison. Schneizel's hands left her breasts to rub circles down her spine. She needed to keep going.

"I'll think about it."

Damnit! She didn't want him to think about it. The answer was clear. He would deny her, and use the Damocles in fear that she would turn on him. She fought the urge to push off of him. He would deny her that too. The power she felt using what was once thought of as her weakness faded.

The again, the last time he said those words; she was set free of her birdcage.


	8. Suzaku's Sympathy and Schneizel's Spur

The following episode was the worst yet. It gave no warning, no time to prepare. The feeling was more intense. Schneizel's actions the day before put a lid on the top of the cup that was Lelouch's fragile state. Without a vent, Lelouch's sanity shot out of her like champagne being opened.

It was because he prevented her episode when she got off the plane. It made no sense. There was no way to prevent them. They simply existed within her, and outside her control. At the same time it made perfect sense. Schneizel was always in control. Even when she felt powerful it was because she was attempting to manipulate him. She was grasping at straws, holding on to an idea that she could coax him like he did her. It didn't matter if he held all the cards so long as she could whisper in his ear and tell him which ones to play. It was unfortunate he wasn't there.

Schneizel left while she was sleeping. Lelouch got in the habit of waking in odd intervals when time didn't exist. On the Damocles morning, noon, and night were just words. A turn of a dial in the garden, which so happened to be constructed to look like a sundial, could alter her surroundings. Schneizel didn't seem to mind so she made days pass by her will. When she was tired, the illusionary sun would set, and when she was alert it rose. Sometimes she liked to keep it in transition for hours, staring at the LED light created dusk. No wonder she didn't realize her period was late.

In Zero's old quarters, the guest suite, the only way to alter time was to turn off the lights, or close the blackout curtains that looked out to the sea. Lelouch did both before crawling into bed and Schneizel's arms only to wake up alone and with the curtains drawn back. That was a lie. Vacant emerald eyes gazed at her as she groaned and stretched, cracking her neck in the process. She just didn't notice him sitting in the chair immediately upon waking.

"What are you doing in here?" Lelouch asked, pulling the sheets up over her chest. The last time Suzaku saw her naked, she was pink skinned and bruised. A zombie. One of those was still true. She didn't think a blush could still be brought to her high cheekbones after all the things that her brother had done. "Get out."

"I'm supposed to watch you." His voice matched his eyes.

"I doubt this is what Schneizel meant."

"It would be insulting if I stood guard outside your room."

She wanted to add that it wasn't what  **she**  meant, but the words died in her throat. Her brother liked to dangle her in front of Suzaku like the gemstones on her eye patch. The last two months notwithstanding, it didn't seem to out of character to have him there when she woke up. Lelouch stopped sleeping in nightgowns a long time ago. One could argue she never did, considering those personas were dead.

There was always an ulterior motive with Schneizel. No action was without intent.

"Whatever. I'm taking a shower. Don't follow me in there."

"Yes, your highness."

For having no emotions, Suzaku could still manage snark perfectly. She wished that he would roll his eyes at her like he used to do. Whenever he would say that in the past, he would roll his eyes and then steal her nose, laughing. She wanted to see his eyes sparkle, and not how hers were with tears.  _Stupid hormones._  Not only was she sore, tired, nauseous, but also cried at the tip of a hat over the stupidest things. It was stupid to cry about the past. It would never change. The person she loved was dead, and only the shell of a body remained.

Wrapping the sheets around her frame, she walked from the bed to the adjoined bathroom, shivering from the cold floors on her bare feet. Unlike Suzaku, who was dressed in full Knight of the Round attire, she was vulnerable to the change in temperature. She was just felt vulnerable. It wasn't the cold. Her ex didn't take his eyes off her as she passed. His eyes bore into her exposed upper back. Funny that she felt powerful with Schneizel and meek with Suzaku. It wasn't just because he held the key either.

Lelouch barely made it into the bathroom when her body began to tingle. She hissed, knowing full well what that meant. An episode was coming. She was going to have one with Suzaku around because she wasn't vulnerable enough already. He would probably like that. He was probably going to relish seeing her insane.

Lukewarm water droplets foiled her attempt to shower and dress before she left her body. It didn't take long for the assault on her skin to send her into frenzy. Her composure was washed away along with the sweat of the previous night. She stumbled out of the shower, knocking over the shelf of toiletries in the process.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

The world came crashing down around her. Her large master bath was stifling. Swirls of colors and lights mixed with the vibrant hues of the chrome she was clutching. Suzaku's presence in the doorway made a cord appear in her chest, attaching her to him. She clawed at it, but her hands went right through like the big, ugly dark red cord didn't exist. Her eye patch was next. For some reason she felt that would make it all go away, or at least give her the ability to cut the cord, rather than have things pass through it.

He grabbed her wrists when she reached Schneizel's old-fashioned razor. He wasn't supposed to touch her. Lelouch shrieked and shrunk away, feeling his hatred penetrating her being.

_You are the incarnation of evil. I hate you. I'm no better than you. All you say are lies. I can't touch you. I can't reach you. You are the incarnation of evil. All you say are lies._

The thoughts swarmed around her mind like angry bees, stinging her eyes. No, those were the tears. She cried and shook, speaking words that made no sense. His eyes went wide and he backed away. He heard him deny her over and over again. She didn't understand, considering she wasn't asking for anything. Despite his features being opaque over mist, she could see that he was crying also.

Jerking on the floor, Lelouch ceased to be Zero, Lelouch Vi Britannia, Lamperouge, or Lulu El Britiannia. She was just in pain. Schneizel's assessment that Suzaku wouldn't care was wrong. Her lithe form called out to him to free her from her shackle, and make it stop. With her shoulder length raven hair falling before her face, covering the eye patch, it was easy forget it was there. Her naked form denoted her lack of a role even more. The only indication of her identity was her words. As she begged for him to help her, not let her body be taken over, she told him Euphy was a mistake. He didn't want to know. His back was already carrying more weight than it could handle. His cross was already so heavy. He didn't want to hear that everything was all a misunderstanding. There was nothing he could do about it. Schneizel said if he touched her, "it would make it worse." He watched as she clawed at the eye patch again, begging for release.

Suzaku felt the weight of the chain around his neck and the key attached to it. The key was ornate, reminding him of some something borne of complications. The fact that the item hung over his heart was not lost on him. Either intentional or not, he felt the cold metal every day of the past three months. It was his cross to bear. It was his atonement for his actions, and his choice.

The minute and a half it took for her to curl up into the fetal position was too much for him to handle. His knuckles were white he clutched the key so hard. Schneizel said not to touch her. He said not to take it off; it would only make things worse for her. He wanted to relish in her suffering. He wanted to hate her. Those feelings dissipated over the past two months. Actually all feelings disappeared. He didn't think he could feel anything until he saw her again. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Lulu always loved Robin Hood. He should hate her. He shouldn't be shaking and crying with her.

"Lulu." He whispered, crouching down behind her back. "I'm sorry."

It didn't matter because they were alone. It didn't matter because she wouldn't know. It didn't matter because he was immune.

If only for a little bit, he wanted to let her be free. Suzaku gently brushed the hair away with his fingertips, pulling the chain off his neck. "I'm sorry, Lulu." He repeated, turning the key in the lock, falling on the floor the same time as the gothic inspired material. He touched her skin after she had already crossed the threshold.

He was in the white world, the world he traversed in Narita. Suzaku looked around his new environment even though he knew he wouldn't find anything. You didn't find things in the white world. They found you.

Still, he started to walk. A light mist began to collect at his feet, swirling around his ankles with each stride. He vaguely acknowledged that if it were tightly packed together it would be dark lavender like Lulu's eyes. He didn't know how long he walked, a minute or a million years; it made no difference here. He would forget when he left too. Just like at Nartia.

The mist got thicker the farther he travelled to the point that it was hard to see. Suzaku expected the moisture to be cold, but it was hot and salty. It reminded him of tears. Small pictures in golden filigree frames appeared of various sizes. He didn't want to look. He felt if he stared into those oil painted portraits he would get lost in them.

He averted his eyes, continuing past the paintings like a man on a mission. What the mission was, however, he wasn't so sure. The artwork got more detailed and larger, some much larger than others. His step faltered when he saw one of Lulu gazing down blood covered stairs at her mother and little sister in his peripheral vision. He didn't want to look. He especially didn't want to look at the painting that did catch his attention. It was the moment he met her. The moment he fell in love.

"Lelouch is a stupid name. You're a girl, and not a boy. What your mother not know how to name you right?" Suzaku's ten-year-old voice rang in his ears. He was so happy she didn't speak Japanese after he learned of her past. "What you're not going to answer? Stupid Brit."

He tore his eyes away from the vibrant colors, and careful strokes. Unlike the paintings of the past, this one struck out. It was huge, almost as big as the one of Marianne's death, which was filled with dark hues of purple, red, and black. This one was the opposite. He lit up her life. The dull ache in Suzaku's chest turned to a sharp, stabbing pain. He clutched at the key around his neck, a coping mechanism lately, and ran. Suzaku pushed his athletic abilities to the max, frames and colors streaking past him at an impossible rate, so fast they became blurred. He sidestepped as paintings started to come off the invisible walls, or maybe the walls shifted; it didn't matter. He didn't want to see them. She ripped his heart out, stepped on it, and murdered the woman he loved. She made him kill the one person she loved too Nothing could change that fact.

She left him because he murdered his father for her. To save her. His life would have been so much better if she didn't exist. The world would have been better if she didn't exist.

He shouldn't still love her.

The burning in his lungs caused him to stop. His legs were like jello and his heart beat in his ears. The Knight of Seven uniform, the one he sold her out to wear, clung damp to his skin. His hope that he was out of the gallery was dashed. Two paintings hung before him like French doors. He could hear movement from behind them. Lulu was on the other side of those memories. He wanted to turn back. He wanted to do anything other than look at the dark paintings in front of him.

One was of her in the cockpit of a Buari Knightmare, biting her hand so hard it drew blood. The strokes were so fine he could barely see them. It was like she was alive in that gold frame. He could feel the pain she endured as Zero. She loved him. She pushed him away because she didn't want him to hurt from her choices. Lelouch knew that if they continued down that path one day they would meet on the battlefield. The result would be death. She wanted him to be able to kill her. Funny, that was one thing he didn't want them to have in common.

The right painting portrayed her sobbing in C.C.'s arms with a black star pistol loosely hanging in her limp hands. Suzaku knew it was the gun that killed Euphy. No. It wasn't the gun that killed Lulu's sister. The geass order to "kill all Japanese" sealed that fate. The trigger was pulled to provide release from that burden. Lulu murdered her sister out of love. Suzaku felt sick.

He looked around and saw that all else faded, and only the paintings that he glanced at remained. Why was he being shown these? Was it a coincidence or the intervention of an outside force? Suzaku doubted that Lulu would want her secrets revealed this way. She was always a secretive person.

Holding his breath he pushed past the golden filigree doors. Lulu greeted him on the other side. Paint splattered everywhere as she made Jackson Pollock inspired art. A few pieces contained identifiable images, but it was all jumbled up. The wild abstract lines and splotches replaced pristine art focused on results. He shouldn't find her beautiful. Her naked form was covered in vibrant acrylic. Her eyes sparkled, not with madness or tears; She was happy here.

"It would seem I had a lot of things pent up." She said, a wide smile on her red lips. A trail of teal came an inch away, making the color stand out more.

"You always did bottle things up."

"Like you have any room to talk." She said, flicking paint in his direction. He dodged it, but still ended up with crimson on his jacket. Crimson like blood. She laughed at the horrified expression on his face. It was a chiming sound that echoed through the empty space and made his chest contract. Her laugh was delightful. "I'll pay for your dry cleaning."

"I don't know if anything will ever get this out." He said reaching down the to the warm sticky substance. It was blood.

"No. Probably not." She clipped, turning back to her painting.

He shouldn't touch her. Schneizel said not to touch her. This was the white world though, and nothing was real. Suzaku cautiously stepped towards her, blocking her view from the eight-foot canvas. He lifted his fingers that were coated with blood and smeared them on her face starting at her hairline, trailing down her nose, over those red lips, stopping at her chin. She looked wild.

"Your hands are dripping with blood Lulu."

"So are yours. The only difference is I don't try to hide it. I don't blame others."

"You just go crazy."

"True."

She smiled and pushed past him, submersing her hands in a bucket of crimson. It changed colors upon hitting the canvas. Blues, yellows, and pinks splattered the space instead. He watched in awe as she transformed something gruesome into something awe inspiring. When the bucket was empty she took his hand and pulled him back to get a better vantage point. Now his hands were coated in blood too. He wondered if he flung it at the painting if it would change colors, or if only Lulu possessed that magic.

"I was always worried about making the right move, but I never realized that I was moving based on someone else's plan. Someone else's paintings hang in this gallery."

She leaned her head on his shoulder, making her neck stretch and pop in the process. They were exactly the same height. Suzaku stayed there, clenching the key in one hand and holding her hand in the other. He didn't want to leave.

"Can we stay here?"

"No, Love. This isn't real. We have to choose reality no matter what. Even if it's not what we want to experience, even if it's too much to handle, it's the truth. A bunch of splattered paint isn't going to change that."

"Funny you talk of truth when all you say are lies."

"I always have liked ironic things, haven't I?"

"How much do you have left?"

"Huh?" She asked, pulling her head off his shoulder to look in his sparkling eyes. Whether they were sparkling with positive or negative emotions, neither of them knew.

"How much more blood before your painting is finished?"

"I don't know, but hopefully everything is worth it once it's all done. Do you want to help?"

Suzaku was pulled away, out of the white world, before he could answer.

* * *

Schneizel looked down at the two teens and ran his hand through his thick hair. Kururugi was cuddling his pregnant half-sister on the bathroom floor. This wouldn't have bothered him so much of she wasn't naked.

The eye patch, the one that sealed away her geass was discarded. Really, he thought Suzaku hated her more than this. Schneizel told him not to touch her. It wasn't because of jealousy, although as time progressed he couldn't deny that; it was because their Father's plan was precise.

"You shouldn't come out so much... Marianne." He sighed." She's fighting you more and more. It was easier in the beginning."

Marianne looked up from where she was drawing cat whiskers on Kururugi with a sharpie marker, and untangled herself from his arms. A mischievous smile played across the host body's red lips and eyes. Schneizel averted his gaze when those eyes locked on his. He didn't know if Marianne had the ability to use Lulu's geass when she was in control. Could both be in use at once? That was one reason he made the eye patch. He didn't want to experiment.

Lulu gaining control of him was frightening enough. Marianne, and subsequently the Emperor was an even more terrifying thought. He was already their marionette doll, and had been for the last eight years. Ever since his father asked him to move the Empress' body he was trapped. He didn't want to be a mindless slave too.

"I disagree. I would think I have more experience with the matter than you. Even if the only way I could come out in the first place is because you pushed her over the edge. Taking over the mind of an adult is so different than a child." She looked back down at Kururugi, satisfied that he looked similar enough to his cat, Arthur. "You haven't done a very good job at making him hate her."

"Is that why you decided to come out now?"

"I was curious. Weren't you too?"

"It doesn't matter anyway."

Schneizel wasn't certain of that conclusion. He was always grasping at straws, pieces of information, trying to put the puzzle together. He glanced down at the passed out Knight. V.V. mentioned that the boy "had a gift, but not the kind that was given." Hearing his uncle call anyone a child was amusing. Schneizel wouldn't miss him. He still didn't know what to think of their plan to bring about the end of the world. The Ragnarok connection. As much as he was now an active participant in it, he hoped they failed. He didn't want the shell of the world that remained. He wanted the whole thing.

"Maybe not. Still." She pried the key out of the boy's hand and sashayed towards Schneizel, twirling the chain around her finger. "You should take control of this. Make it a punishment for him." She stepped on her toes to put the chain around his neck, trailing her fingers down his torso in the process. The key didn't fall over his heart. He was too tall. "And to test her."

"I already told you no." He stilled her hands from unbuckling his pants. "I won't. Not like this."

"But Lulu looks just like me when I was alive, and you are a spitting image of Charles when he was your age. Your hair could be a little darker though. It's the same color as Nunnally's was. Before his turned white and she died, that is. You should have known better than to put a FLEIJA on the Lancelot."

"Don't make me force you out." Schneizel glared at the reminder.

He didn't know at the time that Kururugi's geass command was "to live." That was another thing that Marianne and the Emperor kept from him. For a couple bent on creating a world without lies, they certainly told a lot of them. Still, taking control of the key to Lulu's shackle and killing her little sister in one day was enough to effectively break his Knight of One into complete submission, or so he thought. It was possible he didn't blame Lulu for Nunnally's death in spite of her geass command being the deciding factor. He carried that cross himself.

"You're such a naughty boy," she pouted. "Charles still says that you practically begged him to give you geass so you could be the one to get my daughter pregnant, and yet you refuse me in her body."

"Did you make any progress convincing C.C.?" He asked, changing the subject.

His body tensed when she pressed against him. He should find clothing for her. Schneizel might have forced himself on that body many times before, and had many fetishes. Somnophilia was not one of them. The spirit of her mother might animate Lulu's figure; she was sleeping. That was one line he didn't want to cross.

"I don't know why you keep bringing that up. It's irrelevant now."

"There's still two weeks left in the first trimester, and she hasn't been to a doctor yet…." He trailed off, seeing Marianne rub that body's belly seemed sinful. More sinful than the way the child was conceived even. He didn't want her near it. "Plus your theory might not be enough."

"You're wishing the death of your unborn child? You really are more cruel than the one who sired you." Lulu's laugh chimed like Christmas bells on a snowy winter night. It was breathtaking. Except, it wasn't Lulu laughing, it was Marianne. "My theory will prove correct."

She paced the room with a smug smile on that face, enjoying going over the details with him again like reminding a child. Marianne was only two years older than him when she died, and yet she continued to look down on him. Schneizel hated the way that his father and Lulu's mother belittled him, only throwing him scraps of information. Knowledge was power. He was powerful against everyone except them.

"The sword of Akasha can be activated with either one or two codes. Two is perfect, and would guarantee success. However, with C.C.'s unwillingness to give up her code to Charles, we had to think up a different option. If we activated it now, it might not work. Then these last fifty years would be a waste.

"No. We couldn't do that.

"So we searched through our research again and found a correlation between the potency of geass users and their children. We will use Lelouch for example. Both Charles and myself have strong gifts, but her's is exceptional. There must be some gene or something that affects the gift. Its not merely intent. Using that as our basis, we decided that once Zero was captured again, Lelouch would birth a child who could accept a geass strong enough to activate Ragnarock.

"That is where you came in. Charles didn't want to bother, and the ability of a code bearer to produce children was never tested. It could have been years wasted. You've already proved useful with moving my corpse and overseeing Clovis'  _secret_  Code-R project. It was time to fully bring you into the loop."

"You're contradicting the statement that I begged to be involved."

She smiled and spun around, bending forward at the waist. She laughed again.

"As I was saying. As half-blooded siblings, you are close enough in relation. Sadly, I had two girls. Lelouch and Nunnally wouldn't work for obvious reasons. So Charles offered you geass, and you made your wish. A good wish too. You can't argue that you accepted your role just to gain power.

"Anyway. The manifestation of geass is dependent on that wish. Charles wished to forget about all the horrors he saw as a child. I didn't want to die in battle before initiating Ragnarock. Lelouch clearly wished for control. What did you wish for, Schneizel?"

"The wish doesn't matter. It's the results." He paused, and glanced over at the eye patch on the tile floor. "Speaking of results. Do you think that Lulu would betray me if I told her to use her power against the council?"

"I'm sorry, Schneizel. I can't answer that. I only force out her mind. I can't look into it. You will have to trust your schemes and subjugating. That's what Charles does with you."

He didn't say what was on his mind. "That's what I was afraid of," would give too much of an indication that his plans with Lulu weren't all lies to gain her trust.


	9. Giving Orders

"Mmmmmm," Lelouch groaned as she arose. Her body was tingling different than usual. She felt a sense of peace, like she moved a little closer toward that dot of equilibrium. Maybe she was insane to think her insanity had a purpose. "Brother?"

He looked away, and she noticed the coloration of her surroundings were slightly off. She became accustomed to there being a tint in her left eye. Her brain adjusted for it. Over the past three months it became normal. That overlay wasn't there any longer. Her eye patch was off. She fought the urge to run her fingers over that part of her face, to run and look in the mirror. Mostly she fought the urge to look at him. Lelouch lay completely still in his arms, mind racing.

"Well this isn't the reaction I expected." Schneizel teased, running his fingers over her eye without looking at her.

Lelouch's heart was pounding in her ears. His actions didn't make any sense. No. They made perfect sense. She attempted to show power in the relationship by using her body to seduce him. By the way he was caressing her face while keeping a gentle grip, it was clear he was testing her. He gave into her request to prove a point. She quickly scanned the room hoping to see the shackle somewhere out of reach.

_Like I'm that lucky._

She knew from experience that having her eye exposed didn't guarantee anything. She was turned away from him, with her back to his chest. He could easily press down with his hand and cover that side of her face. How much of a fight could she put up? Not much. Her brother was a hulk of a man. There was no way she could overpower him physically in that regard. All it would do was ruin the small measure of trust she had been given. She would be forced back into her cage, or worse.

The 32nd level of Damocles was like a drug that was being detoxified. The longer she was away from that fantasyland the more she began to see Schneizel as cruel once more. His blatant intimidation only supported her opinion. Still, it wasn't fully out of her system; Lelouch wasn't sure if she would be free of him once that happened either. The damage was done. She began to tremble when he removed the hand that was massaging her face. The eye patch was lifted from outside her peripheral vision and set on her lap.

Schneizel kept his grip on her torso gentle but firm. It would be easy to confuse it with a loving cuddle if both her arms weren't pinned down. He played with the amethysts like how he sometimes did when he thought she was asleep. Except those times she imagined he regretted his decision. At that moment she couldn't imagine his actions being anything other than an effective power play. Her heart was pounding so loud she could barely hear him speak.

"Can I trust you, Lulu?" He whispered in her ear, breath hot. In the back of her mind she wondered what happened to Suzaku, not that his presence would make her situation any better. It would have the opposite effect.

Schneizel nibbled on the cartilage of her ear and began unbuttoning the oversized white dress shirt she wore. He waited for a response. Lelouch closed her eyes and attempted to turn around to face him. The grip on her arms tightened, pushing her harder into his chest. Lelouch hissed as cool metal assaulted her back through the thin material. The key was around his neck now. She didn't need to look at it to know that's what it was. That shape was burned into her memory. It was visualized over, and over again as she searched the apartment when he was gone.

"As much as I trust you, dear." She voiced breathlessly.

Her brother laughed, his belly rumbling against her back. Lelouch's face flushed in anger when he complimented her skilled answer. "I want to trust you, Sister." He said, lifting the shackle off her lap. Her body couldn't react fast enough in the second her arms were free. Schneizel clasped the lock. Lelouch bit back her whine unlike when the item was first put into use. She continued her turn, looking up at him with slightly distorted vision. Her kiss was soft, coaxing him to forget his reasons to keep her. It was effective enough that he held her in place, lips locked, and straddling his hips, when the bathroom door opened.

Lelouch tensed in his embrace, feeling Suzaku's judgmental eyes on her fully exposed butt and lower back. Schneizel hiked up the shirt to her shoulder blades. She couldn't explain why she felt some sort of understanding with Suzaku was tarnished through her actions. He hated her. He never tried to understand her. Most importantly, he wasn't the father to her unborn child. Schneizel's hold in her was much tighter than the raven hair wrapped around his fingers. The click of the main door closing echoed throughout the space.

"Use me." She repeated, avoiding the key and chain with both her eyes and her hands as she removed her shirt and started to unbutton his.

"I already do, dearest Sister."

She didn't take his bait. Lelouch manipulated him with her body where her words were found wanting. It was funny how barely three months ago she thought she would rather commit suicide then fake a desire for him. She tried to murder him for seducing her, and here she was, trailing kisses down to his hips. She could command armies with her lips, and yet commanding him to release her seemed impossible. Schneizel raised an eyebrow as she knelt at the foot of the bed. Her gag reflex was horrible.

"How can I make you trust me?" She asked, voice sultry.

He hissed when she licked the tip, gazing up through hooded eyes. Well, one was visibly hooded at least. The gemstones tickled, brushing against his upper thigh as her head bobbed. Schneizel pulled the embellishments back with a fist full of her hair. His body quivered with barely reigned need to thrust into her mouth. Lelouch teased the tip to avoid gagging, and knowing her brother did not handle restraint well.

"Lulu." He gritted his teeth to avoid begging. The grip on her hair was bordering painful. "You need to stop."

"Don't you trust me?" She moaned. "Or are you still afraid I will bite?"

"No. You will not bite me."

"And yet you still fear me?" She replaced her lips with her hand, pumping with more vigor than she managed with her mouth. Her voice was sinfully innocent.

Schneizel growled, closing his eyes to avoid looking at her perfectly portrayed mask of devotion and innocence. "You know why." He stated voice as thick with desire as his penis.

"But I don't. I would never do anything to harm you. Anymore. I cannot change the past. Please, Schneizel, you own me."

He moaned, using his hand in her hair to pull her up. Lelouch squeaked, finding herself pinned on her back. Schneizel's ogle made her gulp. "That would mean I can do whatever I want with you, dearest." He played with the amethyst at her cheek before trailing his finger down her body.

"Don't you already?" She whimpered when his hand lightly ran up and down her folds, teasing. "Please, Schneizel." She arched into his touch when he pulled away.

"I suppose I do. Be still." She bit back a frustrated sob when his hand moved to her thigh, drawing patterns with her wetness. "You're too smart for your own good, Lulu."

"Isn't that what you like about me?"

"Too much," He mumbled. "I adore you too much."

His eyes locked on her one, and for a moment she feared he would know of her sneaking. That piercing gaze lasted until she resisted his hold, leaning to kiss him. Schneizel's lips pressed onto hers with a crushing force that caused Lelouch to gasp. He devoured her mouth, releasing his pent up aggressive through his kiss and pounding thrusts.

He was far from gentle, participating in her nonverbal battle for control. Apparently permission to do what he wanted translated to complete submission in his mind. Lelouch wondered if her assessment that the silk blindfold from the first day was indeed correct. If they were elsewhere, she wouldn't be surprised if he tied her to the bedposts. Zero's bed still lacked a headboard and footboard. Instead he pinned her with his body, using his free hand to ravish her.

"I'm hungry," happened to be her first words when he rolled off.

"Your dinner is on the table," Schneizel laughed, kissing her nose. The gesture felt off after his previous actions. He watched her struggle to zip up the dress she pulled out of the suitcase. She always hated wearing his shirts after sex. It wasn't her stomach that caused the material to stretch, but her chest. "Bigger clothing will be needed sooner than you initially anticipated. That fit two days ago."

Lelouch glared, finally pulling hard enough to get the back to close. She didn't need a mirror to know that her cleavage was spilling out of the low neckline. The dress was binding, reminding her of all the times she concealed her chest in the Zero costume. She wasn't sexist to think that her gender would make her any less revered. It was just simpler to make Zero into a male character.

She ate silently, half expecting her brother to have fallen asleep. It appeared to be night already. The starved way she consumed rice porridge brought back memories. Schneizel's excuse that she was ill appeared to be well received. She expected the food to be better for them than most of the meals she ate as Zero.

Before she disappeared the Black Knights still took turns cooking. It was one of the few times she felt like a comrade, rather than a game master. C.C. used to joke that she could easily acquire new recruits once a month with her culinary skills. Tamaki's spending habits weren't needed whoa the newbies those days.

Schniezel's light snoring brought her back to the present. Her only previous partner was Suzaku, so it would be a stretch to say all men were the same. She didn't have much to compare. Still, dozing off after rough sex seemed to be a stereotype. The only time Schneizel didn't was when - She subconsciously rubbed her wrists. There wouldn't be bruises. There would, however, be a bite mark on her right breast.

As if the eye patch wasn't enough of a sign, he had to prove his ownership in a more carnal fashion. Lelouch couldn't decide if it was better or worse than a wedding ring. Schneizel might call her his wife; she didn't say any vows. Lelouch wasn't a religious person so saying such promises "before God," wouldn't bother her. Not saying them at all would be preferable if not for the child being a bastard in that case. She snorted at the silly thought. She carried a bastard inbred fetus.

After a few minutes she felt comfortable enough to take a few books off the bookshelf, revealing a small screen. It was fortunate that her old room was chosen to house them. It would have been easier if Rakshata didn't rewrite the whole platform after Zero's death. Someone must not believe her dead otherwise there would be no point to lock out the administrative ID number. Lelouch managed to access the secured email the night before. Most of the mission reports were left unfinished or never entered, assuming the Black Knights really were still active. The last entry was her's regarding the plan of attack for the Black Rebellion R2.

Her eyes widened at the small alert in the corner. Lelouch managed to retrieve all the messages Jeremiah sent in her absence, which read more like a diary than correspondence. He spent the first two months scouring Tokyo undoing all her geass orders, and caring for Anya Alstreim, the Knight of Six. His last message said the two of them settled down to work on an orange farm.

"It's fitting, my lady, that I spend the rest of my days atoning for the actions of you and your mother harvesting my namesake. Anya is enjoying herself. Her ability to remember things improves each day. I still struggle to believe you are dead. Sometimes I wonder if you found out about your mother before me, and that's why you ceased your revenge. You are living happily ever after somewhere with Nunnally. It makes more sense than the alternative."

Her reply explaining the situation wasn't read yet. If Jeremiah kept his current pattern, her message wouldn't be seen for another week. She doubted he logged on to check his email for anything other than keeping a journal. If he defected, there wouldn't be many people to keep in contact. Rolo, C.C., and Jeremiah were loyal to her, and not the organization.

Her "little brother" didn't use the mainframe often, taking orders from her directly instead. C.C. laughed at the idea. She was old fashion that way. "The only great invention of the last two hundred years was pizza." Lelouch had no way of knowing where her accomplice was by means of modern technology.

The two messages were from Kallen. She was no longer incarcerated. That was another one of Schneizel's lies.  _How many are there, Brother?_  Lelouch hoped not as many as she kept. Then again, Schneizel appeared to know most of them. Both he and Kanon hinted that her mishap with the Special Administration Zone was known. As long as she could keep new ones, he could have the past.

Kallen's messages were characteristically short and to the point. Lelouch's brief dialog that she was not dead, but captured by Schneizel after an attempt to meet with Suzaku, was not questioned. Nor was her limited presence on Honari Island. Lelouch signed the letter "find a way to get to me after I haggle your release. I should at least keep that promise."

The Honor Guard's replies read like text messages. "What the hell?" was the first. Several hours later she sent one stating, "I'm here now. Where are you?" Lelouch sucked in air, hating that she was picking up Schneizel's habits.

There was still no reply from Xingke to convince Kaguya to filibuster during the voting process. She cursed the setup that only allowed correspondence between military members.

Schneizel stirred and she quickly turned off the monitor. Lelouch walked back over to the bed, sitting at the edge. "I'm going to go for a walk." She said, praying he would simply grunt a response. Of course she wouldn't be so lucky. His arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her into a tight cuddle.

"No." He murmured, nuzzling his head in her hair. "I can't sleep without you." He clumsily pulled off her dress complaining that the material "wasn't as soft as her skin." Her plan to wait him out and leave anyway was thwarted by the relaxing circles he drew on her back and a constant state of fatigue.

Schneizel's annoyed admittance of "You win," startled her awake the next morning, or rather early afternoon. Her body could never get enough sleep; fifteen hours and Lelouch was still groggy. She watched him pace with through half closed eyes, tempted to roll over and throw the covers over her head. She was too nauseous to deal with him. Whatever she won, her prize should be solitude.

"Kaguya Sumeragi has been reading from the Japanese to English dictionary all morning. I'm tempted to order a FLEIJA attack just to shut her up." Lelouch grunted, not really listening to the conversation. "Without you the Black Knights are severely disorganized, and with smaller numbers. Even without the Damocles being fully operational, I could take them." She grunted again, sensing his pause was an appropriate place for a response. "There are other options than to use your geass."

"Do what you want," she mumbled, turning over to face the wall. Her normally sharp intellect was dulled. It took several seconds for her to sit up, eyes wide. "I mean -" the sudden movement was too much. She lunged from the bed, racing for the bathroom. Schneizel held her hair back as she vomited.

He waited until she prompted to continue. "You will take my place after intermission. Suzaku will accompany you. I will only remove your eye patch for the duration of the meeting, which should be over quickly after you ensure Britannia maintains a super majority."

"Why?"

"You are arguing with me now? This was your idea." He smiled, hooking a lock of hair behind her ear.

"No." She croaked, standing to get a drink of water and put some food in he stomach. A tray of easy to digest breakfast was placed on the table. "Won't you trust me after? I could give you a stupid command like, 'open the door for me,' or something. Then I would only need the eye patch around other people. I don't want you to be afraid of me any longer."

"Preventing your obedience geass is only one of the functions. I will not remove it. Do not ask me again." Schneizel tapped his fingers against his leg, obviously sensing he said too much. "Will you accept that?"

Lelouch didn't answer. Once again she couldn't find the right words to say with him. Refusal would be the most honest response. She didn't want to accept that. It was just another one of Schneizel's manipulations. The way her heart melted when he said, "everything I do is to save you," was ignored. If she were generous, she could say it was a half-truth. Another white lie. She wanted to believe there was a reason for his actions she didn't know.

Schneizel helped her find a dress that fit better. It was the Euphie inspired ensemble; the only one that laced in the back, making the size more adjustable. Lelouch prayed that wasn't an omen. She usually avoided mirrors. That didn't stop her from peeking at her reflection that was hardly comparable to the last time she stood in this room.

Zero mask notwithstanding, the person in the mirror was unlike what she expected. Her hair used to styled in a trendy chin length cut. Even without her chest binder, there wasn't much to brag about in that department. C.C. always said her best assets were her legs, which were more often than not showing in gold trimmed black slacks, or white shorts. Nowadays the only time her legs were visible was when she was naked, or wearing one of Schneizel's shirts. Pregnancy and vitamins caused her hair to grow more than three inches in three months. Even her eyes changed, well, the right one anyway. It wasn't vacant. It didn't sparkle. Lelouch wasn't certain she could describe the depth that stared back. Even if she could meet with Kallen, would her friend recognize her? Lulu ran her fingers over the light purple teeth marks before clasping the Vesica Piscis at her neck. It wasn't the same shade as her eye patch or her dress. If the dress still fit like it once did, fabric would have covered the mark.

Schneizel moved to stand behind her. He brushed her hair out of the way and bent to lightly kiss the rapid pulse at her neck. Their eyes met in the mirror. Maybe Tamaki replaced it with a funhouse mirror because even her brother looked like a stranger holding her. Gino was right. They did make a cute, but exorbitant couple. The White and Black Kings.

"I'm trusting you."

The way he said those words sent shivers down her spine. Schneizel led her out of the room like a parent would a child, or perhaps a much older sibling left with the job of guardianship. Their relationship was much too complicated. He used her body against her, shattered her mind into a million pieces, and somehow managed to do it with the air of compassion. She hated him. So why was the thought of going against him so frightening?

This was exactly what she wanted. Her goal was to be free of the eye patch to gain control of the council, not for Schneizel, but for herself. She would attain blind obedience, winning back her Black Knights in the process. She could match Schneizel again. Hell, she could geass Schneizel into submission too. She could win.

That thought shouldn't send her into a panic. She hated him. He was crueler than the one who sired him. His murmured "I love you," shouldn't make her want to change her trajectory, or want to stand with him rather than against. She was insane. That was the only logical explanation for her actions.

When he unlocked her shackle outside the council room, she didn't turn to geass him. It wasn't just because Suzaku met them at the door. Schneizel handed the eye patch to him, like temporarily transferring ownership. The comparison made her sick.

She stepped into the outdoor council chamber with raven hair covering her red eye. Her gaze was straight ahead, observing any obstacle that would cause her to trip. Lelouch resisted the urge to wipe her sweaty palms on her dress. There was no reason to be nervous. Her power was used so much that it evolved to a constant state. She knew how to use it then too, both with a Zero mask and contacts. The day Nunnally became Vicereine; she wandered the streets with her eye exposed, giving random orders. There was no reason to feel unease. She had ample experience destroying things.

Her own blood, sweat, and tears didn't build those things though. The UFN represented everything she fought to achieve. A democracy built for the weak that should have been immune to a tyranny of the majority. Zero didn't even have a seat, opting instead to be subservient to the laws created. She was CEO of the Black Knights. The council needed to vote before she could make a move. She limited her power in order to preserve her ideals.

Ideals thrown to the wind when she plotted to take over the council for her own benefit. It was even sadder that she was going to order them in the name of Schneizel. Her hands shook as she stepped up on the podium, ready to fulfill the Prime Minister's request of a final word before Kaguya continued her lesson on foreign language.

The announcement that "Lulu El Britannia was to speak in lieu of her husband, Schneizel El Britannia" sounded distant. Lelouch glanced in the chairwoman's direction, and let her eyes wander over the other members of the council. They were about to be destroyed. Everything she worked so hard for was going to be given to her brother.

Lelouch's eyes found Kallen towards the back, hovering near the exit as security personnel. She walked right past the teenager and didn't notice. More importantly, Kallen didn't notice  **her.**  Lelouch really had become unrecognizable. Feeling the attention, Kallen pulled herself away from the forced conversation with Suzaku. The honor guard's eyes widened, and she attempted to sprint to the center of the room.

Time slowed as Lelouch took a deep breath, turning her gaze away from Kallen before Suzaku grabbed hold of the captain of the Zero Guard's arm. Her fingers tingled with heightened sensitivity as she hooked the large section of silken stands behind her ear. The room became grainy and hard to discern with a red hue as words spilled from her lips. She wasn't having an episode, but it was hard to comprehend regardless. She wanted to stop, to think of another plan that wouldn't involve complete abandonment of everything she stood for.

She was right that this would create a gentler world too. It wouldn't involve any bloodshed. Still, she wondered if it was the right course of action. Was it better to die free? Should she have convinced him to use the Damocles to demand submission instead? Her hands were already dripping with blood. The addition would have just blended right in.

"On behalf of the Britannian Empire, I, Lulu El Britannia, have a request. Accept Britannia's super majority over the council! Now vote!"

Kallen's hard slap on Suzaku's face echoed louder than the unanimous "yes, your Highness." Lelouch didn't bother to make a grand speech about "playing democracy." That ideal was murdered with her words just then. The two members of the student council ceased their altercation the moment her heel touched level ground. Geass was absolute. Without Jeremiah there was no way to undo what was done. He wouldn't go against her either, so that was a moot point.

Lelouch was grateful for Kallen's grip on her lace shawl when she was out of eyesight of the rest of the council that were now busy  _voting_. Her legs were shaking so bad she wasn't certain she could walk any farther. The redhead pushed her face obnoxiously close to Lelouch's, glaring at that red eye.

"What the hell did you just do, Lulu?" Despite her shorter stature, Kallen could easy intimidate when she tried.

"I forced the council to vote in favor of Britannia keeping its current population shares. Weren't you listening?" Lelouch deadpanned, glancing back at Suzaku. His nonexistent defense didn't surprise her. "What would you have had me do, Kallen?"

"What?" Kallen whispered. He grip slackened and she backed away. "What?!"

"What would you have me do, Kallen?" Lelouch's persona threatened to shatter from her friend's judgmental gaze.

"That's wrong. You're supposed to tell me what to do. Should I attack with the Gurren? Should I play decoy? Should I go up against Suzaku?" She pointed at the only observer without red rings over their eyes. "You're Zero! I would have done whatever you told me to do to prevent this!"

"I don't know what to do." Lelouch's features and voice were crestfallen. She didn't know if it was another manipulative trick or real. Underneath her masks, there might not be anything left. "I don't know what to do."

"Lulu..." Kallen watched in horror as Suzaku finally moved to put the eye patch back into place. Lelouch stood perfectly still as her ex lover adjusted her hair around the accessory. "Suzaku, what did you do to her?"

"I didn't do anything." Lelouch could feel his hands trembling against her skull.

"Sometimes that's even worse." She mumbled. Her hands stroked her stomach. "I'm pregnant." There was no reason to bring it up. Perhaps she said it because there was someone other than Schneizel to talk to about it.

"I thought you said you didn't do anything." Kallen glared. Suzaku backed away.

Lelouch couldn't see his face, but she guessed he didn't know either. "It's Schneizel's."

Kallen's eyes widened. It should have been obvious. Lelouch didn't know why she assumed Suzaku other than habit. She glanced at her ex, who attempted to drill holes in the floor with his gaze. He felt shame for the child, and not giving her to Schneizel as a sex doll? He had a warped sense of morality.

"When the conference is over, I'm seeing a doctor. I just found out a couple days ago. There wasn't time." She continued. "I'm always tired, nauseous, everything smells more potent -"

"You actually have boobs now."

"That too." Lelouch sighed. "I was just - he's - Kallen. I don't know what to do."

Lelouch accepted the embrace. It wasn't mixed with lies or deceit. She glanced up at Suzaku, who just ran away again. He told Kallen to "bring her back to the guest suite," and left.


	10. Sir Suzaku Kururugi II

Puff pieces comparing the 99th Emperor, Schneizel El Britannia, to the mythological King Arthur began circulating during his Majesty's lifetime. I believe this trend began when photos of the wedding to his first, and only wife, Lulu El Britannia leaked onto the wireless. The woman was already by his side at the time of his succession, however, the photos appear to be taken at a later date. There is also a possibility that the most famous photo (figure 89) was a vow renewal of some sort, and that was why it was never publicized. The couple held strong that their original vows were taken outside of the limelight, so a renewal presumably would be also.

Like most of the Imperial Couple's wardrobe, the articles were ornate. His Majesty's suit was obviously inspired by the intricate links of chainmail. The deep purple lines on the under robes, contrasted white, and matched his coat and sash. Paired with his shoulder length blond hair, and broad build, he looked like he stepped out of a mythology lesson. The Empress, who in all other photos is wears a black eye patch, is shown either without, or a much toned down accessory. The amethyst adored chains are missing from view. Her long raven hair covers the side of her face as she turned to her husband, shying away from the camera. Her clothing also looks to be inspired by medieval times.

More so than their sense of style, the ruling should be the focus. To quote my late great, great grandfather, Rivalz Cardemone, "peace was brought to the world with the Damocles, but more so, her beauty. The Empress could control the world with a single word from those red lips." I suppose people will always be attracted to the superficial, rather than nitty gritty details of military operations and politics. Then again, listening to old records of her voice, it really was enchanting.

I feel compelled to mention the second man pictured, who, due to some controversy, is often overlooked historically. To the side we see Lord Jeremiah Gottwald, restored to his title of nobility after an alleged alliance with the terrorist Zero. Whether due to that controversy, or another secret, he is often seen in the shadows, but always close the Imperial Family. In another, abridged, journal entry Sir Kururugi writes:

_"I may be the Knight of One, but it is title only. It is a title that has already been bought and paid for. The true protector of the Royal Family is Gottwald. He shields them in a way that I never would be able to bear. It's jealousy. I want to be the father of her children. I spend most of my days in Japan now, going to Pendragon for events only, or stolen moments. It is for the best. I wouldn't be able to protect the man I am sworn to in order to create the facade of a happy family."_

Rather than the Emperor's virtuous nature, it is this scandal that makes this period of Britannian history so sought after. Perhaps it is a demon of peace, that interpersonal relationships are given attention. The names of the technology used, the folklore/conspiracy theories of Dr. Daniel Jackson regarding the defeat of a supernatural force, mention of Lady Sera (preferred name C.C.) as a sorceress, and the death of his majesty are only aid this comparison. Still, it is titles like 'A Love Reincarnate: Suzaku and Lulu, Lancelot and Guinevere,' that become bestsellers. Depictions such as this are doomed to live on Library Bookshelves, untouched unless used for academic research. I highly doubt the addition of my grandparents' dementia rambles will alter that fate.

Speaking of grandpa Rivalz and Grandma Milly, they were still alive when these rumors began circulating. Thanks to advances in medical technology their bodies lived over a century. Their minds are another topic of debate. I regret not recording our conversations (I was five when they died), considering Milly used to talk of the Empress as if the two were childhood friends. Her statement that "Lulu would have found this funny, considering the cat's name was Arthur. Now that I think about it, the feline died shortly before their first son was born. I wonder if she did it on purpose. She always had an odd sense of humor. Lancelot and Guinevere. That seems almost perfect for them, except their love was before she became Empress, and her relation would be that of Lady Morgause," proved possible.

Most records of the Empress's love for the Knight vanished, if they ever existed in the first place. Sir Kururugi's journals provide most of the speculation on whether or not it was one-sided or mutual. All of his personal entries are rarely dated, and sporadic. The leather bound pages functioned more as a log than his thoughts. His time acting as advisor to the Vicereine surely influenced this habit.

One of the few entries with a date appears at the same time as the Emperor's rise to power. Dated October 5th, 2018, this entry is from the day following Britannia's acceptance as a member of The United Federate Nations. Some speculate that since this around the time Kururugi experimented with drugs the woman mentioned is a figment of his hallucinations. He says so himself in several occasions. Still, I can't help but wonder if there is more to the story than what is written. History is always told in favor of the ruling party. That is not conspiracy theory so much as a fact. If the woman did exist and was indeed the Empress, it would explain why he fell into depression at a time that should be rejoiced. That notion is too close to conspiracy, however. Refrain has been shown to alter a person's ability to decipher fact from fiction. It is possible Sir Kururugi, who was said to "share a strange relation towards Zero due to the terrorist allegedly saving Kururugi's life, (See chapter 11 for more details) morphed multiple personalities into one person when the drug was in his system.

_I wonder if Lloyd could build a time machine. Where would I go? You used to love playing 'What Would you Choose?" You probably don't any longer. Now that I think about it, you haven't for a while. You never suggested it after the seven year time-skip, and you stopped playing all together after Toudoh's escape. Only Nunnally and I played; you would sit and read. That should have been the first sign that something was wrong. When we would sit in my parents' storehouse on rainy days that was all you wanted to play. If you couldn't exercise your body (something you begrudgingly did to appease me), then you might as well exercise your mind pondering complex situations._

_Maybe it was because your life was complex enough already._

_One would think that I would choose to go back to where it all began. I would stop myself from killing my father. He would have called for an all out resistance. The Chinese Federation might have come to our aide. Japan never would have become Area 11, and you never would have become Zero. I never would have become a Knight. This tragic love story never would've begun. Then again who am I to change history that much? Why do I feel like I have that power? That desire, or need? I've thought about that decision for eight years. I wouldn't change it._

_Should I have skipped out on my court-martial? What would have happened if I took your hand in that abandon opera house? I never would've piloted the Lancelot again. I never would've become a Knight of the Rounds. I never could've changed anything from the inside. My father's death would have been meaningless. Maybe I could've stopped some of the decisions you made though. I could have prevented myself from hating you, because you would never of done anything to make me hate you. Zero could've actually been the person you wanted to be. It wouldn't be all propaganda and lie. I'm giving myself too much credit. More likely than not, I just would have fallen into darkness sooner, and with you._

_At least then I would be with you._

_There are too many instances where I could have turned back. The farther I travelled on my path, the harder it would have been. It's silly to mention anything past this point. Our fates were sealed when I rejected you. The only other place there was a fork in the road was on Shikinejima. I could have joined you then. You tore open the scars of my past, retelling the murder of my father with detached accuracy. I honestly don't know what I would have done if that call never came in. You've always had a way with words. Even without magic, you could convince me of anything. If you took off that helmet, I never would have tried to die with you. I didn't want to be Romeo and Juliet those days. Your command to "live" wouldn't have been needed._

_Here I am blaming you for everything again. I really never grow up, do I? I make excuses for all my actions. The only time I tried to act like an adult was when I gave my Knight of Honor broach back to Euphie._

_She made me a better person, unlike you._

_I think I would have chosen to hold you instead of running away. It would have been selfish; I'm always selfish. I tried not to be when I left you with Kallen. She probably comforted you better than I could. We were never good at that. When I was panicking on the ground in the school chapel, the day Mao revealed my patricide, my secret... you said, "that lie was needed." Everything is a lie with you. I swear you love them more than the truth._

_You would have felt small in my arms despite our similar size. I made you small. I took everything from you in order to build myself up. I have no right to hold you, or tell you that I still love you. Even touching your hair felt sinful. My hands trembled as I smoothed it away from the lock, making sure none got tangled. Was it always so soft? Or is that a result of what he did to you?_

_It's better that I ran away. Who am I to assume that you were even in mourning? You always wanted to be a mother... The mother you never had. The mother I wanted you to be. Here I am being selfish again._

_I would have liked to be the father of your child, and not only to enjoy the act of conception._

_Rin._

_That's the name I would've picked. It's a girl's name, but before the war it was getting trendy enough to be considered unisex. If I close my eyes I can picture her. She has your hair, and my eyes. Unlike Kallen, who inherited mostly Britannian features, Rin would be a perfect mix. It's because in my dreams she is born after Japan is freed. Thankfully, my subconscious never speculates if that was by your doing or mine._

_Darkness._

_Why is that the name I chose for our child? Was it an omen? Or is it just because I loved to play with your hair so much? It doesn't matter anyway. I don't deserve that luxury. At some point I've made you a martyr in my mind. It's a different pedestal than the one you sat upon previously. It's even higher, and more unattainable._

_I struggle wishing for your happiness. If you are happy, I will suffer. If you are suffering then I do too. Maybe it is not your misery that will save Japan, but my own. I like that idea. Then I will be paying for my crimes and you will be happy. Happy with your brother and your product of incest._  (This sentence is omitted in most translations.)  _My hands are shaking now. It's becoming harder to write. Visions of the past dance before the page like faeries promising me peace._

_I seek escape._

_I cannot die._

_Refrain._

_A Long time ago, Nunally, you, and I talked about something. We wondered what happiness would look like if we could give it a physical form. I said that the shape of happiness might resemble glass. Even though you don't usually notice it, its still definitely there. You merely have to change your point of view slightly, and then that glass will sparkle when it reflects the light._

_The vile that held the liquid now coursing through my veins is made of glass. It's sparkling in the light. Your eyes are sparkling too. I see you sitting next to me as you once were. You are ten. I am eighteen. I shouldn't want to kiss you. That is all I would do. Maybe run my fingers through your hair. I've tried - they go right through. You are an illusion._

_The age difference is still two years less than you and him. I would never do to you what he did._

(At this point the characters become so sloppy I dare not try to translate them.)

Sometimes I hope that this entry, like the one placed in the intro of this book, is a forgery. Then again, the Knight's use of the psychotropic drug appears to be limited. Based on his journal entries, and ability to function properly in society, we can speculate it was used less than a handful of times, and spread out. If Sir Kururugi truly did have a love affair with Lulu, either prior to her private marriage to Schneizel El Britannia, or during the couple's union, it would make sense that her pregnancy would affect him negatively.


	11. Nunnally

Lelouch was positively shocked that Suzaku left her to her own devices. She stood shelled shocked after he stormed out the council chamber, only moving when Kallen tugged on her wrist saying "let's get out of here." With the damage done, there was no reason to stay until the end of the vote. It would be viewed as rude, but what was the worst that could happen? Schneizel would get a bad reputation for being a stuck up asshole. It wouldn't be too far off. Most of his diplomatic negotiations ended with him acting smug. Some of the EU representatives surely remembered that part of his personality.

She allowed herself to be dragged down the pier, expecting Kallen to throw her off the ledge once they were out of sight. Lelouch couldn't swim. It wasn't just another one of her excuses to get out of gym class. The few times that Shirley attempted to couch her ended miserably. Kallen was present during the last one; Milly made it a student council event. Thankfully, it wasn't a school wide event. Lelouch probably wouldn't have agreed in that case.

"Should I say 'congratulations?" Kallen asked when the pair was safely located in the farthest corner of the shipping district.

"That's the appropriate response." Lelouch said. When it was clear Kallen wasn't going to try to murder her, she plopped down on a nearby shipping crate.

"Appropriate? It's your brother's baby!" [1]

"Half-brother," Lelouch corrected even though it was of little significance.

"You're crazy."

Lelouch's laugh wouldn't help any argument in favor of her sanity. Her cackle didn't cause Kallen to tremble. She heard to before. Usually it was reserved for C.C. alone those days, when Lelouch still cared about maintaining an appearance of power. That laugh didn't usually morph into sobbing, or unloading grief. Even when Kallen found her with refrain, Lelouch seemed more put together. At least then there was an easy way out: get up and fight. With Congress now in Britannia's control, fighting would a double-edged sword.

"Don't be so surprised." Lelouch mumbled when she found herself once again in Kallen's embrace. The words spilled out of her mouth on their own accord. Lelouch left no detail out, as much as she would have liked to stop talking. Her experiences came up like word vomit; she couldn't stop. Speaking it out loud brought a sense of equanimity. To her credit, Kallen didn't react, and just listened, leaning back to stare at the bite mark.

Lelouch felt a smile tug at the corner of her lips at the far off look in her friend's eyes. She picked up a rock and pushed herself up off the shipping crate. It was odd to be in her spot with Kallen again. Besides the topic of conversation, Lelouch could have assumed nothing changed. She dropped the rock off the ledge, watching it fall and splash. The ripples were too far away for her to accurately watch the effect the disturbance made on the sea. It was an indistinguishable blur, like everything else in her life.

"Remember when I accidentally found you sulking in the storage room right before the battle at Port Yokosha?" Kallen asked, looking up at the other female. Even with the heels discarded by her seat, Lelouch stood several inches taller. "This reminds me of that."

"Why? Because you think I'm at the point of no return? I would say it's more like when you found me at Shinjuku Ghetto with refrain. I won't suggest you sleep with me this time though. Besides. It's not completely over."

"How so?" Kallen inquired, brow furrowed.

"My command was to 'accept Britannia's super majority.' At the moment, that is sixty percent. It's not a full two-thirds. Not yet, anyway. I expect that to change. I wouldn't be surprised if the remaining nations become part of the Empire, rather than join independently. It really wouldn't even be a hard sell." Lelouch rolled an amethyst between her fingers, absently noting that the texture was dissimilar to a typical gemstone. She usually avoided touching them so it never was brought to her attention before. "I wouldn't even have to be convincing.

"Kaguya still has the power to veto, which would bring any proposal back to congress. However, at this time population does not determine voting rights. It's just one vote per state. My guess is that Schneizel already has a plan to remedy this. If it were I, I would wait until I acquired the extra six percent, and then suggest Kaguya be impeached for some mundane reason. With a two-thirds majority, it wouldn't even matter if every other member voted to keep her. I would then name myself the new chairwoman after a proper vote on the subject.

"Anyone with half a brain can see that democracy is now dead. I wouldn't be surprised if some states pull their representatives. I only wrote the policies for the USJ; some have the power to switch out politicians at will. It would be inconsequential, but would probably make the citizens complacent. If not there is a chance of the UFN falling apart, and succumbing to civil war. The Black Knights wouldn't be going against their ideals if the citizens demanded the new government be stripped of power already."

"Are you telling me to start a revolution against a government that isn't even a year old?"

"I'm not Zero, Kallen. I can't tell you what to do."

"I think you are going to make my head explode." Kallen complained, rubbing her temples. "Let's turn back before it's too late. I mean. Shit, Lulu. This is fucked up on so many levels. You, C.C., and me can raise the kid together on some remote Island somewhere. What you're suggesting would result in a blood bath."

"Do you know where C.C. is?" Lelouch asked, hopeful to find her accomplice. Pouring her heart out to Kallen, and explaining politics didn't leave much space for the other girl to play informant.

"No," Kallen moved to lean against the railing too before continuing. "She disappeared right after the failed attempt to take Tokyo, right around when Schneizel paid us a visit. Rolo left to go look for her, but I think she got spooked once all the bad mouthing about you started."

"You still tried the Black Rebellion?"

"Wow. You really don't know. It's weird for me to have to explain something to you." Kallen whispered, and told her story in a normal tone that sounded like one of Milly's news reports.

"Ohgi wasn't sure what to do. There was dissension among the Black Knights. A lot of the seasoned members thought it was like last time; we should wait you out. It was better for you to disappear before the battle than during. The soldiers that became assimilated with the UFN declaring one military presence had no clue what to think. The news reports of your death were insulting.

"Touhdo and Xingke took opposite sides.

"Toudoh, being there at the last strike against Tokyo, believed that it was a good thing that you went missing. He was planning a coup, apparently, anyway. The only difference was that his plan was being put into place without resistance. Ohgi wasn't ready to be thrust into that position of power though. It's been three years since Naoto's death, and almost two years since Zero first gave orders on that cheap walkie-talkie. Maybe he felt he needed a time for mourning, or to get his bearings. It was a lot easier to be the leader when we were some rinky-dink rebel group.

"Xingke didn't have a stance on the Liberation of Japan, per say; he did mention that the longer we were in a stalemate, the more of a chance Britannia had to build up its forces. There is a reason war is usually declared right before the first strike. Waiting around would only cause a Cold War. The few neutral countries left would become battlefields due to the influence Britannia and the UFN had on the state of the world. Eventually your brother would find a way to break away from said stalemate. I guess one of the reasons the Chinese Federation was going to sell the Tianzi to Britannia was because of that research on weapons of mass destruction. Noble titles for the Eunuchs were just the icing on the cake."

"That's always the best part," Lelouch mumbled.

"After a few days, Rakshada was able to hack into your administrative account on the secured cloudshare. She found a lot of things she didn't want to talk about until later. You kept a lot of information about geass in there. The only thing she brought to Ohgi was your detailed brainstorming and plans regarding the initial strike against Tokyo. That understanding of the city's infrastructure, and Xingke's military prowess, gave Ohgi the courage to move out of international oceans.

"I don't really know all the details though. I was locked up in that cell during all this. Nothing like your gilded cage, but I did get pretty dresses." Lelouch's snort was hardly the laugh that Kallen was hoping for. "Anyway. During the battle Sayoko busted me out, giving me a change of clothes and the key to the Gurren. Professor Lloyd must have poured all the grief for destroying the Shinkirō into it, since it was in peak condition.

"We followed your original plan to take Nunnally from the Vicereine's palace. At that point it was more to have a political hostage though... I went up against Suzaku in my Gurren. He had a prototype of a FLEIJA strapped to the Lancelot. We didn't know what it was. I went at him with everything I had, and -"

"Kallen," Lelouch held onto the railing for dear life. "Where's Nunnally now?"

"I'm so sorry, Lulu. Thirty-five million people died."

"I don't care how many people died!" She snapped, slouching to rest her head on the cold steel. Lelouch's legs couldn't support her weight. Her knees buckled. "Just tell me where Nunnally is right now. How many cranes has she made? How is her electric wheelchair holding up? I bought it refurbished, you know. I should get her a better one. God knows I can afford it now. I'm not gambling every penny in order to avoid taking advantage of Reuben's kindness anymore." Her voice got softer with each word.

"Nunnally's dea -"

"Don't you dare say it!" Lelouch screamed. Her throat burned with the force of her voice, or maybe she was going to vomit again. She felt nauseous and dizzy. The world was spinning, but she wasn't drunk or about to have an episode. If she weren't so distraught, Lelouch would have laughed that she actually wanted to have one then. At least it would make Kallen stop talking. It was all lies. She had enough lies from Schneizel. "Schneizel promised to protect her. He wouldn't lie to me. Not about Nunnally."

"She died, Lulu. There was nothing left. Jeremiah searched everywhere. I'm so sorry."

Kallen's eyes were tearing up. Lelouch couldn't cry. She refused to cry because that meant it was true. Nunnally was dead. That was unbelievable. It couldn't be true; everything would be pointless. Without Nunnally there would be no gentler world. The last two years of her life were wasted. She could have spent that time with Nunnally instead of scattered hours between school and leading the Black Knights. Every time Lelouch left the apartment attached to the Student Council Clubhouse, she thought about a future where they could be together without worry. That was why she abandoned everything to be Zero full time once her and Nunnally were separated. There was nothing to keep her at school. Not to the extent as before. She did still care for the student council.

"How many days after my capture exactly?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Just tell me. It doesn't matter. So just tell me."

"Four? Maybe five? I'm not exactly sure."

That would place Nunnally's death around the same time that her and Schneizel first fucked. When Lelouch was passed out from expensive wine and sinful sex there was a battle going on that decided the fate of the world. Her world was destroyed. Was that what Suzaku was trying to tell me? His eyes were sparkling with insanity that day. He looked like when his repressed memories regarding his father were forced to surface. He looked like he killed someone he loved dearly. Lelouch was conceited to think he was so upset about her bruises. Suzaku probably enjoyed them.

She wouldn't believe it. Her brother was cruel, crueler than the one who sired him, however, even that was too far reaching. He knew what Nunnally meant. It was just another one of his tricks. How else was he to shield Nunnally other than to hide her? That was it. Nunnally was just tucked away somewhere like her.

"It's not true."

"Lelouch." Kallen said her full name like a parent. She closed her eyes to calm her frustration and shame, taking several shaking breaths. "Why would I lie?"

"I'm done talking about this."

The silence that followed was anything but comfortable. Kallen's attempt to console Lelouch again was denied. She pulled away, preferring to be supported by the railing. It didn't matter anyway; Nunnally was still alive. Lelouch blindly stared at the sea as saline spilled down her cheeks. She didn't sob. Liquid just poured out of her tear ducts as she knelt motionless on the cement, soundlessly weeping.

Lelouch didn't notice her stomach growl. She didn't notice Kallen leave and come back with food either. Time truly was not finite. If her behavior were due to Rolo, his heart would have stopped already. She accepted the sandwich Kallen held out not out of hunger, but because it wasn't worth the argument. Lelouch wasn't able to make up for missed meals by binge eating. She needed to gain weight, something that she always struggled with doing. The contents were tasteless, and so was the juice. A second helping was still accepted. Kallen probably would have shoved it in her mouth otherwise.

It was well past afterglow by the time Lelouch left the pier.

Kallen's attempt to lighten the mood by bringing pizza for dinner "in honor of" C.C. was taken "in memory" of her accomplice instead. The woman obviously wasn't dead. The only persons powerful enough to take her code were the Emperor and Lelouch. If the former ever got his massive hands on the witch, the reality would shift to another plane of existence. Still, whether her body remained animated or not, the last time Lelouch was in C.C.'s presence she had forgotten everything to the point where she asked to be called her human name, Sera. [2]

Lelouch still had no ambitions to talk, as much as she wished for information previously; the sunset deserved her full attention. It was real, and not created by a computer program. The colors were outside her control, and so was the duration. Lelouch couldn't turn back the dial in order to keep the light pinks, purples, and warm golds at peak perfection. Shades of blue overwhelmed the sky too quickly. Nautical twilight became Astro, and she pulled her legs closer to her chest in order to preserve body heat. The concrete had long previously made her butt sore and chilled.

Her limbs were stiff from the cold and inactivity when she finally permitted Kallen to help her stand. The bones in her feet cracked as she walked to retrieve her shoes, opting to hold them by the heel rather than wearing. Her body shivered from the frigid air, but that couldn't compare to the insurmountable cold of her heart. If Nunnally was dead then so was she. Lelouch lived for her little sister.

Without Nunnally there was just Schneizel and two pink lines. Lelouch stroked her stomach as she sulked back to her quarters. As much as she loved those lines, her family would be incomplete. The baby needed her aunt, and Lelouch needed her sister. It had to be a misunderstanding. Schneizel wouldn't do that to her. He wouldn't use a FLEIJA in a battle over Tokyo Settlement. Then again, he was quite drunk that night. In his endeavor to intoxicate her, he drank his fair share of wine. It was obvious by his words and his actions. Her brother tempted instead of conquered.

"Where were you?" Schneizel asked, running his hand through his hair, the moment she entered the room.

She ignored him when he stepped away from the window to stand before her. It was only when he cupped he chin, lifting her head up to coerce eye contact, that she acknowledged him. His body heat burnt. It was searing her skin, and more unwanted than the tropical temperature of the space. He thwarted her motion to pull away, holding her steady. His thumb caressed her cheek while he searched her exposed eye.

Lelouch wasn't in the mood for a silent conversation. She desired it even less than a verbal one. "The pier," she finally whispered, hoping that was enough of an explanation.

"You're shaking and your skin is icy. I'll run you a bath. You will catch a cold being out after dark dressed like that."

She tensed, pushing her hands on his chest when he leaned in for a kiss. He paused at the rejection, face inches from hers. His breath was hot and smelled like scotch and steak. He didn't eat delicious pizza for dinner. He whispered her name, confused by the rejection, before trying again. Lelouch struggled with more force, but it was of no avail. His lips pressed against hers, coaxing.

The hold on her chin relaxed when she stilled. He naturally expected her to reciprocate. His lips parted, seeking to deepen the peck. Lelouch did what she should have the first day. She bit him. Her teeth sunk into his tongue hard enough to draw blood.

Schneizel startled, releasing her. He swore and pressed his white sleeve against a trickle that escaped. Lelouch swallowed the copper taste in her mouth; mildly surprised it didn't make her nauseous. She would have been content ending the disturbance there if he didn't grab her wrist when she sidestepped him.

"It appears I was wrong to trust you." He growled, grimacing as he ingested the evidence of her attack.

"And I you, Brother." Lelouch's words were venom from her red lips. "Let me go. Now. I don't need you to dote on me."

"No. Your skin in freezing cold, and you are clearly incapable of making sound choices." His grip tightened as he reached to untie the back of her dress. It was impossible for her to be clammy considering her blood was boiling. Her heart pounded in her ears in fright, resentment, and fury. She spun around, putting all her body weight into her punch. Amazingly Schneizel stumbled even if his grip didn't slack. "What the hell has gotten into you?" He bellowed, catching her second strike.

"Let me go! I hate you! I hate you!" She screamed, wishing she had taken Kallen up on her offer of accompaniment.

Lelouch cursed her small frame, feeling like an unruly child as she wrestled to pull away. Schneizel contained her slender wrists, unable to transfer them both to one hand. He dodged her kick near his groin, tugging her toward the couch. Her angry yell was nonverbal when he pinned her down. His knees subdued her flailing legs at her thighs. The floor length dress remained an obstruction between their bodies, providing Lelouch with a small sense of safety. Her brother had no means to bunch it up to assault her.

Schneizel's face was contorted with rage only this time she dared to look at him. Lelouch faced forward instead of turning away; His features didn't terrify her to the point of submission. On the contrary, she wanted nothing more than to make his bowstring jaw swollen like his left cheek. She glared daggers as she spat insults.

"You're a disgusting perverted old man! I hate you! I fucking hate everything about you! I hope you die a thousand deaths, wreathing in agony! Don't you dare act like you love me! Whatever fucked up feelings you have for me isn't love! You're incapable of it; you don't have real emotions!

"That's why you collect interesting people because there is nothing interesting about you! You have no direction, no drive, and no passion! The only thing you care about is sex! Even that only entertains you because it shows you that your body is capable of excitement! You demand submission because you lack control! You're a shell of a person; apathy wouldn't even describe how pathetic you are!"

Lelouch thrashed hard enough that he still couldn't transfer her right wrist. The few times he tried, that hand shot out to attack in conjunction with her words. His only option was to remain in his current position. Lelouch's arms were stretched as far as they would go. The pressure of his weight was causing her limbs to go numb. Her smooth skin rubbed against his palms. If she continued to struggle much longer, she would cause friction burns.

"Lelouch." That was the second time that day her full name was used. "Stop." His voice was eerily calm. If she weren't already too far-gone it would have sent her in the direction of panic. "Now."

"Why? What are you going to do to me, Brother? You've already kidnapped me, locked me up, and raped me! I'm pregnant with your child; the one you had my IUD removed in order to conceive! Surely you won't kill me or do anything that would cause it harm! So what's left?! You've taken everything from me! You've claimed my body, warped my mind to the point that I was confused whether or not I could love you, wanting the absence of your torture to be caring!

"I believed you! But you let Nunnally die anyway! Nothing can trounce that! You've truly robbed me of everything! Even my sister! She didn't deserve to die! You said you would protect her and I fucking believed you!"

"I didn't kill Nunnally."

"It was Suzaku who detonated the FLEIJA." Lelouch said, anticipating his response. "That doesn't change the fact that you failed to protect her!"

"I have not. I've kept my promise to you, Lulu."

Lelouch ceased her relentless thrashing.

"Prove it." She demanded. "Let me at least talk to her."

Schneizel finally managed to contain both her wrists in one hand. Lelouch's fingers tingled, being reawakened from the lightened clutch. He aimlessly trailed his freed hand down her arm, over her face, stopping to cup her chin again. "Why? You certainly are not agreeable at the moment." He ran his thumb over her pursed lips. Lelouch felt a sense of déjà vu in spite of the dissimilar situation. She closed her eyes and relaxed, feeling his thumb enter her mouth. It didn't contain the remnants of scotch, however, the taste was still sour. He ran it over her bottom teeth.

"Good girl." He praised, removing the digit. She swallowed the accumulation of spit on her own accord. Satisfied with her response, Schneizel moved off the couch. Lelouch opened her eyes, unsure of what to expect. "Sometimes punishment is more effective when inflicted at a later date. I always keep my promises, Dearest Sister."

"Let me see Nunnally. Please." Lelouch resorted to begging. "Please, Schneizel. Give me a reason to trust you."

He sighed. "I won't reward your behavior." Lelouch fought the urge to scream at him again. He quirked an eyebrow when she sat up and began undressing. The act was unceremonious; she couldn't muster up the ability to seduce him. When she stood naked he pointed to the bathroom. "Go take your shower. Stay in this room. By God, don't dig yourself a bigger hole by leaving. I'm spending the night with Kanon."

Lelouch watched him leave with a contradictory sense of relief and foreboding. This was what she wanted - to be left alone. He was her lifeline though: she needed him, and not just because of the episodes. If she chose to trust his word over Kallen's, something that was utterly ridiculous; he was the only one who knew where Nunnally was located. Kanon knew too, probably, not that he would go against Schneizel.

She showered quickly, not because her brother told her to, but because her struggling made her slick with sweat. The whole encounter was horribly embarrassing, and terribly frightening in hindsight. She was an unimaginative fool to ask what else he could do to her. Possible futures invaded her mind. Lelouch removed one of his shirts from the suitcase. The buttons were difficult to hook; her hands were trembling too much. She managed a few before crawling into the bed, alone. It was the first time in over two months that she didn't curl up in the crook of his arms, sandwiching her lower leg between his, leaving her other one on top.

This wasn't the first time she hit him. Lelouch slapped him before, and even tried to kill him (a feeble attempt), and he never did any of the things she was saw behind her eyelids. More likely than not their fight would blow over. She was hormonal and thought, and might still think Nunnally died. Schneizel would understand even if he weren't capable of sympathizing. Still, his eerie calm was more upsetting than rage. It was unreadable.


	12. Double Trouble

The chafing on Lelouch's wrists was easier to conceal than the bruise on Schneizel's face. Her sleeves covered the evidence. Schneizel, on the other hand, was forced to wear makeup. As a male with unblemished skin it wasn't very obvious. Lelouch only knew because he made her test out the arrangement of toners on him the next morning. Her excuse that she "didn't wear makeup," was met with a steel glare.

"Neither does Kanon. I can't very well be seen looking like this, however."

She nodded and experimented with different liquids, powders, and sticks until the green, purple, and red spot blended in with his ivory skin tone. Her hand got steadier as time progressed. The trepidation didn't cease; it was only the external show of it that was covered in addition to the reason. That was a lie. The mark disappeared. Schneizel's eyes remained terrifying. His gaze bore into her, but the pastel purple didn't sparkle with affection. She was an animal at the zoo, and one her keeper realized wasn't domesticated.

Her desire to brag about the punch to Kallen was overshadowed. It wasn't like it did anything other than get her into trouble. She didn't have the chance, regardless. After multiple votes taken the day before, all with the same result, Britannia gained control of congress. That wasn't anything to celebrate; Schneizel gracefully accepted the news, and declined the begrudging offer of a reception, using his sick wife as an excuse.

Lelouch bit the inside of her cheek as she was led through the low-key affair, consisting of her brother's public swearing-in ceremony. Schneizel stood on the podium next to Kaguya, who looked at his serene face with disbelief, and betrayal. The two teenagers eyes met and Lelouch felt her traitorous action be brought to the surface despite the interaction being no more than that. Kaguya knew. By the way the rest of the representatives acted, she was the only one, and possibly the Tianzi. It made sense. Kaguya was on personal terms with all the officers of the Black Knights. She would have heard about Schneizel's meeting.

It wouldn't take much to connect the dots, realizing that Zero's disappearance, and the unwilling election were connected. Kaguya knew Lelouch's former identity. She knew that 'Lulu El Britannia' used geass to force congress to act against their will. The one who created the UFN slaughtered it. It wouldn't take a genius to figure that out once the entire puzzle was laid out.

Schneizel smirked, although Lelouch theorized to anyone else the smile appeared innocent, as he said his oath.

"I, Schneizel El Britannia, Prime Minister of the Britannian Empire, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United Federate Nations against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God." [1]

Lelouch felt sick. She fled the scene, followed by Kanon, where she emptied her breakfast into the ocean. The Earl awkwardly held her hair back as he gently scolded her to stop testing Schneizel. He thought they were past that phase. She would have swatted him away, infuriated by his words, if they weren't so predictable. Of course the best friend would take sides based on loyalty and not action. Her only conviction was that there was no one in earshot who would cause the man to be quiet. The two remained alone long enough for him to lecture.

The ceremony was over more quickly than it began. Lelouch found her participation, puking her guts out, the remaining time appropriate. For once the child found an applicable time to make her violently ill and exhausted. She tensed when the hand on her back seemed to double in size, and her hair swung down around her face. "It's over," Schneizel commented.

She thought he would send for the Damocles to pick them up for one last power play. Lelouch should be flattered, really, that he wasted the opportunity. The Flying Fortress that landed was the Avalon. It was still probably loaded with at least one FLEIJA, and could intimidate well enough. His message of control was meant for her. It became clear, and not merely speculation, when he casually asked if she agreed to his statement "the Avalon always felt more cozy."

Her brother's hand remained on her lower back as she dredged through the halls, stopping at a particular door she remembered. Kanon's excuse that "the Avalon housed more complete medical facilities," didn't help. Schneizel chose the location, where her initial medical exam took place, for another reason. At least the doctor who oversaw the event committed suicide. A middle-aged woman greeted her. Lelouch remained irritated during her blood and urine samples. Discovering she gained 5lbs already lifted her mood a tad. That explained why she felt like the formal wear version of 'fat guy in a little coat,' from the comedy flick 'Tommy Boy.'

Even with the corset backing completely lose; it was still a tight fit. Lelouch felt less exposed than expected when the material was lifted to her natural waist. If she were wearing a shirt and bottoms, the top would only need to be pushed up slightly, with the bottoms pulled down to her hipbone. Perhaps it was the different aura from the last time she laid on the exam table, or the genuine upturn of the woman, Cheryl, mouth. She wore casual clothing, a hydrangea printed blouse and jeans, with curly dishwater blond hair tied back in messy bun. In spite of the stark difference in ethnicity, and gender, the midwife reminded Lelouch of Ohgi. Average. She certainly wasn't one of Schneizel's usual employees.

Cheryl asked about Lelouch's sleeping, and eating patterns as she light pressed around Lelouch's lower abdomen, feeling the size and location of her uterus. Symptoms, both current and projected were rattled off. Her attention remained on her patient; Schneizel remained standing nearby, but was rarely addressed. Lelouch liked that. She theorized that the woman was likely picked up specifically for her homey charm. If it was a standard medical office, and not a giant facility housing space for everything from operations to check ups, Lelouch imagined the walls would be filled with stereotypical photos of nature with inspirational quotes. Some stylized picture of pregnant woman would be included, considering the profession.

She hissed when a cool gel was squirted not far from her pelvic bone. Cheryl giggled, apologizing that she should have given warning. The transductor of the sonogram machine spread the lubricant, and Lelouch had the desire to relieve herself again when Cheryl pressed it dangerously close to her bladder. Lelouch stared in awe at the strange grainy black and white image on the monitor. It didn't look like a baby, or even a mutant alien thing. She didn't know what she was looking at: grainy grey, with a black blob in the center. Unrecognizable grey blobs moved within the blackness.

"Oh I just love being right!" Cheryl said, pushing a sequence of buttons that made a strange, rhythmic whooshing sound emit from the machine. "Congratulations, Mama! This is the heartbeat of Baby A. Very healthy. 120 beats per minute."

"Baby A?" Lelouch asked breathless, staring at the screen with a newfound perspective.

"Mmmhmmm!" Cheryl beamed, patting Lelouch's arm with her free hand. "Fraternal twins." She removed the hand to point at the top blob, encased in its own bubble, zooming in to where it began to take form. "Here is the head, torso, and legs." A line appeared on the screen at the crown of the head, and was dragged to the fetus' butt. "Looks like this one is measuring a bit ahead, or your LMP [2] is off. That happens a lot. There is a two weekish variance. This says eleven weeks and two days. As long as they match, no issues."

The whooshing sound continued as Cheryl zoomed out, and moved the transductor to a different angle. Lelouch peeled her eyes off the screen when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Schneizel moved from his standoffish position to hover close enough that Lelouch wondered if he would have joined her on the uncomfortable table if he could fit. Her snarky question if he "had been feeding her fertility drugs," died in her throat. Her brother looked dumbstruck. His arrangement of masks fell, leaving a dazed look of disbelief.

"Twins," he murmured, drawing circles with his thumb through the thin material of her cropped blazer.

Lelouch smiled weakly despite him not seeing the gesture. Schneizel's eyes were glued to the monitor. She placed her hand over his, and he absently linked their fingers. Twins. She was as dumbstruck as he, and probably much more flustered. If having one child at eighteen was unnerving, two was obviously double the trouble. That's not even to mention the added risks and complications, fear of pushing two small watermelons out, or having a cesarean section, nursing - no wonder her breasts were already massive in comparison. Would she ever be able to sleep? One baby left a person sleep deprived. She couldn't imagine two.

The heartbeat changing to another, slightly slower pattern brought Lelouch's attention away from her brother, who at that moment she neither feared nor loathed, and back to the screen. Baby B had a heart rate of 115, and was a few days behind his or her sibling. As long as the difference in size didn't get above 10-15 percent, it was normal and healthy. No two persons are the same, even in the womb.

Lelouch reached out to run her fingers over the smooth screen once the image zoomed back out. Cheryl began rambling off instructions as she examined more thoroughly, moving the device to get more angles. The teenage mother's eyes remained on the two wiggling forms, her dread turning into elation. Her body felt light and fuzzy with a heightened sense of love and attachment. She noticed Schneizel started playing with her hair, doubting he noticed himself. They both stared at the screen, Cheryl standing not at all out of place on the opposite side of the exam table.

Kanon was a wonderful man for bringing her a new dress during the appointment. When Lelouch finally slid down off the table, she saw a purple lump placed on a piece of medical equipment by the door. The article was clearly maternity wear, and that wasn't all that set it apart from her usual wardrobe. It was still black and purple, floor length, and elegantly simple without sacrificing details. There were sleeves, billowy ones that extended past her wrists. It wasn't tight fitting, both the bodice, and skirt left room for growth; she only owned one other empire waist dress. The main color was purple, with swirls of black at the chest and sleeves. It was the opposite of her eye patch. What struck her as the most unusual, however, was the fine white embroidery at the hems.

Since coming into Schneizel's possession, Lelouch hadn't owned anything white. The closest she ever came was the khaki blazer of her school uniform that was returned. Nothing new contained the color, or absence of color if speaking with an art major. Kanon was making a point. She sighed, enjoying the aesthetics of the garment, and not the symbolism. Her hypothesis would be tested in the coming months. She was going to get huge enough that multiple sizes would be required. More white would undoubtedly start creeping into her clothing.

The bliss of her exam was sullied even more when Schneizel lead her down another known corridor, despite it only meeting the soles of her feet three times: when she was shown her cage initially, the escape that was interrupted by Nina, and when she finally was transferred to the Damocles. Her hope that the 250 sq ft apartment was somehow changed, that it's taint would be overwritten like the medical wing, was dashed when the door opened, revealing the same environment as before.

Schneizel pushed against the small of her back, urging her forward, when Lelouch stood rooted at the entrance. She didn't want to go back to the way things were. Lelouch never lived for the past. At a time she was focused only on the future. Her current philosophy was a mystery. It certainly was not a desire for the past though.

"Brother." She said, turning to face him. "Schneizel." She corrected, although he didn't seem to mind being called by his role like she did.

He caught her hand when she moved to touch him. It was unlikely he assumed she would strike, considering her reach was tentative. Schneizel rubbed the chafing at her wrist, exposed from the loose fitted sleeves falling victim to gravity. His guarded expression revealed callous eyes. The pastel purple of them softened for a moment when he glanced at her stomach; it didn't linger when he established eye contact. He sighed, releasing his hold.

"Stay in here." He ordered before turning his back to leave the room.

* * *

The furnishings were the same, yet there were several changes made to her old cage. The most obvious change was the door, which was unlocked. It took a few days for Lelouch to realize it. Unlike the last time she made no effort to escape. Schneizel's promise of punishment still kept her up at night. At one point she got bored enough that the lure of cracking the code that locked her in overwhelmed her fear. She reasoned she could always fix it once she was done, and realized there was no code. Needless to say, she spent the rest of the day wandering around the different levels of the Avalon, expecting someone to rush at her. When she eventually turned in for the night, it was clear that her limited freedom was not an oversight. Schneizel still trusted her not to run away.

Her closet contained clothes, including extremely unflattering maternity panties. Lelouch gaped at the articles. They reminded her of grannie panties. The one time she had her cycle near Schneizel, her underwear was still sexy little things with ruffles, lace, or if nothing else appealing patterns. For some reason she found the alteration offensive, and she refused to wear them.

She had an outlet to the outside world, a tablet computer, with a rather toned down parental security setting. Lelouch snorted when she first noticed Schneizel's useless attempt to control. By the time the device showed up on the table, she was feeling much more sure of herself. She hacked every firewall except the one that prevented her from assessing his personal files. This wasn't due to lack of trying so much as her brother's superior security when it came to his own privacy. The settings were on a loop, rewriting code endlessly. The program must have been quite the endeavor to create.

She quickly became up-to-date of the world news, finding the media's manipulation of events more audacious now that she no longer held Diethard Reid's reigns. Even Milly's reports of her actions were disgustingly skewed. Lelouch wondered what her friend really thought, knowing her disdain of Britannian politics from hushed conversations at school. That curiosity wasn't enough to place a phone call. Lelouch's preliminary attempts were all to the same person. Nunnally. Of course her little sister wouldn't answer her cell phone. Still, Lelouch assumed that the Apple ID remained the same even if she changed numbers after becoming Vicereine.

The only other person she had the gall to call initially was Kallen.

Lelouch's underhanded role in the Black Knights was ironic. At the same time it was the foreseeable next step in Zero's legacy. She truly was the phantom leader of the military organization. Saying she acted as deputy would suggest that anyone knew of their secret conversations, or the amount of persuasion it took to convince Kallen to take a more influential position. Getting her to put on the king piece costume was, apparently, more than the girl could handle. They compromised on her requesting, and obtaining, the position of General Commander. Xingke replaced Ohgi after the Black Knights split off from the UFN, once again becoming a rebel group devoted to the citizens, and not a corrupt government. The Britannian military acted as the protectors of democracy and freedom. According to the media, that is.

The goal was modest in comparison to the lofty ones Zero proper boasted. In truth, Lelouch wasn't really sure what her goal was anymore. Her orders were sometimes nonsensical. Occasionally 'Kallen' suggested moves that aided Schneizel, and other times she moved to trap him. The drive she felt as Zero didn't exist in that space, and wasn't portrayed through properly through FaceTime. The black and white personality blended to grays. Gone was her idealistic aim, and willingness to sacrifice that ideal to end. Was she truly only sneaking "for something to do?" If her true intentions were to defeat Schneizel she was going about it all wrong. Her first move should have been to order Jeremiah to undo her geass command on the council. Her loyal knight remained on an orange farm. She couldn't decide what else to do with him.

Perhaps the issue lied with Kallen. She wasn't much of a public speaker, and was much less willing to take risks. Apparently sacrificing millions of lives for one's goal was a character trait of the royal family. Your average (or ace) knightmare pilot was only willing to sacrifice his or her own life, and suggesting suicide missions went against that moral foundation. The Black Knights' actions did little more than maintain the status quo. The countries that would give Schneizel the six percent he needed were, for the most part, remaining neutral. It was a slow bleed. Truthfully the only thing the Black Knights were accomplishing was buying time for Lelouch to decide her alliance, and accept her loss.

The redhead did manage to convince Nina, who went into seclusion at Ashford Academy, to join her once hated organization. If the Einstein knew who was really pulling the strings, she would have been a harder sell. The reports and blueprints Lelouch received regarding an eliminator developed alongside Rakshada would be enough to put Schneizel in a stalemate. The only issue was the .04 second margin for error. It would require magical means to implement especially on a large scale. Luckily her brother seemed intrigued enough by the resistance, and threat of his precious FLEIJAs being obsolete, to participate in a Cold War. He held majority votes, but had yet to completely take control of congress.

At least, that's what Lelouch deduced based on his actions and her intimate understanding of his personality. Schneizel didn't visit her. With the damage done, there was no reason to force conjugal visits. His partner of choice was once again Kanon, favoring sodomy. The prospect didn't make her jealous, not like the idea of another woman did. She saw him at antenatal appointments, and continued to win half her matches, only the game was played through a chess app.

He was still hurt and angry. Lelouch was grateful that he was waiting until that anger subsided before inflicting his punishment, considering she was still doing things that would upset him. The longer he left her alone, seeing only his elation directed at the babies, the less her theories on his behavior seemed sound. Her brother appeared to handle her outburst the same way their father had. He abandoned her. The only reason she was still kept was because of her status as an incubator. He wouldn't even punish her the ways she imagined.

After a week her episodes slowed, and after two they almost completely ceased coming. Originally she believed said punishment was the lack of his comfort and intervention. The idea that he was the instigator along with the pacifier was logical, albeit emotionally draining. She was already drained enough physically. She didn't want to think he was capable of doing that to her, and putting his unborn children through that stress. It didn't make sense. Then again, someone who named a weapon of mass destruction after the goddess of love was clearly deranged. The mythology that Freya received half of the souls in the afterlife seemed too fitting, considering Schneizel had enough warheads to massacre half the population of the world in the name of "love and peace." Releasing her of the burden of her fits was also counterproductive to the notion of punishment. Lelouch found herself thumbing the smooth gems of her eye patch whenever she thought about it. It was funny that whenever her mind wandered to how horrible of a person Schneizel was she stroked the amethyst, and when her thoughts followed a different trajectory she stoked her stomach. No matter the reason, she wasn't complaining about lack of fits.

Round Ligament Pain provided enough misery. The myth that morning sickness only lasted until the second trimester, and came in the morning was laughable. Cheryl insisted that once her hormone levels evened out, a lot of the negative symptoms would fade, leaving her in a honeymoon period before she got to big to function. Lelouch already felt big, and it wasn't even half way done.

Schneizel's callous ceased when they were in that medical room. Her love/loath conflict vanished too. If she were to say she loved him when he looked at the screen, and rubbed her rounding belly, it wouldn't be a lie. Any other time surely, but seeing him stare starry-eyed at the screen melted her heart.

"Lila," Lelouch said, anticipating the cool gel. It didn't catch her off guard any longer. "I like Lila for a girl."

"No." Schneizel said, the hardness of his features faded. "We aren't naming our kid Darkness."

Cheryl laughed, putting away the soft measuring tape she used to guess the size of the babies before using the sonogram machine. She reasoned it was good to do things with and without technology, and then compare the results, rather than relying on machines alone. "How about we let the kids decide. If I feel confident enough to determine the genders today, and one is a girl, Lulu gets to name that kid. You, your highness -"

"Please, just Schneizel." He reminded.

"Right. Schneizel. I don't know why it's easier to remember for Lulu, maybe because of feminine bonding." She winked. "You can name the other one, or at least get more of a say in the matter. After doing this for twenty years, I'd say it's a good idea to just agree. Especially since names usually pick themselves. They just come to you one day."

"Fine." He conceded.

Seventeen weeks was past the cusp of speculation and moving into certitude, and yet Lelouch already knew. Call it woman's intuition. One of the babies was a girl, and that was her name. Over the past month the blobs that were her children morphed into easily recognizable bodies. They were little humans, and even interacted with each other. In addition to sucking thumbs, and exploring their own bodies, the babies started to reach for one another. More than once Lelouch found herself tearing up watching them on the screen while Cheryl dealt with the technicalities of the ultrasound.

They were probably going to have a stronger bond than her and Nunnally. Lelouch fought the urge to unlink her fingers with Schneizel's at the notion. The request to talk to her sister stayed at the tip of her tongue during each appointment. It would probably be the best time to do so since it was the only time they interacted in person, and he acted lovingly towards her. The cold, calm indifference didn't surface until afterwards, when he walked her back to her room.

"Ok! Moment of truth here." Cheryl beamed. "Baby A is sleeping with legs wide open. Should I zoom in or skip over that part of the body?"

Lelouch was correct. The smaller one with a faster heartbeat was indeed a girl. Schneizel scoffed, accusing the women of "plotting against him." Lelouch tensed slightly at the phrase before relaxing immediately after. He wouldn't sully the moment by divulging his knowledge of her activities. Baby B was not immediately named, however, he too was more than happy to show off his parts during the anatomy scan. Boy and girl twins. That had to be something of fiction; it was too perfect. They were perfect. Besides the usual miseries of a pregnancy of multiples, there were no complications, or added risks. She was even gaining weight exactly on schedule, no doubt Kanon's constant supply of nutritionally dense food helped.

"I was going more for the meaning of the word in Hinduism." Lelouch said when the spell of the sonogram was broken. Schneizel helped her off the table. Such gestures would only last a few more minutes. He quirked a smile, and waited for an explanation. "Without going into a lengthy dialog, Lila, or Leela, is the divine manifestation of Brahman, God's, pastime or play in Hinduism. It's like Maya, but not, considering that that "illusion," exists to make us forget our connection, our Atman [3]. Lila is the cosmos, and Brahman revealed through action."

"Why do you like that name?" Schneizel whispered. His hand trembled slightly in her smaller one.

"It uh." Lelouch hooked a piece of her hair behind her ear, feeling unnerved by her brother's response. As much as he tried to remain impassive, he looked - something she couldn't quite put her finger on - under his guarded features. "It just popped into my head after an episode. Or during. I'm not sure. Anyway I like it. C.C. and I used to talk philosophy, and Hinduism was one of her favorites because of all the stories."

"That's fine." He replied curtly. "That name is apposite."

Schneizel didn't walk her back to her apartment that day. As much he didn't protest her choice in their daughter's name, it struck a chord with him. The starry-eyed gaze vanished when he glanced down at her stomach. Lelouch instinctively brought her hands around it, protecting her unborn children from his stare. When he stormed out of the room, she couldn't help but be reminded of Suzaku.

 


	13. Daydreaming, Drinking, and Drugs

Lelouch was left wanting. Once she was firmly rooted in the second trimester, her fatigue and morning sickness vanished. It truly was the honeymoon period, except there was one thing missing. Sex. Feeling revitalized, and not like a zombie, brought back her libido. The only issue was a willing participant. Propositioning Schneizel would be easier if she didn't feel so awkward, and not at all sexy. With her belly protruding almost as far as her breasts, Lelouch felt less than able to master the art of seduction. Relative adjectives would be fat, restless, and reluctant. Would Schneizel even still want her? Perhaps pregnancy brain did exist since Lelouch was incapable to remember how to act alluring.

His loving atmosphere didn't vanish during her biweekly appointments, (it was too early to tell) per say; there was something hidden underneath Schneizel's smile. When Lila was mentioned, or brought on the screen to compare sizes, he acted strange. The circles he rubbed with this thumb would stop. He carried a look of guilt, of hidden shame, when he didn't think she was watching. He expected her eyes were glued to the screen like his.

He didn't act like that with the still unnamed Baby B.

Lelouch prayed she was just imagining things. It was likely he actually finished reading 'What to Expect When You Are Expecting.' She couldn't. The book made everything so real. Healthy pregnancies and births truly were miracles when considering all the things that could go wrong. It was a good thing Lelouch was the 'Man of Miracles.' She dutifully ignored her relation to making to impossible possible in a negative sense.

At least there was one thing she didn't have to worry about. Her and Schneizel were both RH factor negative. In daily life the absence of the blood protein, for the most part, was just a notation on a medical record. During pregnancy, however, it could cause complications if the maternal and fetal bloods are incompatible, causing a laundry list of potentially life threatening issues for the babies. The RHo (D) immune globulin shot existed to prevent this. Cheryl's suggestions on the subject were not needed when Schneizel's blood work came back. Lelouch wouldn't need the shot because her and her brother's blood was compatible.

"Wow. I didn't expect this," Cheryl said, looking down at the folder. "Less than five percent of people have this blood type. It's extremely rare for both parents to match. Even though you are both, obviously, Britannian the odds were not in your favor, unless you were siblings or something."

Schneizel was not amused by Lelouch's crazed laugh. He didn't tremble, or seem disturbed other than annoyance. He became accustomed to it at some point. To her credit Cheryl looked more confused than concerned. For someone who bragged about "powerful rulers taking siblings as wives," her brother seemed content keeping their kinship a dirty little secret. She wondered if that was why she was never reprimanded for killing the previous doctor, the sacrificial pawn. It was an inadvertent favor to him.

She didn't want to return to her apartment directly after the appointment, and told him so. Well, she wouldn't have minded if she returned with him, but suggesting so seemed far too embarrassing. Lelouch did so anyway when the pair came to the junction that separated the path to the garden and the path to living space. She stopped abruptly, and chewed on her bottom lip. Hormones were making her act out of character, including emotional swings and insecurities.

Schneizel walked a few feet before turning around, realizing she wasn't following. "I was going to go to the garden." She said, twisting her increasing long hair around her pointer finger. "Or we could both go back to the apartment together and..."

She trailed off when he came closer. When it became clear she wasn't going to finish her thought, he lifted her chin to make eye contact. The pastel purple was smothering. Lelouch suppressed a whimper when he thumbed her red lips briefly, and trailed his hand down her neck, settling at the hem of the dress neckline. The lasciviousness of his gaze made her feel weak at the knees. At least it showed he still desired her.

"My dearest, fucking sister. The next time I see you outside of that medical wing will be to inflict your punishment. Do not request my company unless that is your desire." She closed her eyes when he leaned in to whisper, his breath unnaturally hot against her flesh. "My only request is that you act soon, or wait until postpartum. I would hate to do those things to you when you are so swollen with child your screams will not excite me. According to you that is the only thing that gives me a sense of control, and makes me feel alive."

Schneizel was waiting for her to ask. He was using her accusations as inspiration. This realization hit her like a slap in the face, except the effect was quite different. The whimper did escape and so did the lid on her arousal. The fact that he expected her to come to him was fucked up. Having that notion make her wet was even more fucked up. It just proved how starved she was for attention. Her loose fitting dress became unnaturally tight, especially when his hand bridged the barrier of her bodice, squeezing her breast. He rolled her sensitive nipple between his fingers and pinched. Lelouch gasped and stepped back.

His retreat didn't remind her of Suzaku. If anything Lelouch felt that she were the one running away. Her lack of movement until he rounded the corner was notwithstanding. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, the loud "phew" sound eased her anxiety. The ache between her legs was another story. For someone who used to make war decisions with the fate of a nation in mind, deciding which was to turn should have been a lot easier.

She grumbled and continued her track to the garden, too stubborn to change her mind. The tension would subside on its own, which was just a slower, more annoying end to what Lelouch could accomplish. She never felt satisfied; not like how she did when she was with Schneizel. Her imagination seemed to be substandard because when she tried to mimic his actions with her eyes closed, it just left her more frustrated. He was a cruel man.

The prospect of an apology changing her fate was unlikely. Lelouch wasn't certain he deserved one, and giving a fake "I'm sorry," would make her brother more vengeful. He always hated fake feelings, which was funny because that's what he grew to become: an actor on a stage. If he weren't the Prime Minister, and their father's favorite son, he could rival Odysseus or Clovis in the arts. His contribution would be theater. Those masks he wore to portray a perfect charismatic leader, a cold blooded strategist, and doting lover would be put to something useless. Lelouch felt a smile tug at her lips. Schneizel lived for results. It was evident in everything he did. He was all or nothing, willing to sacrifice everything, even himself.

His actions at their eldest brother's engagement party, when he sacrificed his king piece against Zero in chess, was a prime example. Schneizel's aim wasn't to win, but to test her. Sure, he was playing to his fullest. Victory wasn't the result he sought. Although, he certainly wasn't making false moves to let  **her** win. He parroted her action of 'having the king lead' to see how she would respond. Making that suicide move was probably the height of his night because it gave him insight on her character. It allowed him to 'learn something about the person behind the mask.'

Maybe he would have been a field psychologist instead.

There was always the possibility of both, and that was the most likely alternative universe. Schneizel would be a psychologist by day, and actor by night. He would channel his perceived understanding of the human psyche into his role. In that world he would actually understand people. Schneizel was too regal to sympathize with the average man. He was too much like their father in that regard. Instead he played his role to produce the expected results, living off the passions of others. The only time he didn't act that way was when she was four and he fourteen.

Lelouch moaned in pain, dropping to the floor. She noted a distinct "pop" sounded in her ear before passing out.

_Big Brother Schneizel mostly ignored her. He was too busy to play dolls, hide and seek, or color. When he was back from boarding school, Schneizel was mostly at the Emperor's side, soaking up as much as he could. He had to compete against Big Brother Odysseus. Still, Lelouch didn't like his lack of attention. She snuck into the mansion he shared with his mother to teach him a lesson. Her mother, Marianne, had just taught her the importance of keeping one's appointments. Schneizel didn't keep his appointment to play with her when he got back from school. He obviously didn't learn much there for her to know more than him at such a young age._

_She went up into his ugly sea foam green room that didn't have any toys, but had big books with no pictures. Lelouch wrote, "Lulu was here," with purple crayon all over his school stuff. Her penmanship was pretty, and full of hearts and stars. She wished she had a girl's name, like Euphie. Then she could put a heart over the letter I. She was halfway through the big stacks of white pages filled with fancy words that were hard to sound out when he came upstairs. Big Brother Schneizel was furious when he found her, saying "there were enough other kids her own age; there was no reason for her to be so obsessed with him." She called him out on his cancellation, happy to have two more words added to her vast vocabulary for her small size._

_He glared at her, his pretty purple eyes were madder than she thought they were would be. Really, she thought she would be out of his room and back home by the time he was back. Then she wouldn't have to see his stupid face look down at her. He was surprised that his rejection bothered her enough to risk getting scolded by 'Marianne.'_

_Lelouch's mother's scolding wasn't as scary as Big Brother Schneizel's yell. His loud cracking voice made big crocodile tears stream down her flushed cheeks. She wailed, wiping the snot that came out of her nose on her pretty blue dress. This only made her more upset. He sighed, and said if he was going to play with her, "it was going to be something he wanted." He was going to teach her to play chess._

_They played for the rest of the day in his study. It was a space that made even less sense than his bedroom. It had toys in it that he didn't play with, and wouldn't let her touch. He lied and said they weren't toys. Schneizel let her win the first time to "show her how it worked." After that he got a lot better, and found it super funny that she got mad that he won each game._

_"Why are you trying so hard when you know you can't beat me?" He asked, leaning against the wing back chair. "It's not worth the effort."_

_Lelouch spit her hair out of her mouth. She had a habit of chewing her long strands into a ball, claiming they tasted like chicken nuggets. Big Brother Schneizel knew better than to mention it. She would explain, in detail, her theory regarding favorite food faeries. That was why Nunnally's hair didn't taste like anything. She was still a baby so her favorite food was still "mama's nursies." It would probably taste like chicken nuggets when her little sister got older, because chicken nuggets were the bestest. She told him about it even though he didn't ask._

_Schneizel pointed out that "bestest" was not a word. He thought he was so smart. Lelouch pouted as he moved the horse piece to take her black one. She fought the urge to put it back, knowing that's not how the game worked. Those were her favorite ones; they were the prettiest._

_"One day I'm going to beat you and you're going to be sorry!" She yelled, sticking her tongue out in the process. She scooted forward in the large chair, stretching to reach the pieces on the tall table. She refused to stand, or sit somewhere else. Nunnally was the baby; she was a big girl. Lelouch moved her pawn in a way that was not allowed (two space jumps were only permitted the first turns) before continuing. "I'm going to be big and tall, and I'm going to wear pretty jewelry, and be super duper_ _**super** _ _smart and then you're going to say 'sorry'. You're going to play chess with me and I'm going to win, and you'll be sad because then we can't get married."_

_Schneizel laughed. His big skinny body shook with joy as he took his own turn. He didn't correct her false move. "Oh yeah? Why would I ever want to marry a shrimp like you? Besides, you can't marry your sibling."_

_"Duh! I'm going to be the prettiest and smartest! You don't listen."_

_"Ok."_

_"Aaaannnnnddd I'm going to be the first person to beat you in chess, and then you are totally going to fall madly in love with me and want to marry me anyway."_

_"Father already beats me in chess, so looks like your plans aren't going to work out."_

_"What if we tag team against Papa?"_

_"It doesn't work that way."_

_"Oh." She responded, popping her ball of chewed up hair back in her mouth, avoiding the bright blue ribbons. They tasted like silk, and not junk food. "Hey! I just re-rea.."_

_"Realized."_

_"Yeah that. You never said I couldn't beat you at chess!"_

_Schneizel looked down at her big, eager, lavender eyes, and then the game board. He smiled. "That's because you probably could one day if you keep being so enthusiastic. That means to be really happy to do something. Buut," He drawled out the word. Lelouch let out a squeal of laughter when he reached over the table to steal her nose. "That doesn't mean I'm going to want to marry you, and even if I did, I wouldn't say 'I'm sorry.' You shouldn't apologize when you don't mean it."_

Lelouch stopped, noticing she wandered down an unfamiliar section of the fortress. The walls were a shade darker, like the paint was a different batch. She closed her eyes and swallowed down bile, realizing that she was the one who suggested their messed up relationship. Surely Schneizel couldn't be so deranged as to hold her to her word. She was four! All little girls want to marry their father or older brother(s). Besides, she hadn't beaten him at chess until after he claimed her as his wife, and raped her. To use the match from when she was Zero as an example would be taking it out of context. For one, he didn't know she was the person behind the mask. Secondly, she didn't win. Thirdly, even if she did win, it wouldn't be a real victory considering he put himself in such a position. She had too much pride, which was why she moved away from his king piece.

She felt a sensation of nausea that competed with any occurrence of morning sickness, leaning against the wall to catch her bearings. Unless she took a completely wrong turn, she should have been at the garden by now. There was only one turn from when Schneizel broke off from their walk. Said turn happened at a dead end too. At the end of that corridor there was a locked section of the Avalon, which had a security system that surpassed Schneizel's personal files. In fact, Lelouch would be hard pressed to even call it security. It was just an impenetrable wall. The only reason she knew anything lied behind it was because she read the blueprints of the ship. One of the reasons she was transferred to the Damocles was because the Avalon was undergoing a remodel: a special storage for FLEIJA missiles was added on. The only way into that section was from the outside, or so she thought.

More importantly was the period of forgetfulness. Lelouch didn't usually daze out, and when she did, it wasn't so serious. It usually didn't involve finding secret panels that opened sliding walls. Lelouch thumbed the amethyst, feeling a strange sensation emitting from the stone. She dropped it; her body tingled unpleasantly at the contact. After observing the panel, and the sequence used to unlock the hidden door, she made it look like nothing was ever tampered with. It was better for Schneizel to not know she discovered another one of his secrets, especially if she was going to be snooping around after a nice long nap.

* * *

Her actions made no sense. She shouldn't be calling him. There was only one person higher on the totem pole of 'people she wanted out of her life.' Well, that statement wasn't completely true. He already abandoned her. It was going to take a while to get over. The general rule of thumb is that it takes twice as long to get over someone. Lelouch knew from experience that saying did not mean the amount of time a couple was together. If that were the case, she would have been over him long ago.

It was funny how thin the line was. Love. Loathe. They even sounded similar. If she spoke them fast enough; it became a blur.

The amount of negative experiences also didn't seem to be a factor. With all the shit that asshole put her through she should have stopped caring about him long ago. She shouldn't sympathize with his actions. They were too dissimilar. Well, besides age, body type, eating habits, and affinity for deep conversation when drunk. Then again, all she had to do was think about the opposite of what she would do, and Lelouch could follow his pattern of thought. He really wasn't that hard to read. The fact that he thought he was doing the right thing shouldn't sway her opinion of him, considering he was going about everything all wrong. It didn't change reality.

If the deciding factor was how long she was in love with him, then she was royally fucked. That statement was not meant as a pun since that would suggest the bane of her night was Schneizel, and not that idiot, Suzaku. At least there was one more year in the can. She only needed to hold out for another fifteen years and her love/loathe confusion could finally fall to the wayside. She could get out of the jail, pass go, and collect her two hundred dollars. She snorted at the analogy. Even if she did have the capacity to stop loving Suzaku, it wouldn't get her out of jail. Her jailer was Schneizel now, and not her ex boyfriend.

Lelouch rolled over to look at the clock on her computer placed next to her on the bed. If she were going to call, she would need to do it within the next few minutes, before the time switched over to midnight and the day passed unaddressed. It was silly and not in a cheerful way. She was morbid, but so was he. That was another thing they had in common. She sighed and typed his number into the app, pressing the green bubble to connect the call.

Suzaku accepted audio only. He didn't want to see her. She wasn't certain she wanted to see him either. That didn't make the rejection any less bothersome. He was silent on the other end, and his breathing seemed abnormally labored. There was some rustling, and she wondered if he accepted by mistake. His tanned fingers meant to push the red button that dismissed the invitation to chat.

"Are you really calling me? Or is this a memory too?" He asked, his voice sounded distant.

"That's an odd question." She mused over the right response. Suzaku sighed, contented. She could picture him in her mind's eye leaning against a wall or the back of a chair, waiting for her to decide on an answer. His smile was not overt; it wasn't broad either. It was more of his features relaxing as he basked in the possibility that he stumped her with a question. Was he drunk? He sounded out of it. If her imagery scene were true, that inference would match his actions. "I suppose I'm calling you to dredge up memories. I'm feeling morbid, and misery loves company." She paused, closing her eyes as she breathed. "Happy anniversary, my love. Or what would have been if I never left you."

The laugh sounded like her albeit a raspy, deeper version of her own cackle. "I'm glad you called." He said, and she could hear a door or maybe a box close. "I was just about to seek you out in the past." He murmured something. She could hear the clink of glass, a gulp, and grimace. "Happy anniversary."

The silence was somehow awkward and comfortable at once. Lelouch hovered her fingers over the camera icon a few times, wanting to see the expression on his face. "I want to see you," he said, as if reading her mind. "I will sober up with some coffee and a shower, but may I? I might not come if I'm not drunk though. It wouldn't be fair if I was and you weren't." He paused, deep in thought regarding his dilemma.

"That's fine."

Lelouch ended the call with sweaty hands. The moisture was evident on the screen. She stared at the print until the backlight turned off, leaving her in darkness. It was likely that he wouldn't visit her. The time was just past midnight, and honestly it was a terrible idea. What if her brother found out? She wasn't doing anything illegal. He never expressed a rule that she couldn't have company. She never said any vows, and most importantly; she was almost five months pregnant. The prospect of this being an opportunity to cheat on Schneizel was fleeting. Suzaku wouldn't show up. He was just torturing her with the idea.

The blinding brightness of the lights being turned on assaulted her even behind her eyelids. Lelouch grumbled, and pushed a pillow over her head. It had to be Suzaku. Only he knew that a surefire way to wake her up was to flick the lights on and off over, and over like in a horror movie. She glared out from underneath her shelter, seeing only black pants from her limited vantage point. Glancing at the giant clock on the wall revealed it to be 1:11, most likely in the morning. He didn't give himself much time to sober up. He might not have been that drunk in the first place, and he definitely wouldn't have come if he weren't at least a little inebriated. Without looking at him, she deduced that he was mostly likely dulled enough to have impaired judgment without physical effects. She was beginning to regret this decision.

So was Suzaku if his actions were any indication. He stood at the entrance, just enough out of the way to be past the threshold. It took him several minutes (or that's what it felt like) to close the door. The stentorian click matched Lelouch's breathing. It prompted her to push herself up into a seated position, legs tucked under her butt like she was sitting on the floor of the Kururugi shrine. The pillow fell victim to gravity, tumbling off her head, and also the bed on its own accord. Lelouch shifting to look at him might have helped the cotton encased down find the floor a little.

He looked haggard, like years had been sucked out of his life.  _Was he like that before?_  Over the past four months, Lelouch only saw the boy a few times, and each one she tried to avoid actually looking at him. At that moment she openly gaped at him, as he did her. He lost weight. The blazer of his Ashford Academy uniform didn't cling like a second skin, perfectly sized, like it did previously. It couldn't have been too many pounds. The change was subtle, but Lelouch was astute. His features were hard, and not just due to his current expression. Suzaku was surprisingly stoic, hiding the shame of his patricide for years. Too much. He bottled up too much emotion, leaving his natural poise dead, lifeless, and distant. Whether it was the accumulation of time or events that left him like that could be a lengthy debate. A small smile tugged at her lips as a glimmer of emotion entered his emerald eyes. They finished their journey over her body, settling on the top of her head.

"You look like Rivalz after a buffet. When he would stick out his stomach, saying he had a 'food baby.' I uh. Wouldn't really notice if I didn't already know. The dress helps." Suzaku scratched the back of his head, unsure of what he was even saying.

Lelouch smiled broadly. If there was one thing that makes a pregnant woman happy, it's hearing that she doesn't look pregnant. Rivalz food baby was always barely noticeable, and she would nod to the statement that he looked 'fat' to appease her friend more than agreement. She smoothed the dress over her thighs, mumbling "thanks."

Suzaku silently stayed in his spot. The two continued to stare at each other until Lelouch sighed, leaving the bed. She walked over to the couch, exaggeratedly plopping down. He gulped, looking like he wanted to flee, before walking over to the leather sofa. Suzaku sat one cushion from her. It was just enough distance to be considered the void between near and far. She could feel his presence; his body heat didn't smother.

"I killed Nunnally," he said, cutting the tension and to the chase.

The words carried their own weight out of his lips. He undoubtedly couldn't have forced them out on his own without alcohol aiding his admission. Lelouch would have thought the statement would carry more sentiment. That was her personality, however, not his. Like with Mao, and the surfacing of Genbu Kururugi's death, it was Lelouch's noncommittal comfort that drove the madness from his eyes.

"Schneizel says she's still alive." Lelouch said, reaching for his lean hand. Her fingertips brushed against his, settling to where their skins touched only to the first knuckle. She couldn't bring herself to take his whole hand, or intertwine the length of the digits. They both trembled to the same tempo. "I haven't asked to see her again because I want to believe him. I want it to be true. If I press the issue and find out it's not..."

Her shaking became out of sync with his. Suzaku startled when her hand shot forward, clutching his in a vice grip. He didn't pull away. Lelouch cast her head downward to stare at the coffee table. Her hair fell around her like a halo, sheltering her face from his scrutiny. The furniture, the object of her attention, became distorted through raven strands and unshed tears.

Finishing her thought process was too much for her to handle. Saying it out loud wouldn't make a difference. Still, Lelouch locked that possibility away. She had to believe Schneizel, otherwise Nunnally was dead and the minuscule measure of affection they shared in the medical wing would be lost. Her sister's death wouldn't be his fault. He didn't detonate the bomb. It wasn't Suzaku's fault. He was under the influence of geass, which was absolute. When Kallen began to explain everything to her on Honari Island, Lelouch had to stop her. The situation was already clear. She killed Nunnally the same way she killed Euphie. That instance was a more detached version of the current event. The intent and result were ultimately the same though. A precious member of her family, the most precious member, died because she didn't understand the reverberations of her power.

It was too much of a cross to bear. She channeled all her grief into the twins. All her sorrows were transformed into joy of their existence. It was all she could do to not fall apart. It was an unfair coping mechanism.

"I think I know how you felt after killing Euphie. You pushed forward because if you turned back then everything would be meaningless. Her death would have been for nothing. You did it for her. I should have been able to sympathize with you sooner, considering that's what I did with my father. I refused though."

"You loved her. It is right of you to hate me." Lelouch replied, keeping her head forward and downcast.

Suzaku leaned towards her, hooking a large section of her hair behind her ear. He seemed surprised when his hand came in contact with it, like he expected she wasn't solid. His hand lingered, and he caressed the start of her jaw with his tumb, requesting she turn to face her. Lelouch absently noted that he didn't cup her chin and force eye contact. Suzaku never forced, and never cupped her chin. The fingers behind her ear tangled in her hair, begging her to look up.

"I could never hate you, Lulu." He said when her lavender eyes met his emerald ones. They were sparkling with tears too. "I tried. That was one thing I could never accomplish. The line between love and loathe is so thin. I thought I crossed it. I didn't. I could never stop loving you. I'm sorry for everything. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'm sorry anyway."

"I guess that makes us even," she whispered. His touch seared her skin, branding it like the scars he left on her heart.

"Lulu." His voice was barely audible. His eyes became intense. It was a stark difference from his tone. "May I kiss you? That's all I would do. That's all I've wanted. Every time I do refrain, the hardest part is knowing I'm not really kissing you. Please."

Lelouch wasn't sure what surprised her more the request or his confession to drug use. She couldn't muster up a verbal response, and nodded instead. Suzaku's eyes went wide at her acceptance, leaning his forehead against her's. Lelouch thought he was going to change his mind and stay that way. She tilted her head to the side, and that last nudge was enough to get him to close the distance.

His lips were soft and hesitant, reminding her of their first kiss. Suzaku moved his hand to massage the nape of her neck, making her gasp at the tentative touch. He treated her like glass that would break if he pushed too hard. Lelouch moved her free hand, the one that wasn't holding his, to grab hold of his blazer when he tried to pull away. As timid as he, she slid her tongue into his mouth, tasting cheap wine. It wasn't $600 a bottle La Mondotte, but the $5 cheap kind that Shirley would buy. It tasted awful.

She moaned at the clumsy way they kissed. It had been long enough that their old rhyme was lost. She had become accustomed to Schneizel's preferences, which was rough and demanding. This was nothing like that. Lelouch didn't want to corrupt the moment by taking the lead, morphing Suzaku's style into something it was not. She was fine with being made of glass. Suzaku liked glass; a long time ago he used it as an example of happiness.


	14. To Shatter Stones

Like the three trimesters (some would add the first few months postpartum, making four) of pregnancy, there are also at least three distinct phases of realizing said pregnancy. The first is obviously getting a positive pregnancy test, and the first symptoms. This could bring about joy or apprehension, depending on the person. Lelouch chose the former. Through all the unpleasantness, she refused to think of the fetuses as an unpleasant manifestation. Besides, there wasn't really anything solid for her fragile mental state to grab onto. Some nausea, fatigue, pulled muscles or cramps - she had felt one or more of these symptoms at some point in her life. Even the bloated belly was something she experienced before. Her 'food baby,' often beat Rivalz's, no doubt due to her ability to eat at least twenty percent more than him. When she became Zero, expending calories on complicated calculations daily, her appetite increased with the stress. It was nothing new when taken out of context.

Seeing her twins on the ultrasound monitor was another phase. It made the experience concrete in the sense that there was now undeniable physical evidence that she was indeed pregnant. She saw them wiggle, suck their thumbs, and reach for one another. Their heartbeats were also heard at every appointment. She even gave her daughter a name already. Still, there was some measure of detachment. Her unborn children lived as an idea in her mind as much as in her belly, more so even. They were pictures taped to her wall, or a movie on a screen. She loved the idea of being pregnant.

The third phase, and one usually met with the most excitement, is feeling fetal movements. Even though they occur as early as 8 weeks into the pregnancy, most women don't feel recognizable 'kicks' until 18-20 weeks. Until then, the sensation can easily be confused with gas, which was another thing Lelouch had experienced previously. However, once noticed, there was no denying them. It's a feeling that cannot really be described. Butterflies fluttering in the belly are the most common. The types of actions that feel like someone was punching or kicking you from the inside out don't come until later.

Lelouch felt her first kick that first night when she was with Suzaku.

They were holding hand, fingers laced. Her other one gripped his blazer so hard her knuckles turned white, like he was her lifeline, but in a different sense than Schneizel. Her brother kept her afloat in choppy sea of his creation. Without him she would drown in insanity, and depression over all the things she lost. Suzaku was the opposite. He kept her steady, reminding her there was a world where she wasn't being thrashed about, doing little more than reacting to the situation.

Her grasp was a stark difference than her soft kiss. The contrast fit the situation. It didn't take long for the clumsiness to ebb, leaving a tantalizing, slow passage. Teasing wasn't the right word, since that would suggest one of them knew where their lip locking would lead. If anyone was taunting her, it was God, giving her something unattainable, and yet inviting. Suzaku surely felt the same. He kept his fingers curled around a lock of her hair like she would disappear if he let go. Unlike her his clutch was craven; his fear was felt in spirit rather than words or gesture.

Despite Suzaku's obvious desire to keep their affair innocent, never letting his hand travel below her neck while making out, Lelouch ached for something even more enchanting. His tender touch made her melt in his arm wrapped around her shoulder, playing with her hair. The chaste kiss caused her to moan. She missed making love. It wasn't just sex her system craved. Schneizel would cuddle her after fucking; his intention prior wasn't so genuine. It was tainted with the knowledge that he could force her to do whatever he wanted. No matter how gentle his caresses, it was never a request.

She broke the kiss to trail her lips across his jawline and down his neck. The smell, or lack there of, struck out at her. Schneizel's cologne became synonymous with sex, a classical conditioning of sorts. Suzaku didn't smell like anything, not even fabric softener. If pressed, Lelouch would have responded that his natural scent was the same as a Knightmare cockpit. She squeezed her eyes shut, hating the comparisons that flooded her mind. His pulse quicken underneath her lips. With a gentle pressure, he urged her head upward, back to kissing.

He tensed in surprise when she crawled onto him, hopefully not due to the added 15lbs from the last time she straddled his lap. Lelouch's heart pounded in her ears as she instinctually seduced. The rhythm picked up. He brought his hand away from the nape of her neck to the crisscross of ribbon on the back of her dress. He ran his fingers over each intersection until he came to the bow at the bottom of her shoulder blades. He thumbed the ribbon, obviously anxious over the prospect of untying the knot.

"Lulu." Her name wasn't at all sinful from his mouth. It wasn't only due to his airy tone. "Lulu," he repeated, pleading.

Her approval faltered. Lelouch let go of his jacket in surprise when a strange sensation came from her insides. It was undeniable. One of the babies definitely gave her a judgmental kick. In reality the movement was subtle, and discrete. The gravity of her condition came crashing down on her. She was pregnant. Not just pregnant; there was a baby, no, two babies growing inside of her womb. Somehow this seemed to be a step further than pregnancy regardless of that being the meaning of the word. In the near future she was going to give birth, and be a mother. A mother to the children conceived with her brother.  _Oh, God._  As silly as it sounds, it never fully clicked. Only someone who underwent something similar can relate. Knowledge and experience are two completely different animals. She was experiencing something exclusive to quickening [1].

"Lulu?" Suzaku opened his eyes to see her ashen face. Lelouch removed her hand from his chest, placing it on her lower stomach, willing the onslaught to stop. "If you are about to have an episode, we can't be touching. Otherwise I'll get sent into the White World with you like at Narita. There's nothing I can do to stop it. I tried. I'm sorry."

"Wait what?" She asked wide-eyed. This was not how she expected to spend her night. She pushed herself off his lap, feeling dizzy with two new bits of information. Truthfully one wasn't new, per say, more like fully acknowledged. "Suzaku you need to explain the best you can."

He scratched the back of his head, unsure of how to proceed. Her pacing was making him nervous. "On Honari Island, when you had your episode, I couldn't take you clawing at your eye patch so I unlocked it. When my hand touched your skin I was thrust into the White World."

Lelouch stopped pacing and closed her eyes, taking several calming breaths. This was one thing she did not miss about him. "Suzaku, you can't just give your own names to things and expect me to know what they are. What do you mean by 'like Narita?' Do you mean what happened when C.C. put her hand on the Lancelot? When she sent you horrifying images?"

"Yes?" He scratched his head again and laughed. The sound soothed her. He was an idiot for laughing; it was nice though. "Maybe. I don't really remember either of them. The second time wasn't really frightening, at least... I don't think so. I didn't come out of it sweating profusely, with an elevated heart rate, shooting the VAERIS in a state of panic."

"Obviously." She grumbled, and rolled her eyes. After a long pause she went to get him a glass of water. "You are the biggest fucking idiot I've ever met. Drink." She handed him the glass, sitting back on the couch. The notion that he was more intoxicated than suggested was dutifully ignored. She didn't want to compare herself to Schneizel, even if Suzaku was the one who initiated.

"Thanks." He took the glass with one hand, and laced their fingers together with the other. "You. You were panicked. You were jerking around the floor, screaming to "take the eye patch off; it would make it stop. It would make it easier for her come out though." I really don't know what you meant by that. You also told me about Euphie, and that it was a mistake. Anyway.  **You**  reminded me of how I was at Narita. Then there was the White World and... Lulu?"

_"Preventing your obedience geass is only one of the functions."_

She shivered. Suzaku set down his empty cup and carefully rubbed her arm. The urge to swat him away was out measured by the pieces fitting together. She wasn't insane. Well, maybe a little at this point, but she her 'fits' had nothing to do with said insanity. A Thought Disturbing System caused them. It was the only thing that made sense given her new bit of information. Lelouch pulled at one of the amethyst chains, staring at the stone too close to her eyes. She moved it back, till the chain was taut, and her vision wasn't doubled. It looked like a normal gemstone. She closed her eyes, focusing on the way it felt between her fingertips. Suzaku's inquiry was shushed. It felt odd. This was noticed a while ago. There was the strange tingling too. Her brother was a cruel man, crueler than the one who sired him even. His slip of words finally made sense.

"That asshole. He made it seem like he was the one who unlocked it." She mumbled.

Suzaku stayed motionless and confused on the couch when she unlinked fingers, searching through her room. "What are you doing?"

"Suzaku. Can you leave and come back with something harder than a 7 on the mohrs scale? Something stupid like a hammer would work." He didn't answer. Suzaku thought she was crazy. "I'm not crazy. Schneizel is making me crazy." That explanation trumped any that Suzaku gave. "These stones are linked to Kamine Island, and to Narita. Well not Narita, but if that makes it easier for you to understand we can go with that. When C.C. sent you those images, the experience was similar to one I had on Kamine Island, right before you sold me to my father." He winced at the way she nonchalantly said it. "It's called a Thought Disturbing System. It can either be produced by a code-bearer, C.C., V.V., my father, probably, or recreated with technology. Schneizel was studying the Thought Elevator when we were on Kamine Island with the Gawain. I looked into the database, but a lot of it was just theology, and honestly I was more interested from a military standpoint than esoteric or psychology study.

"The amethysts could be fake, but more than likely they are encasing some sort of circuit. Quartz resonance can be used to give off a low electrical charge, and there are three of them. Schneizel doesn't do anything without a reason. They likely work off one another. That's not even considering the metaphysical meaning behind the stone. It's linked to the third eye, and occultists believed it could aid in psychic abilities, most commonly used in creating a link to the ethereal realm. C's World. That would explain the strange vibrations I felt, and why they look different. They are lab created in conjunction with modern technology. Probably grown around small wires to ensure the right frequency."

"Doesn't that take a long time? I mean. No offense it was only four days after he happened upon our meeting that he gave you the eye patch."

Lelouch looked up from where she was making holes in the floor with both her eyes and the circles she was pacing. "He could have been working on it before. Who's to say I'm not just a convenient test subject? The only things that don't make sense is what you meant, or I meant by 'make her come out.' I don't remember any of it. I thought I just spoke incoherent babble. Sometimes, if I can remember things, it's like my body is talking and moving on its own accord. It's all just babble though. Mostly I just remember feeling like something is pulling me out. My soul is being sent elsewhere. To C's world." She stared into his emerald eyes imploring him to comprehend what she was telling him. "We can address your statement that he 'happened' to find me later. I have enough shit to deal with. That's trivial in comparison."

"I'm still failing to see where a hammer comes in. I can't break the eye patch off with it, and. "He clutched at the air by his heart, subconsciously searching for something that wasn't there. "I don't have the key anymore."

"No, but you can break one of the stones. You have good aim, and this last chain is pretty long. I trust you not to smash my head even when you're drunk. I need to look inside of one, for confirmation if nothing else."

Suzaku give her a weak, pitying smile, and got up from the couch. He grabbed her hand, pulling her into a tight embrace. Lelouch awkwardly reciprocated; her arms were pinned to her sides. "I'm an idiot," he murmured into her hair. Lelouch agreed. "I don't understand what you are saying. It's too far fetched. One thing I do get is that it's a delicate system. It's your mind, Lulu, the most amazing part of you. I won't just go smashing stones with a hammer to satiate your curiosity. Who knows what could happen to you. Besides." He trailed off, struggling to force the next part out. " You can't just think about yourself anymore. Your body houses more than just you."

Her eyes went wide. The fetuses. Her son and daughter would be affected too. Lelouch felt like a horrible mother for considering, for still considering, shattering the stones. She was selfishly willing to put them in danger simply to prove her theory correct. They weren't loved as much as Nunnally in action. She would never even consider anything that put Nunnally in danger. Desperation was making her rash, and hormones were making her emotional. She sobbed into Suzaku's shoulder, bending slightly to reach it. They were exactly the same height.

He said "there, there," rubbing her back. The gesture was painfully inept. His consoling was always clumsy. Since the invasion, because of the invasion, and what they went through together, there was always reluctance. Neither of them felt like they could reach the other's despair; their worlds being broken at such a young age. It was better to push each other forward than provide comfort. The fact that he was making an attempt meant that he believed there was no way out. Those rocks caused Lelouch to hit rock bottom.

She wasn't in the mood for sex anymore. Suzaku led her to the bed for another reason. He wanted her to go to sleep. It was by far Lelouch's most useless, and time consuming coping mechanism. She snorted, wondering if that's why Suzaku liked cats so much. They reminded him of her. That thought was made from conceit. Still, mulling over something stupid helped her sleep better than counting sheep ever did.

Her head fit perfectly under his collarbone. It took them a while; almost the whole relationship to find a comfortable way to cuddle that didn't make Suzaku feel like 'the girl.' He would lie on his back, and she would curl at his side, resting her head on his chest. This position brought Suzaku extra elation because it allowed him better access to play with her (at the time) short trendy hair. At this moment Lelouch loved it because it gave extra room for her belly. She closed her eyes, enjoying the way they fit together. A few times she would lift her head up and kiss him. The action was sweet, and reminded her of Arthurian legend. She always wondered how Lancelot could be considered the embodiment of virtue when he had a 'saintly affair.' It was unfortunate that she was the combined Lady Morgause and Morgan. She even had a boy's name. Lelouch wondered if the mythical Morgan found it as annoying as she did.

* * *

Lelouch gulped as she made her way through the corridors. She only saw Schneizel a few times, but she couldn't get what he did to her out of her head. Every time she saw him in the medical wing, she thought of the amethyst stones. She couldn't look at him with love anymore. All she could think about was his promise of punishment, and all the wretched things he did to her previously. Hadn't he had enough? The father of her children was a cruel man.

She was even crueler for not telling him that she felt movements, and that Suzaku could feel movements on the outside of her belly. It happened a week or two after the quickening first arrived. She never knew if Suzaku was going to sneak into her room at night for kisses and cuddles. He touched her belly when he thought she was sleeping. As if to ward him off, a forceful kicked sent him across the room. It was clearly Suzaku's shock that forced him off the bed, with a yelp from his throat. Lelouch chewed on her bottom lip. He hadn't reached for her stomach since. His touch remained limited to her arms and above the neckline of her dress.

Her children's kicks did little more than remind her of the intricacies of her cage. She wasn't confined to Schneizel's prison because she had no physical way out like before. Full, or almost full, access to the Avalon had been granted to her. She could probably leave the Flying Fortress if she wanted. Surely she could escape with Suzaku's help. The eye patch weighed her down. Without knowledge of a trigger, there was no way to avoid her episodes. They could become worse if she left. Their sporadic infrequent nature became a curse, rather than a blessing. Was it linked to proximity? A thought pattern? She wasn't certain she understood the mechanics of it, and wouldn't get any farther with only Suzaku's help. If it weren't for her pregnancy she would just shattered the stones already.

Any attempt to explore the hidden part of the Avalon carried the same results. She passed out. Only unlike the first time, she didn't wake up in unfamiliar territory. Her memory of what happened while unconscious was obviously inaccessible. It would appear that no outside entity animated her body thereafter. She would wake up in the same location, a few feet past the sliding wall, without any indication of tampering. The fact that she woke up rather than 'came back,' spoke volumes.

There was only one way to get answers to her questions. She had to seek out Schneizel. Her body trembled with lust and anxiety at the thought of being near him. It was embarrassing the amount of times she turned back, pretending she was just roaming or on her way elsewhere. After a week of her 'daily exercise,' Kanon stopped asking. He only smiled sweetly and rattled off her brother's schedule for the following day. Whether or not she timed her walks around that schedule need not be mentioned.

She didn't knock. The door wasn't locked. Lelouch squeezed her eye shut as the oak swung on its hinges, feeling like she was willingly entering the lion's den. Feeling slightly lightheaded, she stepped through the threshold. Whether she automatically shut the door behind her out of habit or she caught the attention poltergeist [2] was unknown. She definitely caught Schneizel's attention.

His room looked similar to her quarters except the space held a more masculine aura. The bed lacked a canopy, making it four-post style instead. The dinette had solid backed chairs instead of chiavari. The walls were painted a shade darker, making them tan with black trim rather than cream. The most drastic difference was the fireplace. How he managed a real wood fireplace in a flying airship was beyond her. If the situation were different she would be impressed. She would also find the space inviting and not intimidating.

Schneizel looked up from the flames with a smile on his face. The light of the fire made his features glow orange, with heightened shadows. If the situation were different, the way the light danced on his figure wouldn't have been intimidating either. He swirled his scotch, the clink of the ice against glass made her heart skip a beat. In one final, lengthy sip he finished the alcohol, placing the container on the mantle. Lelouch fought the urge to flee when he made eye contact with her. "I suppose Kanon was right." He said, stalking towards her like a predator to his prey. "He bet me that you would come today. I figured you would rack up some more sins before coming to confessional."

"You're not a priest, Schneizel." Lelouch closed her eyes when he stopped circling her, settling to stand behind her back. Goosebumps rose on her skin as evidence of where he trailed his fingers up her arm, under the loose sleeves. "I'm here to get secrets from you, not the other way around."

"Fufufu." He chuckled. "Technically, I'm a Cardinal [3]." He brushed the hair off her shoulder, trailing kisses to her ear. "You should confess though. Lying, terrorism, and adultery are all mortal sins."

She stifled a moan when he bit down on her earlobe. "I never said any vows to you. Besides, so are fortification, sodomy, false oaths, incest, and rape."

His smile was felt against her flesh. "I never said I was innocent. You are wrong on one. I have never done anything that you didn't want. Even the day I fucked you, giving you bruises, you liked it. Your words might lie, Lulu, but your body cannot." By the intake of breath by her ear, she could tell he was delighted to find the absence of maternity granny panties. "Is my knight not satisfying you, Dearest? You seem awfully aroused, like you haven't been touched here in months." She did moan when he pushed between her wet folds to find her clit. Her attempt to evade was quashed by a strong arm encircling her chest. "Kururugi won't risk losing his payment of Area 11 to touch you?"

"What difference would it make? You're the one that said 'monogamy is to ensure lineage.' I'm already pregnant."

"Mmmmm," he hummed, trailing his hand from her chest to her protruding belly. "Indeed you are, and never have I seen you look so exquisite. However, I have since learned that I am a jealous man. You said it yourself, Lulu. I own you. You are only mine to touch. To penetrate." He pushed two fingers within her. "Keep that in mind while you play pretend. But don't tell me you haven't wondered why he will only kiss you, and makes no attempt to 'save' you from me. You aren't worth it to him. He doesn't really love you."

His hands found the back her dress. Lelouch shivered when the garment fell to a black, purple, and white puddle on the floor. She stood rooted in place as Schneizel pulled away to rummage through a drawer underneath the bed. "And you're going to say that you do? We've moved past that lie."

"I've always loved you, Lulu, more than any other sibling. Differently as I became older. Seeing you go through puberty would have truly made me a 'dirty old man.' I suppose in a way I should thank you for angering Father." He stood, a strange looking strap of some sort in his hand. "Absence does make the heart grow fonder."

"I'm here because of Nunnally and the eye patch. Because the episodes have slowed enough I can't figure out what trigger you put in place for the Thought Disturbing System. If you loved me, you wouldn't cause me to go into convulsions."

"I disagree. Some convulsions are wonderful. You know from experience."

"That's not what I mean."

"I'm done talking about it." He gestured for her to step into a hole in the strange web of straps. She glared down at it, backing away. "You have two options, Lulu. Pain and pleasure, or just pain? I made my promise, but it would be preferable for you to enjoy yourself."

He was deranged. Schneizel knelt down, making two leg holes. Lelouch gingerly lifted her feet to step into each. A small silicone butterfly was positioned against her clit. He clicked his tongue in approval, going back to the drawer. Lelouch fought the urge to rip the thing off, feeling more exposed than before. "I'm not -" she gasped when the butterfly began to pulsate, making a slow rhyme on her sensitive spot. "Schneizel. Stop." Her attempt to remove the strapped device proved he expertly tied it in place.

"I told you I'm done talking. Get on the bed. I warned you what coming to see me would entail. Don't act so ignorant." He waited, eyebrow quirked while she stood like a deer in the headlights. "And don't make me tell you again. Submit, Lulu. It's nothing to feel shame over. If only you never lost your temper with me, telling me your true feelings, I could have been in putty in your hands. I suppose I have to thank your anger for giving me back control too."

She hated him, and everything about him. More so, she hated the way the vibrator made her do what she was told in order to achieve release. She whined in protest when he used the little remote to turn the beat off. That desire was fleeting for when he closed the drawer, placing lubricant and another contrivance on the end table, she bolted. The black leather, ties, and buckles was freighting; Lelouch didn't care that she was stark naked. She made it halfway to the door when he caught up to her, grabbing hold of her wrist. The first strike connected with his free hand instead of the intended face. He wrapped his fingers around her small fist.

"Let me go!"

"No." His voice wasn't calm like before. There was an upturn to his lips. Schneizel found her amusing. "I promise, I won't harm you."

His oath didn't cause her to stop struggling. It was the glint of the necklace. Lelouch closed her eyes and counted each inhale. He was likely to fall asleep after sex. Even if he didn't, it wouldn't be hard to get the key from him. She could wait it out, and ask to spend the night, assuming he didn't store it somewhere out of reach. Giving the key to Kanon would be an example.  _Please let him keep it around his neck._ All she had to do was be agreeable until she could get the damn thing, geass him to tell her everything, and give back Nunnally. He let go when she nodded.

Schneizel led her back to the bed, pushing her down to sit with her legs tucked under her butt. The soft leather went over her head, and buckled behind her neck. Pulling her arms behind her back, he laced the single sleeve. "Tell me when," Schneizel said when the armbinder was mostly put into place. Lelouch's shoulder blades were almost touching by the time she complained. He let out some slack and moved to face her, admiring the way her back forcefully bowed.

"You are perfection, Lulu, an example of God's artistic abilities." His voice was heavy. "The way you are trembling, the embarrassed flush of your skin, the subtle way your small, and yet pronounced belly displays my children growing within you; if I could seal away this moment, I would. You are truly the most beautiful creature I've ever seen."

"Is that what I am to you, Schneizel, a creature to tame? Is that why you aim to destroy my mind with your device?"

"No!" He spat, rejecting the statement like it was blasphemy. He leaned to cup her chin, rubbing the stain of the accusation from her lips. "Everything is to protect you. If I must be seen as evil to protect you from a greater evil, so be it. Surely you can sympathize, Dearest Sister, even if you do not understand my actions."

"Then make me understand." She regretted such wording when he leered, and leaned in for a demanding kiss. He painfully tugged on the hair at the nape of her neck, craning her head upward to meet his crushing lips. "Explain everything so I can understand you." Breathless pleading seemed appropriate considering she was immobilized in her position. "Schneizel."

He searched her exposed eye, considering the request. "I will not destroy the memories of a person you hold dear." Schneizel muffled her response with his hand. "This conversation is over. Do I need to take a gag out too? I'd prefer to hear you screaming." Her eyes went wide and a whimper escaped. "Good girl."

"Schneizel?" Lelouch bit the inside of her cheek when he nudged her forward, lying on her stomach, her legs still tucked under her bottom. With her altered center of gravity due to her pregnancy, she truly was immobilized. Even rolling over proved impossible. "May I ask one more question?" She hated the way her voice shook in response to him rubbing lubricant around her anus.

"One more. Make it count."

She closed her eyes, hissing in discomfort when a small butt plug was inserted. It didn't feel at all small. By sensation alone, leaving logic to the wayside, Lelouch would have assumed it was as big as fist. This clearly wasn't the case considering the function of the item was to make her ready for something smaller than that. Her skin tingled in trepidation, especially when he started tracing the exposed base with his fingers. She squeezed her eyes closed tighter, fighting the urge to protest, or ask a question such as "what are you going to do to me?" It was obvious. His hand moved to caress her the space of her lower cheek and upper thigh, waiting.

"Why did Father ask you to move my mother's corpse?"

Her eyes snapped open, and she screamed when that hand spanked. A loud smack sound was barely audible, drowned out by her cry. The blow met her skin with much more force than the last time. Tears stung her eyes at the contact, soaking into the duvet. Schneizel switched on the vibrator, it's pulsating drew out the sensation, warping it into something not completely unpleasant. He lightly ran his fingers over the spot, appraising the mark.

"How many?" He asked before his hand came down again. The speed of the vibrations increased to accommodate the added pain. She moaned shortly after he stole another scream. "How many times should I hit you? How many more do you deserve?"

"One," she croaked.

"Hmmm." He switched off her comforting device. She whined in protest. "Once per time you acted against me sounds fair. You must confess for what each strike is for though, Dear. Otherwise you won't receive any reprieve. Tell me if there is anything else too. Your body cannot lie to me. I will know if they are shivers of deceit."

Lelouch lost count of how many times he spanked her, drawing screams for her red lips. Her ass was surely redder, a deep crimson from the blood accumulating behind the surface. Schneizel pointed out that it was fitting considering the blood spilt by her hands. The current Cold War was notwithstanding. One false move and half the world would be slaughtered. He commended her control at orchestrating the perfect stalemate. Xingke was a prodigy, but the Black Knights actions reeked of her prowess.

He managed to get her to admit every time she searched through his files, and tried to break into secured areas of the ship. Details of her 'saintly affair' - he used the term in jest, were also revealed. Lelouch even admitted to feeling fetal movements. She would admit anything to make it stop, or keep going. She wasn't certain. The first orgasm he forced from her sent her into frenzy. Pain and pleasure mixed into a blur. It was even more complicated, and more confusing than love and loathe. They didn't even have similar phonetics.

"What else, Lulu?" His voice was thick with need. He was as ready as she for this phase to be over. "You wouldn't expectantly arch if there wasn't something else that would deserve punishment."  _Arching?_  No, she wanted to move away, not towards his strikes. It was inconsequential; she couldn't move away or towards.

"There's nothing. I haven't done anything else."

She was grateful he didn't command her to divulge was she was planning for the future.

"I forgive you." He said, kissing the inflamed aggravated flesh. She objected when he removed the plug, adding more lube to the space. "Why not? You seem rather fond of conflicts. It won't hurt too much, I apologize." It was a strange thing to ask forgiveness for. "But it will be intense, my love."

He didn't speak false. His brief explanation did not do the act of anal sex justice. Lelouch was lost in the feeling. The numbness of her arms and legs from being in constricting positions, the throbbing of her butt whenever his hip slammed against it; they were nothing compared to the mingled feeling of the vibrator and his thrusts. Even those were secondary to the non-physical sense of being completely helpless and dominated. She hated him for making submission something lustrous. Her skin was slick with shining beads of sweat, brought on by the turbulent waves of her constant state of climax.

Her hypothesis that he would be sated and sleepy didn't factor in how exhausted she would be after sex. Lelouch wasn't certain if she passed out. She was dazed, and limp when he finished. He began unlacing the restraints, rubbing feeling back into her arms as he went. The bed shifted when he left it, retrieving a tub of arnica gel that he liberally massaged into the sore skin of her bottom and upper thighs. She moaned, making a feeble attempt to swat his hands away.

"Lulu." He whispered, turning her to lie on her side like she was a rag doll. His hand found her rounded belly, feeling the oxytocin induced contractions, and kicks. She opened her eyes, watching the emotions play on his features. His pastel purple orbs sparkled. His mouth was slightly open in a silent gasp. The sharp lines of his cheekbones and chin seemed to soften.

Schneizel pressed lips against the area, kissing and murmuring to his unborn children.

He stayed that way until after she dozed off. In the back of her mind she registered him crawling up the mattress, and pulling her into his arms, and the blanket over both of them. "Even if it's a lie, tell me you love me." He requested, kissing the bridge of her nose.


	15. The Pavement to Hell

Lelouch traced the wispy lines. She would have described them as delicate, or fragile, however, her brother would never cast something so substantial in anything other than platinum. The impossibly intricate design did little to compromise the integrity of the item. It wasn't shaped like a key, not like the common conception of object. There was neither bow nor blade. Cuts, a shoulder, and definitely a tip were missing. The pendant was perfectly rounded. For how much time was of the essence, she couldn't stop herself from admiring the beautiful craftsmanship. The details of the item were ingrained in her memory, and yet she never noticed how truly detailed it was.

Schneizel made it the embodiment of his feelings. It was funny, considering the key was originally in Suzaku's possession. Maybe it was made of Suzaku's emotions. He was more complicated first expected. No, the only person who could compare to the artfully manipulated metal was her brother. It was abstract. The more Lelouch stared at it, the more its image became nonsensical, and yet recognizable.

Yggdrasil. Some say it is literally translated as "The Tree of Terrors."

The key was an abstract rendering of the Tree of Life, the cosmos embodied in Norse Mythology. There was too much symbolism. What part of the fable did Schneizel cling to: The branches reaching from heaven to hell; the water from the Well of Urd, representing the past, feeding the tree, which is forever in the present tense; the water that flows into the tree, dripping off the leaves and dew, only to be absorbed back into the well? Time is not linear. It is cyclical. Fate is influenced through the dew. The past is reshape, and the present altered to fit. This is the only way free will exists, and yet doesn't exist at the same time. Only magic affects reality actively, daily life can only passively rewrite time. In both instances, reality lives between two extremes of free will and unaltered fate.

Creation and destruction: The tree is both, and is constantly creating new creators. Unlike Christianity, everything participates in this act. It is not just act of one God. In this sense, Yggdrasil is able to be locked in the present, and yet carries forth the world's ceaseless reinventing of itself. Every present moment is the dawn of a new creation, and the destruction of the past. There is no future in this story of Norse Mythology, at least not a direct sense of the word.

During Ragnarok, "the ash Yggdrasil will shake and nothing will be unafraid in heaven or on earth." The text does not say whether Yggdrasil survives such event. It is assumed, when looking at the poem Völuspá, considering that rebirth of the world happens after the destruction. In one interpretation two survivors hide in Hoddmímis, arguably another name for the mythical tree, rather than a literal forest, and repopulate the world. She severely hoped that Schneizel didn't want to make incest a family tradition.

Lelouch sighed. She didn't want to try to understand Schneizel. As much as he tried to suppress her power, both magical, and non-magical, he left hints for her. It was like when he kept her in her apartment full time with no entertainment. He wanted to see her crack the code to open the door. Nothing was without reason. She was like a marionette doll, dancing on strings. It was illogical to think that he felt the same way.

 _Of course there_ wouldn't _be a clasp on the chain._

Schneizel stirred as she fed the silver colored chain around his neck, searching for a way to remove the jewelry without waking him. She fought the urge to scream at the never-ending loop. The almost unnoticeable soldered section was pinched between her fingers. If she tried to lift it over his head, he would surely rouse. He could be awake at that moment, waiting for her to take action, like with the cuff links. He looked peaceful that morning too.

Lelouch counted several calming breaths before she turned, pushing her back against his chest. She brushed the hair away from the back of the eye patch, finding the small metal section. The only way she could unlock it was to cuddle against him, and use the key while still on the chain. They would be facing the same direction. If the movement of the chain, or the seemingly ear-splitting sound of the mechanical lock turning (she assumed this process was as loud as it connecting) alerted him, it would already be too late. He would just hold her down and put the patch back on. Even if she threw the item, he could just call for Kanon to retrieve it with his eyes closed. She moved to put his cellphone under the bed before crawling in his arms once more.

After several fumbling attempts, she found the correct orientation, and turned the piece. The sound was deafening. Schneizel mumbled, and shifted, rolling onto his back. Lelouch was grateful it was not a normal key; otherwise it would have still been stuck in the hole. He definitely would have noticed not being able to roll over due to a taut chain around his neck. She picked up the eye patch, feeling an odd sense of anxiety to actually have it removed by her choice. The last time she was freed, she acted as Schneizel's obedient pet. A part of her feared that when push came to shove, she would break down again. So far all her acting out did nothing to actually change things.

The strange desire to put it back on, and curl up to sleep was not expected.

She sat on the bed, tracing the purple swirls like how she did the lines of the key. It's hard to say how long she stayed that way. Her indecision was deplorable. Hormones were making her both rash and ambivalent. The latter was fitting, given the situation. How could she know how to feel about Schneizel when there was more disparity in his personality than her previous persona of Zero? Her body was still sore from the pain he put her through the day before. Still she wasn't as sore as she could have been. If Schneizel didn't repeatedly rub arnica on her butt and thighs throughout the night to reduce bruising and the discomfort, it would have been worse.

He was an affectionate older brother, a ruthless lover, a sympathetic jailer, and a cold-blooded strategist. She wasn't certain she wanted to know which one was the real Schneizel. With the eye patch off, she could just leave while he was sleeping, and not come back. His door wasn't locked. Anyone outside of it would be dealt with accordingly. To the best of her knowledge, the only person under her control was Suzaku. He would give her no trouble. It was unfortunate that he likely wasn't even aboard, busy with maintaining forced peace in Area 11, and the Cold War. He surely found the former preferable since Cornelia was back in the position as Vicereine.

Lelouch could turn back, and take Kallen up on her offer to just say "fuck it," leaving everything behind. Her friend was begrudgingly acting as the pseudo leader of the Black Knights. She wouldn't complain about abandoning the post. The blood on their hands was a stain that would never be removed. It was, however, a stain at this point. The wound Zero created on the world had successfully coagulated. It was no longer dripping with blood, and wouldn't unless she acted out on it. The UFN was already destroyed. A part of her didn't even care anymore.

A long time ago, when creating the UFN charter, Xingke mentioned that he wasn't a fervent believer in democracy. This came to no surprise; he was devoted to the Tianzi. He said, "Sometimes it's better to be ruled by a benevolent dictator than let the ignorant masses make decisions." Schneizel wasn't that person, she didn't think. He could be. He had the potential to take up another mask. He would never be the Dali Lama in Tibet, but he could stop all wars. All physical wars had stopped. It was a stalemate. If she backed out, Schneizel would win. He could have it all, but he wouldn't have her.

He would still have Nunnally.

Lelouch turned without thinking when she felt Schneizel stir, reaching for her to lie down again. Such motions are done more with muscle memory than conscious choice. Their eyes locked, and he panicked. The interaction was less than a second, and an eternity at the same time. The spinning top that was their fucked up relationship dropped. It would poetic if the meant she ordered him to "die," or another similar command. Instead they stayed that way in a stalemate similar to the one they had in their chess match played with real soldiers. The only difference was that Schneizel looked away, turning his head to see the dying embers of the fire.

She couldn't force him to look at her. He was too strong. Any attempt to go near him would result in her eminent demise. She would be wrapped up in his arms, and he would drag her to the eye patch, putting it back on while she flailed. Ironically, Schneizel couldn't go near her. Lelouch stood up from the bed, turning to face him. If he attempted to come for her she could clumsily evade, or the distance would be enough to geass him. Peripheral vision counted as eye contact.

He looked surprisingly small. It was hard to believe that not even twelve hours ago he towered over her in both size and spirit. He completely controlled her body. She was helpless, begging for release in every sense of the word. At this moment he reminded her of a kitten. The lion's den indeed. Oh how the mighty have fallen. She smirked, and slipped back into her dress, never taking her eyes off him and she goaded.

"Lulu, stop. You're making a mess." He gently reprimanded.

Lelouch let another book fall to the ground with a loud thump. She was making her rounds, knocking trinkets, and decorations to the floor as she saw fit, provoking him to look up. Her sensitive, sore skin tingled with audacity of her actions. The sight of his trembling form was making her feel drunk, a sensation missed due to medical necessity. She understood why he gave her such a leer the night before, when she was tied up, shaking with trepidation and desire. Despite herself, she found herself wanting to straddle him, and pull his hair back in a brutish kiss.

"Make me."

"Lelouch. Stop."

His voice wasn't at all intimidating.

"Why did Father ask you to move my mother's body?"

"I don't know." He ground out through his teeth.

His face remained turned towards the door. Those eyes squeezed shut when she came into his field of vision. Lelouch knew better than to assume he was truly terrified. It was a look of feigned submission she gave him many times before. Whenever she was biding her time, biting at the inside of her cheek, she would give him a similar stance. Lelouch wondered how he got so good at it. If it weren't for her intimate knowledge on the subject of schemes and subjugation, the subtleties would have gone unnoticed.

"Your body cannot lie, Brother." She quoted him. He seemed surprised to hear his role, rather than name. "I know your shivers are made of deceit."

"Why does it matter?"

The question shocked her enough that she missed another opportunity. No. It was a missed chance for him to trick her into giving a useless order. Their eyes met for a second time, however, the moment was experienced in real time. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Her eyes widened when he stood from the bed, making his way to the dresser. The action aggravated her. They were on equal terms; Schneizel still chose to ignore her. She fought the urge to confront him, knowing full well that was his intention.

"How can you ask me such a question?" Her confusion was evident in her voice. Even though they never formally talked about it, he should know. Schneizel should know that she sought revenge for her mother's death. That was why she hated their father. "You know why."

"Even if it changes everything?"

"I became Zero to do just that."

"But you didn't change anything!" He slammed the drawer shut. His soft button up shirt was forgotten, halfway out, dangling against the dark wood. "Not to them. To them this world, and those who live in it don't even matter! You just played your part like a good little marionette doll, bringing C.C. right to them. That's all. Everything else was just child's play."

Schneizel was visibly upset, or maybe it was good acting. Lelouch wasn't certain. His shoulders were tight and he sighed again. The draw was opened, and the shirt removed. She watched him dress in silence. In hindsight it was obvious that he was acting with a purpose. Nothing is without a reason with Schneizel. Only she was overcome with hormone induced emotional swings. Sympathetic pregnancies did not really exist. Still, at that moment she couldn't help but be slightly surprised when he looked up in the mirror.

"What are you talking about, Schneizel? Just tell me!"

His rigid body became relaxed. All the tension faded and a non-human calm washed over his features. As if a pause button on anything other than the question ceased. Those hands stilled mid motion, only the tip of the pin penetrated that fine silk of his ascot. Pastel purpose orbs were rimmed with red. His explanation sounded like a computer recording. The melodious voice contained even less sentiment than usual. It didn't fit the horrifying words coming from his mouth.

"The Ragnarok connection. Father, V.V., and your mother's plan to forcefully make humanity blend with the collective unconscious. Every move on the chessboard was for that end. I was asked to hide her body because our uncle might possibly know of the geass given by C.C. His murder made no difference. Marianne still lived in Anya's mind. In your mind now."

Lelouch falters like she had been physically struck. "Is that why you created the Thought Disturbing System? To limit mother?" Her voice was pained. He didn't answer. "Explain it to me!"

"Yes and no. I started developing it to see if it could be in conjunction with weaponry. It wasn't until recently, when I was able to apply my research with Code R, and infuse my geass abilities; that it became a functioning system. When the program senses the surfacing of a second geass, it trips the system. However, since both abilities live within your mind, it is impossible to distinguish whom the system is targeting. Sometimes it's you and sometime it is Marianne. It slowed since I convinced her to jump to Nunnally for fear that it was harming the babies. Now it only goes off if she returns to you to seek me out, or if you get too close to your sister."

_Nunnally? Nunnally is on the Avalon?_

"You would use Nunnally?! You would lock her up like me?"

"No. I have no desire to use Nunnally like how I've used you. Not even at Father's request. She is in stasis unless Marianne animates her. My geass put her in a dream state, and in the world of C. I told Marianne the reason Nunnally is easier to control was because her geass is not always active."

Lelouch felt like she was drowning. She fell to the floor, and tucked her legs up as best she could around her belly. The cool wood both soothed and aggravated her sore ass. "Who gave you geass?" She didn't want to believe C.C. would enter a contract with either of them.

"I received mine from Father the day after you were captured. Nunnally was the first of our generation to enter a contract. V.V. gave it to her as a toddler. You do not remember because when Father altered Nunnally's memories to forget the details of Marianne's murder, and make her blind, he also altered yours to forget about her geass. Since her eyes are permanently shut you would never know."

It was too much to take in. By the time Lelouch could process the information, the red rings were gone from Schneizel's eyes. Her mother's spirit was alive, a ghost, possessing her children. Nunnally had geass. Schneizel had it too, and used it as a shock collar against her mother, and to put Nunnally into a coma. Lelouch flinched when he reached out to touch her. She didn't have the energy to fight him.

"I would never hit you, Lulu." She snorted. "Not like that." He lifted her head to meet his gaze. He stared into her eyes, both eyes, and asked, "What did I tell you?"

"Not enough, and too much." He stroked her cheek, comforting. "Please, Schneizel let me see Nunnally. Don't use her like a tool."

"She's not as innocent, and pure as you think. Tell me, Lulu, if the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and we demons for our actions; what would an angel's heart look like?"

"I'm not in the mood for philosophy."

Lelouch allowed him to help her up out of necessity. Schneizel might have called her belly small, but she felt like a whale. His mannerisms were even more odd than before. He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, staring into her red eye. His comment that he "had forgotten what her whole face looked like," was appropriate, and didn't meet as much irritation as expected. They stayed like that for a good while. The stalemate was over. Her power was used up. He looked down on her because of his abnormally tall stature. With secrets revealed, he saw her as an equal partner, and not someone he needed to hide from the truth.

"Why did you ask me to say those words last night?" She asked, subconsciously leaning into his caress. He was repeatedly brushing his fingers through her tresses, massaging her scalp as he went.

"I asked a lot of you last night, what in particular?"

She bit her lip.

"Ah. Because I wanted to hear it. No more, and no less. It fit the mood, at least the one I was feeling. You shouldn't look too much into it."

It felt anticlimactic, but right at the same time. Lelouch nodded, and pulled away from his touch. She glanced once again at the eye patch, discarded on the floor by the foot of the bed. Like Schneizel, it didn't seem as big any longer. Truth be told, it wasn't that big to begin with. It was seen in actual size. The smooth, unfaceted stones looked dull in comparison to the glint of the metal chain.

Schneizel sighed, and lifted the key over his head, placing the necklace around her neck. The pendant nestled between her cleavage, falling level with her heart. She absently ran her fingers over the intricate lines. A part of her wanted to ask 'why now?' It would ruin the mood; something she didn't want to destroy. Instead she asked a much more practical question.

"If I go in that section of the ship, will I see Nunnally or my mother?"


	16. A Wedding, a Funeral, and a Truce

"Do not seek out Nunnally or Marianne, Lulu." Schneizel requested, drawing her into his arms. "Wait. I beg of you."

"You expect me to just let you keep her that way? It's Nunnally." Lelouch's voice didn't contain the animosity she surmised. Schneizel's tone and rubbing her belly only added to his previous statement. She had to choose. He wanted her to choose the twins over Nunnally, to leave her as a host for Marianne, and just go about her day as per usual. She felt them shift, squirming away or towards his touch. "There has to be another way. Jeremiah could -"

"No." He left no room for argument, not even from her. The hairs at the back of her neck tickled from the sigh that escaped as he nuzzled her neck. "I'm in the same position as you are Lulu, except I have no room to argue, to test, or, thankfully, the pleasure of such punishment." She grunted. "I would rather you stand beside me than against me. However, I do not trust you."

"I -" she bit the inside of her cheek, turning to face him. "I will not act against you." He didn't believe her. "You gave me the key. I could go anyway."

"You could."

His actions were making no sense. She couldn't read him. A part of her wanted to believe that was because he was actually acting genuine, and not in a predetermined role. The comfortable silence that followed seemed unfeasible, considering everything, but Schneizel was reaching out to her. It wasn't like before. She could choose not to believe him. That wouldn't change the altered feel of his embrace, or her desire to make things work.

"What would you do if I went to see Nunnally?"

"Hmmmm." He planted one last kiss on the top of her head, something he hadn't done since she was a child, and walked to the eye patch. He didn't examine it. It was quickly scooped up into his hands, and he gestured for her to come to him. "There are many things. I could punish you like last night, or maybe limit you to your room again, only without Kururugi's assistance it would require a new lock system." He brushed the hair away, locking the device. It felt tighter than before. It was weighed down by the knowledge of its function.

"Really, my dear, much would depend on how you interacted, and if only your sister's body or Marianne greet you. How am I to know you won't tell her of my actions simply to spite me? My geass is not yet developed enough to kill Father. As you know, you cannot kill him either. He would be unwilling, requiring more power to bring about his death, and more importantly; he is not your benefactor.

"You have given me no reason to trust you. I have taken what I could, and you have offered your body with a specific intent; there is still much left to be desired. I am done with you being my opponent, Lulu. As much as you wish to stand against me, there is no reason for it now. I could even infer that is not your true desire, considering all you have done lately is throw tantrums that you knew would make no difference. The Black Knights are a shadow of the organization it used to be. That's not just because of your location either."

She hated him. He was testing her, provoking as she did him, except the price was much higher. Even if she commanded him to be her slave it would have be a lighter sentence. The night before was only a taste of how much he wanted her to give into him.

"I will give you my vows." He laughed at the somber tone, tucking hair behind her ear.

"And why should I believe in them? You have told me you loved me before, and it was a lie. Besides. Such a marriage would never be accepted. Gino almost recognizing you pointed that out. Even with the title of Emperor, this is something only you can change. I will allow Jeremiah and whoever else you wish for accompaniment if you are my Empress. Not one of many consorts, but my only wife."

He was asking too much, and yet he offered her everything in that statement. Nunnally's predicament was not something he could lie about, being under the influence of her geass when it was spoken. If this was the price she had to pay for her sister, and her children, then so be it. It's funny, really. When Suzaku sold her to her father, she was worth a title of Knight of Seven. That worth multiplied with Schneizel, assuming he were to keep his promise, making Suzaku Knight of One. In selling herself she could receive the title of Empress, and more importantly, the most important, free Nunnally, even if such action had to wait until after the twins were born. Schneizel's words were meaningless. Nunnally was the reason she fought to live. She didn't want their children to be condemned to a life of shame either.

"Done."

He smiled, and kissed her on the mouth. His contentment mixed with her dread, making their lip lock a tongue-tied dance more awkward than her and Suzaku's reunion. If she remained with him, even a saintly affair, it would be just that: an affair. Even as Empress she wouldn't be free from Schneizel's reprimand. Suzaku would not be either. As the Knight of Seven he was, but with Schneizel on the throne that would change. This was the real reason Schneizel didn't mind her flirting. He knew he would win in the end. It was possible he saw Suzaku's betrayal as an advantage. Her brother would rather the knight be loyal to her than lackluster to him.

* * *

Schneizel left the key in her possession to prove a point. He knew that she would choose to wear the thing than not. It wouldn't save Nunnally, at least, not yet. Her mother animated her sister's body. There was nothing Lelouch could do to stop her; it truly was a most powerful geass. Jeremiah could send her back to C's world, but as Lelouch understood it, her mother was a spirit. Unless the threads connecting her to all her hosts were severed, there was a means for her to return to the physical realm.

The one to Anya was presumably severed when the previous Knight of Six came in contact with Jeremiah during the second battle for Tokyo. No doubt it was part of the plan to distract the knight after Lelouch's staged death. How much was Schneizel acting on his own? It was too convenient that his geass involved sending people's mind to C's world whereas Marianne's was to possess a mind. They were two sides of the same coin; they fed off one another.

The more Marianne jumped, the more her geass evolved, and the easier it was to attain longer possessions. That was her condition: a time limit. Schneizel had the ability to send her away, and managed to infuse his abilities with the crystals similar to C.C.'s powers being the basis of Geass Canceler. This allowed his geass to evolve without detection. It was used by proxy. Without such technology, he could only connect to one mind at a time. With the advent of his altered Thought Disturbing System, he was able to make it two, however, it fed off Marianne. He could connect the delicate system that already existed since most of the parameters were already met. Without Her mother, and that system, then Nunnally would have been used. Each time the thread that binds the mind to the body becomes weaker; it was better to keep her in a state of stasis, and constant sleep.

Lelouch wasn't so naive as to think that a part of him used his system control her too. He made it seem like he was the only one who could help her out of an "episode," for a reason. Her brother was a master manipulator. His profession of love did not translate into action, at least, not in her mind. If he loved her, he wouldn't weave a web that left her completely immobile.

He seemed to think differently.

Jeremiah could break both Schneizel's, and her parent's geass hold on Nunnally. With Nunnally set free, he was free to cast another line. That would alert her parents. It was better for her to pretend to be patient, and stand with Schneizel. Their father held all the cards. The Emperor had the power to destroy God, and the world at his fingertips. Whatever reason he had to delay such actions didn't change the fact that one false move would send them all back to the past, to a state of objective unconsciousness. To Lelouch, that was a fate worse than death since there would be no option of rebirth.

Schneizel's hold on Lelouch was already set in stone, both amethyst and the standard diamonds. He played her like a damn fiddle. He had her eating out of the palm of his hands. All he had to do was mention Nunnally and she was his again. Lelouch was fairly certain he timed his geass, and the situation to his own advantage. He knew she would continue to be a victim of the stones in order to develop his geass enough to kill Charles. It was the only option.

Her brother left little time for her to prepare, or go back on their promise. Lelouch was summoned to his room not long after the verbal agreement. One could argue it was all planned out ahead of time. Schneizel was afforded preparations. He had everything ready, waiting, possibly since Honari Island. Her parole was also a test, and the contract was supposed to be her reward. It seemed like something Schneizel would do.

He stood near his dinette. A quill pen, two small, lacquered boxes, and a crisp piece of paper were on the table. She glanced at Kanon when he put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, urging her forward. Schneizel already owned her, having it in writing would make no practical difference. Logically a legal marriage was to her advantage. She wouldn't just be his toy any longer. A shackle would be around his ring finger too. Whether he would view it as such, and adhere to tradition; only time would tell.

"If I remember correctly, you were never one to play wedding, or imagine details of a grand affair like our sisters." Schneizel stated, picking up the pen. He held it out to her. "Euphie was always the worst. She continued to do fantastical until the end."

"At the time I already knew my fate: marriage for political gain. It was unlikely something worth celebrating, so I never bothered to imagine until..." She trailed off. Her daydreams that began after being ostracized, of marrying Suzaku in a traditional shrine, and honeymooning at a lavish Ryokan were obsolete. The invasion killed them long ago. "I suppose things have come full circle."

"Indeed they have."

She took the pen from him, skimming the contract. It was standard. Lelouch wasn't certain if that brought comfort or not. A monogamous marriage meant she would never be outside his scrutiny. It also brought her power that would be impossible otherwise. She could have taken the title of Empress herself if everything went according to her original plan. It essentially was the same end. Her name was signed with a steady hand.

"I still want to hear vows from you, even if this is not the wedding I would have preferred. Kanon remains my witness." Schneizel picked up the box to the right, removing a small band made of platinum swirls around flawless diamonds. Lelouch closed her eyes as he slid the jewelry on her ring finger. "I, Schneizel El Britannia, take you, Lelouch Vi -No. Lulu Lamperouge, to be my wife, and these things I promise you: I will be faithful to you and honest with you; I will respect, trust, help, and care for you; I will share my life with you; I will forgive you as we have been forgiven; and I will try with you better to understand ourselves; through the best and worst of what is to come, and as long as we live."

He waited for her to do the same. Where her hands were steady writing her name, Lelouch was trembling as she removed the larger ring, solid with the same pattern etched, rather than cut out, from the velvet slot. "I take you," she paused to catch her bearings. It was silly for her to feel anxious, and dizzy despite the lack of a ceremony. The words he wanted her to say remained the same. "Schneizel. I take you, Schneizel, to be my husband." She paused again. He placed his hand over her white knuckled one, helping her slide the ring on his finger. "And these things I promise you: I will be faithful to you and honest with you; I will respect, trust, help, and care for you; I will share my life with you; I will forgive you as we have been forgiven; and I will try with you better to understand ourselves; through the best and worst of what is to come, and as long as we live."

It wasn't giving up her former name, Lelouch Vi Britannia, that phased her. That person was supposed to have died eight years ago. It was only because of C.C. that her family name was ever used again. Without the witch, she would still be at Ashford with Nunnally, writing up expense reports. She still would have made a move against Britannia; Geass merely accelerated her plans. There was a chance this would have been the eventual end to that alternate reality. There was a chance that marrying Schneizel was her fate. It was a path of the dew that couldn't be altered. No matter the journey, she would have been his.

None of her philosophizing mattered. There already existed a much more romantic story than the truth. Her maiden name was Lulu Lamperouge. Schneizel her met through Suzaku. When the Prime Minister happened to meet Lulu at Kururugi shrine prior to the Second Battle of Tokyo, when summoning the Knight of Seven to war, her beauty beseeched him. Schneizel was a humble man despite his royal upbringing. The fact that she was a commoner did not sway his attraction, or confidential courtship. He was like his father in that regard. Marianne the Flash, arguably the Emperor's favorite courtesan, was also a self-made woman.

Their marriage was already built on mistrust and lies. The cover story was just the icing on the cake. He used her sister to keep her in line. When that failed, he broke her spirit, warping her mind till she enjoyed his company, and her gilded cage. He was cocksure thinking he could use her geass against the UFN. It worked, but only so much. Being freed from her cage, and seeing Kallen, brought of the reality of her situation that was previously overshadowed by Schneizel's fantasy. He learned from his mistake, and opted to use a carrot instead of the stick. He still used his stick; despite the situation, she could hardly call it punishment. She was past feeling shame for such bodily reactions.

Perhaps Schneizel was right to call her activities hormone induced temper tantrums. Lelouch wasn't sure what to think of him. She mostly loathed him, everything about him, and everything he did to her. His intentions didn't change his actions. She couldn't blame him for her choice, however. As much as she hated to admit it, the children in her womb, and the ring on her finger did bring about a sense of loyalty to the man. She would gladly erase all memory of her other existence in order to give the twins the facade of a happy family. Nunnally, Kallen, Suzaku, and Milly would be the only ones who knew the truth.

"This couldn't have come at a better time. I've gained the world and you all within the same week." Schneizel said, drawing her back from her musing. The ring was finally slid all the way on his finger. "Then again, one cannot exist without the other. You make everything possible, my wife."

She stood still when he pulled the chain around her neck taunt in order to make the key reach the lock. Kanon took that as his cue to exit. Schneizel cupped her chin in his hand, preventing her from watching the assistant leave. Lelouch continued to feel lightheaded from the surreal event. She broke eye contact to stare down at her ring; the new shackle. It was dainty compared to his, but still thick enough to feel heavy on her hand. She couldn't close her fingers around it, at least, not to where the skin touched.

"I believe it to be customary to kiss now." Schneizel said, tilting her head upward.

"Nothing about this is customary."

"Would you have preferred a beach ceremony? I suppose I was selfish to not ask your opinion. It felt imperative to have you at my side when formally ascending to the throne. We could do this again; there is a lovely location in the south of France."

"The throne?"

"Father cannot initiate Ragnarok, and yet he continues to be obsessed with that finale. He is dead to this world, and my time to rule it has come. Our time, Lulu. I have forgiven everything up until now, as you just promised towards me." He thumbed her bottom lip. "You have spoken your vows, and I choose to trust in them. Do not disappoint me."

He stole her response with his kiss. That is not an accurate statement, an account that Lelouch wished to be true. He bent to press their noses together. His lips remained hovering, waiting for her to initiate. She had done so before, but never in such a fashion. She was irrational, and after that she aimed to control him, a goal she was never able to accomplish. Lelouch lived for white lies, finding them more beautiful than the truth; she didn't want to lie on her wedding vows. The culprit could be hormones, they appeared to be the bane of her life, and the reason she tenderly bridged the gap, sealing her promise.

He skillfully maneuvered her to the bed, herding like a sheepdog, coaxing moans from her mouth rather than questions. His hands lovingly forced whimpers from her throat, a complete contrast to the last time he fucked her. Lelouch fought the urge to complain, to protest, and to ask him to be cruel or hurt her. That was the past, and he was giving her a new future.

Schneizel looked at her similarity to the first time they had sex, like she was the most amazing person in the world. Except his caress wasn't ranging from irritatingly light, to almost painful. He treated her as if she were made of glass. Yet, there was no hesitation when he untied the knot at the back of her dress. He seemed to kiss every inch of her skin, lingering at her belly. The sweet nothings he whispered to the twins prior to the act, and the slow, gentle way he licked her clit, gave her a saccharine orgasm that made even less genuine words spill.

"I love you." His tantalizing thrusts caused her to say the words several more times. "Schneizel. Please." Lelouch was his in every sense of the word. There wasn't much left to be desired. Some solace came that she owned Schneizel back. The ring around her finger was his promise.

She stared at it after they finished. Schneizel kissed her nose, and drew her into his arms, drawing circles on her skin. He smiled against her hair, chuckling at the game he developed. He tapped her belly, and the children would answer by wiggling towards that area. The scene registered in the back of her mind. A part that wasn't transfixed by Fibonacci inspired patterns and leaves carved into gold beamed at his cuteness.

"Schneizel." His response was mumbling into her hair. "I want to leave for a few days."

"Why?"

It was an odd response to an odder comment. "I have a funeral to attend."

"I told you," he sighed, "Nunnally is not dead."

"No. It's for Suzaku's cat. I'm still technically student council president since Milly graduated. It's mandatory I be there."

Schneizel laughed at her request to postpone his formal coronation for a cat. It wasn't really a request. Still, her new bondage brought freedom. He agreed that such important matters should come first.

* * *

Arthur was buried in the quad at Ashford Academy. Suzaku took him the day that he died. Since he was an adult when he was found, it was hard to say the feline's age. He didn't deteriorate, or give any indication for illness. One day Rivalz called Suzaku, saying that the rugby team found Arthur. He looked like he was sleeping, waiting for Suzaku to reach out to bite.

The knight happened to be with Lelouch at the time. The Student Council Treasurer, promoted vice-president, but acting president, could "recognize that over exaggerated fake snore anywhere." Thus plans for a formal funeral were born. All living members of the student council were accounted for, even Rolo, who came out of hiding to take finals. Lelouch bit her tongue that Nunnally would remain absent. The younger Lamperouge sibling wasn't remembered.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Suzaku asked the moment the two stepped onto what remained of the campus.

Lelouch nodded, snuggling deeper in her jacket. "I'm quite fond of this development. The historians will have a field day with this the end of the Cold War, and hostile relations between the Black Knights, and Britannia was because the main members of such organizations gathered together over the death of a cat." Lelouch responded, giving a reassuring smile. "Sorry. Maybe we should try to bring him back to life? I will have hydrangeas planted throughout Tokyo and Pendragon.[1] the best scientists in the world will be commissioned to create a resurrection potion."

"Lelouch, I'm serious."

"So am I."

Their conversation was cut short when Lelouch was nearly tackled by the Knight of Three. "I knew it was you!" Gino yelled, almost knocking Lelouch over with the force of his bear hug. Apparently the colored contact, rather than eye patch was enough to reveal her identity. "Why didn't you say anything before?" He dragged Lelouch away from Suzaku, as oblivious to the situation as ever.

"Nerves," felt like the appropriate answer. Lelouch was far too busy being absorbed by the ridiculous atmosphere. Rivalz commissioned a small statue to be built by the carpentry club. It was placed in the center of the quad, near the fountains. After being in the state environment of the Avalon so long, she almost forgot the season. In the background, students were hanging Christmas lights on the trees, and the buildings.

The student council members, honorary and official, were all in their school uniforms, separated by Political affiliations. For obviously reasons, Lelouch was unable to participate. Instead she wore a kaki jacket over her black and white dress. The non-members were dressed in black suits and dresses.

Nina, Kallen, Ohgi, and a very pregnant Villeta, the former facility adviser, stood to the right. Lelouch sympathized with the way the woman kept her arms on her lower back, and waddled. Gino led her to the left, near Anya. Jeremiah rigidly stood by the pink haired girl. Rolo seemed unsure of where to go once he noticed her. Milly and Rivalz looked to be in their own little world.

The silence was near unbearable.

"Did anyone prepare a Eulogy?" She asked, looking at Suzaku. He shrugged. "Of course not." Lelouch's sighed and twisted the band around her finger, feeling antsy. She walked up to the statue.

"Arthur was more than just a cat. This is evident by who all came to see him off: in the midst of a Cold War, we neglected our animosities, and agendas to say farewell. Truly, no human could bring us together like this." Lelouch paused, remembering Shirley's burial. She felt a tear trickle down her cheek. "For the first time in my life, I'm going to be honest about something. I didn't like Arthur, at least, not as much as the rest of you. He was too much like me, perhaps. We always hate in others what was despise about ourselves. He was selfish, unreliable, and thought far too highly of himself for being nothing more than a picked up stray. I did think it was funny when he would bite Suzaku.

"Arthur was the reason for many events, and "nyaaa," became this start of all sporting events, festivals, and for a week there; it also replaced bells to signify time to switch classes. He will live on in our hearts. We will all find a special way to remember him," she paused, feeling the kids kick. A wry smile tugged at her lip. "I already have. Anyone else want to say something?"

Lelouch fought the urge to grab hold of Suzaku's hand when she moved to his side. He surely did the same by the way the tips of their fingers continued to brush against the other. The smart decision would be to move, to not stand so close to him. It hadn't even been a week since she said vows to Schneizel, and she was already entertaining adultery. Holding hands was innocent though. Everything about her and Suzaku's relationship was innocent.

He moved to rub her lower back when she began to cry. She was crying over a damned cat. There wasn't much lower she could sink. When Milly finally finished her account, using her theatrics to fill potential, the only one with dry eyes was Jeremiah. Lelouch wasn't certain the cyborg could even shed tears.

"Big Sister!" Rolo yelled the moment the funeral was over. His reserve, and shock over seeing her vanished during he somber event. She didn't object when he gave her a much more emotional, but less forceful, hug.

"So Lulu, do you want to explain why you just disappeared all of a sudden, without telling anyone, during the first strike of the war? Milly and I thought you were dead! Your little brother was distraught, running away from home to search for you." Rivalz paused, staring down at her belly. "I thought we were best friends, buddy. You go off and marry Suzaku, and get pregnant and you don't even tell me? I wouldn't have minded being fought over for best man or man of honor. I wouldn't wear a dress so I couldn't be 'maid of honor.' Sorry, buddy."

"I - I didn't marry Suzaku."

"Yeah. This guy?" Once again, Gino neglected to read the room. He poked Suzaku in the face. "Nah. They might have a history, but she nailed the Prime Minister."

"Whoa! That makes you royalty! Milly! Lulu is royalty now!" Rivalz exclaimed, drawing a crowd of passerby students that were shooed away by the previous president.

"Yeah. I know." Milly whispered before adopting her fanciful façade face. "I mean. We got the scoop at the station not long ago. To have been swept away by the second Prince Schneizel is really... Amazing. Care to share why he waited so long to announce you as his wife?" Milly was obviously shocked and salty that the juiciest story of the century could not be told. That was her cross to bear in this whole mess. "Especially since he  _requested_ we wait a week."

"Probably no more than a footnote against the news to come." Lelouch mumbled. "I know it's bad taste to speak business at a funeral, but I don't think the cat would mind." She looked over to the Black Knights portion of the group, raising an eyebrow at Gino's failed attempt at flirting with Kallen. "Ohgi, I hear you are back to being the CEO of the Black Knights since Xingke accepted a position on the council."

"Uh. Yeah." He responded in a characteristically awkward tone.

"I would like you to step down, or better yet, suggest to assimilate into Britannian military, and then step down. I'm prepared to offer you the position of Viceroy in a treaty. The position being taken over by you, and the abolishment of the number system should be enough. I'm sorry I cannot offer to free Japan; it would create a domino effect. Britannia barely maintains a supermajority over the UFN. If I start losing territory that will end. It is better for the world to be ruled by one benevolent dictator in peace, than broken up enough to fight wars. Besides, being given to Suzaku seems like an appropriate end, considering his father was the last lawfully elected ruler."

"Given to Suzaku? Only the Knight of One receives Territory, and from the Emperor, not you." Anya retorted monotone, taking a picture of Ohgi and Villetta's stunned faces.

"Schneizel has left such affairs to me. Soon he will be announcing his ascension to the throne. No one will object." Lelouch paused, letting her meaning sink in for those who knew of her geass. "It would be preferable if we could settle things here and now. The paperwork can come later. "

"Why now?" Nina asked.

"The bluff of the FLEIJA eliminator can only last so long. You can work to improve the margin as much as you want; the moment a warhead goes off, it too will create a domino effect, and half the world will be destroyed simply to prove a point. That's not what Euphie would have wanted. As far as his reasons to dethrone his Father now, I am not certain. He does not act without one: a reason."

"How dare you talk of what Princess Euphemia would have wanted?! You! You, who -"

"Believe me or not, Nina, I don't care for your hostility. Everything since her death has been to atone. If you do not think I have paid a price for my actions, you are wrong."

"What price? You married the Prime Minister! You are slotted to be Empress! That is not atoning!"

"Nina, keep it down." Milly scolded. "That's enough."

"Am I the only one who is really, really,  **really**  confused right now?!" Rivalz interjected, looking like he was ready to pull all his blue hair out.

"No me too." Gino said with a broad smile before his features turned serious. "Does that mean that the Emperor died? I mean. He wasn't that old, and isn't the title of Monarch a lifetime position?"

"Who would you say has been ruling these past few years? Surely not my father... In-law."

"Well no, but - I hate politics."

"Don't we all. Ohgi, I will give you some time to think about it. I will draw up the treaty and have it to you before I leave for the Homeland."

"Draw up a treaty for which side?" Villeta glared.

Lelouch smirked, drawing her coat closer to her body from the cold air and glare. "Both, but your husband will ultimately be the one signing it, or not signing it, by his own free will."

The woman sighed in relief.

The tension faded enough that they were able to hold a reception, complete with Pizza Hut, at the Student Council Ballroom. Lelouch certainly didn't mend her relations with Nina, and the negotiations to end the war were not yet over. Still, she couldn't help but find this ending a little ludicrous. What brought peace to the world wasn't her geass, it wasn't the FLEIJA; it was that damned cat.


	17. Forget Me Not

Lelouch just wanted to get the coronation over and done with; her nesting instinct was signaling more important matters. The last place she wanted to settle down in was the Imperial Palace. The space was filled with too many memories. Even Schneizel's fucked up fantasyland on the Damocles would have been preferable. She already felt an instinctive itch to scrub the floors, walls, and ceiling of any residue of her parents. There were so many things she needed to do. Things that we pushed back because she didn't want to think about giving birth yet were keeping her up at night. Schneizel was timing things too close together.

The event was pushed back for a shortened version of mourning. The previous Emperor was considered "missing, and informally abdicating the throne to Schneizel." This was met with less complaining than expected. Like Gino, few objected, seeing Schneizel's ascension as a natural course of events. Charles Zi Britannia held the title of Sovereign, even if Schneizel was the one making all the political decisions.

It wasn't a coincidence that this coincided with treaties being signed, and secret negotiations finalized. Unlike her, or her previous persona, Schneizel preferred to work behind the scenes. He wasn't impatiently making grand strategies that tipped the world into chaos, and vying to destroy and build it anew. The one thing he had in common with Suzaku was a desire to work with what was already in place, and manipulate in order to make a desired result. He would unveil everything at once, giving the illusion that the world came into peace as a result of his crowning. It was better than his previous plan: to bring peace to the world by "a system and power." His only complaint to the alteration was that "mankind's history is war. Peace is an illusion. To turn illusion into reality is an arduous task. It requires discipline."

No wonder he always seemed to be one step ahead of her in non-battle situations. Lelouch was at the point where she could best him at chess more often than not; they were no longer equals in terms of war strategies, something soon to be obsolete. The game would be reduced to just that: a game played in black and white squares. The symbolism would cease. He was a master politician. Perhaps chess wasn't even his best game. It was too forthright, and Schneizel never showed his hand.

The room Schneizel made for her was alarmingly perfect. It was a cross between her bedroom at home, no, Ashford Academy; the apartment attached to the clubhouse would never be her home again. It was a cross between her bedroom at school and the living space of the 32nd floor of the Damocles. The layout was the same, and all the furniture felt inspired by her past life. The devil was in the details. There were so many of them. Like Schneizel's fantasyland everything expertly crafted, and carried a medieval air.

Schneizel mentioned that he gutted a whole portion of the palace to be for the children; however, he claimed not to go any further than that in renovations. Previously each wife was afforded her own mansion, and the Emperor lived in the palace alone. Needless to say, nothing was baby-proofed. Lelouch would have liked to see what changes he made. Sadly, she didn't have the time. There was only an a few hour gap between the Avalon landing and the procession, barely enough time to get dressed, and pampered.

_Maybe I won't have to do any scrubbing, or rather, direct others to do it._

She wouldn't be doing either directly. Managing the staff firsthand was the job for the Mistress of Robes, someone Lelouch immediately felt disdain towards. Such a position was appointed due to political reasons, more than familiarity. There wasn't anything wrong with the woman, per say. She was polite, courteous, and of noble birth. Something Lelouch claimed to lack. After spending so much time with Schneizel, dissecting fake personalities was second nature. Behind her prim, attractive exterior, the Duchess of Oregon, Lady Abigail Chapman, was likely a frigid bitch. It was only a matter of time before she cracked. No one could be that perfect.

For that was what Abigail was: perfect. Not merely in appearance, although Lelouch had only an objective observation in the manner. Schneizel might have called her trembling body, complete with bloated belly, art; anyone else would find Abigail fitting of that description. The duchess had a personality to match, well, anyone. Truth be told, she seemed more suitable for Schneizel. The female version of Schneizel, although probably more emotional under her charismatic exterior. Within twenty minutes Lelouch couldn't help but wonder if that charm could have started a Trojan War in another lifetime. The Lady would make an excellent poker player.

However, in a twist of events, the woman came close to showing her hand when another member of Lelouch's ladies-in-waiting was revealed. Abigail's bright blue eyes became a shade darker at the sight of Sayoko. This was the first indication that her personality was a farce. She looked ready to say something rude before Lelouch gushed over how happy she was to see the older Japanese woman. A minor explanation that Sayoko was "under Lelouch's employment previously" was afforded, and Abigail merely responded with a coy smile. She excused herself, returning nearly an hour later dressed in ceremonial garb.

The details Sayoko said to Lelouch while brushing her long raven hair were funny, to say the least. Sakoyo was captured with Nunnally during the second Battle for Tokyo. She stayed with the younger Vi Britanna sibling in obscurity for a few weeks, and made her escape. Dejected by the lack of enthusiasm from the Black Knights, she left them the day before Lelouch arrived at Honari Island, looking for Rolo. When the announcement of Schneizel's succession, and details of his rumored marriage began to surface, she sought out an old ally. Using Deithard as a proxy, she was able to distinguish fact from fiction. She recently returned back to Schneizel. Sayoko sarcastically boasted that she was the first former Number to be given a noble title outside of military achievements.

"Your highness -" Abigail gasped when Kallen barged into the room with a deep scowl.

"Lelou - Oh." Kallen paused surprised to see someone outside Lelouch's inner circle present. "Sorry."

"Aren't you -"

"Kallen Stadfeld." Lelouch drawled, enjoying the way her friend's brow twitched at the name. Kallen looked odd dressed in white spandex with black trim, rather than red. The cloak was all that remained of the ace pilot's signature color. "Knight of Two. I'm assuming you haven't met. Kallen, this is Abby, the Mistress of Robes Schneizel appointed for me."

"Abby?" Abigail blinked, clearly not used to hearing a shorted version of her name.

"Do you mind? In turn you may call me Lulu. Don't let Kallen intimidate you. Assimilating military personnel was one of the promises Britannia made when joining the UFN. It just... Took a while for that to happen."

"You mean until you played everything to your advantage, Jerk." Kallen grumbled, throwing her crimson cloak over footboard of the bed.

Sakoyo's hands shook with silent laughter. Lelouch winced when a bobby pin was accidental shoved too close to the back of her skull. This was one of the reasons Lelouch used to keep her hair short. It made formal styling nothing more than an alternation of headbands. The silence that followed might have been the reason Abigail seemed so out of place. She was a full-blooded Britannian noblewoman, raised to be the epitome of the Empire's finesse, in a room full with former terrorists. Lelouch could practically hear the thoughts swirling around the woman's head, wondering if the rumors of the Empress Consort were true.

"I can't believe you are making me do this." Kallen continued to complain, pulling at her hair in the mirror, annoyed that her fierce red locks, which usually stuck up when not straightened were, in fact smooth. She looked like her Ashford mask, minus the docile demeanor. "Kallen Stadfeld," she grumbled, letting her hand fall to her side.

"I'm not making you do anything, Kallen." Lelouch smiled, stepping into the gown Abigail picked out prior to her arrival. "You are free to go about your life, forgetting me. Rivalz is in need of some new club members, I'm sure. Having it consist of nothing but Knight of the Round members, and royalty, has to make it hard to find new recruits."

Kallen glared daggers at the other teen's direction. She could tell Lelouch wasn't serious. Lelouch had no intentions of doing that to her friend. Such a fate was for high ranking officials, and her family, minus Nunnally. Nunnally already paid her price, was currently paying it. Lelouch felt extremely impatient to just have this pregnancy be over.

Lelouch plopped down on the sofa; watching Abigail, now recovered from her shock, exchange pleasantries with Kallen. Apparently their fathers knew one another. How genteel. That didn't win the duchess any points, surely. Kallen instantly changed the subject to something more apt for her. Abigail's eyes changes shades again and the mention of Ohgi as the new Viceroy of Japan. Her feigned ignorance on the subject, and casual correction of Area 11 when boasting of the production of her family's sakuradite mine, contradicted her sickeningly sweet tone. Lelouch groaned, remaining quiet throughout the ordeal. Watching a passive aggressive dual between the past and the future wasn't as absorbing as one would think. There were enough things for her to stress over; her proverbial plate was full.

She stroked her stomach through her ceremonial all while dress. Her previously 'cute' belly had become comically large lately. It wouldn't be too long until the twins were born. Cheryl was hoping she would carry to term; so far nothing was objecting that desire. Arthur and Lila were growing on schedule, and at the same rate. There was no reason to force them out early. Her waddling discomfort wouldn't last forever. "This too shall pass," was becoming a daily mantra.

Then again, there wasn't much to look forward to after they were born. She would go back to being Marianne's host. Schneizel's Thought Disturbing System would send her to the brink of insanity. His hands and humming couldn't even be used as a way out. The reason he treated her in such a doting fashion wasn't due to affection, at least, not completely. His geass was touch activated. While he was pretending to calm her down, he was actually calibrating the eye patch. He ensured that due to that calibration, her episodes wouldn't be as bad. She would simply be sent to C's world without issue. He loved her, and wouldn't do anything to harm her. There was, apparently, a difference between hurt and harm; one he so eloquently explained. If Lelouch were anyone else it would have sounded convincing.

His assurance didn't make her situation any more fucked up. He wasn't considering, or not voicing, the possibility that Marianne developed her geass enough over the past several months that he would have to recalibrate the system, which would make her temporarily insane; add in baby blues, and the HGC [1] hormone leaving her body, and it was a frightening notion. Surely, no other first time mother had to worry of such things. Schneizel promised her Marianne would wait until everyone "got settled in."

Lelouch continued to fight the urge to seek the woman out, and use Jeremiah against her. It would be silly to think that she didn't have a backup body somewhere, waiting to be animated 'just in case' something went awry. Such actions would do no good. Still, being cognitive and helpless was no good either. A cruel laugh escaped Lelouch's throat at the realization that she was actually more stable near 30 weeks pregnant than she was prior to, and will be after. Surely, no one else would understand. The physical miseries were a cakewalk compared to what was yet to come.

"What's so funny?" Kallen asked, swinging the cloak around her shoulders. It was almost time, and they might as well meet Schneizel, Kanon, and Suzaku at the entrance. "I don't look that stupid in this getup, do I?" She asked, returning to the previous conversation.

"No. You look fine." Lelouch smiled, holding her hand out.

Abigail stepped before Kallen and braced herself. With a tug not expected from her tiny frame, she helped the lopsided Empress off the sofa. Lelouch mumbled a "thanks," feeling incredibly embarrassed over her dwindling physical abilities. She couldn't stand up on her own, or put shoes on, due to both an inability to see her feet, and reach them. If something was dropped, the item was gone forever. The floor might as well be renamed the place of no return. Nothing was worth the uncomfortable, nearly impossible, act of bending over. The list could go on, and on. For better or worse, she didn't feel that way with Schneizel.

Her husband had the unnatural ability to make her feel beautiful despite the obvious lie. No, Schneizel wasn't lying. Lelouch had a sneaking suspicion that maiesiophilia could be added to his list of fetishes. He appeared to follow the belief that 'the bigger the better,' too. His previous confession of wishing to stop time when she just barely popped was voided. His comment that he was " excited to see how much the end of the third trimester affects her," wasn't as disturbing as it should be. In a way it was nice to have him be captivated by her cumbersome body. It made requesting assistance for everyday activities much more bearable.

Then there was Suzaku. Her ex didn't find her disgusting, she didn't think, or anything else of that nature. He could never have sex with her again, so it was inconsequential that he was not aroused by her pregnancy. They weren't his children. It made sense that he would attempt to ignore it, or not bring it up. He was already given a promotion, and Schneizel not so politely mentioned that he was "the Knight of One, but it is title only. It is a title that has already been bought and paid for." [2] Besides, Lelouch hadn't seen him since December; when her state could still be ignored.

That made spending time with Suzaku at Ashford so special. It wasn't cheating to feel a sense of relief that some of the emotions in his eyes returned. Lelouch never thought that her "live," command would have been used in such a way. Hearing him admit his attempts after Arthur's funeral was frightening. She didn't break her promise to Schneizel; Lelouch only held Suzaku as he did her. They stayed in the student council apartment, playing house, forgetting the reality of their situation, for three blissful days. Lelouch would have equated the otherworldly experience to her time on Damocles, except the couple was rarely alone. It wasn't a cage. The only thing that would have it better was if Suzaku had kissed her. They came close once or twice. Lelouch daydreamed as the group walked down the halls, towards the main gate.

_"I'm not eating that." Suzaku scrunched his nose at the concoction she presented for dinner. "That's not edible. Let's just order pizza. Again."_

_Lelouch sighed, placing a plate in front of Rolo. He too looked at her frittata like it was poison. Honestly, strawberries, sauerkraut, purple potatoes, in eggs, drizzled with ranch dressing sounded delicious. The boys were the crazy ones. She plopped down in her chair, taking a fork full, ready to dig in._

_"No way!" Suzaku laughed. She took two more bites. "You're going to make yourself sick, Lulu. I will make curry if you don't want pizza."_

_"Your curry tastes weird." It was her turn to scrunch her nose._

_"It's just pork, RUSSET potatoes, carrots, onions, roux, oh and apple. How is that weird?"_

_"It needs vinegar." Suzaku scratched the back of his head. She sighed, taking another portion. "I'm pregnant."_

_He mumbled, and cleared the table. Rolo called out his choice of toppings, giving an apology. His attempt to make her feel better saying that it was "probably good to her," didn't have the desired effect. Lelouch wasn't upset about her strange cravings. She was used to those being rejected. It was Suzaku's actions that bothered her. She pushed off from the table, following him into the kitchen._

_"Just say it." She commanded, leaning against the doorframe._

_"What do you want me to say, Lulu? That this is all my fault? That if I had let you leave out of that black BMW none of this would have happened? You wouldn't be pregnant with Schneizel's babies? I don't want to think about it. I can't not think about it. Once you leave I will have nothing left, not even Arthur! Hell, I don't even have you. You married him."_

_"What was I supposed to do, Suzaku? I'm not the person I used to be. I don't want any more bloodshed."_

_"That's not it."_

_"Huh?" She startled when he pulled her into his arms. Up until then they tried to keep their distance, even when alone. He felt fragile in her arms, and not simply in comparison to Schneizel. "Suzaku you -"_

_"You're becoming more like the girl I fell in love with. You're hotheaded, stubborn, and pushy."_

_"How flattering."_

_"It's better than cold and calculating, Lulu. Schneizel, the Emperor... He ordered me to stay in Area 11, and only come to Pendragon for events. I won't even be able to see you. It wasn't worth it. Japan wasn't worth never being able to kiss you again."_

_"Then do it now. Before it's too late."_

_Suzaku nodded, and leaned his forehead against her one. His hot breath tickled her nose. Thankfully, it didn't smell like alcohol. She leaned into his touch when he twisted a chunk of her hair around his finger, and cupped the side of her head in with his palm. The tips of his fingers subconsciously massaged her scalp. He said her name, her given name, and leaned in._

_"Actually, I don't want pineapple on that..." Rolo trailed off, realizing what he interrupted._

"What are you thinking about, my love?" Schneizel asked, linking their fingers. He lifted the unit up to his lips. "Are you nervous?"

"Oh." Lelouch tore her gaze away from where she was staring at Suzaku. He was losing more weight, and had bags under his eyes. "I'm just tired."

It wasn't her best excuse. That didn't make the words any less believable. Schneizel smiled at the remark, bending to give her an affectionate, possessive kiss. He didn't fully believe her; evident by the way he thumbed her wedding ring. He never asked about the three days she spent with her friends at Ashford. If she were following the same pattern as before, it should have made him nervous. The more slack he gave the more room she had to fight him.

Maybe it was the other way around. Perhaps the temporary loss of the eye patch, and his willingness to let her roam freely marked his dominance over her in another, more subtle fashion. Lelouch felt a chill run up her spine at the realization that  **he**  was indeed following a pattern: both instances of freedom were directly after she allowed him to degrade her sexually. The first was at Honari Island, when she gave him permission to do what he wanted.

This translated to him pinning her down, and roughly ravishing her. In hindsight it felt like a test. Schneizel didn't demand as much as he wanted. He was still holding back. The bite mark was the only time she felt he lost control of his persona. Before that he was gauging how much he could push before she snapped. He kept her teetering on the edge of complaining, coaxing her to willingly give more to him.

It was associated with when he lost his temper, and patience. The day he "fucked her, giving her bruises," he demanded submission too, albeit in a much more forceful way. His punishment carried a similar air. He was more concerned with seeing what he could get away with than actually punishing. Since then muted requests were made in between sessions of lovemaking. There was a chance it was all in her imagination. The bigger her belly grew, the more her mobility was limited. It was just a coincidence that no matter what position they took, she always ended up feeling like a turtle on its back.

She didn't want to think about it, and yet Lelouch couldn't help replay all their interactions when alone in the horse drawn carriage. The jostling ride around Pendragon was uncomfortable, to say the least. A groan escaped, and Schneizel pulled her closer, practicality on his lap. He wrapped his matching crimson velvet, lined with fur, cloak over her body. The ancient robe was long enough that it could have probably wrapped around Suzaku and Kallen too. If they weren't on horseback with the rest of the Knights, that is. Kanon and Abigail rode with the rest of the peers, waiting for the royal couple to arrive.

"We must adhere to the traditional procession, Lulu, it gives no reprieve for pregnancy."

"I know." She said. Her breath was visible against the frigid air. The old gold colored coach was covered, and lined with insulation. It wasn't enough. "I know," she repeated, more to herself than him.

"Maybe I could think of a few ways to warm you up."

Schneizel ignored her lackluster denial. He bunched her dress to stroke the soft merino wool on her thighs with gloved fingertips. She felt her face tint red for a different reason than the cold. His long ago statement that, "Sometimes it's the most fun with an audience,"[3] rang in her ears. The likelihood of cameras peeking inside the open windows was definitely a possibility. They were moving slow enough; it would be easy to pan over to them every once in a while.

"Brother. No." She scolded when his hand moved higher, teasing over the fabric of her tights.

He laughed, trailing his hand back to the safety of her knee. "It's been a while since you called me that role, Little Sister. You must really be serious." She bit her painted lip, finding the reminder of how much she's changed offensive.

The obvious alterations the pregnancy made to her body notwithstanding, her hair was also long enough to be twisted, pinned, and decorated with jewels in a fancy up do. At some point she ceased thinking of Schneizel a deranged perverted old man; he was her brother, but if using a role, she would call him "husband." Time could change anyone. Even Suzaku pointed it out.  _Had Schneizel changed_? She already decided that he was following a pattern. The only outward alternation to his appearance was his hair. It had grown too. The blond strands could be tied back in a low ponytail, leaving chin length bangs dangling in the front.

Lelouch moved to hook a piece of that hair behind his ear. The strands fell forward the moment she moved her hand away. It wasn't long enough to stay yet. They were opposites, and somehow the same. She wanted to hate him, and everything about him because he was everything she hated about herself. The only difference was that behind her cool, reserved, nature was raw emotion. Schneizel was the opposite of her in that regard. She hated her actions, and his intentions. He was the persona she tried, and failed at pulling off.

She snuggled against his hulking body, feeling the choker necklace Schneizel gifted for her birthday. He assured that the diamonds and sapphires at the end were natural, having nothing to do with geass. Since it was the probable birthstone of the twins, the rock simply reminded him of her. His birthday was overshadowed by the coronation, although, he probably scheduled it on such a day on purpose. Control over the whole world was his gift.

It was impossible to tell who was the one providing comfort when Kallen opened the coach door. If silent conversations did exist, Lelouch guessed the Knight of Two was wondering what would happen if she attempted to bolt. Lelouch gave a wry smile at the knight's ashen face, now using the Britannian noble rank that was previously shunned. Perhaps that was one of the things that bound the two women together. The momentary measure of comfort didn't last when her friend moved back to join the rest of the knights. Lelouch accepted Kanon's outstretched hand, feet falling on unblemished snow. She gulped, staring up at the intimidating Cathedral.

Imposing stone arches, stained glass, and sculptures of the kings and queens of Judah stared back. The queens were sculpted with long braids, crowns, and tiny pleated robes. Above the middle door, Christ looked down at her surrounded by four symbols of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, and the twelve apostles below. [4] That was only the facade. Gothic towers shot up, and around the three doors. Its architecture was practically a copy of the Cathedral Basilica of Our Lady of Chartres.

The last time Lelouch was unfortunate enough to step foot on the planted Poa pratensis, commonly known as Kentucky bluegrass, outside the building she was an unruly child. Her mother kept her and Nunnally as far back of the axis that decorum would allow. She wouldn't have that luxury this day. The green strands were hidden by sparkling snow too.

"Schneizel, do you know why snow is white?" She asked, feeling trepidation with each crunch of the fluffy white substance compressing under her steps.

"Snow isn't actually white. The light bounces around the individual ice crystals, and reflects back out. The reflected light includes all the colors, which, together, look white. If the sun hits it at a certain angle, it can have a tint of blue, purple, or sometimes pink."

"That's not what I meant." She grumbled, feeling irritated by his reply.

"Oh? The what is the right answer?"

"Snow is white because it has forgotten what color it used to be." She quoted C.C.

Schneizel stopped abruptly, causing Lelouch to almost lose her footing. His grip on her hand remained steady. Before she could complain, he cupped her chin, placing his thumb over her lips. He searched her eyes, for what she wasn't sure, before giving a barely masked smirk. Lelouch felt her skin crawl at his gaze. A desire to portray some sense of normalcy in front of the audience kept her quiet.

"An artist and a scientist would never agree on black and white; in one mindset black is the totality of colors mixed together, and in the other it is the absence of everything. If you do not enjoy feeling like snow, Lulu, then leave such a cognition, and enter one where white contains all."

She nodded, not necessarily in agreement. It seemed like the right thing to do to end the conversation.

Lelouch would have preferred to stay outside. She could avoid the event to watch the display of colors dance on the white snow, and the ice crystals hanging off the trees. There would be plenty of time for that later. She wasn't going anywhere. Pendragon was her biggest penitentiary yet, and one she knew well. Sure, she could technically leave. As Empress it would be difficult, to say the least. After the investiture she would be a celebrity, and could never be free from her status. Her closest friend was to be a well-to-do duchess.

Near ten thousand people were in attendance, dressed to the nines or in ceremonial garb. Lelouch's elevated status was overlooked, and her heart raced at the sight. Never had she seen the interior so packed. She could easily feel claustrophobic if it weren't for the soaring arches leading to a very high vaulted ceiling. The stone walls came off as glowing from the luminescence stain glass windows cast sapphire blue, red, yellow, and green light with the morning sun. Kallen was right for wanting to bolt.

She felt like a waddling whale. It was debatable if the form fitting dress was better than her usual tent style; no matter what she looked like she shoved a basketball under the garment. Still, the onslaught of whispers that erupted was undoubtedly directed towards her predicament, and reveal. Until this moment the most publicized details on her were rumors, speculation, and perceived lies to discredit Schneizel.

Deithard broadcast the investiture live; surely the journalist was smart enough to hide the shocked look of the siblings that met them at the door. So long as no one created a scene, her identity being discovered wouldn't matter. Anybody who knew her mother would recognize Lelouch. She was a spitting image of Marianne. Even if the combination of features weren't overly unique; it was undeniable. Only Carine, or random kids she didn't know of, would believe she was just some random teenager off the street.

"Schneizel," Odysseus whispered the moment the peers made a semicircle around the couple. Schneizel's grip on her hand tightened at the way his name was said in an uncharacteristic scolding manner. "You cannot expect us to believe that..." Her eldest brother paused, giving Lelouch an uncomfortable, and surprisingly sympathetic look. "She is not Lelouch, our sister. It was easier to believe through the news, but in person... I cannot believe she is just another lookalike, despite the strangeness of her left eye."

"You may believe what you like. Just wait until the end of the ceremony to say anything. It would be blasphemous to disrupt it now."

Lelouch remained silent, glaring at Guinevere, flanked on the opposite side as former First Princess, and duchess. The woman made another attempt to touch Lelouch's belly on the slow walk, evil glint in her eye. "I never thought you would abdicate the throne, Schneizel, and in such a showy manner too."

"I didn't give you permission to touch me, Guinevere." Lelouch said, turning her gaze away from the woman, toward Schneizel.

Guinevere leaned in to whisper in her ear. To the cameras it surely looked like an affectionate gesture. "Oh? And who are you? I think we should just stop this whole thing now. Funny you come out of hiding just to go into exile again. What did you do to Schneizel in order to cause him to make such a stupid decision? No one is going to accept your incest and the products of such acts are an abomination. You both are going to be dethroned the moment this is over and shamed. The whole world is going to find you two disgusting."

"Elder Sister, I have already been acting Emperor for months now. You shouldn't have to be reminded not to speak to me, or my wife, in such a manner."

"After today you -"

"Guinevere," Lelouch growled, turning finally. "You stuck up, piece of shit, gossiping bitch. Never speak to me, **of** me, or my children again."

Much to Odysseus' shock, the eldest sibling quieted, and turned forward with a serene smile on her normally shrewd features. Red rims circled her eyes. Schneizel sighed, and gave Lelouch's arm a gentle reprimanding tug. It made little practical difference; the command was changed. The results were the same. Besides, having her know, unable to tell anyone, seemed like a fitting punishment.

To say the atmosphere of the ceremony was tense would be a gross understatement. Lelouch sat anxious in her chair, located in the north side of the Sanctuary, as faults began to show up as early as the Recognition. Schneizel stood proud, as always. He looked more royal than ever, daring the congregation to oppose him. The archbishop happened to be the same one from when she was a child. He obviously recognized her too, not only because of her mother, but because Lelouch and Clovis were caught putting gum in the man's shoes more than once. Still, he turned, whispered something to Schneizel, and said the speech in a booming voice that sounded odd out of his frail, old body.

"Sirs, I here present unto you  
Emperor Schneizel,  
your undoubted Emperor:  
Wherefore all you who are come this day  
to do your homage and service,  
Are you willing to do the same?" [5]

Lelouch imagined crickets chirping during the unnaturally long second it took for the crowd to react. The Britannian population in the room thought that Schneizel was just going to be forced to abdicate the throne within twenty-four hours, and the other half, UFN members, felt contempt for him, and the acclaim. She could imagine Diethard yelling at the crew to warp the audio, making the repeated yells of "ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!" more pronounced.

The tension would ease during The Oath, Presenting of the Bible, Communion, and Anointing. It was likely everyone was as going to be as bored and uncomfortable as she. For an Empire proclaiming Neo-Darwinism as the core tenant, the archaic religious ceremony, practically unchanged for a thousand years, felt forced. That could be because of the situation. She wasn't alive during the previous investiture, and the Emperor never bothered to hold such events for any of his many wives. Her father liked to set himself apart, on a dais higher than anyone could reach; claiming himself to be far better, and stronger than the weak. He was stronger, possibly. Certainly not better.

Schneizel looked so much like their father, however, mild differences in physical features. Odysseus might not have inherited the throne, but he was a carbon copy of his sire. Her husband carried the same air. Regal. It was no wonder no one dared to interrupt the ceremony, favoring to wait till out of his presence to object. He would have liked that, an objection. It was imaginable that Schneizel planned it out like this not just for convenience. He found this to be the most interesting scenario.

Due to her mobility issues, she was not forced to kneel during any part of the ceremony. Only during her own Anointing would she be made to ungraciously lower herself onto a faldstool and back up. She watched Schneizel's ceremony from the comfort of her cushion. As the event dragged on, she became mesmerized by the stained glass, particularly King Solomon in The North Transept Rose. In her tired, bored, and impatient mind the depiction looked similar to an ugly Schneizel. All the depictions were ugly; that was just part of medieval, or medieval inspired artwork. Maybe he was actually really attractive. Maybe the artist just made Solomon have a really bemused expression as a joke. It seemed like something he would do...

Lelouch didn't remember falling asleep. Her actions told a different story. She was startled awake by the booming "ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!" that followed the Putting on of the Crown. All her practice of sleeping in class couldn't save her from the steel glare of the old man archbishop, no doubt remembering similar behavior from her as a kid. Lelouch blushed a scarlet red, nearly the color of her cloak. Both hues were dissimilar to the color of Schneizel's mantle.

He was sitting in the coronation chair, adorned with the ermine cape with a train of purple silk velvet. That train wrapped around the old, yet perfectly polished wood. The detailed gold embroidery near the fur trim matched the gold of the lion statues at the base of the chair. His bangs were pushed back, tucked into the brim of the imperial crown of various jewels of diamonds, sapphires, rubies, and emeralds, set in gold. The purple velvet underneath was the same shade as the cape. In his right hand Schneizel clutched the sceptre, also encrusted with jewels at the base and cross shaped tip. The orb was held in his left, and the sword dangled off his hip. If Schneizel didn't already look like the epitome of royalty, he definitely did seated at the altar.

His shoulders shook slightly before he erupted in jovial laughter. If he weren't seated, Schneizel probably would have doubled over by the force of it. He clutched the King's Regalia, using the items as a crutch to contain himself. Thankfully, chanting, and the trumpets that followed drowned the sound out. Diethard would spin the Emperor's reaction as being overcome by the holiness of the Britannia Empire, and the devotion of his subjects. Lelouch felt herself crack a small smile back, despite her embarrassment, at the thought.

The archbishop cleared his throat and prayed loudly over Schneizel.

"God crown you with a crown of glory and righteousness,  
that having a right faith and manifold fruit of good works,  
you may obtain the crown of an everlasting kingdom  
by the gift of him whose kingdom endureth for ever. Amen."

With the aid of Abigail, she heaved herself up to stand for the Benediction, Enthronement, and their joint Homage, feeling a sense of dread at the pressure between her legs. At her last appointment the twins hadn't dropped, per say, they were just pushing down for lack of room. Lelouch's small frame was already carrying twice the load of a normal pregnancy. Even if she had only gained 40lbs, considered modest for her situation, and starting weight.

A whimper was barely stifled when she felt Arthur send a fierce kick to her ribs at the same time Lila pushed outward. The dual movement was visible outside her gown, looking like something from the movie "Aliens." Her legs were sore, and an odd sensation happened. Her abdominal muscles tightened, and flexed. It felt like the few times she was forced to do bicycle crunches in gym class. Afterwards that area was more defined. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths out of her nostrils, placing her hand over her belly. It was hard as a rock, but it didn't really hurt. Either she had amazing pain tolerance or she, hopefully, was not going into labor. The words of the Archbishop were drowned out by her nervous heartbeat.

"And the same Lord God Almighty grant  
that the Clergy and Nobles assembled here  
for this great and solemn service,  
and together with them all the Peoples of this Commonwealth,  
fearing God, and honoring the Emperor,  
may by the gracious assistance of God's infinite goodness,  
and by the vigilant care of his anointed servant,  
our gracious Sovereign,  
continually enjoy peace, plenty, and prosperity;  
through Jesus Christ our Lord,  
to whom, with the eternal Father, and God the Holy Ghost,  
be glory in the Church,  
world without end. Amen."

It was likely she was overreacting. Preterm labor is a fear of any mother carrying multiples. It wasn't rare; nearly 30% of twin births were premature. Britannia's medical system was advanced enough that even if they were born nine weeks early, the kids would be fine. Sure, they would spend an alarming amount of time in clear incubator boxes, with breathing, and feeding tubes stuck to them. They would need steroid shots to help the lungs develop; it would be difficult for her to watch. It wouldn't mean the twins wouldn't be completely healthy once they were older. Especially considering Arthur was Schneizel's heir.

The ceremony couldn't cease until after her own completely insignificant ceremony compared to Schneizel's investiture. Lelouch gingerly waddled to the altar. She didn't kneel. _Dear God, don't make me fuck this whole thing up._ It wasn't really a prayer. It was the best she could do, given her situation, religious affiliations, and knowledge of C's world. Did the collective unconscious even have a will, or did it just simply exist, observing the individual parts in their subjective realities? If the latter were true, then prayer would make no difference.

The disdain from her peers was ignored when she settled into the extremely uncomfortable stool under the Anointing canopy. At least she knew she wouldn't fall asleep again, not that she could; Lelouch was filled with unease. She held out the palms of both the hands, feeling the oil sink down into her pores as the archbishop spoke. "Be thy Hands anointed with holy Oil." Next was her chest. That liquid soaked into her gown, and not her skin. "Be thy Breast anointed with holy Oil." She opened her eyes to meet the geezer's gaze. He looked confused more than annoyed. Oil was rubbed on the crown of her head, while saying, "Be thy Head anointed with holy Oil: as kings, priests, and prophets were anointed."

She whispered for him to forget her as a child.

Her hand went over her belly when another contraction attacked. They were too close together. Cheryl's advice for causing childbirth, "to put yourself in the most inconvenient situation possible," was more than applicable. Lelouch needed to stand before the congregation, and make her oath. All eyes had to be on her. It would happen not simply because of formality. The bazaar action would draw attention. Lelouch would be saying two oaths: one to Schneizel, and one to Britannia. Usually the Empress consort only professed promises to her husband. With no real political power, there was no point to address the people. She was subservient.

The gesture had a dual purpose. She wanted to show she wasn't simply the incubator for the Emperor's offspring. More importantly, she needed to eliminate the perceived truth of the 'conspiracy theories.' If that didn't happen, and knowledge of her true identity remained; they would be finished. Schneizel would be forced to abdicate the throne, and they would be shunned, ostracized, and made into heretics.

Then again, would being cast out really be that bad? Her new home could be the small town in the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, mostly inhabited by tour guides or the first Numbers. She could become some blue-collar profession like a cook, or shopkeeper. If she changed her name again, cut and dyed her hair, maybe no one would recognize her. The main reason she refused to bleach it previously was to remember Marianne. That woman wasn't really dead, and was using her children as hosts like a parasite.

Lelouch opened her eyes when the sensation stopped. The coronation ring was already on her finger. She didn't notice it being slipped on. The bulky sapphire matched her necklace; both were massive, and surrounded by clear diamonds. Her crown, and robes matched Schneizel's and was even bulkier feeling. Her eye patch, with all its charms, was somehow more ergonomic.

She prayed, really prayed, to whom, she wasn't certain, that Jeremiah used his power prior to Suzaku's entry. Surely it was issued before Schneizel and her entered the cathedral, and the Knight of One wasn't too far ahead. The geass canceler couldn't reach Suzaku. It wasn't just recently, her secret love had been wishing for death the past eight years. She was selfish, and refused to let him meet that end.

There was paranoia that, if her order were removed, he would take his own life either directly or indirectly. He already admitted several suicide attempts through various mediums. With the world peaceful, and her unattainable, he would have no reason to stay alive. He already proved the fear that Japan's welfare being connected to his life wasn't enough. She had to be sadistic to fall in love with someone like him. [6] That is not even mentioning that he would forget her too. Well, no, he wouldn't lose his time with Lelouch Lamperouge at Ashford. Would he still love her without knowledge of her time spent at the Kururugi Shrine? Logically, an end to his love for her was the easiest way out. She was selfish for wishing that wouldn't happen.

The glint of metal coming off Jeremiah caught her attention. Even with his titles restored, he stuck out like a sore thumb. Suzaku replace Bismark as Knight of One. Kallen was Knight of Two. Jeremiah took the place of the late Luciano Bradley. The others remained the same. It wasn't far fetched to say that Schneizel wasn't simply vying for loyalty from her ex. Most were appointed during his position as Prime Minister.

She couldn't think about Suzaku. If Lelouch changed her mind, and forced Schneizel to abdicate, it would be a bloodbath. Odysseus, the heir by birth, had no desire for the throne. The world would be united, only to be torn apart by a family feud. Someone horrible could win it, like Guinevere. Everything would be for nothing. The congregation needed to be made to forget. It wasn't about her any more, or the twins, or even Nunnally.

Not even Cornelia would be saved.

"All this I promise to do, as Empress,  **Lulu El Britannia, maiden name Lamperouge. These are my names: The only names to be attached to me. Any other past is to be disregarded.** " She paused, taking a deep breath. " ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!"

The cheering was the loudest yet. She erased Lelouch Vi Britannia out of the minds of the political figures that mattered. That person died eight years ago. The resemblance was a mere coincidence, an oddity. Considering Odysseus hinted Schneizel's type was a tall woman with black hair, it wouldn't be too hard to believe.

Once seated in her own throne on the elevated platform in the center of the Crossing, Lelouch breathed a sigh of relief. She looked over at Schneizel, a satisfied smirk on his face. He won. She helped him win, or maybe they won together. It would be a lie to say she knew all the parts she played, considering Schneizel would have been named Emperor anyway. He insisted that the removal of their father was all because of her.

Maybe he meant because she changed the mind of C.C., making Charles even more obsessed with Ragnarok, and essentially locked in C's world. Plausibly it was because Ohgi, to some degree, remained loyal to Zero. He broke up the Black Knights like she suggested. Without her, the UFN would have fought Britannia's overrule; Schneizel was slotted to be the chairman during the next election. There were enough reasons to believe that there wasn't some other, more sinister, reason she helped him to take the crown.

"I, Geoffrey, Archbishop, and so everyone of the rest,

Will be faithful and true,  
and faith and truth will bear unto you,  
our Sovereign rulers,  
Emperor and Empress of this Realm and Defender of the Faith,  
and unto your heirs and successors according to law.  
So help me God."

Lelouch made it through the ungodly amount of clergymen, Dukes of the Blood Royal, and halfway through the Lords Temporal before the twins went on another frenzy. They apparently were determined to rip out of her side. She gasped, and squeezed her eyes shut. She vaguely registered her name being spoken through the much more painful contraction. Braxton Hicks weren't supposed to hurt, and that one definitely hurt. She let out a low moan as the pain washed over her, making her lower back, thighs, and belly burn.

"Lulu," she opened her eyes to see Kanon staring back at her. He knelt down in front of her throne, placing his hand over her sightless smaller one. "Are you ok?"

She didn't know how to answer. The man definitely closed his eyes during her oath; he knew what was going to happen. Her mind raced, attempting to push through the fog, to find a decent answer. She never responded to a yes or no question with her geass active before.  _What would happen? Nothing? Would it count? If I said no, then what would Kanon do?_ An invisible gag was in her mouth. Mutely she shook her head "no." Rougher than intended, his head was pushed to the side, making Kanon face away.

"Schneizel. I. Think. I can't be."

She didn't need to say any more because at that point the coronation was essentially over. Schneizel rose from his throne, leaving all the King's Regalia, sans his crown, on the polished wood. The remaining Earls, Viscounts, and Barons didn't get to pay homage verbally to him. There was no Offertory, or Communion. Lelouch could assume that the choir continued to sing even after she was whisked away.

 


	18. Sir Suzaku Kururugi III

It is difficult to describe the early years of Schneizel El Britannia's reign and do justice. What were merely rumors prior to his official crowning, were brought to light several days after the awe inspiring ceremony. The sovereign appeared to immerse himself in his duties, taking no time to slash the honorary Britannian system. Colonies retained the same status under the Empire, and yet names were given in addition to the number. For example: Area 11 retained a distinction of order that the land was acquired; the common name was "Japan." The population was granted equal rights, and all persons were considered citizens. "Britannian," and "Japanese," was words to indicate nationality.

Now this is not to say that the abolishment of the Number System brought about instant cordial relations within the colonies. A socio-economic class system replaced a genetic one for many years following the declaration. Japan was mostly spared from strife due to the Viceroy, Ohgi Kaname, being an "Average Joe Japanese guy who just gets it." His marriage to the Baroness, Villetta Nu-Ohgi, and the status of Sir Suzaku Kururugi, aided the Viceroy immensely.

Needless to say, stable colonies fared better through the conversion than instable territories. Overall the transition was smooth, and required little intervention from his Majesty. The additional requirement of a former Number council to the Viceroys of each colony undoubtedly minimized casualties and uprisings.

The only time a FLEIJA was released, other than during the Second Battle for Tokyo, was when New Zealand, formerly known as Area 9, attempted to incite a squabble with a neutral Australia without imperial consent. There were no casualties; the warhead was detonated over international waters. However, the show of force was enough to end the disagreement, and Australia joined the Holy Britannian empire. This gave the Emperor enough of a majority over the UFN to be considered an absolute one-world-ruler, considering he was also the chairman of the said governing body.

Few questioned the abdication of both the 98th Emperor, and also the First Crown Prince Odysseus. Considering the previous sovereign was never seen nor heard from again, it is safe to conclude that Charles Zi Britannia did indeed die during vacation. At the time of his father's succession, the First Prince was already a teenager, fourteen to be exact. Despite being born to nobility on both sides, his mother, a Duchess of Maine, died during childbirth. Odysseus remained under the care of his extended family during the "Emblem of Blood,"[1] only being introduced in court after Charles' investiture. This could attribute to the plebeian personality of Odysseus, having been 'raised' by his commoner nursemaid.

In addition to the First Prince, Guinevere su Britannia, Schneizel el Britannia, Cornelia li Britannia, and Clovis la Britannia, were also introduced during the event, with names to match their lineage. Due to the frequent assassinations of the time, and purposefully bad record keeping hiding such murders, it is difficult to pinpoint the family line of each child.

It is probable that due to his claim as next in line after the death of the older twin Vincent Zi Britannia, Charles practiced polygamy prior to his ascension, discounting the need for a violent dethroning of his uncle (see chapter 97, Ca Britannia to Chapman, in my book of Royal History for more details). His third wife, Priscilla Lindon, Countess of East Cornwall, still lived. The same went for Gabrielle Lawrence, Duchess of South Carolina.

Unlike his other brother, Schneizel instantly took to politics even at the young age of eight. He was frequently seen shadowing the Emperor, the Master of Robes, or anyone who would let him. His lengthy stays at the Imperial Boarding School could likely be attributed to creating alliances as much as his education; he was elected Prime Minister in the summer between secondary school and college. The break prior he was seen spending time at the Ashford estate and reach facilities. We can imagine this influenced his choice in majors at university. His contribution to a multitude of technology, ability to negotiate treaties as well as acting as a General during warfare, were major factors of him keeping an unheard of ten year position in office.

No wonder the 99th Emperor met little resistance in his succession.

Due to technical issues, the coronation broadcast was cut short. Some sources say that the Empress-Consort went into early labor, and was carried off by her husband, his Majesty. Since there is little to no data on such subject, and the vast variance before the twins were born, I cannot speculate on such a rumor. In an official statement the Emperor's Master of Robes, Kanon Maldini, Earl of Montreal; recently granted a portion of land formerly owned by the Grand Duke of New York, Reuben Ashford, adding that title Marquess of Long Island to his rank; stated:

_"His Majesty wishes to dispute any false claims that issues other than faulty equipment happened during the event. It is true that the schedule was changed, differing from the traditional by omitted a formal Offertory by having the peers return the Regalia, and Communion take place before the Homage. However, his wife and the twins are in peak condition. Hopefully we will have news of the birth after these last two months of pregnancy." The Marquess smiled, neglecting to answer any more comments regarding the health of the Empress-Consort._

**Special add-on for the 5** **th** **reprint of "The Biography of Sir Suzaku Kururugi: Only Son of the Last Prime Minister of Japan and Knight of One."**

The account of Suzaku Kururugi paints a different picture of the coronation aftermath. This passage was not included in his leather bound journal, and was instead found scratched on the back of Grandma Milly's transcript of her news report. When cleaning out their modest townhouse in the Tokyo Settlement, my sister became bored and started leafing through saved paperwork. Among scattered pictures, expense reports, and important documents, she stumbled on something written in Japanese. It must have been kept secret for a reason; perhaps one day my granddaughter will have the authenticity tested.

_Gino is still mad at me for kissing Kallen, even though she was the one who kissed me. She could have just said, "Don't look," or used some other method to draw my attention from Lulu. Maybe she knew that I wouldn't have looked away, and that was why she forcefully grabbed the back of my neck and slammed her face into mine._

_That woman has a death grip. Then again, I was, and still am so weak compared to what I once was, before this whole mess. She must have noticed first, considering her memories of the command were longer than mine. It was some conversation regarding Shinjuku and her reasoning to join the Black Knights. All I had to remember was one word: "Live." It slipped through the cracks of my memory, and went unnoticed._

_I can't decide if I would have been better off forgetting with everyone else. Would I still love her? I loved her at Ashford; would that have changed? Her father had the power to rewrite the past, and she used her power once against Shirley. I just don't know. Rivalz and Milly have me locked up in the student council building until the medicine kicks in, and I stop trying to end it all. They won't give me anything dangerous. I'm writing with a crayon._

_It's possible now. Perhaps a part of the reason I kept on trying was because it would never happen. Now that it can; I haven't. Which would be a worse punishment? To die? Or to live? I guess that would depend on my religious beliefs. I never really thought about it. None of that matters though. I can't die until I see her again._

_I need to see her._

_He won't let me. He has her locked up, and me shipped off to Area 11. Kallen promised she would contact me as soon as she has any news. It's been a week. Despite losing near twenty pounds and barely eating, it still took three of the other Knights of the Round to keep me away. Maybe that's why Gino is mad at me; I broke his nose._

_The second I saw him carry her off I knew something was wrong. I chased after, following to the hospital. It was a mess. People were running everywhere and I felt stunned. All I could do was watch. She was crying, calling out, but not for me. For him._

_She wanted him._

_That didn't stop me from going to her._

_They aren't my children. I wanted to ignore their existence. She could never be ignored. Even if they are half him, they are also half her. I love her more than anything._

_Even Euphie._

_I didn't realize that until the thought of losing her,_ _**really** _ _losing her, crossed my mind. Not losing the pint-sized punk who liked to get in fights with me, and call me an idiot. When she went off with her sister for a better life I accepted it. Not losing the cold, calculating, stoic terrorist when her memories were rewritten. That was my doing. I worried she would_ _**really be gone** _ _if I wasn't there to protect her. I worried I could never love any one like her again. Nothing will ever compare._

_I can't die until I see her again, and know that she is ok._

Once again this prompts me to ask the question "Who is Lulu El Britannia?" I know this is a stretch, so I request you work with me here. Sir Kururugi never directly states whom the male and female are that he is referring to in this entry. I would be hard pressed to say the female was anyone other than she. Who else would be surrounded by Knights of the Round?! The fact that this was scribbled on the back of an announcement of her Majesty's health supports my argument.

He wrote ":explicit: lying media" on the front too.

The official account of the Empress-Consort is that she was living in Area 11 at the time of the invasion. Her parents were few of the unfortunate Britannian casualties, and the Ashford family took her in. The first written record of her existence appears as a report card from the year the academy was initially built; birth records are, of course, destroyed. Many records were inadvertently lost during the colonization.

Even after the coronation, and her official reveal, some continued to dispute this lineage. This was mostly done over posts on the Internet. Few news stations dared to air, or print anything that contradicted the official story. Her likeness to the princess, Lelouch Vi Britannia, was a coincidence. One would think that if this were true her brothers and sisters would recognize her. Lulu's last name was the same as Marianne's maiden name, but that was a mere coincidence as well. Lamperouge was a common surname among commoners. Marianne chose the "Vi" as to not confuse her children with Gabrielle, who already claimed "La."

At one point the former First Princess Guinevere put together a press conference except she had nothing to say. She stood mutely in front of the microphone, and became irate after a short while. This in addition to other odd, borderline mental behavior might be one of the reasons she was pulled from the public eye, and the governing of her lands was reassigned.

Kururugi's casual comment regarding terrorism strikes me. We know that many of the Black Knights were assimilated into the Britannian military. Would it be possible that the king piece, clearly the inspiration for Zero's costume, did not, in fact die prior to the Second Battle of Tokyo? Would he, or rather she, be put into a prominent place in politics? Going off this train of thought, I would wonder if such an action would be consensual, or a mark of a prize, similar how tribal people would claim their enemies? None of these questions will ever be answered. Likely they are all lies. Sometimes I wonder what history would be like if the things we find over a century later were discovered during an appropriate time.

I think that is what made my field so exciting. We are piecing together puzzles of the past, and coming to a conclusion based on objective observations. I cannot claim to be objective, which is why a portion of this section was edited out during the first edition of this book. However, seeing another edition is being printed while I am on my deathbed, arguably as demented as my great-great grandparents, I feel the desire, no, need to add more.

 


	19. Misogyny

Sleep was by far her most useless coping mechanism. Not even that helped. When Lelouch closed her eyes, all she could see was that tiny body, wrapped in surgical bandages. It did no good. Not even the Britannia medical system, arguably the best in the world could achieve such a task. Sure, it saved her life; it brought her back to life when she "should have been dead." It afforded her the chance to live on, even if it wasn't the life Lelouch would have chosen.

It wasn't her choice. How could it have been? Lelouch loved the owner of that light brown, near dishwater blond hair, and purple eyes so much. Those eyes were similar to Schneizel's, except a shade darker. The color was right in the middle. Schneizel's eyes were pastel, and Lelouch's were amethyst. Funny, she would make such an observation. It seemed like a lifetime ago; the last time she saw those eyes.

She stayed awake for days, listening to quite, and weak crying. Sleep was not a coping mechanism at that time. Lelouch was afraid to sleep. What if she woke up and was left all alone? They were forgotten, abandoned. Weak and useless; the Emperor had no need for them. Scheduling a public audience was the only way she could see him. He didn't come to the hospital to visit or answer when she requested personal time with him. The meeting was made through his assistant.

God, she was so afraid when he yelled. He was so big, and she was so small. She was smaller than average for her size. Lelouch fell backwards from the force of his booming voice, telling her how dead she was to him. She didn't cry, at least, not until she got back to the hospital. Such weakness couldn't be seen. She could be angry, vengeful, and full of hatred of the man. She wouldn't let him, or anyone else see her weakness. They were both weak - her and Nunnally. That was why they were cast aside. That was why the Emperor, their father, abandoned them.

Schneizel was nothing like him.

He did, however, force Lelouch into the Pendragon Hospital, the same place Nunnally was taken. If Lelouch closed her eyes she could still see her little sister lying in the bed, blind and crippled. She couldn't sleep in that bed, or stay in that room. Even if it was a different number on the doorplate, the atmosphere was the same. All white walls, white bedding, and the smell of disinfectant. It was torturous. After two days Schneizel changed his mind, and allowed her to come back home.

She was still immobile, strapped to monitors of all sorts, a constant IV drip, and banished to the bed. The silver lining, if there was one, was that bed contained the most luxurious fittings yet. Words would not do the luxury linen justice. Actual 24k gold thread was spun into the individually made, thousand-count Egyptian cotton sheets. One would think that would make the fabric less comfortable. This was not true since the gold was mostly in the trim. The Charlotte Thomas "Bespoke" line can run about $2,500 per sheet set. That is not including the pillows, duvet, and bed skirt. [1]

The latter was probably a waste of money, but Lelouch had an internal struggle to not agree with Abigail when she casually commented that they "must be the most wonderful things ever felt to a previous commoner." She did not agree, if for no other reason than to wipe that smug self-satisfied smirk off the duchess' face. Lelouch could think of dozens, possibly hundreds of situations she was more comfortable in a bed, contorting that concept through well-placed logic to fit the situation.

The blanket she wrapped herself in the day Suzaku stumbled upon an abandoned, and yet fully stocked house in the countryside was the most amazing thing she ever felt. Multi-thousand dollar bedding couldn't compare to the comfort that cheap, scratchy wool afforded her, or that lumpy futon. Suzaku struggled to air it out, and beat the bunched up inner layer into submission. He stayed outside for most of the day, taking his frustration out with feeble fists when the wand wasn't working. She pretended not to notice.

When he finally deemed the unit ready, and the three of them curled up to sleep on it, she was in heaven. It felt so long since she slept on anything other than the bare ground, often covered in rubble that was impossible to clear, no matter how hard she tried. Amidst an active war zone, they found a piece of happiness. Her standards indeed were quite low. When she shut all the windows, and doors, no smell of blood and gore lingered. Lelouch teared up, neglecting her promise to never cry in front of another person again. Suzaku didn't count. It was unfortunate they couldn't stay, and packed up their meager supplies the next morning.

Abigail would never understand such things. Not only because she was twelve at the time, back in the homeland, watching the war as nothing more than images and propaganda on a television screen. Her noble birth wouldn't give her any extra sympathy either. The deciding factor, however, was that she was Britannian. Lelouch long ago learned not to speak of the horrors of the invasion to anyone other than Sayoko. This circle soon expanded to Milly. Several years later Suzaku, and members of the Black Knights were added. Her monologues as Zero carried a different weight, and an ulterior motive for bearing her soul.

No one else could understand, or tried to. The first time she said something to a classmate she was in middle school. They were learning about the expansion of the Empire, and the wonderful, glorious Emperor. Her father was using his not only God given right, but proven ability to dominate the weak. It was manifest destiny, imperialism, and social Darwinism packed into one hard to swallow pill. None of the other students had an issue with it. When Stacy overheard Lelouch's muttering, she gave a quizzical look, and blatantly said she didn't believe it. "You should have just gone to the military then. They relocated all the Britannian expats. Only Numbers were left to fend for themselves, and it served them right."

Thankfully, Ashford was built not long after. Her time spent as a "dirty Number loving liar," was limited. Compulsory education for Britannians would no longer be a chore.

Abigail surely heard even worse, or better, depending on the mindset, stories since she was so detached. Lelouch couldn't blame the woman for her "better than thou" ideology. It was bred into her, both by blood and environment. If a person wanted to have a nature vs. nurture argument, he or she would need to look elsewhere, probably towards Lelouch. _Would I have been like Abigail?_ The thought of finding any silver lining in her exile, and the systematic massacre of millions of people was disgusting. Then again, that is what Zero did with the botched SAZ event. The first one, obviously, when she made Euphie kill all those innocent people.

"Do you play chess?" Lelouch asked, turning to the best of her abilities towards her companion.

She was not so politely ordered to stay lying on her left side by the new doctor. Her situation went beyond Cheryl's abilities, although the woman stayed on staff for moral support. A Dr. Pittman made her place quite clear. Lelouch felt stuck in a time warp. The medieval air of the room and misogynic treatment were making her confused. That could also have been because of the substantial sum of drugs that were pumped into her body, at first through syringes and the IV. Lelouch remembered cycling through fits of giggles, and paranoia as the staff at the hospital struggled to get the dosage to of the sedatives enough to where she could sleep, but be mostly cognitive.

It was debatable if Dr. Pittman cared so long as he wasn't doing harm to the babies. He scorned Lelouch. Viewing her with mild interest through wire rim glasses, he said plainly "my job, Empress, is to ensure the growth of his majesty's offspring. They are my top priority. Not you." Apparently, despite the Britannian medical system being able to support the twins' lives, it was preferable to make  **her**  into nothing more than an incubator. Her elevated status at the coronation was inconsequential in comparison.

Beta-mimetic adrenergic agents, magnesium sulfate, prostaglandin synthetase inhibitors, and calcium channel blockers; these were his cocktail of choice until the contractions stopped, and Lelouch was able to be transferred back to the palace against the bitter man's recommendation. [2]

"No **.** " Abigail didn't bother to look up from her novel, clearly a book of smut with minor plot. The cover consisted of a Fabio inspired male straddling a woman with mountains in the background. Both persons were half naked.

"I could teach you." Lelouch said after a while. It took a moment for her to remember the conversation. Her mind often wandered. "Chess."

That caused the woman's crystal blue eyes to neglect the literature. Abigail shut the book with a loud "thud," that seemed to radiate through her tiny body. Her already proper poise on the sofa became rigid, and she glared at Lelouch. Her expression reminded the Empress of Spaceballs, and hair dryer scene. If she wanted to make the duchess more livid, she could quote it: "Well, what have we got here? Will you look at her? Those flashing eyes, those flushed cheeks, those trembling lips. You know something Princess? You are  **ugly** when you're angry." She didn't. That was a joke for her and Suzaku; instead Lelouch quirked an eyebrow.

"Of course I can play chess." The Lady Chapman ground out. " If I would have known that he was serious, perhaps our roles would be vastly different. Except you would continue to be a nobody."

"Serious?" Lelouch asked before she could stop herself. Morbid curiosity mixed with boredom could make anyone self-destructive. "You mean..."

"The Emperor's statement that he would only marry a woman who could beat him at chess. [3] Honestly, I thought he was being coy considering." She paused, letting Lelouch come to her own conclusions. "It is only a matter of time before he gets bored with you. He always does. Chances are the only reason he married you was to make the children legitimate. No one wants to admit to siring bastards, and he needed an heir anyway."

She sighed, and picked up the book again. "Once that happens he will either divorce you, or follow in his father's footsteps, and take a second wife. Your children will be pushed to the wayside, and a child born of dual noble birth will be chosen as crowned prince. One that will be more accepted in court. Just like how those Vi Britannia children were always last in line. [4]"

Lelouch bit the inside of her cheek, taking several calming breaths. It would do no good if she got upset. Her heart rate would become elevated, and trip the sensors. Dr. Pittman, that sadistic asshole, would surely enjoy scolding her over something outside of her control. "Abigail, unless you believe me to be so doped up that I won't remember anything, you are not nearly intelligent enough to beat Schneizel at anything, least of all chess. Your family was all but destroyed during the Emblem of Blood for making bad choices. I suggest you don't repeat history."

She huffed, and continued to read through her book.

Lelouch felt compelled to apologize. Not for any type of wrongdoing. It would be the type said out of pity. "I'm sorry for your loss of status," although the last part would most likely be left out. She laughed, one of her unstable frightening cackles, at the idea. Perhaps she still had too much pride to have the ability to look down on Schneizel's former fiancée, still salty at her perceived misfortune, with condolences.

"You are deranged." Abigail scoffed.

"Possibly," Lelouch smirked.

The only reprieve from Abigail was when Sakoyo replaced the duchess, and a similar air was directed at her. The chivalrous, empathetic Japanese woman would look at Lelouch with pity, unsure of how to remedy her mistress' misery. Lelouch was too far-gone to try to leave. No matter what Sakoyo and Kallen suggested, she was helpless until the twins were born. Something Dr. Pittman and Schneizel seemed adamant on putting off as much as possible.

He visited her often. Schneizel came to her room multiple times a day, appearing to spare every moment he could for her. He listened to her comments with a sad smile, brushing the bangs away from her forehead. The few times she attempted to get out of bed he held her down, not harshly, but enough to get his point across. She wept in frustration, banging her fists against his broad chest. He made no attempt to stop her; that was how pathetic she was to him. Instead he rubbed her back, and held her otherwise still.

"You are strong, Lulu. The strongest person I know. Sometimes there is strength in weakness, and vise versa. There are things outside of our control, and this is one of them."

"Bullshit. You are the one who chose an obstetrician who views me as little more than the house for your children. Abigail is the same. Everything you do is meant to take me down a peg or two."

"If that is true, then it certainly has not worked." He kissed the top of her head, running his fingers lightly against her massive belly. The monitors were removed, and he felt as well as viewed the twins shift. She was stretched so far an outline was visible. She thought it was disturbing. Schneizel liked it. "You are more feisty than ever, my love."

He was a dirty liar, and yet she accepted his lies as truth. It was better than the masochistic, depressed thoughts swirling in her head. The only thing she didn't wish to accept was his assessment that "Suzaku didn't want to visit." It contradicted what was said in the student council clubhouse. She wasn't certain what was the worst scenario: Schneizel preventing access to her, or Suzaku brushing her off, avoiding her in such a state. Neither was desirable. There didn't seem to be a reality she wasn't being hurt by someone who claimed to care about her.

She tried not to think about it, and time past incredibly slow. That month on bed rest was pure hell, and not only because she couldn't stand sponge baths. It was debatable what was worse, bed rest, or the time it took to go into labor after she was off restrictions. Contrary to belief, she did not, in fact, give birth the moment she rolled over, and stepped onto the floor. Surely, it was better that way. She was so tired, despite not moving, that there was no way she could have endured it. A c-section would have been inevitable.

Dr. Pittman, of course, suggested it. She was put on severe bed rest to keep the little shits in, and then that sadistic asshole suggested inducing, and scheduling a cesarean nearly immediately after he deemed her safe to deliver. Needless to say, he met an untimely end due to too much pent up frustration. Schneizel said nothing, merely raised an eyebrow when the most renowned doctor in all of Britannia committed suicide. He asked Lelouch if she wanted details, and she smirked, responding she was "well aware of the final message written in blood and feces."

Her husband was more concerned with another restricted that was lifted. How he was capable of thinking of her in such a way was baffling. To say the act was awkward would be a gross understatement. No matter the position, Lelouch wasn't merely an immobilized turtle; she also could barely breathe from the pressure of the twins pushing down on her. Schneizel didn't seem to mind. His sentiments seemed to be the opposite.

"Schneizel. Stop." She voiced, a mixture of a groan and a moan. "That's not funny."

"Hmmm?" He hummed, meeting her gaze with clouded eyes. "I'm nothing but serious about you, Lulu. Let me." She bit her lip and nodded. He grinned, continuing. "Besides, you have been complaining for over a week now."

She couldn't deny that she was ready for pregnancy to be over. Still, over the course of everything, her interpretation of her body changed, with some parts in particular. Perhaps Dr. Pittman's views rubbed off on her slightly, or maybe it was normal. [4] Her husband seemed to retain his normal infatuations, with some added kinks. He fondled her breast, small in comparison to her beach ball sized belly, but bigger than even Cornelia's. This time she didn't complain when he took a pert nipple in his mouth and sucked.

There wasn't any milk yet. That comes a couple to several days after birth. She was able to feel an internal pull as he drew out colostrum, the thicker, and nutrient dense pre-milk that went with a newborn's tiny tummy, and suckling reflex. When women say that they were constantly nursing, there is no exaggeration. Lelouch had an inclination that too could be added to Schneizel's list of fetishes. She would somehow be convinced to nurse three persons instead of two. He moaned, moving to her other breast after several minutes, ignoring her comments regarding contractions.

It still took nearly two weeks to go into labor. That might not be a correct statement. More so it took two weeks for her to notice that her labor started nearly two months prior, stopped, and had begun again. She was already used to feeling random, sporadic, painful contractions by the time her water broke on the way to dinner. She had to stop, and breathe through the pain in her lower back, and thighs. A whimper escape and she bent down. At first Lelouch thought she peed herself. Warm fluid left her, but it was nothing like the balloon bursting she expected or saw on TV. It wasn't all at once either. She barely got through an embarrassing string of excuses when she realized it was not urine, and another much more painful wave washed over her.

People who walk through labor were either laymen superheroes, or had a vastly different experience than her. For how long, arduous, and slow paced her primordial labor was, the real thing was like a whirlwind. There were no breaks between the immense pain, or, at least, none that she could count. She couldn't fall asleep between them, or take a several minutes to regain her thoughts. [5] The experience could only be compared to being stuck on the front of a high sleep bullet train, and the only concern is to hold on for dear life.

That was the second time that someone had to carry her when she refused to move. The only person who could handle her was Schneizel. His hulking form, towering over most others, contained her thrashing 180lb body without issue. The verbal insults caused his jaw to tighten, but those too were something he could handle, and was debatably used to hearing.

"Don't you. Ah! Dare. Oh god. Fuck. Take me. Hospital." She squeezed her eyes shut, rubbing her head against his chest.

"Lulu," he gently reprimanded. She thrashed harder, attempting to push off from him when he rounded the corner. She screamed nearly incoherent strings of words. He got the idea. "Fine. You win."

She gave birth on the bed, his bed. Lelouch refused to be put back into the one she used during bed rest. Cheryl was there, Kallen, and of course, her husband. She didn't notice any of them. The midwife had to repeat herself several times before words filtered through Lelouch's hazed mind. At a later date she would comment on how home births are usually cheaper, however, that isn't factoring in the cost of one of a kind linens, mattresses, and a husband's desire to have damn near everything replaced.

Birth is messy, and painful. Lelouch could only register the pain, refusing anything that would take it away. She had enough drugs in her system to keep the fucking assholes, just like their father, in. She didn't want any aid in pushing them out… Even if it was the most painful experience in her life.

Her vocabulary could have made a sailor blush. Kallen was the only one spared from her onslaught. Even C.C., who was still absent, was cursed for being a "stupid selfish abandoning witch." Schneizel's insults were the most colorful. Cheryl was somewhere in the middle. Mostly she was called a "dirty fucking liar," any time any encouraging words were given. Lelouch felt like she just couldn't do it.

"I don't want to be in labor anymore!" She cried, clutching the headboard for dear life."

Schneizel chuckled. "You won't be soon, my love."

"You are almost there. Do you feel a need to push yet? I'm ready whenever you are. You are fully dilated." Cheryl coaxed.

"I'm not ready. I will never be ready. Fucking damn it. Just make it stop. Give me a c-section. I don't care. I can't push. I'm too tired, I just can't do it."

"Lulu,"

"Don't fucking touch me!" She snarled, at whom she wasn't certain. She was dying. There was no way she was going to survive this.

That instinct did kick in, to push, because there was no way Lelouch made cognitive decision to do so each time. The pain was constant, and nothing, nothing, nothing, no matter what; hurt as much as pushing. That phase is called "the ring of fire" for a reason. It burned, and hurt more than words can describe. She screamed and lowered her hips with each contraction. There had to be a difference in timing. In the back of her mind she registered Kallen soothing, and Cheryl's instructions.

The desire stopped for a minute, and Lelouch could cry she was so happy.

"Ok one more."

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." She deadpanned.

"Uh Lulu, you are having twins." Kallen smiled weakly.

She hated them. Fucking children. Demon spawn. On cue the next wave hit her, and thankfully Lila seemed to pave the way for Arthur since he was born merely fifteen minutes after his sister. After four hours of sheer hell she was done. Strangely, she felt fine. Lelouch rolled over with a surprisingly serene smile that only amplified when Arthur was out on her bare chest. A few moments later Schneizel released Lila. The two of them were the most amazing persons she had ever seen.

They were near bald and beautiful. The children were small, by single birth standards, but big for twins. To her Lila and Arthur looked massive. Lelouch had no idea how she managed to be pregnant with them or push them out. Lila was 6lbs 4oz, and 20inches long. Arthur was 6lbs 7oz, and the same length. They might have weighed more at birth, since they weren't put on a scale for several hours.

Lelouch cried examining their wrinkled feet and hands, massive heads, and dual grey eyes. It would be a while before she knew who's they took after. Obviously their eyes would be a shade of purple. Arthur's thin dark strands were pitch black, and Lila had medium brown. It would likely lighten. Lelouch smiled, thinking it would be funny if her son looked just like her, and her daughter took after Schneizel.

"I love you," Schneizel mumbled into her hair, kissing her temple slick with sweat.

"I love you too." Lelouch said, and in that moment she meant it more than anything, minus her love for the children, of course. Natural oxytocin is an intoxicating thing.

* * *

Sociologist Allan G. Johnson said, "Misogyny is a cultural attitude of hatred for females because they are female." If that were indeed the case, then Schneizel was the farthest from a misogynist. He felt no hatred towards women, and not simply because he, arguably, lacked the ability to hate. Such emotions were experienced sparingly, and in immeasurable bursts. Even during such bursts, he did not feel hatred towards women as a generalization.

His complaint was that there was only one Lulu. No one could argue that he was misogynist towards his dearest sister. Everything he did was to showcase her strength, and his admiration. She was perfection, and never more so than in labor. She denied drugs. It didn't come as a shock; she was always stubborn, feeling the need to do things  **her**  way, and no other.

Her slender body, disproportionately weighed down at the torso, shook with incredible pain. A part of him wanted to bring her pleasure to compliment it. She denied his every touch, or was so caught up in the experience, she didn't notice. It was of little consequence. There was no way to participate in her situation, and he was strangely content to watch. Normally watching something so tantalizing would bore or frustrate him. Then again, Lulu had an ability to defy logic. Even before she had geass she could make the impossible possible.

Every whimper, cry, curse, and scream sent a chill down his spine. The Knight of Two, appointed by Lulu, and not Schneizel, watched him like a hawk. Her meager means of intimidation were a nice reprieve to his excitement. Humorous would be a good way to say his opinion on the matter. Kallen Stadfeld, once a Prisoner of War, given to Lord Kururugi, was now ranked nearly as high as the full-blooded Japanese Knight. More, possibly, considering that she earned her own stripes, and wasn't granted such a title through questionable means. It just exemplified how much Lulu could inspire people. Geass was meant to isolate a person, and yet for her it only brought more devotion.

"I can't do it. I can't do it." Lulu chanted unaware that her hips moved in a rhythm with her words.

Birth reminded him of sex.

To quote Ina May Gaskin, a famous midwife, "If a woman doesn't look like a Goddess during labor, then someone isn't treating her right." Lulu looked like a goddess wreathing during intercourse, and even more so then. Her hips thrust back with every contraction, acting in a primal fashion he never saw her adopt previously. Perhaps that was why Lulu felt incapable; she functioned based on critical thinking, and at this moment there was none. Thought, that is. She was waltzing with biological memory, passed down from her own mother, that wretched woman.

The female form was stronger, and more capable in many ways to his own. His father wanted to make everyone the same. That would, however, take away the beauty of the world, of Lulu, and of contractions.

She clutched the headboard and pulled herself up on all fours. Her eyes were distant, in another plane of existence. Schneizel unabashedly moaned at the sight of her, feral, strong, and capable. Her long black hair clung to her bare back, her massive belly brushed against one of a kind linens, her ample breasts bounced with the force of her swaying.

His original intent to have only two children: one for Charles and one for him were lost. He would put Lulu in labor every day if he could, if for no other reason than to see her so act so impregnable. A wry smile tugged at his lips at the term he chose. How fitting. She was not likely to be weakened or changed. Conquering was another subject, and an art form.

Lila came first, and he was hesitant to touch her. Lulu was still in a trance, not acknowledging those around her. When the spell was broken, she refused, fearful that she would harm her daughter accidentally when pushing out their son. Schneizel uncharacteristically felt lost when the small child was handed to him. He cupped her head and butt, awkwardly holding the wailing thing out for someone else to take. She was so small and fragile. He didn't know what to do, or if he wanted such a role.

"Unbutton your shirt, and give her skin to skin contact. She's cold, and over stimulated. She's used to being inside the womb, your majesty." Cheryl said, taking a pause from Lulu.

He sat on the plush wing backed chair by the fire. The room was nearly a carbon copy of his one on the Avalon, just much more vast. Lila quieted when he placed her tiny body against his large chest. She struggled against the undeveloped muscles of her neck, and the two made eye contact. Her eyes were grey, as to be expected. Still, he saw himself in the nondescript irises.

This little creature was part him, more so than anything else. The other half was Lulu. This much was known prior to even conception. The "birds and the bees" conversation was closer to two decades ago than one. Somehow it was a surprise to see his eyes staring back, or his nose, mouth, and everything else. He found himself examining, and rubbing the pink skin, covered in vernix. [6] Charles, his and Lulu's father, saw all his children as an extension of the common consciousness. Schneizel was different in that regard. His daughter was a part of himself, and Arthur surely was as well.

He certainly couldn't be considered misogynist since two things he valued more than anything were female.


	20. Eyes Wide Open

**Eyes Wide Open**

Postpartum Depression.

It affects upward of 16% of women, and with everything Lelouch had been through, the development of the disorder shouldn't have come as a surprise. It did surprise him though. Schneizel, with all his savior faire and brilliance, had no intention of entertaining the possibility, no matter how likely.

Perhaps that was because of how magnificent she was that first week. Once the sheets were changed, and she soothed her sore muscles in a long bath while the twins slept after their first nursing session, she appeared sated. Lelouch crawled back into the bed. She was accepting of minor support when she couldn't contain a hiss at the effort. He didn't doubt that she was exhausted and in pain, but if there was any word that described his wife perfectly, it would have to be stoic. She suffered in silence, and he imagined she always had. It was that reason that he said she was the "strongest person he knew." To be able to take undesirable circumstances, and turn them into some inspiring was indeed admirable.

It was due to bad luck that her accidental order for Euphie didn't end in true liberation of the Japanese, and not what he had planned. Maybe she subconsciously saw that the pink haired princess would always be a figurehead. Geass worked based off desire, after all. He shouldn't compare emotional and physical agony. Post birth minor aches and pains were to be expected. So was her turned up nose as the offer of oxycodone, although, she did accept one or two in the beginning.

The twins latched immediately, Lila on the right and Arthur in the left. Their assigned seats, apparently, since they preferred that position until weaning. Once her milk came in, the newborns seemed even smaller against engorged breasts. With the way the two nursed, it wouldn't be long before the rest of Lulu's body returned to normal. Her beach ball sized belly deflated rather quickly, creating a lopsided look he rather enjoyed.

Despite her pertinacious attitude, he understood Lulu's thought process. She didn't trust anyone in the castle with the twins. Only Sayoko, Kallen, and, of course their father, were allowed to assist her in any way. She tolerated Kanon, undoubtedly sensing the other man's reluctance towards infants. More likely the man tolerated them the few times his friend and lover visited out of formality. Abigail was swallowed like a jagged little pill. This was a nice association, considering Lelouch had always been terrible at taking any sort of medicine.

When her tears became sobs, he begun to worry. With all the hormones leaving her system, some mood swings were to ordinary. She usually cried during nursing sessions, overcome by the oxytocin release and joy of being a new mother. It wasn't anything to be concerned over; on the contrary, he was relieved. He wondered if she would resent them after birth.

Maybe that morbid premonition was just deductive reasoning.

Roughly two weeks after birth, Sayoko stumbled on her crumpled up in the shower. She was quietly wailing. The sound drowned out by the noise of the screaming twins and the water. Her body shook, and she dug her nails into her triceps, restraining her collapse as much as humanly possible. She wouldn't leave. Near giving up, Sakoyo requested formula or another lactating women be found. Lelouch responded to that with confusion and guilt, sulking out of the executive style shower and into nursery, milk draining from her cracked nipples.

"I can't abandon them. Not how I abandoned Nunnally." She murmured looking so weak at the moment that Sakoyo reluctantly gave permission to her assistant to inform his majesty. The Japanese attendant was unaware that Abigail was leaving nothing out, sans sympathy, of her accounts of the Empress's state of melancholy.

"She's certifiably insane." The duchess whined. Schneizel smiled wryly at the description. "Delusional." The spy continued, speechless when the Emperor chuckled as his response.

Since his early teens Schneizel lived with psychosis that only recently softened to a milder form of neurosis. Being with Lelouch, and finally integrating the two personalities dissolved one of his worst delusion. Even the Latin integrātus meaning "to renew or restore" fit. He was a hopeless romantic to think that his presence would somehow overpower and extinguish Lelouch's own mania.

Schneizel cocked an eyebrow when she huffed, and glanced down the one of the smooth imported rocks decorating the lake at Exelica Garden like she wanted to throw it on the water in frustration. She would never throw it at him. Abigail maintained etiquette even when she was the most upset.

For example, when he broke off the engagement, announcing he decided to marry another. The woman went deathly still, and merely whispered, "after all I've done for you, and you throw me away like a chess piece." If the woman ever played chess with him, she would have known that he wasn't one to sacrifice even pawns without a purpose. There was one person intriguing enough to draw him into a suicide game, and he took her.

"At least you no longer drag me to Aires Villa anymore. I much prefer it here, even though my sole time to explore the Imperial Palace is when invited by you."

"You are the Empress' Mistress-of-the-Robes. You have are free to do as you please within the palace."

"I would prefer to continue being your mistress."

The suggestion didn't surprise him.

"I'm content with Kanon."

"You know, I assumed  _he_  was your true love." She sighed, deciding to continue digging a hole. "My offer will remain. Six weeks is a long to wait, especially for you. I would be amazed if you went so long without a woman's touch."

"You should get back. It's been a pleasure as always, my lady." Schneizel lifted her hand to leave a chaste kiss on her knuckles, an unreadable glint in his eyes. "Try to get along, won't you?"

"Of course, your majesty. Although, she seems aware of me as nothing more than a 'watchman,' something she has experience with, apparently."

"Oh?"

"Something about my purpose being to make sure she 'doesn't do something silly like run away or kill herself. Just like how that idiot mistook the men as bodyguards. I'm not her friend so I should just do the job assigned to me."

That idiot was Suzaku. Schneizel was a proud man, but he had to admit his aptitude at consoling his wife was lacking when he could barely touch her. Between her skepticism of his intentions, and their conflicting and busy schedules, his quality time with her was exclusively when they slept, him doing more of that then his wife. She would rouse from the slightest whimper, and often couldn't return to sleep after feeding them. Schneizel would pull her into his arms, half or fully asleep, mumbling words of comfort.

During his siestas Lelouch wanted nothing to do with him. He would visit their wing of the palace and she would leave the room immediately, happy for a break, or just to avoid him. The time spent as a family was when he came in during her nursing sessions, where she was too lazy to get up and move. Her touch was as cold as the night she wandered into the guest suite on Honary Island. At least she allowed him to kiss her, albeit with an impassive reaction, if she gave one at all.

He couldn't read her. For the first time he felt helpless and at a loss of what to do. Even worse was the fact that she was refusing to eat or drink unless she herself, Kallen, or Sayoko prepared it (and often not believing that to be true) thinking he was putting drugs in the sustenance again.

* * *

She was sitting in the corner grieving when he entered the sitting room. She didn't bother to peer out, thinking of she stayed still he wouldn't notice her and leave, like a T-Rex. He seemed to tower over her; she wouldn't be surprised if her husband grew suddenly. Besides, he wouldn't think to search for her here, behind the modern rendition of baroque style curtains. The coffee colored window coloring contained such massive frills, she wondered if she really did disappear behind them. He stood in the entry well, silhouette barely visible behind the close spun cotton fibers.

Something was distinct about the way he crept towards her. His footfalls were too agile and light, and when he came close enough for her to see the bottom of his shoes from underneath the fabric, they were too small. Furthermore, the loafers were moderately priced, eerily similar to the ones worn at Ashford Academy. That was impossible though. She must have really gone off the deep end to start imagining this. Maybe the doctors were right, and she really was experiencing psychosis. It was a much more logical explanation than to be greeted by -.

"GUTSSSSSS!" Suzaku shouted at the top of his lungs the moment he pulled the curtains away, revealing an astonished Empress. Lelouch's red and puffy eyes widened, and she fell back, hitting her head on the sill, with an embarrassing squeak. "That's from Milly." He said grimacing at the thud. Dropping to a kneeling position, he bent down, rubbing the back of her head. "Sorry."

His touch felt surreal, and she gasped, expecting this to be a dream. It wasn't one. She had no feeling when dreaming. Her pounding heart raced so wild her chest ached. Suzaku's tentative touch tingled, sending shockwaves from where he hooked her haired behind her ear all the way down to her toes. It was feather light. Over the last several months, she almost forgot the sensation hesitancy produced.

The eyes that stared back at her were cloudy emerald. That was the unique indication that Suzaku hadn't returned to peak condition. Cheeks that were sunken in the last time she saw him returned to their previous health. Saying that he filled out wouldn't be the correct description, Suzaku was always athletically skinny. He simply no longer looked like a walking skeleton.

That's what she envisioned. Her Knight in shining armor was literally wearing shining armor. The light from the big bay window reflected off his breastplate. Besides the change of outfit, he was himself again. Actually, in a weird way, Lelouch couldn't deem the Arthurian ensemble out of place. "Oops." He said shyly, scratching the back of his head. "I forgot yelling while kids are sleeping probably isn't the brightest idea."

Wailing that was distinct to by helpless humans finally filtered through her shocked exterior. She didn't suppose they would be content in separate spaces for long. Lelouch accepted his outstretched hand, mumbling profanities. She was always svelte but her wrist and arms were downright bony. The rest of her body was covered by a floor length empire waist dress from her maternity collection. It was proficient at concealing everything else sans her breasts.

Whether she was self conscious over her new form, or apathetic towards designing a new wardrobe, she wasn't really certain. Schneizel, or rather Kanon, was the one who used her like a life-sized doll. Then again, she hadn't bothered to open that portion of her armoire. It was possible that the top was filled with custom-made clothing. Lelouch merely reached for new panties and pajamas when hers began to reek, or the scolding grated on her nerves enough to obey. She wasn't measured. Ever. The duo just knew, so she really had no way to infer if a new wardrobe existed one way or another. Her husband had yet to summon her to any formal events either, thank god.

"If Milly wanted to scream at me, she could have called." Suzaku didn't respond. Lelouch inspected him from where she was reaching in one of the bassinets. He wouldn't meet her gaze. "Can you hand me Arthur? Sayoko went to go get lunch, and the servants know to leave me alone." She asked, sitting on the brown leather rocking chair.

He nodded, reaching into the second cradle with less apprehension than she estimated. "Daijoubu, kowagaranakute iinda yo." Lelouch could barely hear him whisper. The sight of him cradling her child hurt. She was grateful that it was short lived, and besides cooing in Japanese, he relinquished the boy easily. In another world, she would have liked to see him father Arthur more - Maybe pace the room, singing lullabies. He had an amazing voice that he refused to let anyone hear. "She has." Suzaku said, pulling the Empress from her heavy-hearted daydream.

"I never received anything." He bit his lower lip, wondering what to say next. "Just come out with it." She instructed. "You aren't good at lying."

"Unlike you." He spoke without thinking. Somehow the two friends and isolated lovers fell back into a comfort zone. "I didn't mean…"

"It's fine."

She gave up on simply rocking, and balanced the twins on her chest, while adjusting the armrest. Her cheeks tinted at the notion of nursing around Suzaku, however, she couldn't bear to send him away. He'd seen her exposed before. The bodice was constructed in a way that she wasn't really revealing anything. No, it wasn't the show of skin that caused her embarrassment. It was the intimacy of the action.

After making up the night of their would-have-been anniversary, she couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she reacted differently. If she told him right away, that night at the opera house, or the day after his cockpit was cut open by Todouh, revealing the pilot of the White-head; If she confided in him, trusting him fully, and not ended the relationship, fearful of  **his** rejection, would he have been the father? Would Nunnally be here with them? She couldn't surmise another situation in which she would end up Schneizel's plaything, manipulated by a promise she doubted he would keep.

"In the beginning I thought… we thought… You just needed time to rest. He said it was best for you to be left alone." She didn't need to guess who would say such a thing. Suzaku stuttered, and averted his eyes, when the reason she moved the twins into a clutch hold clicked. He grabbed a throw pill that was next to him on the couch, and began picking at the fibers. The display reminded her of the witch, when the shrewd woman had something she didn't want to say but felt it was needed. "When permission finally came, she tried dozens of times. It never went through, and after a while your companion finally took the call. She said 'the Empress needs to leave her old life behind,' or something along those lines."

Lelouch snorted, and leaned her head back against the chair, glaring at the ceiling. This room used to be her father's study. She was six the last time, and sole time she was in that space. Her mother had some business with the man, and Lelouch became jealous, asking, "how come you won't let me come too." Truth be told he saw the Vi Britannians more than any of his other children, but that argument wasn't enough for her. She threw a fit, something that was normally reserved for Nunnally, and her mother caved.

She believed the vaulted ceiling, with its gold embossed tiles, moldings, and painted murals, was beautiful. The Emperor paused his conversation long enough to inform her that Ricardo Von Britannia dabbled in architecture. It was one of the few things left unchanged during Schneizel's renovations of this wing of the castle. Whether it was simply due to necessity since the dwellings would once again be housing a family, or sympathy towards her, she assumed the former.

"Wouldn't it be the opposite then?" She mused, wincing as Lila unlatched and reattached in a bad spot. "Leaving my old life behind. My name might be different but we both know whom Schneizel wanted to marry. It wasn't Lelouch Lamperouge, the rebellious student in Area 11. None of this ever would have happened if I could just be content. I did it all for revenge for a mother who plotted to use us, and to have a place to live with Nunnally without fear. What was it all for?"

"It wouldn't take too much for you to leave... I mean." Suzaku ceased fidgeting with the tassels and finally faced at her straight on. He seemed to be musing over something, his own virtues and convictions, perhaps. "With Jeremiah here, and contacts instead of that eye patch, you're basically all powerful."

Lelouch chewed on the inside of her cheek. This was a conversation she had countless of times, albeit without another active participant. Why hadn't she gone back on any of her previous orders? Jeremiah was loyal to a fault. Despite his obvious reservations, he would do as she asked. Probably. Was it the knowledge that Marianne somehow lived on that stopped her? That woman was locked away in Nunnally, or so she was told.

Nunnally.

The reason she stayed was so obvious it needn't be mentioned. The risk of Schneizel seeking her out, plunging the world into a bloodbath of a civil war, or any of the hundreds of possibilities her escape would produce; they seemed worth it. The remote chance that he told her the truth, that Nunnally was safe, and she just needed to wait a little longer, was all that mattered. It didn't matter any more. He allowed her to live without her shackle, the wedding ring notwithstanding, because his useless power was too useful for him: An ability to aid technology with geass. It was perfect, and made her wonder if Jeremiah truly was the product of pure research and not his magical means. Be as it may, the cold hard fact that the current Emperor and Kanon were not cyborgs did dismay her argument a tad. How much of her Knight's body modification was exclusively to make him compatible with C.C.'s genetics?

_"You should continue to wear this," Schneizel said, handing her more cases of contact lenses. "I'm not certain how susceptible infants are to your geass, but I would prefer not to test any theories."_

_"Aren't you afraid of me?" She asked, expecting to be forced back into the eye patch, with the key thrown away or hidden somewhere truly unattainable for her. With Jeremiah at her side again, she could control him as she wished. "I could turn you into my slave you know."_

_"You already have, my love. You didn't need to use geass on me for that."_

_She snorted, trading a content Arthur for a whining Lila, not having master the art of feeding them both at once yet. She watched Schneizel place the two-day-old baby against his white dress shirt, returning again to relax by the fire. Frowning at his comment, Lelouch snuggled deeper into the bed, refusing to get out unless it was absolutely needed. Due to his angle, she couldn't see the small blue sakuradite crystal locked on his wrist when her husband rolled up his sleeves._

In her most morbid moments, Lelouch wondered if he kept her on bed rest, drugged to the point of stupidity, because he hadn't yet finished his new tool to limit her. In a way, it was a more logical conclusion than fear of his childrens' health. They were viable with the help of Britannian medical technology when she went into preterm labor. The primary risk was them having underdeveloped lungs, which could easily be fixed. There was always an ulterior motive with Schneizel.

"I can't leave without Nunnally. I missed my chance to take her forcefully... Now..." She sniffled. Suzaku rose from the couch and knelt in front of her chair. "He created a -." Her eyes widened when Suzaku cut her off, bending forward. He brushed aside her stray tears as his lips gently brushed across her's.

"I must be sadistic to fall in love with someone like you." He muttered against her mouth.

Sitting on the floor at her feet, he listened to her vent, the cork keeping in her misery popped off, like a bottle of champagne. She spoke on a way that was only possible with him, and recently at that. It's conceivable they had to come to equal footing in terms of sin to heal the relationship. When they were together at Ashford, she was still shut up, and putting on airs. Strangely, the more closed to him she was, the more Lelouch opened her heart.

* * *

Suzaku changed out of his costume before entering the Emperor's personal office. Unlike his predecessor, Schneizel's presence in the Throne room was limited to an audience. In addition, with something as personal as his wife's mental health, privacy certainly was preferred. Still, the teen didn't want to be seen in his current attire.

With how quickly he made it to the capital once summoned, it was clear he left immediately, pushing the Lancelot to the limits. He didn't want to give his monarch a chance to retract the request. Changing out of his outfit for theater week was a waste of time. When Lulu finally asked about it, she gave a sad smile, asking about the state of the student council. The reminder of the life she took for granted lightened her dark mood. He doubted the Emperor would find jousting in the quad quite as endearing.

"She misses Nunnally." Suzaku reported, stepping into the space in full formal attire.

He watched the other man's eyes dim, pondering the news. The change was barely noticeable, mostly because the two were not making eye contact.

"Is that all?"

Schneizel didn't miss a beat, sounding unbearably bored as he continued to skim through legal documents on his desk. His gaze lifted partly due to Kanon accidentally kicking an empty bowl of snacks off the coffee table when he shifted on the couch in his sleep. Suzaku suspected the marquis was not actually napping. After being in Schneizel's service on and off for two years, he learned the couple shared a secret language.

"Your Majesty." Suzaku started, looking down on his black-gloved fist. It trembled on his side. The knight cursed his position for the umpteenth time. He couldn't forget, but focusing on rebuilding Area 11, Japan, back into the country he remembered as a child, was a decent distraction. Then again, without Nunnally and Lulu to share it with, what was the point? The summer he wanted to recreate was long gone. "Is Nunnally dead, as you told me, or alive, as you assured Lulu?"

"Both, I suppose." Schneizel replied, finally looking his way, amusement shining in his eyes.

"I'm aware of Schrödinger's cat."

"Now, Kururugi-kun, I hope you don't think so little of me that I would place my blind and crippled younger half-sister in a sealed box with a bomb."

Kanon's shoulders shook with silent laughter. He gave up on his game of catnapping, and turned to see the interaction between the Emperor and his contumacious subordinate. The older male winked, and Suzaku had to turn away, taking several calming breaths. The expression on the assistant's face practically squealed 'good dog.' He waited, half expecting one of them to pat him on the head before shooing him away.

"You either need to tell Lulu the truth, or give her Nunnally."

"I will consider your proposal. Now, thank you for your assistance, as always. I expect another report on the construction in Japan a week from now."

"I would like to stay here."

"As the Knight of One, you are given control of an area of your choice. We are currently in a time of peace, with the only option of hostility being a civil war. If anyone questions your absence, simply state that you are devoting your time to restoring your country of origin, which suffered a fair amount of destruction from terrorists."

"Lulu needs me here." Suzaku said through gritted teeth. Kanon sat up, sensing his ignition. "Or I will take her back to Japan."

"I can't decide what is more insufferable. You threatening me or telling me what do with  _my_  wife?"

"She's not a thing." Suzaku snarled, and Kanon stood.

Schneizel glanced over at his friend, making another hidden gesture, obviously, since the trained assassin plopped down on the couch, picking up the novel once again. "You sold her twice in order to attain a promotion. Who's the sexist one here, really? On top of that, you're suggesting that I separate a mother from her newborns, because you have a hunch that she would be happier elsewhere."

"She can't take care of them like that!"

"And she won't be able to if she's on the other side of the world!" Schneizel's yell startled everyone in the room, including himself. His mask was cracking from all the stress. The last thing he needed was for her or all of them to be away. "You may think that her home is there, but the facts remains that she was born here, raised here, up to ten at least, and her family is here. Pendragon is Lulu's home. Also, Don't forget that I am your sovereign, and I can have you executed for speaking to me in such a way. You're capable of dying now. You are dismissed."

"Nunnally is her family. The only person she saw as family. Being with the twins... It makes the absence more noticeable, not the other way around." Suzaku scolded, uncaring of his insubordination and the death threat. "You claim to love her, and yet you don't act like it."

"Pot calling the kettle black." Kanon sing-songed, smiling as Suzaku stomped out of the room. "He's a hypocritical child." He complained, rolling over on his stomach.

* * *

She wasn't getting any better.

Abigail suggested that the Empress was becoming more pleasant, and Sakoyo happily stated that his wife was eating finally. It wasn't due to Suzaku's presence, and surely not his own. It was another who took it upon herself to care for her child, sounding almost like a good mother in the process.

"It's so different with two than one, don't you agree?" The woman asked, precariously holding the twins while eating a caprese salad sandwich with practiced ease.

Lelouch hated pesto.

"What are you doing?" Schneizel snarled, tempted to rip his children away, despite it technically being their mother's touch in body. How often did Lulu hold them out of affect and not necessity? He didn't know. "Why are you here?" He altered his question. Marianne's actions were obvious.

"Can't a grandmother spend time with her grandchildren?" She smiled. He eyed her cautiously while she finished her food. "Honestly, Schneizel, don't give me that tone or that look. My poor daughter has already lost all her baby weight and then some, she doesn't bond with them, and she certainly can't ask you to take away her pain, considering you are using it against her. It's no wonder she seeks comfort in C's world, happily letting me animate her body this time around."

He growled and left the room. Without the eye patch in close proximity, he had no way to force the parasite out. The rest of his appointments were cancelled for the day. Kanon could come up with a suitable excuse, not like anyone would question his desires. He didn't need to be scolded on how to care for his family by someone like Marianne. He knew he was allowing himself to be exploited, and coerced into giving the bitch what she wanted.

Nunnally.

By the time he made up his mind, and released the younger Vi Britannia from her chamber, the older sister was not within the Imperial Palace. Aires Villa. It was as if she somehow knew, given her selection of gardens to wander with Kallen. A stroll down memory lane was the itinerary of the evening. Jeremiah was there also, examining at the spot that would have been his post the night of the alleged murder.

The setting was absolutely appropriate.

Lelouch laid on the blanket spread out with Arthur and Lila cuddled up next to her, with their backs to one another. They slept better that way, on their side, facing or not, and touching. There wasn't a point to swaddle them. It made sense. They shared the confined space of her womb until a little over a month prior. It was her preferred method, unless her son was awake longer, in which case she swore he did everything within his ability to wake his sister.

Kallen was doing all the talking, and that was fine with her. After her breakdown with Suzaku, she was out of things to say besides small talk. It's possible for her first love to be a sadist; he wasn't one like Schneizel. Her half-brother and husband created her recent sorrows, whereas Suzaku simply watched helplessly.

She ceased pulling out the scratchy, and yet soft for Arizona, grass when she heard something eerily well known. The sound was wheels on pebbles - wheelchair wheels, to be more specific. It wasn't totally familiar, the paths at Ashford were pea gravel, and Aires Villa still had decomposed granite. Insane. She was bat shit crazy to think she perceived her younger sister calling out her name. Lelouch heard Kallen gasp; prompting her to open her eyes and glance over.

The amount of time it took for her to hastily rush to her feet was too slow. Such criticism was funny. After being separated for almost two years, the extra seconds were of little consequence. "Nunnally!" She screamed, and with God's good graces the twins didn't wake screaming too. Aside from the flimsy red dress that was entirely too revealing for an over protective sister, black armlets, and a matching choker, the girl was the same as remembered. Her little sister didn't age. Schneizel had truly put her in a place of stasis.

"Big Sister." Nunnally called, reaching out her hands.

"Wait." Schneizel ordered, coming from behind the wheelchair just in time to grip Lelouch's hands before the sisters touched. He held her as she trashed, cursing his name, tears of joy and anger streaming down her flushed flesh. In his peripheral vision he could see that Kallen had unsheathed her decorative sword. "Wait for Jeremiah to open her eyes."

Lelouch whimpered seeing the serene visage of her sister start to crumble. Schneizel squeezed her slender waist from behind, whispering the sincerest apology she ever heard from him in her ear. Jeremiah's geass canceller was sensed, and not seen. Kallen was unaffected, Schneizel as well; the bracelet blocked the nullifying power.

Nunnally's eyes fluttered open, both of her purple eyes tinted red with permanent geass.


	21. Reminiscence

**Reminiscence**

_He was a strange child. With flowing golden hair to nearly the ground, a vocabulary that surpassed even her's, and dead boring eyes, Vincent was an enigma. He never played with them. Her peer had some interest in Nunnally, but he never initiated their interactions. Lulu made some attempt to approach him at first; after their only words years ago she did little other than glare at the jerk._

" _I don't like children," he said._

_As if he wasn't one himself._

_He came to see her mother and the green haired woman. C.C. didn't claim to have a name. She acted even weirder than Vincent except that she liked to play dolls, and stayed over fairly often. Perhaps that was why she was personable. Her visits weren't limited to business and stolen glances. They thought Lulu didn't notice. When Vincent visited with Marianne his eye lit up. Those creepy lavender eyes, similar in shade to Nunnally's, sparkled - sometimes with regret, others amusement. As Lulu became older she recognized lust. That confused her the most of all._

_Even she had crushes, people who caused her heart to flutter, a bunch of butterflies to take flight in her stomach, made her cheeks to burn as if she fell asleep on a hot rock in the summer. Still, she never looked like that, she didn't think. He eyed Marianne like Charles. He focused on her chest, especially in a low cut gown. When her mother wore riding pants, Vincent's eyes lingered on rarely visible hips and butt. Her mother too acted lewd, like she welcomed the attention. Teasing. That's the word Guinevere would use._

_"You shouldn't think about those things." She scolded one day._

_Vincent pushed up from where he was sitting on a blanket with Marianne, talking in hushed tones, and strode past her, Nunnally. Marianne stopped momentarily to mention that she would be in the lounge with C.C. for a while. VIncent paused when he heard her chide, and motioned for her mother to go on ahead into the villa. He looked Lulu over with enough contempt that her skin crawled. Lulu shivered. She feigned boredom when she looked away, and gazed at a hummingbird. The green, blue, and yellow creature drank out of the feeder, undoubtedly feeling victorious despite not searching for food the conventional manner. When she watched the others, they traveled hastily from one flower to another, gathering nectar in no time. Were they always so gluttonous when fed? Each stayed for minutes. In her imagination, she saw the little bird become plump, and struggle to stay in the air with the added weight_

_She curled up, and dug her toes into the earth. There was no need to look back at him. It was the same way her father looked at her after she said something so absurd he couldn't, or rather wouldn't, respond. "The punishments we inflict upon ourselves are often worse than what another could give." He told her that once when his stare brought her to tears. Tears pricked her eyes, her heart raced, and her whole body was unbearably numb. Lulu bit her lower lip to keep an apology from spilling out. With her father she usually did apologize, simply because his loving hug dispelled whatever guilt lingered. Even when she deserved to be punished, he let her inflict her own wounds. Maybe that was the only way to ensure her "sorry" was sincere._

_Vincent deserved nothing from her._

_Although she didn't know his age, he was shorter than her by half a head. To Lulu that gave her some measure of authority. He was rude, not that she didn't fall into that category herself most days. Perhaps the reason why their personalities clashed so hard lied there._

_"Oh yeah?"_

_She flinched at Nunnally's touch. Her younger sister slid her bare right hand across the plaid fleece they sat on to link fingers. Lulu stilled and waited for that sensation. The feelings of electrical shock a split second before a warm embrace. Her every fiber was lulled to submission whenever Nunnally used her power. She became putty in that small fragile hand as Nunnally manipulated her thoughts, emotions, and sense of self._

_Sometimes she welcomed the intrusion, and gave no fight. Truthfully, she rarely fought Nunnally. Once her little sister's eye became hazy, like something beyond her ability to see blocked the orb, there was no use. She liked to think that whatever happened, happened because Nunnally wanted to help her in some way. Lulu couldn't remember what changed. She only knew, after careful consideration and sneaking, that this was the result. If she never overheard that hushed conversations of Marianne, Vincent, and C.C. when she should have been in bed, Lulu would have remained blissfully ignorant of geass._

_Lulu cracked an eye open; she didn't noticed that she squeezed them shut until then. Her harsh breathing slowed after it became evident that Nunnally meant nothing nefarious. She smiled back and accepted the comfort. Nunnally glared daggers at Vincent. If only looks could kill. Vincent seemed to be immune to Nunnally, or maybe she just never tried to control him._

_"You're not being nice." Nunnally pouted._

_Vincent snarled and narrowed his eyes. Some silent conversation transpired. Maybe they weren't talking because whatever would have been said needed no words. To say anything regarding the situation was akin to beating a dead horse. For whatever reason, Nunnally loved Vincent, and her younger sister was always a peacekeeper, even more so than Euphie. Vincent's features softened, and an alarming smile crept across his lips._

_Lulu gasped when he pressed those lips against her own, bending over to reach in a seated position. It wasn't a quick peck like her mother gave before bed, or her father when he was about to leave. Both of them chose to kiss her forehead or cheek in the last few years. Even so, they never pushed their tongue into her mouth, swirling it around in exploration; he nipped at her lower lip. Lulu gripped at the lapel of his navy blue jacket, ready to shove the boy to the ground and beat him. Then that warm feeling that only Nunnally could produce washed over her, and she found herself clumsily kissing back._

" _V.V. said this is how you love someone."_

_Lulu didn't have to open her eyes to see the broad smile on Nunnally's face. It was evident in her cheery voice. Love? Was that why crocodile tears leaked down her flushed cheeks? They were tears of joy and love? She felt loved with every fiber of her being. Her body trembled; overcome with the emotion as Nunnally held her hand, and used the other to bunch up the bottom of her ruffled skirt. She held onto Vincent for dear life as he lowered her to the ground, and took a spot to her right._

_The soft fleece felt course against her exposed skin. Vincent stretched the fabric of her elastic neckline down, conceding to unzip the back of her dress when he couldn't reach his target. He pinched her left nipple, and rolled the small bud between his fingers. Lulu moaned, confused, and something else she couldn't quite place, when her private parts became wet. Nunnally pushed aside pink and green floral panties and kissed parts that their mother said were to be left alone._

_Like Vincent, her younger sister used her tongue, and kissed in a way that Lulu had no idea was possible. Whining, she crushed her mouth harder into Vincent, and bucked her small-undeveloped hips. "You really are your mother's daughter." He laughed and moved his lips to bite at her jaw and ear. "Maybe it won't be so bad with her gone afterall. You look just like her, Lulu. Marianne was flat as a rail when we first met. It wasn't until she had you that she really truly filled out." He bit at her earlobe, tugging on the tender flesh around the gold heart earring. "But I have you and your sister. You'll both grow into beautiful women for me, won't you?"_

_Lulu cried out as a strange tingling sensation replaced the tight knot Nunnally and Vincent created in her stomach. Her whole body quivered. "Nunnally?" She whimpered as her sister let go of her hand in order to slide the soiled underwear past her knees and off completely. Lulu shivered from the chilly spring air on the moistened area. She reached out, seeking contact - they both moved away from her to change positions. Nunnally scooted to sit on her left side and Vincent nestled himself between her legs._

_It wasn't the same. Nunnally grabbed both her hands, pinning her to the ground, but her younger sister didn't use that power. She still felt incredible heated, and sweat beaded on her skin; the loss seemed severe regardless. Nunnally cut off her request for it again, tenderly and cautiously running the tongue that did such naughty things against her lower lip. She sought permission for some reason. Lulu kissed back, taking the lead even though her first experience was only minutes ago._

" _What?!" She shrieked, pulling away from Nunnally. Her eyes snapped open when something painful pushed_ _ **inside**_ _her._

" _It's ok. It only hurts for a little bit. I think. V.V. said I have to wait until I'm older for this part. We just started playing this game a week or two ago."_

_Lulu whimpered, stifling a sob. Nunnally nuzzled her neck, whispering encouragement into her splayed out hair between love bites. Her torment didn't ease to a sting until after the first time Vincent shuttered, and stopped moving in favor of some bazaar throbbing sensation. "We fit together so well, Lulu... I suppose…. this is the benefit of similar physical age." He stutted from ragged breathing and picked up the pace again._

_She didn't know how long this game continued. Nunnally kissed and stroked her upper half, while Vincent focused on the lower, thrusting into her privates. The knots in her stomach tightened and loosened, tightened and loosened, and Lulu became hoarse from screaming into Nunnally's mouth. Her whole body felt like jello when they finally finished with her, and snuggled up on her sides._

_Vincent pushed her skirt back down to her ankles, and kissed Nunnally when he rested his head on Lulu's covered chest. Besides a few wrinkles, her yellow with pink butterflies dress looked presentable. "How old are you again, Lulu?" Vincent asked, dispelling the fog in her mind. "I haven't been paying attention."_

" _Nine."_

" _You need to wait until you're nine, Nunnally."_

" _But -"_

_Vincent laughed. "A few years really isn't that long. Besides, it's more fun when you are older."_

" _How would you know?" Lulu mumbled. She leaned into his touch as he pushed some damp strands of hair from her sweaty forehead._

" _Why, it's a surprise to see you three getting along so well." Marianne said, seemingly coming out of nowhere._

_Lulu gaped at her mother, instinctively uncomfortable at being seen so soon afterwards. Was she still flushed? Would her mother know? What they did was probably wrong - Marianne said not to let anyone touch her there, and she did. Vincent trailed his fingers down her cheek and neck, making no attempt to conceal his transgression._

" _How did your conversation go with C.C.?" He asked._

" _Fine. She's mad, as we both figured. But you agree don't you?" Marianne turned away, towards the Imperial palace, with a distant look in her eyes. "This is the only way for him to stay on track. Besides then I won't feel like such a pedophile." She giggled and brought her attention back to the trio._

_"Charles would be then."_

_"What's another ten years?"_

_"Will C.C. still agree when the time comes?"_

_Marianne sighed. "I still want to go through with it."_

_"Mama?" Nunnally's voice sounded weak and frightened._

_"Nothing, girls, it's not something for children to worry over."_

_Word balanced on the top of Lulu's tongue, like she normally would have some sort of snarky response to that comment. Vincent smiled, and murmured praise into the fabric of her dress. Marianne picked up the copy of Gulliver's Travels she must have grabbed from the library and sat on the edge of the blanket. Her mother opened to the page that she left off at the day before, reading the adventure aloud to the girls, and now V.V. too. Lulu drifted off to sleep not long after._

Lelouch heaved, supported only by Schneizel's arms. He held her shaking body; thankfully the hair tie Kallen provided kept his wife's hair back. The Knight of the Rounds fretted over her friend, but they both knew that nothing could be done. She took off her gloves, and chomped at her nails. A dirty nasty habit he would ask her not to do in his presence again later.

How many memories did Charles alter? Or was her mind doing more than just providing flashbacks? He glanced away from Lelouch's red-rimmed eyes to her younger sister. Nunnally mastered the mask, appearing serene despite the situation. The only indication of discomfort was her slightly scrunched nose from the putrid scent of vomit.

It felt like an eternity for Lulu's slow even breathing to quicken. The staring contest between Nunnally and Schneizel ended, as all eyes were on the Empress when the rings fade. She sobbed. Lelouch dug her nails into his forearm and violently shook her head.

"No. No. No. No."

Perhaps he made a mistake.

All this time - all this time was nothing but a lie. The rose colored tint of her childhood became clear, as memories vanished and came into being. Her fear of Nunnally, her hatred of V.V., her awkward friendship with C.C.; everything suppressed floated back to the surface. Emotions swirled in conflicting order, battling to decide which would prevail.

Which ones was reality? Her Father had the ability to rewrite memories, and Nunnally could manipulate the heart - Was her hatred of the royal family truly her own? Did she really hate their Father? How much of her revenge was truly her own? Every time she held Nunnally's hand she felt that power, the one she attributed to simply psychic ability. She thought the fuzzy feeling was simply Nunnally's love manifest.

Even with the geass canceller, Lulu was still a mess. She recalled her emotions before the contact and the altered version after. That meant the first was correct, right? When she started to doubt herself, and Nunnally became sick, Lulu awoke the next morning with new resolve after cuddling all night. Did that mean she should have stopped then? Is this what Schneizel meant when he criticized her rebellion the day she removed the eyepatch?

Her throat burnt as more memories of her childhood invaded her consciousness. She already relived it. There was no reason to ponder her false affection for V.V. during the month between her first time and when the Emperor sent them away to Japan.  _No wonder I didn't bleed with Suzaku._ She laughed. The crazed cackles caused the twins to wake and cry tiny infant screams.

"Lulu, I'm sorry." Schneizel apologized for the second time that day. He smoothed down her hair and kissed her damp temple. "Let's go. You need to nurse the twins."

"Wait."

The babies were startled more than anything. Kallen already had them mildly soothed, although she couldn't argue that some milk would put them back to sleep sooner. Lelouch lifted her head and stared at Nunnally through watered eyes. Her dearest little sister, the one she devoted her life to, destroyed the world for, and so much more, was a demon at heart. Or was that a lie too? She couldn't make heads or tails of her own emotions, what right did she have to judge Nunnally?

The actions she took were her own. She couldn't pass those off on anyone else for whatever reason. She would have hated Charles after he sent them away, probably. The world was better off for her actions. That certainly was a convenient excuse but why not play the numbers game? For how many people she slaughtered, how many more were saved from the Damocles? Without geass, without her rebellion, without the events of the last year, would Schneizel have been forced to use it to acquire the throne?

Schneizel.

With all the new information, she neglected to tally what was lost. The moments she shared with Schneizel - playing chess, him hiding her from an irate Gabriel, and that stupid promise he held her to, and so much more... they were gone. All that remained was a memory of a memory, if that even made sense. He wasn't there for her childhood. The first time really she saw him was on a giant TV screen in Tokyo. He made some announcement as the Prime Minister, one she completely ignored on her way to the grocery store.

She flinched when Nunnnally's hand came in contact with her bare arm, forced out of her thought process. Schneizel tensed against her back, undoubtedly more afraid of those hands than she. "Do you hate me, Big Sister?"

"No." She breathed, and pulled out of her husband's embrace and dropped down to her knees. Lelouch squeezed Nunnally's small waist, which drew a comical squeak from the younger sibling. "I could never hate you Nunnally."

Schneizel loomed over them. The grass crunched under his boots as he bent down to pick up a small pair of black gloves from the ground - A pair of Anya's old Knight of the Round gloves, no doubt grabbed in haste. Nunnally took them off while they were all distracted by Lelouch's questionable wellbeing.

"Do not uncover your hands again, Nunnally dear. Otherwise I will become very cross with you." He slipped the gloves over the young teen's hands, and stepped back to join Kallen.

The twins wailing died down to a discontent whimper. He called back to Lelouch, reminding her to feed them. His eyes were hard against his relaxed features. A tense smile converted to something almost genuine in response to Lelouch's elated demeanor. Anything was an improvement from before. He didn't discount the dark shadow or the fear that by alleviating one sorrow he created another.


End file.
